#plot and smut

Javier looked down over the edge of the fire escape, arm hooked around the iron ladder for balance. He could see his wife and daughter staring up at him through his new aviators. A present from Ana for his birthday last week. He’d been grouchy about getting older. Or at least that’s what his beautiful wife had accused him of. It was no secret that he was older now. They hadn’t had their daughter Hels, as everyone affectionally called her, until he was in his forties. But it had felt like just yesterday he was cradling her in his arms as a baby. Up with her in the middle of the night when they both couldn’t sleep.

 Now they were in California for the week getting his little baby settled in her dorm room. She was still only 17, she’d skipped a grade. Javier had always said she’d gotten her mother’s brains. But she had his drive too, and his baby had big plans for her future. She was going to be a doctor. Which made Javier happy, not because he cared about the prestige, but because he figured it should be a safe enough occupation. That and she’d have even less time for moronic frat boys. His baby girl was an old soul in many ways. He still wasn’t quite sure where that had come from. He and her mother had both been much wilder in their youth, back when they both ran the streets of Bogotá.

He smiled down at his girls. “I’m just checking the security, the windows only open from inside. But maybe I should buy a cover just in case someone tries to break the window.”

“Pops! Can you please not look into the girl’s dorm windows my first day of college!” Hels groaned. She’d done pretty well tolerating his antics so far, she’d gotten lucky, her older sister warned there was no small chance that he might buy some university mech at the store, a shirt and start wearing it around. But she’d lucked out, maybe he was exhausted from the Ikea trip the day before for her dorm room furniture. But whatever the reason he’d stayed in his white button up.

“Relax, mi alma, no one’s moved in here yet, the next one up is your dorm, I checked the blueprint before we came.” He called down. Mi alma. My soul, he’d called her that often. Javier Peña in his lowest moment had once believed that he’d sold his soul and wouldn’t be aloud to ask for it back. For a long time he didn’t. Then one day in a San Antonio hospital he figured it had come back to him anyway. In the form of the pretty girl that now stood mortified below him.

“Mama!” Hels pleaded, “He’s ruining any shot I have at fitting in.”

“Javier get down!” Ana called to Javier. “I should have known this would happen when I saw the blueprints in the office.” She told her youngest daughter with an eye roll as Javier climbed down.

“I can look at your window from the inside after we get you settled in."

 Hels groaned. “Just humour him. You moved three states away. I had to talk him out of buying a condo near the campus.” Her mother told her.

“I’m lucky he didn’t try to move into the dorms.” Hels joked.

“I wouldn’t give him any ideas.”

Hels’ focus landed on her father once more fixing him with a scathing teenage glare. “Pops, can you please do up another button? You look like a pirate and people are staring.”

“It’s hot in California,” he grumbled.

“Sure is.” Ana smirked her eyes falling to her husband’s neck at he, unfortunately did up another button.

“Not hotter than Texas.” Hels said ignoring her parents’ flirtation.

Ana smirked, “Come on Fabio, it’s a miracle you didn’t get any rust stains on that shirt up there.” It was the nice white one he’d packed for dinner that night, He and Ana were heading to San Franciso that night for a little vacation before heading back to Texas. They’d moved all the furniture that morning then gone to their hotel in Berkley to check out and change. Technically they should have been going for a grocery shop and putting up posters. Clearly, Javier had a couple more security checks he hadn’t brought up with them.

“That’s why I normally wear colours never had to worry about that when I was running though the comunas.”

Hels sighed, turned on her heel and headed to her dorm, not interested in her parents reliving their glory days in Columbia. Once Hels was settled in her dorm room with the window now secure to Javier’s standards. Ana had to practically drag him down the hall. “Do you think she will be alright?” he asked looking over his shoulder.

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They sat in the beautiful, trendy, well reviewed restaurant in the Castro district later that night. They’d only just ordered their drinks, but Javier anxiously checked his phone for the fifth time since they’d sat down, just in case Hels had needed anything.

“Baby we are on vacation now. You’ve got to relax a little. She’s all moved in and she knows she can get a hold of us.”

Vacations had always been a hard concept for Javier. His mind was rarely quiet. Relaxing didn’t come naturally either. He’d never taken many when he worked with the DEA and the ones he did take were usually forced on him by a superior who was a little tired of dealing with the dogged agent. The first time he’d ever taken a real vacation had been with Ana and her oldest daughter. Even then he approached the planning and execution of such things in a similar fashion to how he would execute an operation with the DEA.

 The restaurant they were sitting right now had been a meticulously chosen. It wasn’t that he was beyond spontaneity. He’d left that even after diner open, he figured they could walk around the Castro district a little, take in the sights, see where they ended up. His planning now was about wanting the best for his family. Ana had worked hard, she’d been a single mother to her oldest daughter, then she’d gotten her doctorate in psychology when she and Javier got back together in Texas. Now his diligence, the drive that had hunted down drug lords, was all focused on making sure his family had the best he could give them. And making up for lost time. “I’m just worried about her. She’s never been this far from home and she’s so young.”

“Which is why we decided to take our vacation here this week remember? So we could be close enough if she really needed something.”

“I know.”

“She’s going to be fine. She’s worked for this for years and she’s probably excited to be at her first night in college. No more hovering Javi.” She said as the waiter dropped off their drinks. She raised her glass, “To being empty nesters.”

“I don’t want to cheers to that.” He said sullenly. Ana studied him for a moment. It wasn’t right, that a man could looked so handsome even when he was pouting. She knew he’d struggle with this. He’d been fine until she’d announced she was going to take premed out of state. Then he’d gone into a quiet tailspin of worry. There were too many variables, things that could go wrong, things he couldn’t fix if he needed to. But she didn’t want to spend their entire holiday with him dwelling on the evitable. She pivoted changed her approach. “To your birthday then.”

“That was last week.” His big sad eye snapped up, he knew what she was up to, he decided to play along anyway. “I thought you forgot.” He teased

“I never forget! And I gave you those sunglasses on your birthday.”

“That was a gift for you, you know I was happy with the old ones.” He was just being cheeky and they both knew it. He rarely got to wind her up anymore. He took every occasion where he thought he could.

“You know you needed prescription ones!”

The corner of his mouth twitched as he tried to hide his smirk.  “You did forget once...”

Her nose crinkled with indignant annoyance. Success, he always adored the face she made when she was a tiny bit frustrated with him. “I didn’t forget, I just forgot to bring your gift from the house to the ranch.”

“You look so pretty when you're mad at me.”

“Javi…” She warned but she smiled back at him as she rolled her eyes.

“I still think you forgot...”

“Well, I made it up to you, and the result of that just started college. I haven’t forgotten since, so I’m not buying your sob story Pandejo.” She said as she lifted her glass meeting his big brown eyes that had shifted from sullen to sparkling with humour over the course of their banter.

“Salud Javi.”

“To my beautiful wife.”

“We were cheers-ing to your birthday.”

“Well, it’s been so crazy I’ve forgotten to cheers to you too lately.” She roll her eyes as she put the glass to her lips.

They had their dinner. Chatting and teasing throughout. When the topic of dessert came up Ana pulled something from her purse as she said, “I got you one more thing to celebrate.”Ana held out a cigarette.

“Really?”

“Just one, for your birthday. Unless you don’t want …”

He snatched it from her fingers. Standing up he planted a kiss on her cheek, “Thank-you mi amour, order whatever you want. I’ll be right back.”

