#polyamsides

Logan was reading, comfortably seated in an armchair and periodically breaking the silence by turning a page. Patton was laying on his stomach on the floor, drawing and colouring stick figures and flowers and something that looked like a dog, but may also have been a car. A gentle smile was on his lips and crayons and colour pencils were laying all around him. Roman was peacefully laying on the couch, hands behind his head and earbuds in his ears. His expression was gentle and the royal looked like he was asleep, but Virgil knew better. Roman was dreaming, creating entire realms that he could explore later. Virgil himself was sitting on the back of the same couch, his feet tangled with Roman’s legs.

Everything was peaceful. Fine. Good.

So why did he feel like this?

He wasn’t nervous or anxious, he just felt... off, somehow. He couldn’t, for the love of all the dogs in the world, figure out what was going on. The others were all enjoying their free time, so why couldn’t he? Why couldn’t he just sit here and scroll through Tumblr? He did it so often, and it always worked to distract him or make him feel better. He stared at the black screen of his phone, which had been black for quite some time now, and silently put it in his pocket. Then he spied at the others.

Logan was still reading. Patton was still drawing. Roman was still dreaming.

The peaceful smiles on their faces comforted him somewhat, but he knew they would disappear if the others noticed that he was not feeling as great as them. He might have gotten away with it before, but they were much closer nowadays and the others were attentive. Maybe he should get away for a little while and get himself together before the others noticed.

He gently got up from the couch, noticing from the corner of his eye how Roman cracked one eye open at his movements. “Where are ya going, kiddo?” Patton smiled and Logan looked up from his book. Oh great, so much for getting away unnoticed.

“I’m going to my room for a bit,” he replied, trying to sound airily but feeling his throat strain in the process. Oh god, why was this happening?

Patton’s smile faltered a bit and no, no, no, put that smile back, please. He was fine, everything was fine and his feelings were just acting up and it was stupid because nothing was wrong, everything was fine, but he felt like crying and please stop worrying, please just smile. Everything was okay, everything was fine, nothing was wrong-

“Sorry,” he whispered, because he felt like he needed to say it. He was clearly worrying the others with and their smiles were gone and he just wanted them to smile again and do their thing and not worry about him. Unfortunately, that one word tipped something inside him and his tears started spilling.

He gasped and tried to wipe them away, but more just followed. A shaky sob fell from his lips and he knew before he saw that Patton was approaching him. He heard how Logan snapped his book shut and moved to stand up, and when he opened his eyes he saw Roman sit up and remove his earbuds. No, no, no, this wasn’t supposed to happen! He was going to leave to prevent this from happening!

“Virgil, honey, what’s wrong?” Patton’s voice was soft and sweet and his eyes were overflowing with worry. Virgil wanted to apologize again, but only let out another sob. The others had been enjoying their day, but now he ruined that. He flinched and took a step backward when Patton came closer, putting his hands between them as if to shield himself. The moral side immediately stopped and mimicked his actions, a careful smiled on his face. He slowly, slowly reached forward until he could take one of Virgil’s hands in his own. Logan and Roman seemed to get the hint and stayed where they were: attentive, but not overwhelmingly close. 

The gentle circles Patton’s thumb ran over the back of Virgil’s hand coaxed another sob from his lips. He ducked his head and squeezed his eyes shut. “I’m sorry.”

“No, no, it’s okay,” Patton reassured softly, moving one of his hands to Virgil’s shoulder and giving it a gentle stroke. Then he lowered it to his back and started rubbing gentle circles there. It wasn’t quite a hug, but it felt good. A hug would probably have been constricting and overwhelming, right now. “Hey, shhh, everything is fine. What’s wrong, sport?”

Virgil shook his head, feeling more tears slip past. “It’s nothing, I’m fine, I’m sorry.”

“Hey, shh, shh. It’s not nothing if it makes you feel bad. You can tell us.”

He shook his head again. “No really, it’s fine, I’m fine. It’s just stupid, don’t worry about it. I’m just gonna go and I’ll be fine, just-”

“I would advise against that,” Logan interjected carefully, slowly moving closer as to not overwhelm him. He reached for the hand that Patton wasn’t holding and simply held it. “You are clearly upset. I think being alone right now might worsen your state of mind.”

Virgil half-heartedly tried to shrug them off, but Patton wouldn’t let him go. “Can you tell us what’s wrong, Virge?” he asked gently. “We won’t think it’s stupid, no matter how small you think it is. Please?”

