#pocean

[IDs: three images of scenes from rusty quill gaming episode 179.

the first is of zolf, stood wringing his hands nervously looking off to the right, he’s frowning slightly and wearing a dark green jumper, dark blue coat and teal trousers. He has small pink hearts drawn around his head, and there is a dating sim style text box that says “You said that the reason you came back was because i needed you.” and has three reply style options, the first is “Of course i did” the second says “Yeah... that makes sense” and the last says “say nothing.” the second one is selected in a thin pink box with a heart cursor indenting it. The background is blurred but depicts a sunrise behind a mountain, and there is a wooden building with a fence, and a plant pot hanging behind his head.

the second is of kiko, sat at a wooden table with a chessboard. she is resting her head in one hand with a steaming mug in the other. She is a Japanese woman with black hair loosely tied back, wearing thick brown gloves and a brown leather coat with fur hood and trim. she is smiling with her mouth open and small hearts around her head. there is another game box, this one has the text “Play another game?” with Yes and No options. The yes one is selected, again with a thin pink box and heart cursor. In the background there are wooden buildings with supporting ropes and ladders and a tree, again it is blurred.

[ID: A digital illustration of Celiquillithon Sidebottom, and James Barnes from Rusty Quill Gaming. Cel is a white half-elf, with fair freckled skin, and an undercut. Their hair is blond, short, and wavy. They have green googles, and are wearing a green coat, a white button down, and dark brown trousers. Barnes is a Malay human, with freckled dark skin, and neck-length brown wavy hair. The top half is tied into a ponytail. He is wearing a white collared shirt, blue pants, and a red sash around his waist. He has ear piercings. They are hugging each other amidst a ship wreckage. It is snowing lightly. End ID.]

donation comm for @ohallows , who requested a rqg174 pocean hug

I headcanon Barnes as demisexual, and that he likes whichever body Cel happens to be in because it’s Cel’s, so this is a conversation around that, set sometime after the campaign is over

Discussions of sex, transitioning, and moderate dysphoria

Cel rolled over to face where Barnes lay beside them in bed.  They hadn’t said anything yet, but he could already tell there was something on their mind.

“What’s going on?”  He asked, and rolled to face them in return.

“You know, sometimes I get bored with the body that I have,” they explained, “so I change it up.  This is a pretty androgynous look I’ve got going on right now, but sometimes I like to lean into what are considered more masculine or feminine features, and I switch up my appearance every five years or so? Just because?  Anyway… I’ve been thinking about making some changes – I don’t know for sure what changes yet, but something – and I just wanted to check that it would be okay with you before I started mixing up some potions and beginning the process.”

“Why would you need to check with me?  It’s your body,” he replied, confused, and Cel sighed.

“Yeah, and thank you for that, seriously, but… if you don’t think you would like me in a somewhat different body, then that plays into whether or not I change.”

“Cel…  I would love you in any body.  Whatever body you have, I’m always going to like it because it’s yours.  And I appreciate you talking to me ahead of time, but your comfort is always more important than anything else.”

He could see them smile in the dim moonlight that trickled in through the window, but he continued, hoping to waylay any concerns they might still have.

“If you’re worried about me not being attracted to you anymore – physically, I mean – then you don’t need to worry about that.  You’re attractive to me because you’re you.  Don’t get me wrong, you are very, very…”  His voice trailed off and Cel chuckled, shifting a little closer to him under the covers, both for comfort and to tease him in his already flustered state.  It wasn’t as if he and Cel hadn’t been living together for months at this point, as if they hadn’t been intimate on several occasions, but they still managed to make him tongue-tied.

“As long as you’re sure,” Cel said, filling in the silence when Barnes trailed off.  “It’s not like I have this sudden, necessary need to change things up, more just kind of a repeated passing fancy, so if you think it would be an issue, it’s okay.”

Barnes shook his head against the pillow.  “I have never felt any sort of sexual feelings toward anyone randomly.  Only people that I’ve grown close to emotionally first, and when that happens… I do not mean to diminish how absolutely stunning your body is, but the main reason that it is so fantastic is because it’s yours.”

They smiled again, then moved forward to embrace Barnes sideways and rest their head against his chest like they so often did when they fell asleep together.

“Thank you.”

He pressed a quick kiss to the top of their head.  “I love you.”

