#polyvessels

You huffed a quiet laugh. "Am I that easy to read?"

"Yes", he deadpanned.

Your quiet laugh turned into a giggle. "At least you can't actually hear my thoughts", you joked, raising your hands as if giving thanks.

"Oh, but I do, angel", he said smoothly, closing his eyes for a moment, exhaling through his nose as if in deep meditation. "I hear a nasty voice, one that doesn't sound like you at all, a little deeper, harsher, asking you 'what now?'", he cracked one eye open to look at you. "'What will it become of my career?', 'what those men want?', 'what am I now?'"

Your giggle turned into a full laugh, and you slapped him weakly on the chest. "I hate you", you joked.

"Am I wrong?", his face split into a wolfish grin.

Determined not to answer that, you looked away. His grin relaxed into a sympathetic smile, and he brought you even closer, pulling you against his chest as if he wanted to place you inside his ribcage. You wondered if you would fit there.

"This is all so strange, Ves", you murmured, hearing him hum in acknowledgement. "What do you make of it? This is so... Messy. I feel like I'm breaking every rule I've ever set for myself."

He exhaled deeply through his nose before answering. "I'm a little too old to believe that there's only one form of lo—", he refrained himself, paused for only a heartbeat, and then resumed. "...to believe that there's only one way to be involved with other people", he corrected himself. "Some... Situations, are more complicated than others", he continued. "It's up to us to decide whether they're worth it or not."

Looking at him through your eyelashes, you were finally able to pin point what Vessel sounds like. Vessel's voice, in that intimate setting, relaxed and unarmed, shirtless, curled up around you, sounded like a cello. Low, resonant, vibrating.

"What do I make of it?", he reflected, making you close your eyes to the sound of his voice. "I realized I feel about you the same way I feel about my bandmates, and I would do anything, for you lot", he shuffled a little, adjusting so his hand would caress the column of your neck. "You're prettier than a song, angel. You think we're just four blokes who happened to want the same thing, but it's not that simple."

You swallowed, eyelashes fluttering. "Isn't it?"

Vessel licked his lips and huffed. "We'll navigate it together. I promise you. We all have our insecurities, and we help each other, yeah? Ever since II and I got together, over ten years ago, I've never had to deal with anything by myself."

Something fluttered in your chest, thrumming like a baby bird inside a child's fist. "Is that how long you two have known eachother? Ten years?"

"A little longer", Vessel offered you a small smile. "I met him many many lives ago, and we both had separate projects. Took us a while to start making music together", he told you with incredible easiness. "The best decision I've ever made. II makes our lives easier just by being in it."

His smile was sweet, relaxed. You wanted to smile back, but couldn't force yourself to, your throat swallowing hard without your permission. Something inside you was eager to hear more about them, about old stories, things you weren't there to see, as if you were entitled to them.

But especially, for some reason, you wanted to hear more about II.

This was a dangerous want, and you needed to ground yourself, remember nothing was yours to take, that in that crazy situation, nothing was granted.

"It sounds about right", you exhaled softly, turning to lay on your side to face him, a gentle smile insisting on tugging at the corner of your mouth. "II seems to want to do anything for you guys."

"Oh, that's an understatement", Vessel diverted his eyes, turning to lay on his back and look at the ceiling. "You don't know him like I do. Behind that stoic, gentle, and wise facade, there's the most devoted, loving, intense person I've ever known. If one of us complains we're cold, he would set the world on fire", then he head turns to you again, light brown hair falling over his forehead. "That includes you, you know?"

Your stomach clenched. "I don't know, Ves", you hesitated. "This is too intense. I just got here. Can't expect to have whatever you guys have going on between you."

Vessel just hummed. "We're intense men."

That much you could believe. "That's an understatement", you chuckled, making him laugh softly too.

There was a deep breath coming from him. "Speaking of intensity", he started, making it clear he weren't sure whether he was entering delicate territory or not. "Why sometimes things seem so tense between you and him? II, I mean."

For some reason, your heart picked up. You didn't know why, exactly, but it seemed to be something slithering and coiling in the back of your mind for so many days now, that you refused to look, refused to feel.

"I don't know", you tried to sound nonchalant. "What do you mean?"

"You know what I mean", he shot back. "II is crazy about you", he stated easily, and you scoffed. "Are you gonna pretend you don't notice it?"

"I was never sure of what I noticed, with you guys", you answered truthfully. "And II seems to care about everyone."

"Not like that, he doesn't", he snorted. "Why does it seem like it's easier for you to gravitate towards the rest of us, but with him you always seem to keep it at arm's length?"

A heartbeat, a sigh. "I don't know", you lied.

