Blueberry Strobe Lights
One month ago, my cohort and I went to audit Dr. Richard Milner V’s lecture on “Disrupting Punitive Practices and Polices” at the annual AERA Brown lecture. Doing his lecture, he spoke of a term called “vicarious trauma.” Vicarious Trauma is defined by the American Counseling Association as “ the emotional residue of exposure that [people] have from working [or hearing] traumatic stories [from people] and become witnesses to the pain, fear, and terror that trauma survivors have endured.”
Dr. Milner spoke of this synonymously with interactions with law enforcement. Whilst driving, Dr. Milner attention was captivated by the blueberry strobe lights behind him. Nervously, he pulled over only for the cop to continue pass his vehicle. Most people would exhale a sigh of relief, knowing that they were not the intended target, right? Wrong. Dr. Milner expressed his feelings of fear, restless, and rippling anxiety as he began to ponder what if.
Vicarious Trauma is something I know all to well. Operating as a black woman in a *foreign* land, with $700 worth of expired tags, I drive in fear. but I drive because I have places to go. Yesterday, when I was turning into my driveway, I was halted and attention captivated by the blueberry strobe lights. I felt my heart simultaneously slow down and speed up, my hands battled between clammy and moist, my throat tightened, as I fought the tears forming in my eyes. It wasn’t about the fear of being cited a ticket, it was the fear of that being my last experience.
After being let off with a warning, everything should be turned back to normal—right? Wrong. My legs quaked, my hands shook, as I tried to gather the strength to walk into the house. I reached my door, closed the door, and lost everything I was holding in.
The relationship I have with law enforcement is permanently tainted by the blood shed of my people.
Sunday, December 2nd 2018, at 12:37 AM.
