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Over the weekend I watched 'The Last House' on Netflix in which everyone gets trapped in their houses by, um, Cthulu, I think. Or, at least, by magical rain. Anyway, it's awful. Truly. It's an interesting concept delivered in the dullest way possible - a family stuck in their house has to survive. YAWN.
Although at least no one's getting stupidly pregnant this time LOOKING AT YOU, THE QUIET PLACE.
Anyway, you know what would have been a way, way more interesting use of this concept?
What about all the people trapped in a skyscraper just at work one day? Or all the people who went to Walmart and got stuck in there? Oh nooooo! Now they have to work together to survive. How will you survive being trapped with the coworkers you'd happily let die?! Or how will you survive with these complete strangers?
Nobody involved in writing this stopped to actually think how easy getting out actually would have been. We saw a car could be opened with its beeper soooo why don't the people who are outside and can't get into the buildings but can still get into their cars just drive through walls? I've seen American houses. You lot use wood! You also have HUGE CARS. And the film showed us that if you drilled fast enough you could make a hole before the rain coated it, so in theory if you drove a car through a wall, had it half in, half out the building, you could escape the building through the car. There! In 30 seconds I've thought harder about this than the script writers.
Interesting concept, atrociously delivered. That's the Netflix way!
Someone asked me a while ago if I still had a photo of the worst sink I had ever seen while apartment hunting in Los Angeles. I assumed I deleted it so I didn't answer the ask and now it's gone, but as it turns out, yes, I do still have a photo of it.
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How to spot a transphobe at work: under an article about how to stay cool in our ongoing heatwaves, this woman has used the term 'biological females'. Fuck all the way off.
Today in the pool, I was in the medium lane doing a fairly standard front crawl when a woman got in doing the slowest breaststroke. Just utter insanity that she got in the medium lane. Then another man got in the medium lane and he and I were perfectly paced to share said medium lane... except for this other woman.
(Under a cut because rage)
He and I both stopped because she was so slow. So I just told her "do you want to get in the slow lane?" Which, to be clear, is the double-wide lane right next to the medium lane. This woman laughs, realises I am deadly serious, and moves.
I'm gonna pause here to say I am all of five feet one inch tall. But I'm pissed off. I've had a shitty week and have lived eleven months of hell. I AIN'T HERE FOR YOUR SHENANIGANS, LADY. LET ME SWIM IN FUCKIN PEACE.
Anyway, the guy in the lane with me stares at me. And waits for me to go now it's just us in the lane again. He's easily 6ft tall. At this point I tell him "I'm not fucking around with people today." It's hard to tell when he's wearing mirrored goggles, but he still has eyebrows and they go up. Like... a lot. I'm a working class woman who made the mistake of moving to a very middle class town. I tell him to go. He doesn't move. I tell him, again, to GO. He moves. I take a drink, wait for him to reach the end of the lane, and resume my swim.
And now this woman in the slow lane, who is BEING LAPPED BY PEOPLE IN THE SLOW LANE, keeps trying to race me. Like bless her red Speedo, she keeps looking at me when we're going in the same direction and trying to keep up. Babes, it ain't happening. You are being lapped.
A lot broke in me when my dad died, but I know I made him proud today because I'm not taking shit from anyone any more. If the lifeguards aren't going to tell people to get in the right lanes for their skill level, I will.
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