"You don't have to tell me", he was quick to tell you. "I don't mean to pressure you. And you don't have to feel about him as he feels about you either. But if you don't, whenever you're ready, I would kindly ask you to tell him. Don't leave him hanging."

This was so far from the actual truth, it made you panic. You fiddled with your fingers, looking intently at your nails, trying to find words before you knew what they were. "He scares me."

Vessel giggled until he noticed you weren't joking. "II?", he asked in disbelief. "II scares you?"

"Not like that", you rolled your eyes. "I'm scared of many things, Ves", you sighed. "I'm scared of how I feel about him. I'm scared that he doesn't feel the same. I'm scared of what it means, if I get together with all of you."

"How do you feel about him?", Vessel turned to you again.

Heat crept up to your face again, suddenly self-conscious, feeling very weird about having this talk with the man you were making out with not two hours ago. It was a funny feeling, so easy to fool yourself into believing he was both your partner and your best friend, the kind of friend who knows everything about you, including your most intense crushes. You decided not to answer that.

"There were several times when I thought we would bridge that gap, but then...", you shrugged slightly. "...then he pulls away, and I keep thinking that while flirting might be fun, he isn't interested in anything more than that."

Vessel frowned. "II doesn't even flirt, angel", he frowned and chuckle at the same time, and no, that wasn't the most attractive thing you've seen in the last few years. "Even if he wanted to, I'm not even sure if he can. I certainly can't. Whatever you think you see in him, it's just care. He isn't so open about it, but if I had to guess, I'd say he's simply scared to pressure you. We don't pretend that this is normal, angel. We know it's strange, and new, and different. Maybe waiting for you to bridge the gap, as you said, is his way to make sure you're doing it because you want to."

Your breath hitched. "Huh", you huffed, trying to laugh but not being able to. "I'm not sure if I like that."

"What? That we care about you?", he asked, confused.

"That's just so... Weird.", you confessed. "I'm very scared of how safe he makes me feel. There were so many moments when I was stressed, or worried, that I kept waiting for one of you to show up and help me. I was counting on it. And when I noticed what I was doing, I realized how wrong it was. And it takes much more than I thought it would, to try and convince myself not to count on it, not to hope for it, because it's so unfair."

"What is unfair?"

Something hot and wet pricked at the corner of your eyes. "Developing a relationship that doesn't have a chance of survival. It's unfair to you guys, to keep hoping you would show up everytime I want you to, and it's unfair to me, that you guys would allow me to believe that you would."

His frown melted. "Tell me something", he requested, placing his hand on your jaw and tilting it towards him, his face merely inches from yours. "You said whenever you were worried you hoped for one of us to show up. Did we ever fail you?", his forest green eyes kept skimming over your face, as if looking for something very specific. "Was there ever a time when we failed to show up for you?"

The answer to that question dropped inside your stomach like a stone, instead of spilling out of your mouth. For a second, you just stared at him. After digesting it, you simply said "No."

"Did II ever failed to take care of you when you needed?"

Something thrummed in your throat. "No."

"Are you gonna talk to him?"

"Yeah."

Another moment of silence followed. A smile unfurled on his lips. "Well, that was easy."

This made you relax and laugh a little, closing your eyes for a second. "Honestly, at this point, I'm afraid I'll do anything you ask me to", you confessed, not knowing exactly where did that honesty come from. "You shouldn't be on my mind the way you are."

"I would argue that I'm exactly where I was supposed to be", he said smoothly. "And if it makes you feel any better, I would be whatever you ask me to be. I don't think you realize what you've done to me, to us."

"I haven't done anything yet", you raised your eyebrows.

He looked at you, the slight confident expression on his face slipping away completely, which was adorable. You placed your hand on the back of his neck, and pulled him in for a kiss. This time, his kiss was more than tentative, too slow, too careful, so much so that it told you an undeniable truth — Vessel was scared of taking.

He told you more than once that you overestimated his kindness. Maybe those hours he had just spent worshipping your body without taking anything for himself wasn't just about your pleasure, it was about him giving you something without taking anything in return. And that didn't pleased you at all.

If he wasn't taking, you would give it to him, and you tried to make it clear through that kiss, moving your hands to his jaw, deepening the kiss, touching his tongue with yours, softly at first, but growing determined as he responded to it. You realized that having Vessel moaning and writhing inside your mouth without even touching him was one of the best things that ever happened to you, the kind of moment that almost slips away, but changes your whole brain chemistry. His arm wrapped around you, placing a firm hand over your spine, caressing you there with soft strokes.

One of your hands slipped down, to the base of his neck, then his chest, feeling how feverish and shaky he was, his heart slamming against your palm as if it had something important to tell you. You were teetering between wanting to know what it was and absolutely dreading whatever truth it might have been holding. Shirtless and without the stage paint, you could properly see his torso, the rises and planes of his chest, and skim your fingers across the dips and rises of his stomach, feeling the soft patch of hair he had just below his navel.

