#poemsforthought

Every Sunday, this woman would host Free dance lessons. I fell in love with traditional dancing, I fell in love with the vision of dance community.

I was so grateful to tap into the rhythm of my soul amongst others, I was so grateful to feel a part of something for the first time in a long time.

Things didn't quite end up the way I expected them to. I thought this was a piece of the larger puzzle that was my dance community I could call home... But, She was no home and the dream she sold was merely a fragile reflectionless carcass encased in mold so thick, you could smell it in the air around you.

I chose to ignore my senses because I wanted to fit in and convenience

but,

In the end, my heart was reminded that nothing convenient is usually worth it and nothing in this life is Free.

Which only reminded me of the fact that white women will do anything they can to be the victim because it is literally in their blood and culture to step on the backs of brown and black people to feel better about themselves... I will use this story as a tool to better navigate what's in front of me, I use this lesson as information to approach the next step with experience.

I remember the times it all

felt

so,

strange to think about the future.

Now that it's here, I celebrate the success of making it,

While

Honoring

while ignoring

the reality of how fucking hard everything is.

Stay alive,

You can do it,

you are enough...

Yeah yeah so they say,

But what they aren't saying is

The truth...

none of this is worth it, none of this is fair.

She wonders why she cries so loudly,

It’s not like anyone will acknowledge what they hear,

Then, they’d have to look in the mirror,

She often ponders,

“Maybe I should isolate myself”

Why?

She asks louder,

It’s not like,

Crying lower,

Means I feel less,

And if i’m still going to feel… everything…

Well, then I might as well continue to cry loudly,

At least then, I’ll know,

I asked for help,

Then,

When it’s all over,

I’ll know,

Who really was there for me,

And who

Can’t even be there,