#pomonia

Something had changed in him since Henry died. Maybe it had been longer- Cass wasn't sure. It could have started the night of their first gig. Perhaps it was that night in the Hospital Wing, watching Rhett rock Shosh under the shower, as blood pooled on the floor beneath them. Maybe he had been changing from the very moment he laid in that bed on Hogsmeade, frozen with fear and guilt and anxiety, Pomonia dozing next to him. And he'd met Sonder some time in between- or had it been before? The timeline of when the dazzling boy came spinning into his life was mingled with the traumas he'd endured in the meantime. 

 All Cass knew, was that he couldn't talk to Sonder about Henry. He hadn't known him. Robin had a skewed view of the vampire, and while Shosh had a closer idea than most, she hadn't known him for long. Tami knew Henry. But any positive memories of his ex-best friend were tainted by her betrayal, which almost ran deeper than Pomonia's. 

 Pomonia. 

 He missed her.

 It gnawed at him almost nightly, because he didn't just miss her familiarity. He missed the way she knew him, the comfort and structure she'd provided him, the way he knew exactly what was expected of him. 

He missed her arms, her hands, her lips, her whispered whiskey breath and her scent, her blood, her muted voice and the creases in the corners of her eyes. And nights like this, when he received letters back from owls, magically marked as undeliverable, he wished he could see her. He wished he could curl up in her lap, like he did when he was small. He wished he could stand in front of her and scream at her till his throat was hoarse and bloody. He wished he could cry with her about Henry, and then she would hold him and rock him and she'd whisper something that would make it better. Cass folded the letter and placed it in his pocket.

He heard Piper approaching behind him- she always stopped just short of him. Cass always wondered if she felt the same way he did, around veela descendants. Tami and Cass had always been intense friends, they often remarked that their abilities enhanced around each other, that Tami felt ill or tired when they spent too much time together. Piper was too polite to comment on it.

 He heard her shallow breaths and realised, ashamed, that she was probably affected by his angsting. "I'm just going out for a drink." He murmured lowly, turning to look at her. 

 The concern was written all over her face. It was a normal part of being on the road- both Cass and Shosh were working overtime, he couldn't feed from her as often as he needed, neither of them had the blood sugars to sustain it. He needed to supplement. But Piper wasn't concerned about that. 

 In a rare gesture, Piper took a deep breath, then reached out to place her hand on his shoulder. "I know. But you don't have to go out alone. I could come with you?" Cass just raised his brows, and the blonde sighed in response. She shrugged, letting her hand drop, "Just.. Remember you have people who care about here. It's about more than the band." 

 "Yeah," he did his best to pull himself together, the corner of his lips pulling up on one side. He tried. "I'll be back before rehearsal." Unable to handle the further emotional burden of affecting Piper a moment longer, Cass stepped back and apparated away.

He was genuinely surprised to not have splinched himself on arrival, given how all up in his head he’d been. It would’ve been embarrassing. Cass put his hands in his pockets and kept his head low as he strolled into Caro.

Cass ordered his usual drink, and headed for a booth. This early in the day, Caro was generally quiet. Most people were there to drink or socialise rather than dance the evening away. Cass just wanted the familiarity. If he couldn’t be with Pomonia, he at least wanted to be somewhere she’d been.

He was just about to pull a book from his coat pocket when Penny approached, all dolled up as usual. “Well, I’ll be- the rockstar himself, back at home. I thought you were on tour, young man!” He barely looked up at her, but saw the way her manicured fingers sprawled where her hands were resting sharply on her hips.

Cass sighed, looking up at her. “Do you always have to do this? The lecture thing?”

“I’m Southern, honey,” She invited herself into his booth, clasping her hands together atop the table, “Lecturing is how I show love.”

Cass caught himself before he rolled his eyes, but put his book on the table. He pulled his drink over, having a sip. “We’re still on tour. We just have a day off.” Cass allowed.

“And you couldn’t go to one of the other million social spots up there?” She raised a brow so high, it almost mixed into her bleach-blonde high ponytail.