Strong fingers gripped yours, his breath hitched. "Angel, don't", he whispered, voice too broken to be convincing. "You don't have to."

You frowned. "I know", you said firmly.

"Today should be about you", he felt the need to explain.

You shook your head. "I think you overestimate my kindness, angel", you mocked. "This is for me."

A breath rushed through his nose, but he couldn't openly laugh. "I don't want to ruin this", he confessed, tucking a lock of hair behind your ear.

"How in the world you think you'd ruin it?", you studied his face, searching for answers. "You don't want it? Like ever?", you asked, and he finally chuckled, although a little bitterly.

"You think you're the only one scared?", he asked. You were about to answer "well, yes", when he continued. "I didn't plan this. I didn't actually think you'd want... Me."

"But I do", you sounded skeptical.

"But you don't know me", he argued, not letting go of your hand. "Not yet. Not really", he drew a deep breath, eyes diverting from yours. "Eventually, I'm gonna be too much. Too intense, too fucking broken. And if you get under my skin too soon, I'm scared I won't be able to hold it back."

"I don't want you to", you said very calmly, already moving to free your hand from his grasp. "If we're gonna do this, Ves, the only thing you can do to make me feel safer is being yourself with me."

He shook his head again. "The moment I become a taker, you will see me for who I am and run." He sat up, and you followed. "I'm not saying I want to keep it like this forever", he was quick to explain. "I'm just asking for time so I can plan this through, prove to you I'm more than this. That I have something worth staying for, despite everything."

Your heart felt cold and broken. It sounded too familiar, the way he was panicking, the way you didn't even start yet, but he was already preparing for the end. "Prove that you're more than what exactly?"

He looked at you, and then looked down again. "This emptiness. This black hole that just takes. I'm more than that, I know I am."

There were several things you wanted to say. You wanted to say you knew it too. That everyone saw it.

That whatever fucked up thing that convinced him he was less for wanting something from people was lying to him.

None felt right. So you kissed him. You kissed him to tell him you still wanted him, all parts of him, especially the ones you didn't fully know yet.

Not despite of his darkness, but because it was part of him. But you also kissed him to shut him up, because you couldn't bare to hear him talk like that. And you poured the desire you were holding back into it, trying to tell him what your voice would certainly fail to do.

You pulled away to shift and straddle his lap. "You're not taking, Ves", you tried to explain. "You're giving", you kissed the hollow of his throat, then his chest. "Give it to me."

Something deep in his chest hummed without his permission. You kissed where the sound came from, and his hand went to tangle on your hair, his resolve thinning by the second. Your hand reached down to his belt, to the front of his jeans, and a breath rushed out of you when you felt him rock hard underneath it.

Looking him so closely while unbuckling his belt and helping him out of his pants, you could see everything. Every scar of old anxieties, every bit of skin someone convinced him it was unlovable. Your mind went spiriling when you realized you wanted him to feel loved.

Not cherished, not desired, not lusted over. Loved.

And it terrified you, that you wanted to be the one loving him. Because loving someone meant expecting to be loved in return, right?

No, shut up, you told yourself. Focus on the task at hand.

You settled in between his thighs, and Vessel sat up a little straighter so he could still reach your hair. His eyes seemed worried, but foggy with desire, something that might have been hard for him to name, to acknowledge. You kissed the softness just below his navel, and felt his muscles tighten to the sensation.

Once your fingers worked his zipper down and pulled both his pants and underwear just down enough so you could free him, you had to fight to keep your mouth closed. Vessel was huge. To be fair, he was proportional to the rest of his body, but still, huge.

He was beautiful too. All smooth skin save for the scars, ridges and planes of muscle and just the right amount of softness, perfect dips and rises from his chest to the V line between his hips. His cock, fully hard, slightly curved and flushed at the tip sat heavily on top of it, and your mouth watered.

As you sat there on your knees in between his thighs, admiring him, he twitched under your gaze, making you gasp quietly. You looked up to his handsome face, his lids were heavy, his cheeks dusted in pink, but he didn't look away.

Vessel realized right there that, for him, receiving somehow was a much more vulnerable position than giving. He didn't get to be the sole provider here, and that meant you were finally peeking behind the curtain of his insecurities. And it was with that in mind that you lowered yourself, laying on your stomach and resting on top of his right thigh.

Your eyes never left his while you grabbed him by the base, letting your fingers trace the length first, unhurried, feeling the ridges, the veins, the velvety texture of the skin, until he kicked harder in your grasp. From this point on, you moved only by instinct rather than thought. Your face nuzzled against his length adoringly, urging him to relish in the same kind of worship he offered so easily.