Javier Peña had quit smoking in his 40s after he left the DEA. Not for heath reasons, at not entirely. Javier was a man who like to control, when he felt in control things felt safe things usually were safe. Not for him but the people around him. It was a fact he wasn’t to this day completely aware of, but he knew on some deep level that when he wasn’t in control bad things happened.

So he hadn’t quit smoking because of any thought of living longer, truth be told when he was a young man he’d have scoffed at the very idea of living this long. That his dark locks would be lightened with strands of grey. That thought it even less likely that he’d be happy to see them. That he could one day be a content old man. One who wanted as many day on this planet as possible. But he did now. Now that he had a dazzling intelligent beautiful wife and two clever daughters he wanted every moment he had with them.  So he didn’t smoke anymore, except on very rare occasions.

And he’d be lying if he didn’t miss the burn of his lungs and the taste of tobacco on his lips. Which was why he didn’t ever trust himself to buy a pack. It was in a terrible fight with Ana that she’s first become the warden of the cigarettes, not to nag him just a small loophole in his iron clad resistance, so now she doled them out sparingly on special occasions. He usually got one on his actual birthday. In the chaos that had surrounded the late summer, moving looking after the ranch, their eldest with her surgery and splitting time between the Ranch in Laredo and the house and her clinic in San Antonio he’d assumed she’d just forgot. Now he realized she knew he’d want one after the stress of moving their baby three states away for college. So she’d saved it. And she had been right to.

As he stood outside, he realized he’d forgotten one kept component to smoke. Fire. He didn’t have a lighter.

“Need a light handsome?” A sultry voice asked coming up beside him. A beautiful tall dark-haired woman about 20 years younger than him asked. She held out a hand and causally flicked on a sliver zippo. Javier hadn’t been expecting that. He nodded cigarette already between his lips.

Javier was a happily married man,  but he was still Javier Peña. So he still knew when he was being checked out. And had no problem playing along with some casual flirting over a cigarette. His dark eyes crinkled as he leaned down towards the flame. He didn’t have to lean far down she was rather tall in her heels

“I’m singing tonight just down the street. At a bar called Bellow the Castro, its all covers of the great old hits, Nicks, Parton, Houston, the holy trinity.  Then here’s Latin band coming on later for more dancing, you look like somebody who can move…”

Javier shot her his most devastating smile, “So do you sweetheart. I’ll see if my wife wants to. She loves to dance, but… well let’s just say we left our club days in Bogotá.”

“You’re not from around here.”

“Texas.”

“You don’t strike me as much of a cowboy.”

“Only when I have to be.”

“Mhmm. Well who’s your favourite? Of the old music queens? Texas. I’ll sing one for you and your wife if you two come see.”

“Dolly then, my wife tells me Islands in the Stream is our song, it was a hit the year we fell in love.”

“1983? In Columbia?” Javier nodded while he ashed his cigarette. “Dios mios, mi abeula was from there, the 80’s in Columbia must have been a hell of a time.”

“It was.”

“Islands in the Stream.” She said committing the song to that night’s playlist. “What are your names?”

“Javier and Ana.” She repeated, committing it to memory. “I’ll sing it for you if I see you.”

Javier gave a non-committal-nod. “Maybe we’ll see you there, thanks for the light.”

“No problem, papi.” She said with a wink of long false eyelashes. Then she pushed away from the wall of the restaurant and sauntered off.

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“I’m pretty sure this is the place.” Javier said looking at the little bar entrance as he pulled out his wallet to pay the man at the door cover.

“I don’t know if this is going to be alright Javi.” Ana warned as he led her down the steps of music club. “I doubt this is going to be like the senior’s salsa night.”

When they were young, they’d danced in the salsa clubs in Bogotá. Ana was an amazing dancer, and she loved to do it. Then after Ana had been attacked in Medellin, she’d hated the clubs, crowded spaces, anywhere where someone might feel entitled to touch her. A touch could send her overboard, a stranger innocently placing their hand on her should made her skin crawl, and sometimes even all these years later sent her body into an immediate response of fear and pain. In a single moment undoing, if temporarily, the work she’s done for years in therapy. Then Javier had reappeared in her life. At 40 they’d gone slower than they had the first time around, in many ways. He’d eventually worked up to her body trusting his again too. Then one Valentine’s Day he’d given her the best gift she could have imagined. He’d given her back dancing.

Javier had found a little bar outside San Antonio that did a senior’s salsa nigh on Thursdays. They’d been the youngest couple there by 30 years. It had seemed silly, but Javier figured it would be a place to start. A way to go dancing again. Now they almost looked like they belonged to the crowd, they still went once a month nearly 20 years later.

He turned to kiss her, his dark eyes sparkling. “I know, but I’ll be right here. And if you want to go we can go… si mi renia?”

She took a breath. Javier had never once - in their almost 20 years of marriage - put her in a place where she would be uncomfortable or unsafe. He’d made that mistake once in Columbia, one Ana would still argue wasn’t his fault. It was one of his biggest regrets. Since then, Javier had gotten older and wiser. She’d been surprised he’d mentioned going in the first place, he almost never took her any where he hadn’t vetted prior. But he seemed oddly confident about this one.

When they entered the dark bar, it was crowded. People where dancing, but it did indeed look different than the salsa clubs in Bogotá and the senior salsa night they’d been going to for nearly 20 years, long enough they no longer looked so out of place there amongst the other patrons. There where lots of men in close quarters, an issue usually except…

Ana grinned after a quick survey of the stage and the early bar crowd, “Javier did you know this was a drag bar?”

Javier gave her a big grin, crinkled eyes dancing with amusement, “I had an idea when the woman who invited me had an Adams apple and was well over 6 feet tall. So, do you think you’ll be okay here? If not we can go, walk to the harbour or something, get a cocktail that costs way more than it should.”

“No, I think this will be fun, as long as I have you.”

“Always.”

So, they danced, their bodies moving together. And they sang along to some of the old power hits. True to her word Javier’s new friend sang Islands in the Stream with her lead guitar players and pointed to them in the crowd as she introduced the duet. They crowed cheered for them too, at her shout out and Javier gave a little wave, never one to shy away from the right kind of attention.  

Ana laughed as she whispered in his ear her hand around his neck as Javier’s new smoking buddy crooned a wonderfully sultry version of I Want to Dance with Somebody. “In Bogotá, only had to look out for the girls trying to steal your attention, here its both.” She laughed.

“You are rewriting history… it was me who had to worry about you getting stolen away those nights.”

“Well you didn’t really, you were paying then.”

“Not always and there were perros with far deeper pockets than me.”

“But not anymore, hermoso.”

“…or better dancers.”

“No,” She teased as her drew her to the dance floor. “You still dance like a gringo.”

He tugged her in closer, a large hand covering the entire small of her back. Then slipped a denim clad thigh between hers rocked so he knew it rubbed just the right spot. Then step back and spun her before pulling her body back against his. Then in a low voice he told her ear “you always liked my gringo dancing.”

“Si, and you liked when I teased you, you liked feeling like you won me.”

“Not now.”

“Not then either, there was never any competition.  Not really.”

They danced a few more songs. The bar was dark on the dance floor and got more crowded, so Javier kept them to the back close to the door. He kept her in his arms so she wouldn’t panic. And just because he enjoyed having her there. When the salsa band came on, she stopped being so coy with her teasing. Her lips found the spot they both loved at the base of his neck. Then she ran a hand down his half-unbuttoned shirt then kept going low until…

“You keep that up Doc, and I’ll fuck you right here.” He growled, threading a large hand in her dark hair holding it back as he talked to her ear over the music of the band.