“I don’t know,” he let out, feeling fresh tears break through his tightly shut eyes. His cheeks heated up, too. “I don’t know. I’m feeling stupid and I don’t know why and you were all having fun and I’m ruining your day.” The hand on his back kept him from spiralling into the panic and he collected himself enough to look up at them. “I’m sorry,” he whispered.

“There’s no need,” Logan smiled gently. “You’ve done nothing wrong.”

“B-but,” Virgil sniffled, trying to calm down. “You were all having fun, a-and now-”

“Why, there’s more than one way to have fun,” Roman interrupted with a broad but gentle smile. “Is there something you want to do?”

Virgil shook his head again, but allowed Patton to direct him to the couch. “No, really. I don’t want to ruin this for you-”

“You’re not ruining it for us,” Patton insisted reassuringly. Virgil had expected one of them to get fed up with him for how much he kept repeating his words, but the other three stayed gentle. He sat down with the fatherly figure still attached to his body. Logan’s hand slipped out of his, but he did stay close. As did Roman. “Do you want to watch a movie together?”

“No, I’m really fine.” Virgil wiped at his cheeks and indeed felt calmer. “You guys were having fun doing your own thing, and I-I don’t want to take that from you...”

“Very well,” Logan said and stood up straighter. When Virgil glanced at him, he saw that the gentle smile hadn’t left his face. “If that is truly what you wish for, then perhaps it would be better to continue doing our own thing.” Logan walked to his chair to retrieve his book, then came back to the couch. He smiled warmly and something warm and fuzzy blossomed inside Virgil. “Would it be alright if I sat down next to you?”

He nodded shyly and Logan sat down gracefully, subtly pressing himself against his body. He crossed his legs and positioned his book on his propped up knees, angling it so that Virgil could read along if he wished to. Before he immersed himself in the pages, Logan gave him a questioning glance.

“Is this alright?”

Virgil nodded and smiled gratefully, sniffling softly and wiping the tearstains from his cheeks.

“Oh! Oh! Me too!” Patton beamed and hopped a little on the couch. He smiled at Roman and thanked him when the royal handed him his sketchbook and coloured pencils. He hooked his arm around Virgil’s and squeezed it briefly against his body, laying his head on Virgil’s shoulder. He mimicked Logan’s pose and started drawing. “Is this okay?” he whispered. “Not too much?”

Virgil didn’t think he could talk without fresh tears spilling out, so he bit his lip and shook his head. He still felt down, but if the others were doing things they liked and simultaneously wanted to be with him...

“But Roman...” he suddenly piped up, glancing up at Princey, who was still standing. Roman had been lazing on the couch, but now they were occupying it. Should they move? Should he leave, after all?

But Roman simply stretched, giving an exaggerated groan and taking up much more space than he needed. “Aargh, my back is killing me!” he exclaimed, adding a flair of drama to his words. “That couch is way too hard to comfortably lay on. By the god of music, am I glad I’m up.”

“You’re making this too obvious, Roman,” Logan chastised with a roll of his eyes.

“Oh hush,” Roman shot back over his shoulder as he headed towards the kitchen. “I’ve been silent all day, the artist in me seeks an outlet.”

Patton giggled softly and even Virgil cracked a smile. Roman returned shortly after with four steaming mugs of tea. Virgil was grateful that Princey hadn’t singled him out. As much as he understood their desire to focus on him when he was like this, he really didn’t want to worry them or be in the center of attention right now. He cradled the mug in his hands and rested it in his lap. Roman sat down next to Patton, putting his earbuds back and starting his music, leaning back into the cushions with a content sigh. He rested his arm on the back of the couch, gently laying his hand on Virgil’s shoulder. Virgil leaned into the touch and Roman caressed him calmly while continuing to create his fantasy worlds.

And slowly but surely, Virgil relaxed. He took a sip from his tea and glanced at his companions. 

Logan was still reading, but his arm brushed against him every time he turned a page and he would glance over for a second, giving him a small smile. 

Patton was still drawing and he would pull at his arm every time he reached for a different pencil. He showed Virgil his drawings from time to time, even though Virgil could see them perfectly fine from how he was sitting. 

Roman was still dreaming, listening to his music and looking like he was asleep. But Virgil knew better, because his hand moved over his shoulder, his neck and occasionally his hair. The touch was nice, warm and slightly ticklish.