You let your tongue slither out to lick a stripe from base to tip, engulfing him in the warmth of your mouth not seconds later.

Vessel's head hit the headboard behind him with a dull thud. As you took him in your mouth, sucking, licking, moaning around him, his thoughts not only wandered off — they scattered, like starlight caught on broken water, shimmering behind his eyelids. A dreadful and wonderful sensation in equal measure, something he hadn't experienced in years: exposure.

Trying to settle for a nice pace, you struggled around his size, letting your hand do the work on the portion of him you couldn't fit down your throat. His fingers closed harshly on your hair for just a second, and you could see the amount of effort it took him to regain control and force himself to relax the grip he had on you.

"Holy fuck", he breathed out, all snagged and broken, nothing like the smooth songbird you were used to hear. "Can you—", he panted harshly. "Fuck, angel, can you take a little more? Please?"

Because he had to be polite, even in that moment.

You hummed an "mmhmm" around him, making him breathe a few curses, before you sank your head lower, fitting his tip snuggly inside your throat. By instinct, your throat tried to swallow him, and the movement made his hips stutter upwards, making you gag softly.

"Shit, fuck", he cursed. "I'm so— ah! I–I'm so sorry, my love", he tried push out an apology quickly, half mortified by his lack of control, half frenzied by the fact that you didn't even hesitated in taking even more of him in your mouth.

His sounds, and just the sheer sensitiveness of him, encouraged you further. You tried to sustain his gaze even after the moments where his broken moans and the stutter of his hips made your eyelids flutter shut. You kept swallowing, making your throat squeeze around him, snaking out your tongue to caress his underside.

Sometimes his moans would encourage you to moan as well, shooting vibration from his cock to his scrambled mind, making him reach for your head, more to ground himself than to push you down on it how he secretly wanted.

"Fuck, you look so pretty", he breathed, eyes fighting to stay open.

The glimmer in his green eyes as he looked at you as if you hung the moon and the stars in the sky scared you deeply. Your stomach kept doing somersaults inside you, as if you were free falling.

"Don't fight it, Ves, close you eyes, relax and enjoy it", you encouraged softly.

He hesitated for a second, long light brown eyelashes fluttering while he kept his gaze on you, and you refused to look away either, until his tip sank down to the gummy depths of your throat and he gave in, closing his eyes for good, his head lolling back against the headboard. His moans started spilling freely now, his thoughts a mess of yearn and pleasure, that made him think of the stupidest stuff he has ever thought about.

I wanna feel your breath on me everyday. I wanna buy you a house with a porch so you can watch the rain. I wanna put my name on you, a child in you, make you so much a part of me you won't be able to shake me off ever again...

His thoughts scared even himself, but they were so wonderful, that they drove him straight to the edge in unbelievable speed. He felt your free hand run up his body, your nails raking on the skin of stomach, and his hand reached down to entwine his fingers with yours while you kept sucking him off. His other hand wandered off to pull on his own hair, giving a harsh tug on his roots in a futile attempt to ground himself.

Vessel kept fantasizing of hot and soft mornings with you, being able to hold you close, wrap all of his long and strong limbs around your much smaller frame so you won't have a way to escape, fucking his cock up inside your warm cunt deep and slow until he fills you with his come.

"Fuck, angel", he gasped, sweat beading on his forehead from the effort he was making just to hold himself back from fucking your face. "Please don't stop, please, please...", he mumbled. "I need you— fuck... Fuck, I'd give you everything, anything you want", he started mumbling in a feverish haze. "You're everything, you're perfect, oh god... I love— shit, I love your mouth."

You tried with all your might to silence his words in your head, his drunken monologue the most terrifying thing you've ever heard. But you couldn't. You heard every soft plea, and every unhinged confession, and fucking promise you urged yourself not to believe. But you wanted to.

And so, his words rubbed off on you like an infection. Slowly, but surely, his promises of everything and anything you want, his confession of wanting you, needing you, loving you — even if it was just your mouth — forced you to admit that at that point you were wishing you would hear that nonsense forever.

"I'm gonna— oh god, fuck", he writhed. "Baby, stop, you're gonna make me cum", he sobbed. "Fuck, you're gonna make me cum..."

He tried to push your head away from him, tried to recoil before he would spill everything in your mouth, but his pained expression and his desperate sobs only enticed you further. Your movements were more determined, you pushed his hand away from your head and held onto it strongly as you pulled away just for a second.

"Please, cum in my mouth", you begged, eyes filled with tears from your gag reflex. You received only a defeated groan in response, his eyes charged with a crazy glimmer whenever he felt strong enough to look at you. "Please, I want you to", you whispered.