She looked up at him innocently despite what she was about to say, “Oh, I would have thought you had it planned out already, how you wanted to fuck me. You usually do…”

That was the last straw as he pulled her to the exit. He had her pressed up against the brick wall kissing her neck then her lips. Breaking briefly to order an uber.

************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************

They were starting another sort of dance as they fell into their hotel room laughing and kissing. His large hands guided his wife of nearly twenty years, and his lover of many more. They were just enjoying the easy the feel of being together. The gentle practiced love they shared. He marvelled at her as he slipped her dress off. He’d assumed as a young man that the lust the attraction would fade as one aged with their partner. That you would commit to them and even though you remained attracted to the same bodies and faces you had been in your prime. Javier would tell you many times over that he been an idiot in his youth.

Indeed, as he slipped his wife out of her dress, he found her even more intoxicating than he did when she had been in her twenties, when her very look and her job had been to seem alluring to him, to all men. But now, now that she had been his for so long. And he had been hers, his eyes adored the imperfections, the wrinkles they created together from laughing, the sunspots that graced her beautiful skin from their moments shared on sandy shores and as she turned to him her eyes sparkled with confidence, with knowing the power she still had over him. The spell she cast as she reached for the buttons on his shit pulling her with him as she backed up towards the bed and murmured “Come, mi amour, I want to feel you, you’ve been teasing me all night now I want you to deliver.”

“So demanding.” He laughed reaching an arm around her as he guided them both to the mattress. Shirt artfully tossed aside her hand were on his pants now, quickly undone the buttons and freeing him and his length from the denim. When his hands were off he hovered over her caging her in before finding her lips for a deep kiss. A moan escaping from him when her hand wrapped around his thick length. She made no moved to pump, she did nothing more than caress the soft hard weight of it in her palm. “I want you slow tonight. Okay cariño? I need to taste you first.”

“Okay, Javi,” her eyes crinkling in a soft smile, “if you need to.” Her tone was playful as if he’d asked for some grand imposition. The humour left her though, giving way to little gasps as he kissed his way down her body, taking only a small detour to kiss her inner thighs. Then landing in a greedy consuming kiss on her lower lips, his tongue swiping then plunging into her centre, a tease of what would follow. Her hands were gasping his think salt and pepper locked when his mouth came to suck on her clit. True to his world he took it slow, in no rush as he eased her to her first gentle orgasm with his lips.

She was basking of the warm glow of his work when his eyes found hers again. His dark eyes swimming with a cocky pride. “Are you ready? Tell me.”

“Si, I need to feel you baby.” He pushed in slowly. Not to torment, this time but to savour. To savour the feel of him taking him in, and the blown-out look of pleasure in her eyes as she did. “Javi, you feel so good.”

“You’re so beautiful” He said as he set a rhythm sure t bring them to a sensual peak. Her fingers dug into his back as he rocked into her, relentless until finally they both reached their peak together. She felt his chest rumbled with a groan and he came above her. He waited as they caught their breath savouring the last few moments as their bodies surrounded one another. He kissed her forehead as he pulled out and whispering. “I missed you.”

“I haven’t been anywhere but with you Javi.” She told him slightly confused.

“Today, but it’s been a busy summer. Between the ranch and your clinic and our crazy girls.”

“It’s been a busy life.” She laughed settling in her favourite spot on his chest. “But it was your idea to have another kid in our 40s.”

“My idea?” Javier laughed incredulously. “You brought it up!”

“No, I was just saying that I might not be able to have another one at that age.”

“Because you wanted one.”

“For you! I already had one kid.”

“Excuse me, we already had one.” He argued playfully, Javier had long ago laid claim to being the father of their oldest daughter, it didn’t matter they bore no blood relation.  

“You know what I mean, you’d yet to experience the pleasures of sleep deprivation, the terrible twos, potty training, endless recitals, school bake sales…”

“The crooked PTA.” He grumbled.

Ana snorted a laugh. “Christmases, quinceañera, prom…”

“Thank-you, cariño. It was a good idea.”

“Yeah, it was.”

Javier smirked, “Ha, so you admit; your idea.”

She rolled her eyes and slapped his chest lightly. “Using your bullshit interrogation techniques on me?”

“I never got to be good cop.” He whined jokingly.

“You still aren’t, you’re a pandejo cop.”

“I’m not a cop, haven’t been for a long time.”

“Right now you’re…” she paused. She had her clinic, she’d done this before with her oldest daughter, but Javier had been Hels’ primary caregiver. He’d retired from the DEA then turned fatherhood into his new life’s work. She knew he’d quietly been struggling with the change. So she feel back onto an old joke of theirs not wanting to sour the mood. “A stay-at-home sex god.”

“Finally, I can just be a kept man.” He joked playing lightly with her wavy dark hair.

Their conversation died for a moment, but they remained cuddled together. The glass French balcony doors to their beautiful hotel suite allowing the city lights to cast patterns on their skin. She played with the long thin silver chain he sometimes wore around his neck. It had been a gift from their oldest daughter many years ago, at the bottom was a round silver dog tag with the word ‘Honcho’ engraved in it. Finally, she broke the silence with a question Javier had been asking all week. One she’d assured him of relentlessly, one that now that the day was here hard worried the edges of her mind. “She’s going to be okay right Javi? She’s so far from home.”

 “She will, cariño, she's strong and clever like her mama.” He said planting a light kiss on the top of her head. And uttering lightly, “It will be ok. I promise.” They held each other as they fell asleep.

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The California sun flooded the hotel room the next morning.   She slipped out of bed, Javier wasn’t there, but that didn’t worry her. Yesterday he’s deemed the in-room coffee unacceptable. She was sure he was downstairs getting them coffees from the little café across the street from the hotel. She wondered if she’d be able to see him darting across the intersection from the balcony. She grabbed the first piece of clothing she could find, his white button-up shirt from last night. It covered her like a short dress. She quickly closed a couple button and stepped out onto the balcony, her eyes were searching the street below for his thick salt and pepper locks when she heard the hotel open and door close behind her.

Javier met her on the balcony his eyes raking very slowly over her barley clad figure as he handed her a coffee cup. “Mi Renia. You out here in that… it reminds me of our time in Key West.”’

She smiled at her sweet Javier as she took the cup from him. Biting her lip playfully. “Remind me? What happened, I can’t recall…”

His hand caressed down her back when it found her ass he pulled back, giving it a quick firm slap. “Bad girl, mi amour. That was the top floor of a beach resort not downtown San Francisco.”

“If you squint, I think you can see the ocean that way.” She squeaked in surprise as he took her cup setting it on the little balcony table before picking her up throwing her over his shoulder in one swift motion. He was fireman carrying her back to the bed. “Careful old man, I don’t want you to hurt your back.” She teased.

“You’re asking for it you know?” His voice deep and commanding as he tossed her on the bed.

“No…” she said, tossing her hair back coyly, as if this hadn’t been exactly what she wanted. Then she let out a yelp as his hand found her lightly exposed butt.

Then Javier pushed her over pinning her arms above her head. Then he attacked her with his lip kissing her mouth then her neck and finally to her breast punctuating their playful tussle with a light bite to her nipple. “Careful, then mi amour.”

“Why?” She taunted “What are you going to do, you are retired remember, you can’t even arrest me.” He couldn’t technically in Columbia either but that wasn’t the point.

“Citizen’s arrest. Disturbing the peace.” His eyes glanced at the two untouched coffee cups on the balcony. “Wasting a very nice americano.”