“I’m trying to track down an old friend. She’s not responding to my letters, and it’s not like I can just up and leave during tour.” He said, pushing his hair out of his eyes as he sucked petulantly on his straw.

“You mean leave, like you are doing right now?” Penny hummed. “Who’s the friend? Maybe I can ask around.”

Although Penny and Bobby were new to the high-society vampire scene, Cass knew things had shifted since his Dad died. His Dad had never been top-dog, but he was well respected, and people were bickering about who played what role now. Bobby was well suited to step up in behalf of international covens, which meant Penny was automatically stepped up too, in the secretive social world of donors.

Cass hesitated- then remembered that news of his abuse hadn’t been made public. “Pomonia,” He said, hoping his voice didn’t falter. “She didn’t come to Dad’s funeral. And all my letters keep coming back. She’s probably mad I took on Shosh as a donor, I just wanted the chance to explain.” 

His voice trailed off in the face of Penny’s reaction- which was stern, at first, a deep rivet in her forehead. Then all of her edges softened, and she reached out to place a gentle hand over his own. “Honey...”

He knew that tone.

No. 

Not allowed.

Cass felt ill, and he pulled back, shaking his head. “Nope. Someone would’ve told me, she-”

“Cass, honey, she’s been gone for months. There was a trial... It was closed, no one knows what happened, but... She didn’t walk out of it.” Her voice was echoing in his head, and it seemed so quiet, so distant.

A booth in Caro in the middle of the day. A conversation with the Minister for Magic in the Headmistress’ office, late at night. No difference.

Cass placed a hand on the back of his neck, rubbing, and then placed the other on his stomach, trying to calm it as his head lolled, processing the information. He knew why there’d be a trial. He knew why she wouldn’t respond. His fault. His fault. His fault.

He blinked, then pressed the palms of his hands into his eyes, leaning against the table until his eyes ached. And then he pressed harder- anything to distract from the rolling nausea of his stomach, from the weight of Penny’s hand on his shoulder, from the sound of her reassuring words.

Cass’s knees wobbled as he pushed away from her, stumbling out of the booth and the bar, gripping the walls outside to try and stay upright. There wasn’t enough oxygen- he couldn’t breathe- He was-

Cass was sick then and there, both hands clutching his stomach as if he could squeeze everything out. It splashed against the wall and Cass shook his head, looking about wildly. What did- Who- What did he do now? Where did he go?

Pomonia was dead. It was his fault. His fault. His fault.

Cass’s phone buzzed in his pocket, he barely had the mental energy to read the screen but he pulled it out anyway, blinking drearily at it and then putting it back in his pocket. He hadn’t even been gone for a fucking hour. 

With no better option, Cass sunk to the ground next to the wall, wrinkling his nose at the acrid smell of sick. He put his head between his knees, desperately trying to breathe. His hands came up to his head, gripping his hair and tugging.

Your fault. Your fault. Your fault. 

He rocked side to side, gently, trying to soothe himself, trying to process. And he stayed like that for a solid hour, curled up outside, alone, next to his own vomit. He stared at the floor, tugging his hair, until he saw a pair of feet stop short of him.

“C’mon, kid. Let’s go home.” He frowned at her voice, shaking his head. He didn’t want to go with Robin. Bitch. “No isn’t an option. C’mon.” 

She leaned down to take his arm, pulling him up- and unfortunately, her vampiric strength won out against his noodly arms. Cass tried pushing her off weakly, but it didn’t work. She pulled a key from her handbag, which Cass knew to be a portkey, but before he could pull away from her and run, she gripped it, and they went spinning away, landing harshly inside their front sitting room with an almighty crash. 

Cass was more prepared for a portkey landing than Robin, and immediately tugged away from her, taking out his wand and pointing it at her. “Fuck you!” He shouted, shaking his head. “You had no right-”

“Put that thing away before you take my eye out.” Robin snapped, dusting herself off and folding her arms. “Now, I don’t know what’s up with you, but you sure as shit can’t go around like that. Go upstairs and take a bath. I’ll get dinner sorted.”

“But-”

“Did I fucking stutter?”