Satoru meanwhile is confused and amused, but he's been very strict about not developing feelings for any more villains after all that previous unpleasantness and he's pretty sure Sukuna's tried to kill him like three times already, so he's trying hard not to appreciate his student's change of focus from his throat to his ass

Nobara and Megumi clock the isekai immediately but they're so relieved that their classmate is no longer evil that they just get the truth out of Yuuji only to make sure that there's no possibility of Sukuna coming back

I read a fun smut Padmé/Obi-Wan piece from @glimmerglanger (another author I will read basically anything they write) that had a an interesting author end note:

....and the galaxy is saved because when Anakin tries to flirt with Padmé she goes, "Sorry, kiddo, not interested," because she's busy trying to arrange a time and place when she, Obi-Wan, and anyone else who wants to get down can all meet up.

And being me, I decided to plot out how this AU changes the timeline/plot. Because I can. And maybe if I do, it’ll stop knocking around my head.

So, relevant ‘plot’ points to this exercise for those who don’t want to read smut:

In Attack of the Clones, Anakin took a minor injury chasing Zam Wesell and went back to the Temple for treatment.

Padmé and the handmaids had crushes on Obi-Wan in The Phantom Menace.

Most of Padmé’s sexual experience up to this point has been with her handmaids (and they with each other).

Padmé initiates; the sex is very good; Padmé’s reaction is “I should see if he’s up for an orgy with the handmaids, they deserve something this nice.”

So! How I would plot out what comes next:

1) Anakin still tries to flirt with Padmé. It’s just as embarrassing as in the movies. Padmé decides to bring one of her handmaids with her to Naboo, hoping she’ll act as a buffer with Anakin. Let’s pick Dormé.

Dormé tells R2 to hang around Padmé when Anakin is there & don’t be afraid to use his arc welder/taser if he gets too pushy

2) The sojourn on Naboo is going to include fewer picnics and more Anakin bugging Padmé while she’s working with Dormé on Senatorial work. I see this leading to at least one argument about political structures.

Dormé totally yells at Anakin that he’s proposing fascism

How can a former slave think the scaled up version of what he suffered is a good idea?!?

Well the Chancellor could get so much more done if—

Dormé slaps massive history tome down on table

3) Padmé has good memories of Shmi, so they still go to Tatooine once Anakin shares he’s having nightmares.

4) Anakin does a Mass Murder™️ out of Revenge™️

5) When Anakin has his little ranting confession to Padmé (because he’s thinks they’re closer than Padmé feels), R2 starts pretending to be shutdown in the corner and gets a recording of his confession. Because Padmé is not interested in Anakin romantically, her little “anger is human” part of the speech also includes a “and I’m going to be very careful not to trigger the anger of this person who can throw things with his mind and has a sword that can bisect people easily.” mental clause. It’s a textual medium instead of a visual one. I get to include internal thoughts.

6) MEANWHILE, Obi-Wan. Obi-Wan got a nice dose of happy brain chemicals before starting his hunt and has gotten a decent amount of sleep while bouncing around the galaxy chasing down this attempted assassin. Obi-Wan digs in a little further at Kamino compared to the movies canon. He gets a copy of the contract from the Kaminoans. He ducks meeting Jango until after talking to some of the Alpha class (who introduce him to a couple of their proteges). Jango cannot hurry luring Obi-Wan to Genosis because he cannot find Obi for a couple days. 

When Obi-Wan does talk with Jango there’s a lot more “why are you building an army for the Republic” and more paying attention in the Force to his answers.

Obi-Wan has concerns™️

Obi-Wan sends his concerns to the Council and Anakin with instructions to boost his signal to the Council and make sure it gets there. Also DO NOT COME.

7) Genosis. Obi-Wan sneaks around Genosis for a little bit longer before getting caught. He gets a little more information back to the Council. When Dooku says “there’s a Sith in the Senate”, Obi-Wan says “evidence or I think you’re lying to sow discord and ignore you.”

8) Padmé and Anakin get caught on Genosis just as fast as in the movie. Dormé and R2 do not get caught. They feed technical info about the droids and on the ground tactical information to the arriving Jedi and clone rescue force. The rescue force tries a more diversionary attack expecting Obi-Wan, Anakin, and Padmé to get themselves out of the arena. Fewer clones and Jedi die. It’s still a shitshow with terrible numbers of casualties. Just fewer than in the movie.

9) Anakin still goes after Dooku. He still looses his arm. Dooku still gets away. Padmé and Anakin do not kiss, and do not sneak off to Naboo to get married.

10) Anakin is brought back to the Temple to start healing and doing PT for his new space-future prosthetic arm (see recent writing advice re:arm amputations and why they’re portrayed unrealistically). Obi-Wan is sent off on a mission with Alpha-17. Padmé, Dormé, and R2 speak with the council about Tatooine — the council diverts a Shadow to Tatooine for more evidence to back up the decision they know they’ll have to justify to the Senate.