Vessel opened his eyes to look at you, and he immediately wished he didn't. Your pretty eyes, all wet, with small tears running down your cheeks as you forced even more of him inside your mouth, completely dismantled him. With a loud half-sob, half-moan, he spilled inside your mouth in powerful jets, painting your throat in white.

You released him with a loud pop, aching jaw hanging open and slack to show him the sheer amount of his come you were holding in. When it dripped thickly from the tip of your tongue onto his lower stomach, his eyes rolled back while he panted breathlessly. His hand reached to cradle your chin, and you swallowed.

"Fuck...", he whispered one last time, his chest rising and falling violently. "Come here, please. Please", he begged.

You crawled over him on all fours, but he got up to meet you halfway, grabbing your face eagerly with both hands. He was still out of breath while kissing you, but he didn't pull away for a long time. You were pulled along with him as he fell onto his back again, not letting go of your face.

As the energy dissipated in the clammy air of the room, the makeout session between you two died down to a slow, sensual exchange of caresses and deep, wet kisses. And it was in that silence, as he was kissing you slowly, running his fingers through your tousled hair, caressing your jaw, your neck, your shoulders, that you heard a faint sound that disturbed you deeply.

It was the door knob.

There wasn't a knock, nor a faint voice of one of the boys calling you. Someone was quietly testing the door, to see if it was unlocked. Vessel took a while to understand what was happening, but when he did, his body sat up in a jolt, and he was on his feet in no time.

"Ves, no", you whispered, covering yourself with the duvet. "Don't open it."

He wasn't going to listen to you, but as he walked towards the door, he saw a shadow moving underneath it. Whoever it was, had already left.

The softness in his face was completely gone when he looked back at you. A deep, hard frown of worry and anger. "Get your things, angel", it wasn't a suggestion. "You're not staying here any longer."

---

II's hotel suite was big and fancy, and you were hit with the domestic image of III and IV tangled in a mess of limbs on the small couch by the big balcony doors when you arrived with Vessel. The singer was carrying your luggage for you, and he placed it on the ground, next to a set of bags you guessed belonged to II. Your eyes searched, and found him with his arms crossed by one of the windows, observing you next to Vessel with a strange expression on his face.

You felt your face going warm upon looking at him, remembering the talk you had earlier with Vessel.

"Thought you were going to stay in your room for today", the drummer casually mentioned.

Your instinct told you to lie, say you just changed your mind, but the tall man beside you wouldn't allow it.

"I got worried about her being all alone down there the whole day", Vessel answered for you. "Convinced her to come join us."

III chuckled and lifted his wrist to his face, as if checking an imaginary watch. "Took you only three hours to convince her. Must've been one hell of a talk", he wiggled his eyebrows suggestively, and you wanted the ground to swallow you whole.

"Why though?", II pressed, frowning, his sixth sense sounding alarm bells inside his head. "Something happened?"

"No", you were quick to tell him. "Not exactly..."

In one breath, Vessel told them about someone testing your door. Their expressions darkened. IV remained silent and rigid, with his jaw set, and III started pacing around the room like a caged animal.

"You think it was one of those roadies?", II asked both you and Vessel.

"Course it was!", III exclaimed. "They're fucking testing her. Testing us. I swear to fucking God—"

"III", Vessel warned. "We can't know that."

You rushed to calm their nerves. "Yeah, for all I know, could've been someone from the crew that got their room number mixed up. We can't be sure."

III scoffed, but didn't disagree.

"In any case", II pondered. "I don't want you by yourself for a while, love", again that tone that danced between authoritarian and pleading. "Just until we're sure you're safe. Let us be closer to you."

You felt like you should protest, but you didn't want to. And not just because you were creeped out, but also because they were easily breaking all of your walls, not by demanding or questioning, but by caring, worrying, gently asking. You looked at the drummer for a long while, and just nodded.

"Thank you", he said, stepping closer. "This means we're going to assessment with you now", he informed.

You opened your mouth to protest, but IV spoke faster.

"And you're coming to that party with us", he finally said. "No staying here all alone, and no getting out of our sight for tonight."

Your arms crossed in front of your chest without permission. "I think you guys are exaggerating", you sounded utterly annoyed. "No one's gonna bother me if I stay in one of your rooms."

"I'm not bargaining, Giggles", III cut you off. "You either come with us or we stay with you."

"That's not fair", and you hated how childish you sounded.

"Why don't you wanna go?", II asked, curiosity and some kind of amusement playing on his lips.

You grunted. "I don't know if you noticed, but my colleagues aren't very fond of me, aside from Andy and Mel", you sounded way more condescending than you meant. "Why in the hell would I wanna party with them?"

