#poor cid

More Bad Decisions

Gosetsu I can understand. But Cid?

alisaie would and will

Just a little filler lol

From “A Clone in the Crowd”, Part II.

Nero: ...but if my theory is correct, applying the Cancellation Frequency directly to the source ought to decrease the number of cloned instances significantly. However, with this method, it yet remains mathematically impossible to eliminate all of them.

Jessie: Some is better than none. What’s your guess?

Nero: The signal should remove one eighth of them at a time. And since the number of instances is estimated to be somewhere in the upper hundreds of billions, well...

Jessie: So? Seems easy to me, you just need a master plan. And you happen to be speaking to someone who is a godsdammed master at making master plans. See, you’re not the only person here who’s in it for the gravy, honey.

Nero: I can see that.

Jessie: First! First. Okay. We gotta hogtie Drusus mal Whats’isname—

Nero: Hogtie, what—

Jessie: —now wait. Wait a minute. See, I can take care of that part ‘cause I actually have experience. From babysitting.

Nero: Surely not literally?

Jessie: (Groans) Now you shut your yap before I shut it for you! I’m trying to make us a master plan here, alright? Time is money, Nero, and right now, both are a-wasting. Okay? Then after we got him good and roped into a chair or whatever, all we gotta do is fire your cock-a-leekie signal beam at him, however many times we need to do it to make all the clones vanish, just like what our budget’s gonna do by the end of this show! Easy as paissa!

Nero: Paissa, she says. Something else she’s hogtied before, no doubt.

Jessie: Then, after that’s done, you just chuck the chair into an active volcano or something, just chuck it. (leans in, conspiratorially) You can do that part, sunshine. And then we all dust off our hands and pat backs and say job well done, world saved, good gods save me my bottom’s on fire—that’s from the guy you chucked into the volcano. And then! The best part, when we go to the casino, because I have buffet tickets and they expire (looks at watch) in 45 minutes. So 45 minutes, Nero. That’s the time frame we’re looking at.

Nero: Not quite. When I say the frequency will cancel one eighth of the clones at a time, I mean one eighth of the remaining total, whatever that number may be. The curve of decay is asymptotic. And you know that means it is always approaching, but never actually reaching—oh, speaking of zeroes.

(Cid Garlond returns to the scene, looking more determined than ever)

Nero: Oi, Garlond! I’ve got something for you.

Cid: No.

Nero: No?

Cid: No. Absolutely not. And listen. No, you listen, because it’s high time I got this off my chest.

Nero: What, the end of the final act? You better hurry, I imagine the audience is growing impatient. Ms. Jaye here has promised us numerous times that Drusus mal Soranus would get thrown into an active volcano "by hook or by crook”, and after sitting through an hour and a half of your meandering around a wobbly set going on about the morality of cloning, I rather think they deserve the payoff, don’t you? Hmm?

Cid: Enough! I’ve had to go through this entire mission being the butt of your insufferable nonsense and I’ve had it. I’ve had enough. I’ve had it with you. I’ve had it with your rat bastard scheming and your interminably mad bouts of pointless rambling. I’ve had it with your (disgusted) hair and the way it sticks out in the front like that. I’ve had it with you leaving your orthodontic headgear in the washbasin like that, just out in the open like that! And I’ve definitely, utterly, absolutely, outright had it with whatever impossibly dangerous, ill-conceived, potentially cataclysmic idea you’ve got cooked up right now. Whatever it is, I’ve had it.

Nero: I beg your pardon! You don’t even know what it is.

Cid: And I don’t want to know! In fact, do you know! Do you know, Nero, that of all the things I never want to hear from anybody at any given time, “Oi Garlond I’ve got something for you”, coming from your mouth, ranks pretty damned high, if not first on the entire sodding list. So whatever it is you say you have for me, I don’t want it! And I’m never going to want it! Never! Never, ever, ever, ever, ever!

Nero: But—

Cid: —never!

Nero: ...alright.

Cid: (Heaves a sigh of relief) Now! 86 whatever it is he had you doing, Jessie.

Jessie: Right-o, Chief. In fact, it was my idea, y’know. (looks at watch) 43 minutes now.

Cid: What?

Jessie: Never mind.

Cid: 86 it anyway. I’ve been doing a little research on our friend Drusus and his methods. Turns out we’ve got the solution to dealing with his billions of clones and we’ve had it all along. It’s simple, it’s impossibly fast and it will definitely work.

Jessie: Will it work in 43—(looks at watch)—42 minutes?

Cid: It’ll work in 42 seconds! Get the big ceruleum-powered generator from the cabinet, the emergency spotlight and the amplifier lens. And I’ll need a spool of carbontwine rope!

Jessie: On it, Chief!

Cid: We’re taking to the skies! Biggs and Wedge are already on deck, readying the Excelsior Jr., I just need the ignition key... (searching) Ah. Nero, you drove her last, give me the—

Nero: ... (folds his arms and beams crookedly towards nobody in particular—in fact, one could swear he was glowing)

Cid: (Meanwhile, a darkening horror breaks over his face, slow as the oncoming light of an Ishgardian winter’s dawn) ...