“Oh no.” She said without remorse, her hands already unbuttoning his shirt. Her mouth at the base of his neck again. When her hand found the bulge in his pants smirked up at him. “Maybe there’s something I could do to get off with just a warning?”

He grabbed her wrists pinning her to the bed once more. “We’ll add bribery to that.”

“Is that a no?” He thought for a moment. Usually, he liked to have an idea before they played their kinky games. But his wife had caught him off guard this morning. And he did have actual plans for their day. Ones that involved sightseeing and a great dinner. A show. But Javier Peña was still Javier Peña, which meant he always could make time for a little sex. And if he could turn their entire day into a long game of teasing, secret touches and foreplay well…

He picked up a pillow threw it on the floor beside the bed and pointed to it. “Get on your knees now, take my cock out and we’ll see how well you do. Then we can discuss your punishment for tonight...”

“Si, Javi.” Was the last thing she said before the lips found his cock. He tossed his head back with a groan of pleasure. Javier Peña was finally a man who enjoyed his vacations.

Read their story from the beginning : The Ghosts of Bogotá

“Then let’s not create problems that don’t exist yet, Ana.” Her therapist said. “Where do you think you are with regard to physical intimacy. Do you want it to progress?”

“I think its good, we’ve had a couple kisses, but it feels like such a big leap to go from kissing to being in bed together. Like the first time I had my panic attack, I was fine hugging him till I saw the bed and thought he wanted to go there.”

“So, what about removing the sexual elements from being in bed? What if you just had a date in bed. Get some popcorn, watch a movie. You have an open line of conversation going with Javier, if you told him you wanted to be on the bed without it leading anywhere? Maybe this time you just sit side by side, and you could work up to nonsexual physical contact. Just like you did outside the house on dinner dates.”

“Okay yeah, I think I could do that.”

“Just pick a movie that won’t be too scary or sexual this time, ok?”

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“So just like a movie night? I don’t think that qualifies as weird Ana.” Javier said on the phone the next day.

“I just mean I don’t know how much I’ll be comfortable with touching, and I don’t want you to be weirded out that we are going from making out on my front step to then all the way back to zero.”

“Well it’s not back to zero if you feel like its progress, cariño. If you need to sit on a bed and not even hold hands for six months, then I’m game. Let’s just pick some good movies.”

“Well, what haven’t you seen yet?”

“For movies? Everything, I’ve been a little busy.”

They agreed on Saving Private Ryan, “Couple more caveats, first you let me handle the food.” Javier agreed “Second, I’ve talked to Esie, she knows we’re dating, but her knowing that, and there being a man in my bed are two different things, even if she’s not home, so I think I want to do it at the motel.”

“That’s fine too.”

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Maria gave Ana permission to use the rooms at will, no charge, so long as she cleaned it up after and they weren’t booked up already.

Ana only realized that this was the same room she had had her panic attack in as she stared at the bed. She’d brought a big picnic style blanket as a cover for them to eat on. And a tray of empandas and patacones, with a couple salsas to go with them.

Not long after, Javier arrived with a bottle of wine and a VHS copy of Saving Private Ryan. His contributions to their evening

“These are better than the last place, did you pick them up near UTSA?” Javier said as he grabbed his second empanada.

“No, I made them.”

“Really, I didn’t think you cooked much?”

“I don’t mind cooking, I just like going to different restaurants. I usually cook for Esie and I, well I’m not gifted like Maria. But I can make passible food.”

“Better than passable I’d say, best I can do is grill, my pops' not bad now. But there were a couple years after ma passed that were really rough on the Peña dinner table.”

By the time they’d made it to their fourth movie they’d progressed from sitting on a picnic blanket to snuggled under the covers. “Bring your pajama’s I think I’m ready to get wild a crack that comforter back,” she’d joked as they made plans for their 3rd bed date.

“I don’t own pajamas but I’ll get some.”

“Of course you don’t.”

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“What are you doing next weekend? For the whole weekend.”

“A weekend wow, I made it to the big leagues.” Javier sat on his back deck chair, settling there once more after picking up the phone. He’d been counting boats again when she'd called.

“Esie’s out of town for a dance competition, I already agreed to work Sunday afternoon so I can’t go anyway.”

“I’ll book the motel.” Things had been going well. They’d made out through half of the last movie.

“I was thinking, maybe you don’t have to. If you want, I think you could try sleeping over at the apartment.”

Javier froze, it was finally his turn to worry, he hadn’t had to consider sleeping over yet. He didn’t want her to see him waking up in a cold sweat. Who knew what he said in his sleep too. Maybe he’d do something to set her off and she’d come so far, they’d come so far. He didn’t want his ghosts to fuck it all up for them. “Maybe I should, anyway, just in case things need to slow down.” He said grasping.

“I already, thought of that,” she said triumphantly. I can just sleep in Esie’s room if it gets to be too much.”

“I’m not a good sleeper, Ana, I have bad dreams sometimes…” all the time “…about Columbia”

“That’s okay Javi,” He couldn’t find a reasonable argument not to. Selfishly he hoped it would be okay anyway.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Javier met her in San Antonio Friday afternoon, he was picking her up at the campus. Her car needed new brake pads and an oil change. So, she’d just left it at the shop and hitched a ride into town with Bert that morning. Javier had insisted it wasn’t a problem. He was planning to go to the city anyway, he had some coffee machines he’d been eyeing and wanted to take a look for himself before he ordered one.

He found his way to the admin building she worked at with relative ease, it hadn’t changed much since he’d been gone there. He was winding his way through the halls when he heard a surprised “Javier Peña?” he turned. It took a moment for his brain to peel back the years from the man’s face.

“Don Crane? What are you doing here? I haven’t seen you since Quantico.”

“I’m a professor here now. I teach in the criminology department.”

“Makes sense, you always had a big brain.”

“What are you doing here…oh that’s right you’re an alumnus? Heard you just retired too.” Javier would never get comfortable with people following his career. He was used to knowing things about other people, not having it the other way 'round.

“Yeah, but I uh, know someone who works here. Don’t think I’ve set foot here in 20 years.”

“I’m surprised the alumni committee hasn’t got their hooks into yet, thrown you into some sort of honorary dinner. The criminology department loves to boast that the guy who caught Escobar went here.”

“I was a psych major.” He said simply.

Don shrugged, “It’s a newer department, lots of the psych professor’s teach criminology courses. There’s a lot of crossover there. Let me grab your information, it would be nice to grab a beer catch up.” Javier figured there was no harm in that. But warned him as he took his card that he wasn’t in San Antonio much.

He finally found his way to Ana’s office. He was led to her by Ana’s co-worker. Who gave Ana look he couldn’t see that said “you will be filling me in on who this handsome man is later” before she left them alone. “Thank you miss, beautiful dress by the way.” Javier told the woman as she left.

“I forgot that you flirt with women like you need it to breath.” Ana said when the door closed behind her co-worker. Surprised to find that his attention on someone else bothered her, it never had before.

Javier grinned slowly, “Are you jealous?”

“No, but this is my job, I’d prefer it if you didn’t get written up for harassment.” Ana supplied a half truth.

Javier rounded the desk leaning on the arm rests of her chair so he could study her face. “You are! I’ve never seen you jealous before. I think I like it.” He gave her a quick kiss on her scrunched nose. She glared at him, but his eyes danced playfully, his voice lowering, “Relax hermosa, I was just being nice. Think about it, she’s a pretty enough girl, but she has to work every day with you, I’m sure no one pays her any mind while you’re here, looking like you do, she even wears bright pretty dresses just to hope to stand up to your shine, corazon.”