“I love you too,” they replied.  “You know, most of my potions don’t work for anyone else, just for me, but I could make some adjustments if there was anything you wanted to change about your appearance.  Not saying you need to make any changes, but if you wanted to…”

Barnes chuckled.  “I think I’m good.  I made the changes I wanted years ago, and I’ve got the scars to show for it.”  He gestured briefly to his top surgery scars, and then wrapped his arm back around Cel.

“Makes sense.  Just know it’s always an option.”

“Thanks.”  He paused.  “You’re not going to, like… I’m not going to wake up one morning and you’re going to look completely different, right?”

Now it was Cel’s turn to laugh.  “No, it’s a more gradual transition than that, and I’ll still look like me.”

“Okay, that’s what I figured, but I just wanted to make sure.”

“If you wake up and find some random person in our house, that’s probably a burglar.  Be concerned about that.”

6: things you said under the stars and in the grass

From this list of prompts

I’m sorry this took me so long to get to, but I hope you like it!!

“The stars seem so much brighter here,” Barnes remarked as he gazed up at the sky.  “And I’ve been out at sea on clear nights, but here…”

He and Cel were stretched out on the grass in the middle of a nearby park, not too far from their bunkhouse.  Even while wearing heavy winter clothes, Cel had draped a couple blankets over the pair of them, enjoying the way Barnes blushed every time their bodies touched beneath them.

“Maybe it’s the company that makes them seem brighter?”  Cel teased, and Barnes’ face immediately went bright red, the shade visible even in the dim light.

“You… you enjoy getting me flustered too much,” he cried, grinning.

“Of course I do,” Cel replied.  “But I’m not just saying these things to get you to stutter and go all blushy, even though that is an amazing side effect.  I…”

“Yeah.”  Barnes nodded.  He paused for a moment, then stared more intently toward the stars, even if he wasn’t looking at them at all.  “You know, Cel, I… I really enjoy your company.”

“I really enjoy your company too!”

He let out a quiet chuckle.  “Good!  Good.  And I… I am grateful that I’ve gotten to know you.  When all of this is over, I really hope that whatever we have here, we can keep it going?  That maybe it can be something that lasts?  Even if not, I’m still glad for the time we’ve had.”

Cel froze.  They knew they weren’t necessarily great at processing these sorts of things in real time; that’s why they planned out a reaction to every expression of emotion or flirtation ahead of time.

As Barnes said those words though, as he expressed a desire to be with them even when they weren’t trapped together in a confined airship, they didn’t know how to react.  Not that they hadn’t considered some confession or admission of feelings from Barnes, but it made their mind go blank of every prepared response and instead consider only how wonderful continuing their relationship would be.

“I…” was all they were able to stutter out.

“That’s okay,” Barnes said, still looking at the sky and pointedly not at Cel.  “You don’t have to say anything.  You don’t have to feel the same way.  But, given everything, I think it would be silly for me to not tell you how much I care about you.”

Cel’s heart beat faster until its pounding was all they could hear, and a coherent thought was still an impossible feat.

With another silent response, Barnes turned his head to look at Cel, to make sure he hadn’t scared or upset them.  And then, he laughed.

“What?”  Cel exclaimed, the most they could manage while their brain was still scrambling itself.

“I did not expect all that to be the thing that gets you flustered!”  He replied, beaming and grinning.  “You’re bright red!”

Cel grabbed a blanket, pulled it up, and hid their face behind it.  “No I’m not!”

“You are!  Oh, this is sweet revenge for making me all flustered back at the bunkhouse.”

“This is not fair,” Cel said.  They peeked their eyes over the edge of the blanket, then looked over to see that Barnes had rolled to face them, and all of the brightest stars sparkled in his eyes.

“Oh, I think it is.”

Pouting, Cel extracted themselves from their hiding place.  “I guess you make me a bit flustered,” they begrudgingly admitted.  “That’s not an easy thing to do.  But… I feel the same way.  I really like spending time with you and I hope we can do more of that when the world isn’t ending.”

“I would love that.”  He paused.  “Can I… can I kiss you?”

“Not if I kiss you first.”

Cel rolled toward Barnes and pressed their lips to his.  At first, Barnes grunted in surprise, then soon relaxed into the kiss and cupped Cel’s cheek.  His touch was so gentle, even with heavily calloused hands.

“Maybe it really is the company that makes everything seem a bit brighter,” Barnes said with a smile as he and Cel rested their foreheads together, their breath mingling into one cloudy fog in the frigid temperatures.

“Told you,” Cel teased.