#polyamoria

Avoimet suhteet (2024)

Millainen on suhde, jossa on enemmän kuin kaksi osapuolta? Mitä suhteen avaaminen edellyttää? Avoimet suhteet näyttää, ettei yhteen kumppaniin sitoutuminen ole ainoa tie onnellisiin ihmissuhteisiin.

Toinen lukemani kirja polyamoriaan ja avoimiin suhteisiin liittyen. "The Ethical Slut" on jonkinlainen raamattu näissä piireissä, mutta tykkäsin tästä Mirja Hämäläisen kirjasta paljon enemmän. Jollain tavalla enemmän pohdintaa, kuin selkeitä ratkaisuja. Tykkään, kun asioita pohditaan, eikä tuoda valmiina paketteina. Jokainen meistä on erilainen. Jokainen suhde on erilainen. Kaikki tavat järjestää ihmissuhteita eivät sovi kaikille - varsinkaan avoimet suhteet. Ainakin omissa on vähintään saman verran haasteita, kuin monogamiassa. Silti se on oma juttu, ja tämä kirja käy läpi kaikenlaisia enemmän tai vähemmän lähelle liittyviä asioita, monogamiaa dissaamatta.

Quess who got a new mic and finally found some spoons to ramble about their life again? Me! I'm really enjoying how these little ramblings are turning out!

Even though 2020 has been a mess all round for me, in this post-breakdown world things are looking... more like me?

I have good people around me and people who seem to love me no matter how low I feel I've sunk. It's comforting, even though I can't seem to shake the feeling of being a failure as a partner. That's my secret cap: I'm always blaming myself.

TL;DR: I've found out that I'm not that compatible as a person to share a living space with someone else for long periods of time due to my mental condition. I live on my own now, and we de-escalated our primary-type relationship with Kitty. We call each other anchor partners now, and I really like the sound of it. Like before, the love is there, we just suit each other better this way.

We had a short chat with Rai and things are still up in the air a bit, but it doesn't bother us. Time and space for both of us, there are more important things to focus on right now.

And finally, after pondering on it for quite some time, I think I'm not that suited for tightly structured, hierarchy-style polyamory. I find relationship anarchy much more fitting as a descriptor.

''I could have told you that long ago'' Lil Sunshine joked last time we called. There is a clear feeling of caring after one another, and we did talk about that too. I too think it's best we get to know each other better as friends first, once the pandemic calms down. We keep getting excited and losing ourselves to planning all kinds of adventures once the pandemic eases up. I love our talks together.

Oh, and, well... there's a new person of interest in the horizon. I think we'll call her Max for reasons. Max & I reconnected a while back over Animal Crossing stuff and started chatting more and more and now there's flirting and hearts and the likes involved. It's nice and lovely and relaxed, and I love not having a need to put a descriptor or name on what we are right now. I hope I get to meet her again soon.

I've written about metamours before, but now that I'm living with a partner who also has multiple partners, I get to interact with my metamours more. It's nice. Can't find a better word for it right now.

(Oh and yes, 2020 has been horrible on soooo many facets of my life but let's just focus on the nice things for now, okay.)

So yes, Metamours! Today Kitty's boyfriend and daughter came over briefly. I've met them a couple times before on different occasions, but this was just me, Kitty and them coming over. I've already noticed a pattern on how my feelings go whenever I interact with my metamours:

-it takes a moment for me to adjust to the situation, but I do enjoy having people over and even though I don't know them too well, they are my friends too.

-hence I usually follow the conversation at first between Kitty and my metamours and slide into the situation with agreeing small comments or by making small notes to have some small interactions with them, as if to "test the ice"

But it's a bit different with offsprings, right? Is it okay for me to keep an eye on them to give Kitty and my meta a breather? Luckily it seems this cub doesn't shy away from me too much, we had fun throwing dry food pellets to the cats and she got to pet them too.

Now all three are out for some quality time and I'm home with the cats, and it feels good. I get some me time to write and I know they are having fun and enjoying themselves and it makes me feel good too.