She rolled her eyes. “Like its fucking oxygen to you, Javi.” But she kissed him anyway then he helped her out of her chair, offering to carry her book bag.

“I looked it up, there’s a Colombian restaurant a 20-minute drive from here, lets see if we finally get any luck.”

They decided it was better, but still not great. Their hunt for the perfect Columbian meal would continue.

“I just need to call Esie and find out how the dance went. Get comfy on the couch, she’s not going to want to chat long.” True to her word she returned less than 5 minutes later.

“How is she?” Javier asked.

“Good, said she placed well in the first round. Said to say 'hi', and that you owe her a horse ride for some reason…any idea what that’s about?”

Javier laughed a little in surprise, “She knows I’m here?”.

“Yeah, we talked about it, she’s 16 not 6, I’m not giving her the dirty details, but she knows we’ve been seeing each other regularly.”

“Right, uh, well its kind of a funny story...the first time I called and left a message with her, I told her I lived on a ranch, she said that if I was quote “banging her mother” that I should let her ride a horse.”

“Oh my god, that girl, I'm gonna kill her!” She shook her head, but she wasn’t terribly upset. “ So you told her you would let her ride one of your horses? She’s never even been on a horse you know.”

“No I did not,” Javier said firmly "I told her the truth then, which is that we were old friends, I didn’t want to overstep either… she can though, you know, ride a horse, if you want to come to the ranch, we keep a couple of bomb proof old horses for when my cousin’s little kids come to visit. Ones you can throw a three-year-old on and not worry.” She climbed on his lap and kissed him.

“You don’t have to do that.”

Javier shrugged as he wrapped his hands around her waist. “I don’t mind, plus the kids never been on a horse and this is Texas, that’s practically a crime.” he went serious again. “If you wanted to come to the ranch one weekend. If you don’t mind tonight... staying in the same bed that is... well there’s lots of bedrooms at the ranch so you done even ne…”

She kissed him again to stop his rambling, “It sounds like fun. It might take a couple of weeks to get a weekend off for both Esie and myself. And maybe, we should do something with Esie so you’re less of a stranger before she spends a weekend with you.”

“Okay... but I can’t imagine how we could be any closer, I’m already her legal council and her horse trainer.”

Ana grinned. “You’re such a pushover. I’m going to go get changed. Then you can throw your bag in my room.”

“Okay.”

Ana had thought having Javier in her bed might be an issue, that it might feel different, but they’d cuddled and watched a movie as usual. Javier had finally caved on his romcom boycott after he’d seen her VHS collection was seriously limited. He’d agreed to Hope Floats on the premise that it was based in Texas and he preferred Sandra Bullock over Meg Ryan. “I’ve never had much luck with blondes.” he reasoned.

A little while later Javier cursed under his breath as he fumbled with the VCR cables.

“Didn’t realized we’d be adding cable man to your list of services.” She teased as she laid on the bed while she watched him. Wearing a sleep tank and short pajama bottoms. Her head rested on her hands and her legs bent, and calves crossed in the air.

Once Javier had finally gotten the connection right, he raised an eyebrow at her. “Is that a fantasy of yours? I think I’ve seen that before...but it was a very different kind of film.”

She laughed, “Only if they look like you.”

“Now who’s flirting? But I think the only physical requirement for those kind of actors is that they are hung like a horse.”

She looked poignantly at his sweatpants. “Mhmm a requirement you meet if memory serves.”

He walked over to kiss her. “Nah, you remember wrong.”

She pulled him down on top of her then flipped them around to kiss him more. And eventually her hand crept slowly beneath the waist of his sweatpants, where his quickly hardening length was. She felt it both solid and velvet-soft beneath her hand, she’d intended to be bold enough for a playful feel up, but now that she was there she found she felt perfectly comfortable touching him that way. She pumped his cock a few more times and she got a delicious deep groan from Javier. When she swiped her thumb around the tip, he broke their kiss with a moan, “Baby, don’t be cruel, its been months since he’s seen any action, you’ll give him the wrong idea.”

She laughed but pulled her hand away. “Sorry, I just wanted to check if I was right... I was, but then I found out that going there didn’t stress me out and I got carried away. I didn’t mean to torment you.”

They watched the movie and as the credits rolled Javier asked, “Can I ask you something cariño? We talked about it a little bit, but can you tell me what are the things you are worried about physically now, its been almost two months and things have changed so much, I guess I don’t know where the boundary lines are... I don’t want to push too far by accident.”

Ana thought for a moment. “I guess it used to be that I was worried about being grabbed by you and freaking out, I know consciously now you won't do anything like that …but now with you I’m mostly really worried that I’ll freeze mentally, then you won’t realize and keep going. Plus, I know it’s crazy but the last time I felt good naked with a man was probably...with well you, and also that was 15 years ago.”

Javier kissed her temple then murmured into her ear. “Well tonight is a big enough step, but can I make a suggestion?”

“Of course, Javi, always, this is about both of us.”

“What if you could be naked with me and not worry about what I might do, consciously or not? Then you can just explore feeling safe.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, I don’t carry cuffs anymore, but some rope or some ties should cut it. Tie me up, so then you know if you freeze or need to step away you can. You’ll know exactly what I’ll do. Which will be nothing.”

“Javi, are you asking me to tie you up and edge you, you know shit like that used to cost extra with me.” She joked so she'd feel less awkward about the whole thing.

“Nah, I’m not crazy, I’m asking you to tie me up then at least finish what you started earlier.” He shot her a mischievous look then it softened again. “Whenever you think you might be ready for that. Not right now, I know tonight is a big step for you. I'm proud of you, cariño.”

“Ok let me think about it? Now, let me make it up to you for earlier.”

“Baby you don’t have to make anything up to me ever, si?”

“Do you want a back massage or what?”

“Oh fuck, yes I do.”

“Good, take your shirt off.” Ana loved his back, always had, big broad shoulders, well muscled without them being too pronounced, he muscles made from real life not set at a bodybuilding gym. His dimpled lower back highlighting the cut of his waist. She mulled his offer over as she kneaded the tight muscles around his neck. She knew she needed to take the next big leap, was ready, his plan was as good as any she could think of, one more stepping stone placed on the gap between cuddling and sex.

Javier was a man used to teetering on the edge of exhaustion, who lived most days in the presence of stress and discomfort. In Columbia it had kept him going in an odd way, kept him from stopping, here it seemed to keep him from starting again. But her touches coaxed him into a temporary calm, relaxed for the first time in recent memory, he’d fallen asleep before she even finished. She tucked in beside him after sliding off her perch.

“Good night” she whispered as she turned off the lamp.

It was the dead of night probably 4 am when she heard him mumble “Shut up, kid...” Then he woke with a start. She’d woken up a couple of minutes before, jostled from sleep by his tossing and sleepy mumbling.

She’d been debating if she should wake him when he sat up with a start. Once his eye focused, he seemed to finally remember where he was, he looked at her apologetically.

“Sorry,” he said “did I scare you?” It occurred to her that he looked scared himself. Big weary sad eyes scanning her for signs of distress.

“No, its ok Javi. Bad dream?” she asked and he nodded.

“Sort of,” he said, after all dreams aren’t real, these were simply memories. “I can just go to the couch...” he moved to get out of bed she caught his arm gently.

“No stay.”

“I won’t be able to get back to sleep, baby, it’s the middle of the night I don’t want to keep you up.”