"Not with them", IV chimed in. "With us."

You sighed deeply. "I suppose I just didn't want to be seen clinging onto you all in a setting where you're supposed to be mingling with your peers", you confessed. "This is for the bands, and it's supposed to be fun for you, I don't want you babysitting me."

A snort from Vessel claimed your attention. "Sometimes I feel so at ease around you, I forget you don't know me that well yet", he started. "I don't have fun at parties, angel. I actually dread some of them. My best chance to have fun is if you come with."

"Some people expect us to be there", IV explained. "We don't intend to stay too long. Come with us, sit there on our line of sight for a couple of hours, and we'll leave. Does that sound good?"

It did, actually, and you hated yourself for it. Any time spent with them sounded good, even if you had to pay the price for it.

You weren't about to admit it just yet though, so you just huffed. "I'm leaving in 20 minutes", you merely said.

They smiled, looking satisfied.

---

The feeling of having all eyes on you as you walked towards the bus flanked by Vessel and II will never sit right with you.

III and IV were walking a little ahead, looking relaxed.

"You guys don't have to come", Jax stopped them by the entrance. "Don't you prefer to rest? We'll only need you for soundcheck tomorrow."

"We're excited to see the space", Vessel said calmly. "I'd probably get anxious if I stayed."

Jax looked at them, then at you, then at one of the tour managers that was waiting for you to hop in the bus with the rest of the crew. You tried to ignore what that look could have meant, and walked past the boys, trying to put some distance between you and them unconsciously. They wouldn't have it though, looming closely the whole time, even if they didn't really talk or touch you.

Zach and Marcus were there, too, eyeing you every now and then, talking among themselves while glancing in your general direction, much like most of the crew. At some point, you didn't even realize you were staring at them and they were staring at you. Marcus didn't even had enough shame to look away.

Vessel stepped closer, and for the first time since you joined the crew, he touched you. A calm, gentle but firm hand on your shoulder, to pull you slightly closer, protective but respectful. The small touch and the pull he had on you elicited even more weird glances.

Looking at the way the band looked at you, how Vessel didn't take his hand away even after you complied, you figured that this was something you would just have to get used to. IV promised you wouldn't be able to shake them off, and they seemed determined to follow through with it.

Arriving at the venue made your stomach flip. This was the biggest stage you've ever had to work on. Tons and tons of groaning iron and hollow floorboards, the stage like a giant maw yawning in front of a huge field. Your neck even hurt, trying to take it all in.

As you walked towards the structure, your hand searched for II's arm without thinking, holding onto him to ground yourself.

"This is huge, II", you mumbled in awe.

"It's gonna be fine, love", he answered, placing a hand over yours on his arm. "We'll have fun, you'll see."

You nodded and swallowed, finally looking at him. You hated his surgical mask, but you could see he was smiling because of the wrinkles around his eyes.

The crew scattered around the grounds, everyone busy with their tasks, mainly lighting and sound design, working to map everything quickly so the rest of you would be able to set everything up in record time the next day. They needed someone to go up the truss bridge to check where some of the strobes would be hooked. Maybe it was a silly attempt to prove yourself, make yourself useful in the eyes of the crew, but you volunteered for all the heavy lifting.

Even though the boys maintained a respectful distance, their eyes snapped at you when you said you would do it, concern all over their faces. II and III approached as you were lifted on the cherry picker, and they remained there, arms crossed and barely blinking as they stared at you in silence. When the cherry picker went back down, the bassist was quick to reach for you and help you back down, letting out a heavy breath once you were on the ground.

Then there were the cases with the tools for the design teams. You offered to push some of them up the backstage ramp, and the boys sat back for just a second, watching sweat bloom from your hairline while you used your whole body to push road cases as tall as you were up the ramp. After the first time you tripped — a small, silly faltered step, that offered no threat whatsoever — you saw Vessel tense up and come to help you, pushing the case easily.

Upon trying to help the sound design team map out the cables outlets, you caught a glimpse of IV looming behind you all the time, arms crossed, kind of shielding your back from the rest of the crew. You heard the passing comments from your colleagues.

"Now she's got them doing her job for her."

"Must be nice to have four bodyguards like that."

"Who's the crew and who's the talent again?"

You kept huffing under your breath, feeling way more affected by it than you probably should. You knew that if the boys wanted to help you, or protect you, regardless of their motives, then it was none of their business. But it made you feel useless, like a fragile little girl who was hired for a job she had no talent for, just so she would sleep with her manager.

As soon as II tried to take yet another case from you, you snapped.

"Okay, this is getting out of hand", you whispered to them. "Go take a walk or something, all of you. Now. You're making me look incompetent. Get off my stage."

