{ for @plsjcmes a FLASHBACK to spring 2017 }
god, had he fucked up, and he knew it. right about now, he would do anything to go back in time to three days before when he’d made one of the biggest mistakes when it came to his love-life. he’d spent his entire afternoon pacing around the shelves at ground control, voicing out what he planned to say to james when no one was in the store: you’re going to hate me, and i get that... but i can’t just fake this for you -- it wouldn’t be right. once he’d decided he was going to end things permanently with james, he’d wanted the day to move as quickly as possible so he could get it over with, but now, as the clock slowly moved towards the end of his shift, elliot wished he never had to go through with it at all. it would be cruel to keep stringing james along, and he knew that his last action would change the dynamic of the two of them forever. his shift finally came to a close, and elliot begrudgingly took the bus from ground control back to campus, stopping at moulton hall to go find james and tell her his truth. it feels like he’s swallowed a ton of bricks when he’s approaching the elevator to her dormitory, knowing that this would most likely be one of the last times he would be taking this specific route.
elliot knows her schedule by heart, so he wasn’t surprised when she’d answered the door at her dorm, her usually inviting smile suddenly making him feel sick to his stomach. “are you alone? i need to talk to you.” he says, inviting himself inside and shutting the door behind him. now that they’re by themselves, he wonders why he hadn’t asked to meet her in public. he’s got this insatiable desire to flee the scene -- jump out her window so he doesn’t have to see the look on her face when he crushes her all over again. “james... listen... i think...” his eyes drift to the couch in the room, his hand immediately pointing in its direction. “can we sit? i need to sit.” he procrastinates, sitting himself down. she probably knows, he thinks, she can definitely tell by your stupid nervous habits. it’s his shaky hands and the way his left foot is tapping anxiously on the floor once he’s sitting uncomfortably on james’ couch. the speech he’d been rehearsing earlier that day was immediately forgotten as he looks quickly from her to the floor. “look.. god, i... i don’t....” he’d been avoiding eye contact with james since he’d gotten inside of her dorm, but he’s suddenly got a bit of confidence, and he focuses his eyes on hers. it wasn’t what he’d planned to say, but he thinks this is simple enough: “i don’t want to do this again. this thing, between us... it’s not what i want.”