11) Obi-Wan’s mission goes badly. He and Alpha-17 are captured and tortured by Ventress. Word of this reaches the Council and Anakin...

12) After his mother’s death, Anakin has slotted Obi-Wan into the ‘must not die, will burn down the Galaxy’ slot that Padmé occupied in movie canon. Padmé has made herself unavailable for the role since they’re not in a romantic relationship (although Anakin would like to and plans to continue pursuing her). So Anakin subconsciously choose the other parental figure in his life, instead of the female person he cares most about.

13) Anakin freaks the fuck out, runs off to Kamino, grabs the 212th being assembled for Obi-Wan’s return from this mission (which includes Rex and Cody), says he’s the General’s Padawan/Commander, and they’re going to go rescue Obi-Wan.

14) Anakin did not have an assignment to do this. Anakin is disobeying direct orders to come the fuck back to the Temple. Anakin takes the 212th and runs silently. No one in the 212th knows that they’re not in communication with the rest of the GAR and are in danger of being declared AWOL.

15) Obi-Wan or Alpha escape long enough to send a transmission to the GAR before getting recaptured. The 212th pick up the signal and rescue Obi-Wan and Alpha. Obi-Wan contacts his superiors (the Council and GAR military) and gets informed of the situation with Anakin. Obi-Wan orders them all back to Coruscant.

16) The dressing down of Anakin is a) in the medbay before Obi-Wan is dunked in a bacta tank and b) EPIC. Phrases used include “My life is not worth all of these men!” and “Do you have any idea what happens to AWOL clones?!” Obi-Wan has to arrest Anakin for fear the boy will accidentally start a mutiny by ordering the ship NOT to go to Coruscant.

17) The Jedi Council. Anakin and Obi-Wan think they’re there for Anakin’s punishment for absconding with the 212th and disobeying order. Nope. Surprise. You done did a mass murder. Into Jedi jail you got to go Anakin. “It’s not fair! You need me in this war!” excuse me? “They’re just animals” excuse me? “The chancellor didn’t think I did anything wrong?” ex-fucking-cuse me? say that one again.

18) So yeah, Anakin goes to Jedi jail, the Jedi Council decides to hide that fact to figure out the Chancellor’s involvement in that and prevent him from ordering the Jedi to release Anakin, Shadows start investigating the Chancellor (plus keep an eye on the Coruscant guard who have to interact with him), and sad Obi-Wan goes back to war while trying to investigate his concerns™️ about the Kaminoans and the clones (which is where I want the discovery of the chips to come in, but like, later. In a different story in the series. One where Ahsoka is Obi-Wan’s Padawan.

no one (living) is pleased about this. sukuna is darkly intrigued and keeps a constant stream of nonsense in the back of yuuji's head about stealing gojo once he's free of this prison. yuuji is affronted on his teacher's behalf when he's not too busy being blindingly jealous.

I like to imagine this as part of an AU where Wasuke dies earlier than in canon and a younger Yuuji gets placed with Kaorijaku. Surely the kid’s mom will help him through his grief! (Wasuke is rolling in his urn.) Kenjaku now regrets not changing bodies and very quickly gets tired of having to go “not now, darling, Mommy is doing soul experimentation in the next room.” Also Yuuji is a terrible Frankenstein’s assistant, keeps yelling about the bodies. Children these days, honestly.

And so Kenjaku stuffs a Sukuna finger into Yuuji’s sandwich and sends him off to the House of the Children of the Star with a note for Geto about how Yuuji can be used in Geto’s plans one day. Geto has some conflicting feelings about this monkey turned vessel for the king of curses that his creepy frenemy is sending his way, but ends up taking Yuuji in. Who knows, maybe having another kid around will be good for the girls.

Alas, the kids don’t get along. Everyone’s traumatized, no one’s had any therapy except for cult-style confessionals. The situation is not helped by Kenjaku dropping by every few months with a finger for Yuuji to eat. Set menu, no going to your room without finishing your plate.

The girls can’t accept that non-sorcerers can be good, while Yuuji has enough memories of happy times with his grandfather and at school to know that all this about monkeys is crap. The arguments are ear-splitting, but over time they learn to get along as long as it’s not on certain subjects. Being around Yuuji still ends up softening their opinions, with Yuuji happily claiming the monkey insult because there’s nothing wrong with being one, and the girls benefiting from having a brother to chat with when they’re not arguing.

When Geto dies during the JJK0 plot and returns as Kenjaku, Yuuji and the girls are familiar enough with the forehead stitches to know what happened. After a hopeless fight where they get their asses kicked by Kenjaku, the three of them flee to Jujutsu High, hoping to become stronger as jujutsu sorcerers in order to take down Kenjaku.

And so you have Yuuji, Mimiko, and Nanako arriving to the place Geto scorned but also referred to as some of the best years of his life. They meet Gojo, finally learning more about the man Geto referred to as his former best friend without ever providing enough detail, as well as the current first year class and Gojo’s ward. Megumi’s around on campus a lot, training and preparing for his future as a jujutsu sorcerer, and he’s a lot less volatile than the current first years, who’ve met Geto and are unimpressed with the quest to save his body.