She changed tact whispering gently, “Can you just hold me then?”

Javier figured he could just stay awake and try not to move too much, “Yes cariño, I can do that.” He slung an arm around her spooning her gently, she pressed back into him, stroked the forearm he’d placed around her.

“Can you do something for me Javi, can you breathe deep with me?”

“Claro.”

So, they breathed together until eventually his deep breaths turned into the shallower breaths of slumber. And she slipped back to sleep with him.

That morning, she was cuddled on Javier’s chest, tracing little circles on his chest into his dark cotton t-shirt, while they both woke up slowly.

“Hey hermosa,” Javier eventually mumbled, “did you get back to sleep ok after I woke you up?”

Ana nodded but she was conflicted that morning, her instinct, what she wanted to do was to borrow into what haunted Javier at night, make him talk about it, she wanted to help him fix it. But it had taken years for her to get to a place where she was a ready to do that for herself. And Javier had been in Columbia for a long time. Had been in the middle of a covert war for most of his adult life. Was only just now away from that. She settled on “I did… do you want to talk about it?”

Javier grunted looking away, “Did I talk?”

“Only a little, you said, “Shut up, kid, I think.” She felt Javier’s body tense up beneath her.

“Ana, I… you don’t understand, there’s a lot that happened, after you left, it was bad before, but everything got so much worse, I’m just as guilty as the rest of them for the blood in the streets, now I think maybe more so.”

“Javier, I know.” She crooned sympathetically

“You don’t, I’m not like when you knew me before I… I’ve done terrible things, cariño, things I don’t deserve forgiveness for, I made bad calls, and it cost a lot of people their lives. I’ve stood by while terrible things happened and ...I just let them. I think if you knew about half the stuff I did, you wouldn’t want me to be here right now. Wouldn’t want me in your bed. I’m sorry, I should have given the option, should have explained better, before we got into this. It wasn’t fair to you.” He moved to sit up. Ana pushed down on his chest to keep him there.

“Javi, I know…”

“You think you know but…”

“You know what my favourite thing about you is?” Ana asked rhetorically, “Its your eyes, even back then, when you were a young carbone spewing your bullshit, that mouth saying this or that, your eyes always told me the truth, made you almost incapable of lying... really a terrible trait for someone in your line of work.” He scoffed, “But, when I saw you in the roadhouse I knew it had been bad, they looked so sad... so defeated.”

“So you took pity on me?” Javier said pulling back.

“Maybe a little, I think part of me had buried my past so deeply, when you showed up I thought about telling you that you were mistaken. Then those big sad eyes recognized me, and I knew we’d found each other again for something. Who knows, at the time I thought penance maybe.”

“Thought you weren’t religious anymore.”

“I’m catholic, the guilt never leaves.” Javier nodded in agreement.

“I don’t want to be your penance,”

“You aren’t!”

“But Helena you don’t know what I’ve done”. She wondered if he knew he’d used her old name. He had never slipped before. She didn’t tell him, if he was drowning in his past right now, she could hold hers too. She didn’t correct him on the name. But she wasn’t done her fight.

“Javier Peña, you stay right here in MY bed where you belong. I am going to show you something.” She left the room rummaged around for a minute and returned with a big box “You may be a bad liar but I am not, I told you I didn’t follow Columbia after I left but that wasn’t true, look.” She set the box on the bed. He looked through it, pulling out articles’ pictures even full magazines. There were old pictures of the Los Pepes murders, pictures of a bombed out plane. Pictures of Javier standing in a suit speaking at a press conference. Then there was his article with El Tempo.

“I’m not sure why, I kept everything I thought might be related to you. I think I worried about you, wanted to keep an eye on you as if somehow that would help. In the earlier days I thought I was just paying attention to what happened in my country, keeping an eye on the danger, but once Escobar was dead and I kept watching I knew what I was really looking for.” She tapped his picture at a press conference when he was the DEA Attache in Columbia, “and you’d become easier to find. I don’t know everything, but I have a pretty good idea.”

“Innocent people died because of choices I made. I stood by and watched as …” he looked away. For a moment she thought he might actually cry.

She tiled his head to look back at her. “Javier, I’m sure I don’t know everything, but I knew before you were in this bed who you were, and if one day you feel like you want to tell me about the memories that keep you up at night, I want to hear them. And nothing you will say will stop me from wanting you here. But for now, I want you here all the same, ok?” Ana had known bad men, and for all of Javier's faults and whatever he had done, she knew he wasn't a bad man.

Javier nodded he still doubted her claim. But she kissed him gently and he folded, for once choosing comfort over self-destruction. And she cuddled into him for a little bit longer until the weight from their conversation seemed to lift a little.

They agreed to set out for the little coffee shop, then to figure out how to spend the day together.

At the coffee shop they settled in at a cozy table near the window. Javier told her about his coffee bar project at the ranch. “I like the idea of you working away in a work shop, building stuff, it’s very hot.” She said.

“It is?”

“Absolutely a guy competent enough to build anything he wants.” She ran a flirty hand along his forearm.

“I don’t know about that, you should see my first attempt. I wouldn’t even trust it to hold up a coffee cup.”

“What attempt is this one?”

“Number three, I had to cave and ask my pops for help. Which delighted him and drove me insane.”

Ana laughed, “But it’s structurally sound?”

Javier nodded. “Not only is it sound it’s solid, has to be, the coffee machine I ordered it serious business, they’re importing it from Italy, gone are my days of shitty bullpen old coffee, I’m an espresso man now. I put the last coat of varnish on the damn thing yesterday morning, should be ready to move it in when I get back.”

“So, is this a new passion?”

He leaned forward, as if he were letting her in on a secret, “Absolutely the fuck not, I hated it. But I’m trying to be a good retiree and find hobbies.”

“Chucho not keeping you busy enough at the ranch?”

Javier shrugged, “He’s got a pretty solid group of hands he’s had for years. We do the odd things together, but its mostly just some fence posts and feedings to pick up the extra slack.”

“What about knitting?” Ana asked, he gave her an exasperated look.

When they got back from dinner. She left Javier with the evening news while she went to grab them drinks. It was a cozy evening, something they wouldn’t have dreamed of doing in Columbia. Too incredibly domestic for either of them in those days, now it felt remarkably natural.

She heard it as she rounded the corner, the news caster saying. “It was believed to be an ambush; 3 DEA agents are reported dead from an incident outside Juarez today. 1 remains in critical condition.” She saw the intense look on his face. He looked like he was right back in Bogotá again.

“I’m sorry Javi, maybe we should watch something else.”

He shook his head, “I need to see if they will identify who’s dead, one of my guys was on that team. I need to make sure he got out.”

She sat with him quietly as the official DEA photos of five men filled the screen. Then one more flashed and Javier leaned back a bit. “Sorry to kill the mood, he’s not there.” He flicked the channel away, letting a rerun of Friends fill the screen instead.

“That’s good, you two were close?”

He shrugged, “I don’t even really like the guy, annoys the shit out of me for some reason. So, fucking hot headed and ambitious, determined to get the fucking guys, he was always pissing me off about something. But he worked for me on Cali, its hard to let go of feeling responsible for him.”

“Hmm, hot headed and ambitious, determined, now why does that sound so familiar?”

He squeezed her waist and bit her shoulder lightly, “Yeah, yeah,” he whispered in her ear “save it for the case study Doc. Want to watch another movie?

She shook her head and climbed on his lap. Throwing her arms around his shoulders. “I have a better plan for the evening.”