For one tense moment you held your breath, expecting them to either storm away pissed at you, or to fight back and insist on staying there regardless of what you said. Instead, their shoulders relaxed, and they chuckled softly, careful so no one would hear you guys talking.

"I'm sorry, angel", Vessel scratched the back of his head. "Considering everything that happened, I think we got a little overprotective", he conceded, looking even a little sheepish. "We'll give you a little room to breathe, yeah?"

You rocked on your heels, a little ashamed about your little outburst. You didn't expect it to be so easy. "Hm, thank you."

"Which doesn't mean we're taking our eyes off of you", III was quick to correct. "We'll take it easy but we're staying here."

You rolled your eyes, but you were already smiling. "Whatever. Just let me do my job."

You left already feeling better, energized enough to ignore the little whispers from the crew. The band let you work in peace, but they still chimed in to help every now and then, which you had to admit, made everything much faster. II was helping you with some cables, in complete silence, as you were preparing to leave.

The silence between you two stretched thin, it rang in your ears, but felt fragile nonetheless. The conversation with Vessel was still fresh on your mind, echoing. You looked at the drummer when he wasn't looking at you, and your eyes lingered on his blonde eyebrows, and the way his chest rose and fell so calmly, as if he could stay like that forever.

"Something wrong, love?", he asked softly, still not looking directly at you.

Your eyes widened. "Huh?"

"You're staring", he pointed out.

"Right, sorry", you managed to choke out. "I was distracted."

"Something on your mind?"

The problem was that you had too much on your mind, and it was impossible to pick what to say now that you had the opportunity.

Why are you quiet?

Why are you distant?

Why sometimes it feels like you're gonna kiss me, and then it feels like we're just buddies?

Don't you want me like the others?

Why don't you want me like the others?

You shook your head, scared by your own childishness, like a spoiled brat who was allowed three birthday gifts, but still threw a tantrum about not getting a fourth.

"You've been acting a little different", you said carefully.

That made him pause and finally look at you. He held your gaze for one heartbeat too long. "Different?"

You sighed. "I thought...", you started, feeling your cheeks hot. "I thought we were closer... you know?", you tripped over your words. "And you've been a little...", you trailed off, kind of giving up on trying to be understood.

He nodded, blue eyes looking down for half a second. "Yeah... Look, love, I—"

But he stopped when both of you heard agitated, unfamiliar voices approaching. He looked at a point over your shoulder and you did the same. It was a different crew, probably working for another one of the bands playing there the next day.

They were just walking towards the stage, talking amongst themselves, and being followed by two tall figures lagging behind. The other group approached yours to greet you, just common courtesy in the workplace.

And then, the last guys approached and you saw them. You pretended you didn't, just to be safe. But one of them saw you, and he frowned in an acknowledging expression.

"Hey, I know you", Chris, from Motionless in White, came up to you, pointing at your general direction. His frown relaxed. "You're that stage assistant! The one that looped back my feedback manually when my monitor malfunctioned!"

The tall singer looked overexcited to remember a situation you both had to weather through while you were working for them. In sheer impulse, he placed both hands on your forearms and pulled you a couple of steps forward delicately, bringing your hands up and playfully shaking them. You were too surprised to think of anything to say except from a shy but excited "Hi".

"Goddamn, it is you!", he laughed. "Haven't seen you since that nightmare of a concert in Pennsylvania, I was just telling Noah about the day you saved my sorry ass."

Chris moved slightly to the side and pulled an even taller figure into your line of sight. You had to tilt your head to look at him.

"Hi", Noah said, half-shy, half-serious, with a cautious expression on his face, but a small, polite smile nonetheless. "I'm Noah."

You chuckled. "I know who you are", you said, making him giggle softly.

"That's the girl!", Chris told Noah. "I told him yesterday that you noticed the feedback glitching before anyone else, and not even sixty seconds after I gestured to you that it had gone deaf, you handed me another one, perfectly wired."

"Impressive", Noah merely add, rocking on his heels. He looked amused by Chris' excitement, but his eyes always turned back to you.

"Believe me, Chris is kinder than I am impressive. It wasn't that big of a deal", you snorted.

Chris scoffed. "You're too humble", he yanked your wrists forward lightly as a joke, making you step forward into his space. "I tried to find you after that leg, but you vanished! Where have you been? What you've been up to? Still using that ancient analog rig? Man, we need to catch up. I have a thousand different things I need your brain for."

You were dizzy, not knowing what to answer first. "Don't talk about my rig like that", you went for joking, suddenly aware of his hands still on your wrists.

"You're overwhelming her, man", Noah pointed out, elbowing his side playfully.

"Nah, she knows how I am", Chris dismissed, and turned back to you while you laughed and Noah rolled his eyes and shook his head. "Who are you here with?"

