#post 3x09

In which Gilbert discovers he missed a very vital piece of information sitting on his kitchen table.

Relationships: Gilbert Blythe/Anne-Shirley-Cuthbert

Characters: Gilbert Blythe, Anne Shirley-Cuthbert

going to put my thoughts below the cut as not to clutter the dash

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Arrow #TV 2012# Rating: Mature Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Oliver Queen/Felicity Smoak, Oliver Queen & Felicity Smoak Characters: Oliver Queen, Felicity Smoak Additional Tags: Smut, Angst Summary:

AN: I'm still at a loss, emotionally, from last night's episode and I just needed to write something. It's probably not very good, and it is very short, but I hope you all enjoy. 

John started to worry the second Malcolm Merlyn entered the lair, like an evil villain in a story book come to claim his spoils for killing the hero. When Merlyn announced that Oliver was dead, John felt the punch straight to his stomach, the same way when his brother was murdered all those years ago.

He looked over to where Roy was gripping the table and where Felicity sat, unmoving, at her computer. This couldn’t be true. If Oliver Queen was good at one thing in life, it was not dying. He was supposed to come home.

Everything after that moment happened quickly and almost in a blur. John felt a spear of anger soar through his stomach as he stepped toward Merlyn, challenging him. When John looked back on that day he remembered yelling, calling Merlyn a liar, threatening his life, and pulling back to throw a punch when he caught sight of Roy aiming an arrow at Merlyn.

John stepped back as Roy let the arrow loose, but he knew Merlyn well enough to know how it would end. He caught the arrow in the air before snapping it in half.

“Believe me or not, it’s your choice. I did not expect it to turn out this way,” he said with a Cheshire like grin before turning to leave the lair.

The team sat in silence, unsure of what to do next. Roy dropped his bow to the floor before bringing his hands up to cradle his head. John looked to Felicity next, she had been silent through the turmoil, and was now just staring straight ahead while taking in deep breaths.

“Felicity?” John asked, bringing her focus to him.