They sat in her bed a little while later. “I’m not usually the one who gets tied up.” Javier mused as he tested the bounds. He was loosely tied to the headboard, constrained but loose enough he could move around a little. He had tried to micromanage her knot tying until she said, “You know I used to do things like this professionally? I’m not trying to torture you know, I want you to be comfortable.”

She watched him assess his hands for a moment. Suddenly worried he might not be comfortable with it she started. “Do you not like it, if…”

“… if you think I’m going to do one second of complaining about getting naked with a beautiful woman I happen to be obsessed with, you’re out of your mind.”

She relaxed, “Good, because you kind of look hot like that.” Javier was shirtless sitting up on her bed broad shoulders spread outward. Muscles slightly flexed at the restriction of the soft scarfs she’s dug up to tie his hands. The years had filled him out a little, but in a very good way. He smirked, eyes turning molten chocolate has she let he robe fall, she still wore her underwear, not ready to give up a last barrier. She crawled up and sat on his lap to kiss him. It wasn't long until she felt him harden beneath her.

Javier kissed down her neck, to the top of her breast, the farthest he could reach, tied as he was. He mumbled softly, “Take this off.” A demand and a request all a once.

Before she did, she considered a warning, that she wasn’t 23 anymore, that time and years had had consequences, but he already knew all that, plus she knew she didn’t look bad, so she removed her bra, and his eyes burned, they seemed to register nothing but want. “Come’re, fuck you’re beautiful.”

She ran a hand down his bare chest, over his stomach to the soft hair just above where his boxers started. She met his gaze once more, and Javier lifted his hips so she could slide them off. The heavy cock she had fondled the night before, slapped up heavily against his stomach. She backed up a little her eyes dropped to it, his stayed fixed on her, watching intently. “What do you want cariño?” he asked. She didn’t say anything, transfixed by the beautiful man in front of her, who, in spite of the bounds was doing his best to lay still, to allow her to explore at her leisure. Even when every instinct he had was to take her into his arms and show her that he could make her feel good again, to drive into her until she screamed his name. Even when she put her hand around his base, to once again surround his girth before pumping his length, he forced himself to remain still. Resigned to the understanding that tonight would be about her exploring, her pleasure on her terms. But as she swiped her thumbs over his tip and rubbed the precum gently in, he couldn’t help but let out a low tortured whine, his hip bucking ever so sightly. He was trying so hard to be good and looking so desperately wreaked.

She wanted to see him happy again, watch him shift from agony to pleasure. So, she finally responded. “I want your cock in my mouth Javi.”

“Fuck” he groaned. “Are you sure? Baby you don’t have to do that.”

“I’m very sure. I should warn you I’m probably a little out of practice.” Then she leaned forward settling between his thighs. She licked the tip gently at first which elicited another soft hiss from Javier. She looked up and gave him a mischievous grin before closing her mouth around the head. It was when she started to draw him in and her lips met her hand that still held him at the base, that Javier, who could do nothing else, but resist the urge to thrust up started to groan above her. As she drew back then began pulling him back in, he said “Fuck, baby that’s perfect, your perfect fucking mouth around my cock”. She glanced up at him eyes glazed with arousal, lips slightly a gape. He looked ruined. Ana had forgot how powerful it could feel, wreaking a man with pleasure. That she could actually enjoy the masculine taste of a man heavy on her tongue. His words slipped into murmurs when she increased the speed. When she lowered her hand to take his balls she felt them draw up slightly. “Baby I’m gonn’a cum soon, baby what do you want?” he panted.

She removed her mouth only for a moment to say. “In my mouth Javi.”

Her moth wasn’t on him again long before he said, “Fuck baby, you sure? Fuck you're so perfect. I’m cuming baby.” Was his final warning. His salty taste entered her mouth as he grunted in pleasure above her. Like most things with Javier, she did not find it unpleasant as she swallowed. She rose up to assess her damage, his eyes where glazed, but he looked happy. It took him a moment. “I can…” he started

She shook her head, she knew Javier never liked to leave his partners without pleasing them first. “Another time, ok?”

“Promise?”

She nodded then reached to untie him. His eyes glanced at her tits again. She laughed at him “do you want to touch them?”

“Yes, I very much do.” She grabbed his now free hands and guided them up her torso to touch he breasts.

“Happy?” She laughed

“Of course I am, look at you.”

They settled into together on the bed a little while later. At Javier request she remained topless, he spooned her, big hand coming up to cup her breast.

That night she once again awoke to his soft sleepy mumbles.

“Where is she?” he growled darkly in Spanish.

She was debating whether she should try to coax him awake from his nightmare when he mumbled “Helena.” She froze. Tonight, she was his ghost. “I’m going to get you out of here” he said in Spanish and she knew exactly what was playing through his brain. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” “Lo siento, Helena”

“Javi, its Helena,” she whispered moving gently into his chest. It didn’t occur to her that that maybe unwise in his current state. “It’s ok I’m safe, está bien, estoy a salvo, estamos a salvo. Javi.” He pulled her in, never reaching consciousness, once his face had relaxed and his breathing had returned to regular sleep, she turned, still in his grasp so her back was to his chest.

Ana did not fall back asleep though. She lay awake thinking. She did not have full memories of that night even still. She remembered everything with Gaucho, most everything with his men too, though she missed some pieces there. She remembered their disgusting laughs, some of their brutal touches. Then she remembered Javier throwing his vest on her, him holding her in the car, him asking where to find her baby. Then waking up in a hospital bed alone. Javier was there the next time she woke up looking like he hadn’t slept in days. He’d told her that the doctor said she could be released to supervised care, that Javier had arranged a flight to Bogotá. Javier told her that he had sent a team to her neighbour’s house, to the old woman she paid to watch her kid. That he’d sent someone with Vanessa and Gabriella to her place to pack for her. That she wouldn’t be able to go back to her apartment.

He brought her to his place where he put her in his bed, he introduced her to a blonde American woman, whose name she didn’t recall but she had a kind face and manner. He told Ana that the lady was the wife of his partner, she would look after her. Then he left and she remembered not wanting him to go, his presence had felt like the last safe place in the entire world.

When the neighbour arrived, she’d handed the baby to the blonde woman, Esie was a baby then, oblivious to the chaos around her. The blonde woman settled the baby into Ana’s arms. And she stayed with the blonde woman, for the better part of two days. The woman left when Javier had arrived that night accompanied by a blonde man.

“I live right upstairs,” she told her. “You have a concussion so Javier will have to wake you every few hours. If your vision goes bad or your pain gets worse tell Javier, he will come get me right away, si?”

Javier had told her he'd sleep on the couch that night, gently waking her a few times.

The next morning Javier was gone, and the blonde woman had returned. She helped her shower, “Don’t worry I’m a nurse,” She said as a comfort, “this is like a regular Tuesday for me.” By the afternoon Connie had helped her repack what the girls had taken from her place into two large suitcases. By the third day her body was in much better shape. And her mind well... It was at least functional. That afternoon Javier had returned, for the first time during the day with two brand new passports, one Columbian that held a picture that she recognized as her drivers license photo, but the name read, “Ana Maria Cordona” her new name he told her, she could never ever use her old one again, her passport the paper work for a visa was tucked inside it. And the other one, the American one was for a baby, “Esperanza Ana Cordona” it read. “This should be enough identification for her, there’s a birth certificate on file here at the embassy, detailing an overseas issue of an American birth certificate, I said her father was an American. If you ever need to you can call to get it, but its better to not have people rooting around the paperwork. Since its not… its just better if you don’t. Renew her passport before it expires and this should be enough ID. You both have American social security numbers too.”

