π΅ππΎπΌΒ Β @polaroidheadβΒ Β :Β Β ππΎ, π±ππ°πΈπ½π³π΄π°π³, π»πΎππ΄ ππ·π΄ πππΈπ, ππΎπ π»πΎπΎπΊ πΌπΈππ΄ππ°π±π»π΄.
β π’π ... Β π π πππ π πππππ ππππ ππππ πππ , βΒ Β you tug at the tie around your neck ;Β even though itβs halfway untied, itβs still strangling youΒ ( OR MAYBE ITβS THE WHOLE FORMALITY OF THE EVENT -Β EVEN MORE SO ,Β PERHAPS THE FEAR OF BEING LEFT BEHIND ) .Β heβs right, though, you ARE miserable in this thing.Β
NIKONβS WEDDING WAS A HELL OF AN AFFAIR .Β Β far too fancy for your taste; you stand out like a sore thumb, not just because of your monstrous height towering over the rest of the unsuspecting crowd, but because of your energy spiking in all different directions. it startsΒ EXCITED ,Β because what a fuckinβ party, huh? your best friend, man of the hour, and a full-on open bar. youβve got a job to do soon, as BEST MANΒ ( OBVIOUSLY )Β that youβre sure youβll nail -Β FOR NIKON ,Β AT LEAST ,Β if not in the eyes of the rest of the guests, but you really donβt care about them.
but then it all shifts into FEAR ,Β and DISCOMFORT .Β Β because you think you KNOW whatβs gonna happen after the celebration is over, right,Β βcause heβs not gonna take her home to the apartment; the place youβd run away to and hid under the covers of and cowered from your folks behind the solid metal door of. the neighborhood that took you a year to get comfortable in, the graffiti-laden walls of the basement passageway, the knocked-out walls and the exposed brick, the couch youβd basically become a man inΒ ( AND YET STILL ,Β A CHILD IN A SIX FOOT SIX FRAME ;Β YOUβRE NO MAN ,Β EMMANUEL ) .Β thatβs no place for a married man. thatβs no place for ANY man, but you arenβt quite there yet yourself, and you know itβs time for him to move on to places you canβt follow.Β
YOU PULL OFF THE TIE ,Β Β and scrunch it up into a ball ;Β Β YOUR FIST STRAINS AROUND IT .Β Β your fingers canβt let go of it, and the tension is impossible to retract as it shoots pan up your forearms. your posture wonβt let any of your nerves obvious, of course; youβve never been one to let anything less than rambunctiousness past your eyes, even when under the most intense stress-Β NOT UNLESS YOU DONβT THINK ANYONEβS LOOKING ,Β but nikonβs fuckinβ looking.Β Β β πππβπ ππ ππππππ , Β πππ , Β πππ ππ’ πππ’ππ . Β πππ’βππ ππ πππ πππππ’ πππ πππππ ? Β π ππππ ππ π’ππ , Β πππ ππ . Β πππππ ππππ ππππ π’ππ - π’πππ πππππ ππππβ ππ , Β π’βππππ ? Β π πππ ππ π’ππ ππππππ π’πππ πππππ ? Β π ππβπ πππππ ππππππ π’ππ ππππ π’ππβππ πππππ π ππππππ πππ ππ πππππ ? β
it comes out more of aΒ JUSTIFICATION ,Β Β for your general behaviour .Β Β πβπ π ππππππππ, ππππ π’ππβππ πππ ππππ πππ’ π ππ πππππ ππ’ πππ π πππ π π ππ πππ‘ππππ, πππ π ππππ π’ππ ππ ππππππππ πππ ππππ’ ππππ ππππ πππ’ ππππ π πππ π’ππβππ ππππππππ πππ ππ πππ π ππππ πππ πππ πππππ ππππ.Β youβve already got your things packed. you did it when heβd left to go to the reception hall early this morning, to make sure everything was under controlΒ ( YOU DONβT HAVE A LOT OF BELONGINGS TO YOURSELF ,Β JUST A BACKPACKβS WORTH ;Β YOU USED TO SHARE MOST OF WHAT YOU HAD ) .Β when do you take it? when do you have to go?
β πππ - Β πππ’, πππππ ? βΒ Β YOUβRE ABOUT TO ASK ,Β Β BUT YOU DONβT .Β HOW CAN YOU ?Β Β your best friend is glowing, heβs so damn happy, almost bouncing off the balls of his feet into space and launching into the stars. the fuck are you supposed to say?Β PLEASE DONβT FORGET ABOUT ME ?Β ππππππ πππβπ πππππ ππ ππππππ, πππ ππππ π’ππβππ πππππ’ πππ πππππππ’ πππ ππππ πππ ππ? π ππππ ππ π ππ, πππ ππππ π’ππβππ ππππ ππππ ππππ ππππ πππππππ πππ πππππππ’πππ πππππππππ ππ πππππππππ? Β ππ π πππππ ππππ ππ πππππ? πππ π’ππ πππππ ππππ? πππ πππππ πππππ πππππ ππ πππππ, ππππ πππππ’ ππ π πππππ’ ππ πππππππ’ ππ ππππ π π’πππ ππ πππππ ππ πππ?Β Β WHAT AM I GOING TO DO WITHOUT YOU ,Β PAUL ?
β ππππππππ , Β πππ . Β π’ππ πππ’π πππ πππππ ππ , Β ππππ , Β πππππ πππππ’ ππππππππ . β