They were still doing their own thing, but Virgil wasn’t alone.

And maybe this day wasn’t so bad after all.

General taglist: @irish-newzealand-idian-dutch

Calendrical Consequences 

The title of the current longest multi chapter fic of the series can be broken down into two easy words- calendar and consequences. This story is chaptered month by month, and so having something do with calendars or months just made sense in my mind. On the other hand, a consequence is any result from an action. Consequences generally have a bad connotation, but they are not strictly bad at all. This story is all about consequences from past situations. The term “calendrical consequences” seemed to fit perfectly, as all of the multiple issues, or consequences, that appear in the story have been building up since time has passed.

Seasonal Equivalent (August)

The North and Southern hemispheres have flip-flopped seasons. The term “seasonal equivalent” is just a fancy term to say which months in the north hemisphere line up with those in the south in terms of season. They are always exact opposites, yet they have the same season. August and March are seasonal equivalents, and in both of these chapters they show the beginning of the rising action. Yet, at the same time, they are completely different. August is laid back and just an intro to the story, while March shows events in full swing, just before the trial. As such, I felt the paradoxical term “seasonal equivalent” fit the chapter perfectly.

Meteorological (September)

The term “meteorological” relates to a branch of science that studies the atmosphere. This chapter, being the second, is still very much introducing the characters and the beginning of the plot, allowing the reader to get a sense of the future atmosphere of the story. I really wanted this chapter title to relate to the fact that you are learning about this story’s atmosphere, but I also didn’t want to be direct and just name it “Atmosphere”. That was much to bland for me. Hence, “Meteorological.”

Collision Course (October)

“Collision Course” was probably the easiest chapter to name. The name evokes a strong sense of urgency, panic, and pain, which is exactly what this chapter is about. Virgil is hit with some very hard news in this chapter, and is therefore stuck right in the collision course of events.

Penultimate (November)

“Penultimate,” simply put, means second to last. November is the second to last month of the year according to the Gregorian calendar. But, the chapter title has a deeper meaning. The thing is, the word “penultimate” is often misused. Many people think that adding the prefix of “pen” to the word ultimate is making a thing or item more ultimate, when in fact it is making it less. This chapter fits this perfectly. It falls right after Virgil’s phone call, what one would think to be the worst news of the story. This chapter helps continue that belief by being more calmly paced. But really, it’s just a lead into the news of the case being made public, the real heavy hitter. Thus, “Penultimate.”

Remembrance (December)

“Remembrance” is pretty much a fancy word for remembering something, especially remembering the deceased. December is the month when the trial is made public, causing a lot of memories of Virgil’s past to flood his mind. It’s a simple name for a chapter, but I like to think it’s poetic, especially when one considers that in a way, Virgil is remembering someone who is dead; his past self.

Two Consults (January)

This title comes strictly from the myth of Janus, who the month of January has been named after. Janus is a god with two heads, one looking forawrd, and the other back. He represents both beginning and endings, because truthfully, don’t the two go hand in hand? Therefore, “Two Consuls” refers to Janus’ two heads and their differing perspectives. This chapter in many ways, introduces new beginnings in the form of Virgil considering reconnecting with his mom. But, it also represents endings. Virgil has a fight with Roman- a fight that was truthfully long overdue- ending their current relationship. Of course, once they make up, a stronger, better relationship rises in its place.

Quadrennial (February)

Something that happens every four years is considered “quadrennial.” Nothing in this chapter is really related to a length of four years, but I still think it works. In the chapter we see Virgil planning to meet his mother for the first time in years. We also see four different conversations between four different characters. With the intense references to fours, and February being the month with an extra day every four years, I felt it fit in nicely.

Late Antiquity (March)

This title is a history term. It refers to the transition period from the classical antiquity ages to the middle ages. It was an upheaval of change in many different areas, but specifically within politics, religion, and art. The “Late Antiquity” chapter is very much a transition period. It shows a changing relationship between Roman and Virgil, as well as Virgil’s first meeting with his mom in years. It is also the lead up to the trial. The chapter is full of transitions and changes, and what fits it better than a historical term meaning exactly that?

Etymology (April)

“Etymology” is the study and origin of words. This chapter is defining for Virgil, as it’s the first time he has faced his abuser since he has been free of his abuser’s control. Virgil is stripped to his very core and is obviously very emotional. I felt that a chapter title relating to one’s origins therefore fit this chapter quite well.

Proletarian Mayovka (May)