#poor cal

Cal: *accidentally hearts a post that's a few months old*

Cal: *unhearts the post*

Calum looked out the window of his hotel room watching the city lights flicker until they became a blur behind unexpected tears. He wiped his eyes forced himself to think of anything but her. Nights like these loneliness crept up on him and his thoughts began to wander. He'd had too much to drink, but he wasn't ready to pass out.  He ordered food and while he was waiting he scrolled through Instagram. Not finding what he wanted quickly enough Cal became impatient and went to search. He only had to type two letters before she popped up as the top result. He grinned at the first pic of her dog Snickers. 

Part chihuahua, part terrier and part gremlin Calum adored the strange little pup who always managed to look like he thought you were an idiot. 

Calum kept lurking scrolling through pictures of her birthday party, her family trip to Florida and more dog pictures. His chest felt hollow as he stared at his phone. He missed her, he missed how she made him feel, and how he felt about himself when he was with her. Calum hit the message button just as his food arrived. Sitting back down with his pizza he struggled to find the words he'd been trying to find for months..

She finished another glass of wine. It had been a long day, and she'd started drinking not long after she'd gotten home. The holidays were already stressing her out and it wasn't even Thanksgiving yet. She really needed to get laid, that would relieve a lot of the tension she had built up. However, the last time she'd had sex with was Calum, and she'd rather not think about that.

The connection with Calum had been powerful, emotional and awakened her sexually in new ways, but they'd been friends first. That's what hurt the most, losing him as a friend, having someone to bounce ideas off of, someone who had her back when she doubted herself. Calum had talked to her every day for a year whether in person or on the phone. When he'd ghosted her over a stupid argument the silence had been maddening. Determined not to be the one to apologize she'd ignored him right back until weeks turned into months, and then it was too late. She missed him and wondered all the time if he missed her. On nights like these, buzzed, stressed, and horny, she missed him terribly. 

Sometimes you regret letting people leave your life, but hope they've moved on to better things. 

Calum hit post and almost deleted it immediately. The fans would speculate like crazy, but if she saw it she would know. He wanted to message her, but what could he say right now at 2 am tequila clouding his mind that she would believe.

She wouldn't believe he was sincere, and honestly he doubted his own motivations. Their relationship had been far from perfect. He was aloof and snarky, she was clingy and always needing reassurance and they both were moody and quick to get defensive. He didn't miss the arguments, he just missed her. He didn't know why he couldn't tell her that. 

She saw his tweet and her heart dropped into her guts. Was that meant for her? Calum did this shit every now and then, post something cryptic and sad. She could tell he was lonely and longing for something, but didn't want to assume it was for her. She'd liked one of these messages about a month ago, but he hadn't noticed. She knew she'd have to be the one to reach out, and there were so many nights she'd typed out a full message only to delete just before hitting send. Her friends were sick of her being so hung up on Calum. He'd made her cry, he'd been selfish with her time and attention and then stopped speaking to her for no reason. Why should she be the one to say she was sorry. 

Calum knew it was pointless to go on like this. His brain knew they were both too stubborn to make the first move, that they weren't right for each other, but his heart couldn't let go of that connection and hope is hard to kill. He finished his food, and pulled out his journal. If he was going to be emotional and sad maybe he could find lyrics in this. He could say things in a song he couldn't say in real life. By then it would be too late, if it wasn't already. He began to cry.