#polyaffectionate aro

I personally want a queerplatonic/ alterous life partner

That’s my personal wish, I want someone to share my life with

I consider myself polyaffectionate, seeing as I’m not “amorous” in any way shape or form

To me this means a few things

1) I practice relationship anarchy – I do not place a romantic relationship on some arbitrary pedestal, every relationship is important to me and that relationship looking like romance doesn’t mean much

For the other things I need to explain about myself first

I am a sex-averse asexual. I have had sex. I didn’t like it. I am generally sex-positive but I don’t necessarily want/ seek sex as part of any committed relationship; rather I’d avoid sex

(This following bit is self-depreciation but) Because of that I think I shouldn’t “tie down” any partner. Someone willing to be with me shouldn’t suffer for it and hence I don’t see a point in being possessive/ demanding sexual faithfulness – although the details would need to depend on the partner(s) and situation

Also due to me not making a grave distinction between “best friend” and “date friend” I just think it’s easier to call myself polyaffectionate since relationships involving me need thorough explanation anyway

I have explored through writing* what I’d like for myself and that basically always ends up that I’d like to be comfortable “sharing” my partner with pre-determined other people

I would only agree to a closed polycule, although I don’t need to be involved with everyone in it

Also I always hoped if I get that, if I get to have a queerplatonic polycule, it could be a found family and support network more than dating in the classical sense

Again, keep in mind all of this is just my personal perspective and I don’t speak for other aromantic people or other asexual people

Many asexuals are fine with/ want sex

Some aromantics are non-partnering/ would only practice solo-poly

My ideal relationship would be having one or two partners I live with, who are my family, who I can cuddle or leave to their own devices, basically a house share and we each cuddle and kiss each other as we please 🙈

—The thing is I’m aware I probably talk like someone who doesn’t value themself enough

Like, if I believed I could be enough for a partner my whole stance would be slightly different

But I have not yet made the experience that what I can offer (a sexless, queerplatonic commitment) is enough for people

I’m fully aware that mindset isn’t healthy but until someone proves I can be enough for them, well… “outsourcing” sex is easier than worrying

And if it’s a genuine relationship I’m happy for them, in any case

I wholeheartedly mean that I’d like a closed polycule and would be comfortable as described

But I also acknowledge that part of it comes from feeling inadequate/ not wanting to hold back the person(s) I love

I just know I can’t provide what – to many people – is a need

And since I know I can love more than one person at the same time I think getting to be with someone who also has other partners is my best chance… if that makes sense

As I said, I write a lot and with my latest novel-attempt* I think I found the relationship model I’d be comfortable with 🙈