I wish I knew how to turn off my empathetic nature when it spirals or develops into a severe manic episode.
When this joyous event occurs, I will:
Become so disgusted with myself (everything unfortunate In my kids lives is my fault)
Loose track of time
Do things that make no damn sense (put things around the house in places they don’t belong)
Like the biggest failure on Earth
Will bounce from extremely sad or hopeless to manic and batshit
The list is never ending. But despite these behaviors that creep up sometimes, I’m still a highly functional mom!
I blame only myself, no one else EVER, for my issues/problems. Like when my child isn’t acting appropriately or is having trouble in school/life I instantly point the blame finger at myself. Hell, I still believe that their troubles are rooted by me. Only one point of the blame finger and I’m a step closer to an episode of utter chaos, despair & agony.
Its painful as hell but I somehow manage to keep it together, maybe too much together, where I start becoming impossibly strong,u-but only to myself.