Suddenly, something cold pricked at the back of your neck, and you had to control yourself not to shiver. The boys were approaching you from behind, and you were able to feel them before you heard them. You looked over your shoulder, and the first thing you saw was IV's glacial eyes, looking not at you, not at Chris, but where Chris was holding your wrists.

Vessel placed a calm hand on his shoulder.

You didn't know why, but you smiled at them, and you saw IV relaxing a little.

"Sleep Token", you said, still smiling over your shoulder, and then you turned to Chris. "I'm here with them."

The attention Chris had solely on you until then was broken. His happy expression softened upon remembering he wasn't alone with you on that stage. He let go of your hands and offered a polite smile to the men behind you.

"Right", he stood up straight. "This is amazing, actually. You guys are insane, what you do is just... Beautiful", he stuck his hand out towards Vessel, who hesitated for an instant before shaking it, a polite but insincere nod towards him. "Different from anything I've ever heard."

"Thank you", Vessel said. "Your work is amazing too."

"Must be awesome, working with them", Chris said to you.

"To say the least", you said, smiling more to yourself than to him.

"You guys are so lucky to have her on board", Chris told your boys, overly flattering. "Very talented, this one."

"Oh, we know", II said, very low, and you wondered if Chris even heard him.

"Listen, uh...", Chris scratched the back of his head and looked at you. "We've had some issues during this leg, I'm not gonna lie."

"Some issues is an understatement", Noah added, looking down and then directly at you.

"You are sorely missed", Chris finally admitted.

"Oh, that's very flattering—"

"What I mean is that we'll start the European leg next year, and...", he hesitated, maybe asking himself if he should say what he was about to say in front of the current band you were working for. You felt your mouth dry. "...And I'm sure you guys would have already wrapped up this one by then. So, if you're interested, we'll save a spot for you."

"Oh, wow", you exclaimed, unconsciously taking a step back from him that didn't go unnoticed. "Again, Chris, this is insanely flattering, but it's still—"

"It's still too early to decide, I know", he completed your sentence for you. "Don't answer me yet, just promise you'll think about it. I just wanted to put it out there so we wouldn't miss the opportunity like we did this time around", Chris explained, looking at you and then at your band, in a bold, slightly defiant look.

"Yeah, but you did," a sharp, jagged voice came from behind you, as III draped a casual arm around your shoulders, making your cheeks grow hot. "Miss the opportunity, I mean, at least this time around. She'll decide it after we're done here, but until then try not to steal our assistant, Chris."

To anyone who didn't know III well enough, it would sound like he was joking. And you wondered if the sharp edge you heard in his voice was just your imagination, or if he really was being protective of you. It hurt to admit, but you didn't see any reason for him, or any of them, to act like they cared about what you do after the tour ends.

"III...", you called him in a warning tone, but smiling nonetheless, since you figured he was just kidding around.

Chris raised his hands in defeat. "Nah, it's alright, he's just joking", Chris flicked his wrist, light-hearted. "Besides, I'd be worried to lose you too", he winked, and you scoffed.

As you were trying to think of anything mild to say that would end the conversation since III's arm was tightening around you, you were interrupted once again, by another voice you didn't recognize.

"Hey, Noah, we're all ready to lea—", a tall, handsome man, with dark and short hair, came running towards you. "Hi", he stopped dead in his tracks, looking at you from head to toe. "Who's this?", he asked Noah.

"This is the stage assistant who's gonna join us for the Europe leg next year", Noah said so suddenly it startled you. You didn't even have the time to protest. "This is Nick", he said to you.

"Nick Folio", the third man said, extending a hand to you and winking. "Glad you're joining us."

Before you could say that you weren't joining them, at least not yet, you were interrupted once again. "Hey, it's the manual loopback girl! Long time no see!", this one you knew.

"Hi, Ricky", you grinned, and he reached out to ruffle your hair, despite III's grasp on you.

Suddenly, there were four men in front of you, and four behind. The ones behind, though, where looming closer and closer, each step forward marked with a weird atmosphere.

"I'm sure you have a lot of catching up to do", Noah said again, surprising you with the fact that he would put himself through the trouble of saying more than ten words to you in that occasion. "It would be nice if she came with us to that party", he elbowed Chris again discreetly.

"Oh, yeah, are you coming?", Chris asked. "You guys are all coming, right?", he looked at the band behind you.

You waited a beat, but no one answered.

"Yeah, I'm going with them", you finally said, nodding towards your boys. "I'll see you guys there."

"Great, see ya, girl", Chris waved, starting to walk away, being followed by the others. "Think about that offer, yeah?"

"She's still not available, Chris", III said back, sounding playfully annoyed, but his body rigid by your side.