She shook her head before getting up from her chair to leave.

 ~~~

It had been one full week since Oliver … left. The words still felt heavy in her mouth - like lead or copper - and they hurt when they came out. Everyone was worried about her, as if she were a grieving widow who lost the person they had spent countless years with, like fifty or sixty maybe. John and Roy had been watching her almost constantly, waiting for her to break down.

She couldn’t explain it to them, not in the right way. John had lost a best friend and Roy lost a partner. They were all feeling the loss, and rightly so. She just couldn’t do it.

When Malcolm Merlyn, of all people, told them the truth they had been denying since Oliver walked out the door, Felicity felt her world shift. It didn’t break, it didn’t crumble around her – She remained in her spot as if the news that Oliver was not coming home again wasn’t enough to shatter her into a million pieces.

She heard John calling Malcolm a liar, and saw Roy grabbing for his bow, but she couldn’t place their voices. It was as if she separated herself from everything around her. She was numb.

When Felicity finally made it home that night she let herself shed a few tears in the privacy of her shower. By that point the hot water, and steam filled room had dissipated, leaving the water cold as ice – numbing her skin. It was fitting, Felicity thought, she couldn’t feel anything but the numb.

Felicity didn’t know what brought her to the bar that night, but she imagined it was because of all the other nights she spent below it. Since that night she hadn’t gone back the basement of Verdant – which had only been a week, but still felt like it had been at least months.

Thea Queen stood behind the bar with a smile on her face, counting the till from the night’s work. The blonde DJ was looking at Thea with those dreamy eyes, the ones that said it was the start of something new, while they flirted playfully. It was one of those moments where she felt like her presence would interrupt the ambiance of the club that was finishing last call.

The bouncer had just finished removing the last couple of patrons and was making his way to her, probably tell her to go drown her sorrows somewhere else, not knowing that for the past ten minutes she had been nursing a club soda and waiting for the opportune moment to tell his boss that her brother was dead.

“Felicity, you need anything else?” Thea said with a laugh as Chase turned to walk away, obviously done flirting for the night.

Felicity took a deep breath before righting herself on the stool, preparing herself for what was to come.

“I need to talk to you about something,” Felicity told her as she felt a vice begin to squeeze her chest, restricting her airflow. It happened every time she thought of him. “It’s about Oliver.” 

Thea laughed as she began wiping up the bar near where Felicity sat. Felicity glanced over her shoulder to find them alone in the club. The bouncer must have taken his cue from Thea that Felicity was ok to stay, but she wondered where everyone else was. Surely Thea had a staff of helpers.

“What did Ollie do now?” She shook her head at the thought of her crazy brother. “He sent me an email yesterday with pictures of some mountain and a message of how beautiful and peaceful it was.”

Felicity looked away, eyeing the black bar beneath her hands as she did. Felicity sent that email, along with the five others explaining Oliver’s absence. John and Roy wanted to find Oliver’s body before they told Thea, before they declared Oliver dead.

With Oliver’s track record, they wanted to be right. Felicity knew that the boys were hoping that Merlyn was wrong, but Oliver still hadn't come home.

“I sent that,” Felicity murmured, not looking up from her empty glass.

“What?” Thea asked, not having heard what Felicity had said.

“I sent that email, and the others.” She pushed out as she forced herself to make eye contact with the younger Queen.

Thea eyed the blonde in front of her curiously. She didn’t know Felicity well, but she knew that her brother trusted the IT genius.

“Why?”

“We-I was trying to protect you, which I know sounds stupid because you don’t even know me.” Felicity stopped herself, feeling a ramble approaching. “I’m sorry.” 

“Felicity,” Thea said in a no-nonsense voice, hands on her hips. “Where is my brother?”

Felicity could see the family resemblance. Thea was trying to do her best intimidation voice a la Moira Queen, while using her new found physicality to tower over the woman who sat across from her. It would have been more intimidating if Felicity was capable of feeling afraid, but aside from the fact that she was living in a constant state of ‘numb,’ Felicity had stopped being intimidated by the Queens not long after Oliver showed up in her backseat wearing green leather.

“I’m sorry, Thea.” Felicity felt the vice around her chest tighten. “He’s dead. Oliver’s dead.”

Thea brought a hand up to cover her mouth at Felicity’s words, the shock of her statement doing its work.

“But Ollie … he can’t …“ Thea trailed off as she eyed the woman in front of her. “Are you sure?”

“Our-my source, he’s sort of reliable.” Felicity shrugged. “I wanted to be sure before I said anything, I wanted to find a body.”

“So it’s possible that he’s not … dead.” Thea stuttered out, all her strength waning.

Felicity opened her mouth, before closing it quickly. She realized how much she wanted to say ‘yes, it’s possible that Oliver is still alive.’ She felt if deep inside of her gut, the need for Oliver to still be alive. Maybe that was why she couldn’t bring herself to cry, or to grieve, this past week.

While she knew logically that any dual with Ra’s al Ghul would end in death for Oliver, she still held onto hope that he survived. She still hoped that he would come home to her.

“No,” Felicity whispered out as a lone tear slid down her cheek. “Oliver is dead.” 

Felicity felt the pressure in her chest tighten insurmountably as she looked at Thea, Oliver’s sister, the woman he died protecting. Thea, Oliver’s Speedy, who could never know what she had done, or the role she had in her brother’s death.

As suddenly as she felt the feeling of numb creep over her body when Malcolm told them the news, she felt a sharp ache begin to fill her chest, making it difficult to breath.

 Oliver was dead.

“I can’t.” Thea trailed off as she placed a hand to her forehead, tears welling up in her eyes. “He was just here.”

“Before he left, he said that he loved you,” Felicity said as she placed one hand atop Thea’s on the bar countertop.

Thea looked away from Felicity as she pulled a deep breath into her lungs. Oliver said he loved her too, Felicity thought to herself.

“Felicity, why are you telling me this?” Thea asked in a whisper, not moving her hand from where it rested. “You said you didn’t want to say anything until you found …”

“He told me he loved me,” Felicity said, swallowing over the lump steadily forming in her throat. “He told me he loved me and I didn’t say it back.”

Thea kept her eyes on the woman in front of her. The woman who she could clearly see loved her brother. She didn’t know Felicity Smoak, but she knew that she was different, she was special.

“I should have said it, and now I can’t,” Felicity said before letting out a sob. “The only way I can think to say it back now, is to be honest with you.”

Thea nodded as she laid her other hand over top Felicity’s, squeezing gently.

“He knew,” Thea whispered as she gave Felicity’s hand another squeeze. “Ollie knew.”