Poly Pop Reviews: Desperate Housewives
Desperate Housewives had a reputation as being more shock, scandal, and soap opera than anything of substance, but I firmly believe that was all just packaging for the real meat underneath. I never picked the show back up after the writer’s strike in 2007, but what I did see in the early seasons left a serious impression on me. I just re-watched the first two episodes the other night for the first time in over ten years, and holy jeeze did it trigger some Thoughts And Feelings™ in my polyamorous brain. This show perfectly captures why I hate cookie-cutter relationships where people do things just because “that’s the way things are done.”
Lynette: God, her husband is such a self-absorbed asshole. Its hard to accept that he is an asshole because he coats everything he does in a veneer of absolutely adoring Lynette, but if he actually cared about her he would listen to her every once in awhile. He doesn’t give a damn about her experiences; he only cares about the experience she gives him. He bribes the kids with presents so that he is the favorite parent, he doesn’t give Lynette a chance to wipe her face off before dragging her to the bedroom, gives zero fucks when she says she isn’t in the mood, and won’t even put on a condom without being a little bitch. AND THEN, later on in the series when she starts flirting with someone else who makes her feel alive and better than she has felt in years, this POS husband of hers shuts it down, because Monogamy™ must be protected above all, including the mental health of someone you claim to love. The scene where Lynette ties her hair back up (indicating she is done flirting, and putting herself back in her emotional prison) seriously fucked me up when it first aired, and when I think of reasons I could never promise monogamy to anyone that is the exact image that comes to mind.
Gabrielle: Man, bonus points for being self-aware, I guess. “my husband promised to give me everything I ever wanted, and he did, but it turned out I wanted the wrong things.” She explicitly admits to having an extramarital affair as a way to stave off depression, and seems to rush into all relationships for superficial reasons and then acts surprised when they are not emotionally fulfilling. Also there is this super insane love-quadrangle at some point in the show that I just feel would have been easier on everyone if they just admitted that they wanted to be able to bang multiple people.
Bree: There is literally a plotline in which she goes to the doctor after receiving her first orgasm ever because she thought it meant something was wrong with her. Her need for superficial perfection scares me to death. I can’t remember if the show ever gives an explanation of how she got to be so neurotic, to the point of damaging herself and her family. Maybe it is plain simple mental illness; maybe it was induced by trauma. Either way, no one is watching out for her, she is woefully ill-equipped to watch out for herself, and she is harming people around her because of it. The character is played for laughs, but she is actually pure tragedy.
Susan: The first few episodes are her and Edie vying for the affections of the new hot guy in town. It is really petty and catty and awful. I was forcing my husband to watch with me (he quickly saw the benefit of this exercise and agreed to put on another episode) and he kept exclaiming “what, if he bangs this other chick that means he is unavailable forever? Does he have a single-use cock?” Especially since the show explicitly states that Edie is notorious for sleeping around, wouldn’t it make the most sense to let Edie get him first, and then for Susan to try again once that has blown over? Susan eventually realizes the catfight is unnecessary because Mike is still not over his late wife. Part of why I love nonmonogamy is it means that when circumstances prevent a couple from being together it does not automatically mean that they are doomed to a life of loneliness; it is possible to feel whatever you feel for the person you cannot have, while also connecting with someone who is available. Take healing and joy wherever you can, for god’s sake!