Good thing Gojo’s on board! Not only does he stave off Yuuji’s execution when the vessel thing gets out, but he joins the kids on their red string corkboard nights of connecting Kenjaku’s various plans to try to track their location.

Yuuji gets mailed Kaori’s urn and he has some big feelings about it, sparring them out with Gojo. He’s a little darker than he is in canon, having seen a lot already, but he has a good heart and a strong sense of purpose. He’s happy to share memories of the good times at the cult with Gojo, reminiscing on the meals and the jokes, the times Geto would play video games with them. Sometimes the girls join in too. The affection between Gojo and Yuuji starts off because of the fond and complicated feelings they have about Geto, but it doesn't end there.

Kenjaku goes to ground, but now that Gojo is determined to find them, it’s not too long before they’re located. By now, Yuuji and the rest have started their first year, and their mission ends up as bait for Kenjaku to resurface. Success!

After Kenjaku is taken care of, they're able to have a proper funeral for Geto and grieve properly. Meanwhile, the girls inherit the cult and start in on some reforms, having been worn down by everyone's insufferable morality. Yuuji convinces Mimiko and Nanako to stay with him at Jujutsu High despite them teasing him mercilessly about his crush on their teacher, but also they don't have anywhere to go, and also they want to make sure that this teacher treats their brother well.

"We're not getting together!" Yuuji tells them, but Mimiko and Nanako are very familiar with what it feels like to be drawn into Yuuji's orbit, albeit in a sibling fashion. They're already planning the wedding. It'll be great.

And so at the bottom of the initial culling game rules, you have one more rule declaring that whoever marries player Itadori Yuuji gets a free pass to leave the culling game and a power boost. During the Kogane announcement, there's also a short section listing Yuuji's marriageable traits, which include that he is excellent at being Sukuna's vessel, did not kick too much in the womb, and is very adaptable to new life circumstances.

Yuuji and Megumi develop a whole plan about how Yuuji will marry Tsumiki in order to shield her from the culling game. Megumi tries to do a whole thing about how great Tsumiki is as a person while Yuuji splutters about how this is a marriage of convenience only. Inside the culling game, sorcerers' reactions to meeting Yuuji range from "I'm not marrying you" (Yuuji: I didn’t ask you to) to "Itadori! Let's get hitched" (Yuuji: I DIDN'T ASK YOU TO). Yuuji spends the game fighting off various people who are intent on marrying him. Some start off with a fight, while others go the seduction route. Yuuji prefers the fight method. It's generally far less creepy.

When things fall apart, so does the plan to marry Tsumiki. This of course frees Yuuji up to, once Gojo is unsealed, immediately yell, "Marry me, Gojo-sensei!" Gojo does not yet know what a culling game is, but this proposal doesn't seem to be the average reaction to him getting unsealed. What hidden desires have been pent up here — oh it's jujutsu bullshit. 

Their officiator is Yuuji's Kogane. It's a very beautiful ceremony, Yuuji gripping Gojo's wrist like he might run away at any minute and Gojo talking up until the last moment about how he's not so weak that he needs some undisclosed power up in order to defeat Sukuna. He'll be fine! The wedding gets broadcast to the whole culling game populace. Sorcerer viewers rate the episode low because no one's in a wedding dress and also Yuuji puts his hand over the camera before he throws himself into a kiss. How dare the juicy bits be censored!

Afterwards, when the popup wedding guests have finished awkwardly clapping and dispersed back to their duties, Yuuji announces to Gojo that they will of course be having sex. And Gojo's all, "Are we?"

Yuuji's already tugging at Gojo's shirt. "What if the marriage is termed invalid because it hasn't been consummated?" Clothes off immediately!

By the time they consummate the marriage a few more times, Gojo mentions, "I'm getting the feeling that giving me a power up was just an excuse."

So I’m going to do some plotting here, because if I can’t build a sequel plot to an AO3 fanfic on Tumblr, where else am I going to build it? My head? I’ll never finish it that way!

Right so, Winter’s Crown by Astolat, which is fanfiction of Game of Thrones. This thing consumed me for the 4 or 5 days it was being released. It’s a damn good thing Astolat posted two chapters a day because I was refreshing my email waiting for those chapter notifications two or three times an hour and then injecting several thousand words into my veins the second that notification hit.

Just as a programming note. I’ve read the first third of the first book in Game of Thrones. Most of my knowledge of the series has been absorbed by osmosis from my partner and general pop culture saturation. Moving on.

I loved Winter’s Crown.

I also took one look at the ending and said “well, they’re going to be in a civil war within the year.”

Again, to be clear, the ending was perfect for the story. I’m just also sure that if the story continued we’d be into a war for the Iron Throne, like the main series is actually about.

Here be spoilers for Winter’s Crown.