He pulled out a stack of cash from the smaller bag. Handed her 400 dollars in American 20s. “This should be more than enough to get you to the other side. Buy whatever you need at the duty free. He handed the bag to the women, “Split the rest up between the two bags, in case one gets lost.” He said to the blonde woman. Then to Ana, “There is $9,000 dollars there, enough so you don’t have to declare it. When you land, I want you to buy a ticket for the next available bus to wherever. From there you are going to buy a ticket to another bus, somewhere far way, but not the furthest. Then you’re going to stay there for 3 or four days, then you are going to buy one more ticket to a place you think you can spend at least a year. You can settle in a city, but it can’t be Mami, Ney York or Los Angles. Do you understand?”

“Si.”

“If anyone asks, you met and fell in love with an American man while he was abroad in Columbia, you had a baby with him but never married. He is dead and now you are going to stay with his family in America, since you have no family of your own left in Columbia. You were very much in love and its hard for you to talk about it, no one should press you more than that. I bought you a seat on a flight to Atlanta, it’s the red eye. We need to go in a couple hours.”

At the gate he’d looked miserable, but he’d whispered. “You are Ana now, you can never come back here, ok? Never call, never tell anyone. As far as anyone is concerned Helena went missing in Medellin.”

He held her face gently finding her dull eyes, “If you can’t do it for yourself do it for Esperanza,” he gestured to the baby in the carrier beside her. Javier had been right in a way, Helena had gone missing in Medellin, not to be found again, at least for 15 years, and then only by him.

When the sun had risen and 7am had crept up. She was contemplating if she should talk about it with him when he woke. He was the only one who could fill in some dots about what she had missed, give her his side of the events. She remembered she’d told him that night most of what happened to her, but the memory was far away, she was unsure if she knew more that night, or if he could fill in his side at least. Perhaps it was best to trust her brain though, to allow it to keep hidden what it needed to keep her safe.

“Good morning.” Javier grumbled behind her. She turned to see his soft smiling face. He looked happy, and she remembered her resolution yesterday morning. “Did you sleep ok?” he asked.

“Yeah,” she lied “you?”

“Like a rock,” he said, “the first time in a long time I’ve slept through the night, you must be magic.” he kissed her forehead.

One day, she would have to ask him, open that can of worms, but today, today she would let him have his lone untortured night.

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Monday morning Javier flipped the card in his hand as the phone rung on the other side.

“Hi, its Javier Peña, let me know when a good time would be to meet up.” He told the answering machine.

Next Chapter

Notes:

“I don’t have a helicopter.” He said flatly.

“Didn’t say I needed a helicopter, just a pilot, what’s your name?”

“Frankie. Look, I’m kind of trying to figure something out here, and I don’t need more trouble.”

“It’s not trouble.” Somehow, Frankie doubted that. “I’m a reporter for the DC Post.”

“Yeah? How’s Washington?”

“Donno, I don’t live there.” Texas... she sounded like she was from Texas, it would explain how she spotted the tattoo, clocked it as military. Lots of bases in Texas, he'd know, it was also where he was from. Where he probably would still be if Jess hadn't wanted to go to Florida. “I need to take a look at something in the jungle. It’s remote and there’s mountains, which apparently complicates things…”

Frankie sighed, “Look I don’t know you…”

“My name is Esie.”

“What kind of a name is ‘S-Eee’?”

“The same kind of a name as Frank-Eee, asshole.”

“I can’t help you, you’ll have to find another pilot.” Frankie had his fill of that jungle already.

The woman seemed undeterred, “I need someone who can fly in tricky terrain. I’ve already asked the tourism pilots, they said they can’t do what I’m after, it’s either you or the militia and I’d rather you. You look …harmless.”

Frankie scoffed. He knew shaving was a bad idea. At least women didn’t accuse him of looking harmless with his beard, patchy as it was.

“Look clearly you’re busy doing… this …right now.” ‘This’ was obviously nothing, which made Esie’s point even better. “Here’s my card. I’ll be at the Hotel Diego for breakfast at 0900. I got 10k in American cash and all it’s going to cost you is one afternoon. Shouldn’t be much trouble.” Frankie had heard that before. And he doubted the woman across from him was anything but trouble. Still, he took the card.

And just as quickly as she had appeared she vanished back into the crowded cantina.

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“Your fly boy gonna show?” Her producer Valerie said over breakfast the next day.

Esie shrugged, “If not I’ll call up some contacts and see if we can’t pay some militia guys to bring us in.”

“I’d prefer your sad little flyboy.”

“How do you know he’s sad?”

Val quirked a knowing eyebrow at Esie. They’d been roommates in college. Val was the more practical of their dynamic duo, which maybe wasn’t saying all that much, she’d been brought on by Esie as her producer and editor shortly out of college. Esie’s particular brand of brilliance and chaos had made her a rising star journalist, but she’d known she’d needed a good team to accomplish her lofty ambitions, and she’d wanted someone who could tell it like it was. As Esie’s luck would have it, the wheels of fate had worked in the form of random dormmate assignment, and paired Esie and Val their freshman year of college.

Which meant Val’s read of her didn’t end at her professional life. “’Cause you weren’t asking the bartender about him because you thought he was a pilot, and your type is damaged little sad boys.”

“It is not!”

“Uhuh, well we’re about to find out.” She nodded towards Frankie who was walking into the hotel, scanning the lobby for them.

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Frankie nodded “This’ll do.” He said, looking at the helicopter on the little tarmac, he guessed they had DC Post money. So he shouldn’t be that surprised they’d wrangled a nice chopper. It didn’t even occur to Frankie to be worried about going back into the air so soon after his mishap with his friends.

He brought them close enough. Had Frankie not been a Delta Force pilot, he might have thought better of taking the two women to take photos of a jungle cocaine factory. But in his world that nearly didn’t even qualify as dangerous. They were in the air, which should have been safe enough, he kept them out of range of firearms, even though the Helicopter was armoured. And this time Frankie had made sure the weight restrictions were very strictly enforced.

“Ugh Frankie, I think they spotted us.” Esie warned.

Frankie looked down to see a bunch of men in camo running and pointing up at them. He pulled back a little ready for evasive techniques but told them, “We're out of gun range, they can’t hurt us. But hurry up and finish.”

“Ok, just a couple more pics.” Esie said as she flashed her camera with the long range lens.

“What’s that thing in that guy’s hand?” Val asked warily pointing to a man holding a long tube like thing.

Esie trained the lens to where Val was pointing. “Fuck, they have MANPADS… Frankie!”

“SIT THE FUCK DOWN AND STRAP IN.” Frankie said as he flipped a couple switches and started evasive manoeuvres.

Val pulled Esie back just as she snapped one more picture.

She strapped in just as Frankie started diving in to evade the handheld missile shell. Out the side of the open helicopter door, they saw the missile fly by. Frankie booked it over the next hill. He wasn’t about to feed another chopper to the Andes today.

“Guess you were a pretty good flyboy after all.” Esie said as she handed him his cash on the tarmac.

“And you were fucking trouble.”

Esie grinned “Nah, that was nothin’, big bad boy pilot like yourself, I’m sure that’s not the most action you’ve ever seen on a Tuesday afternoon." She turned to leave then paused, "Um Frankie…one more thing if you don’t mind?”

“What’s that?” Frankie wasn’t sure why he didn’t just say no.

“You know much about hand-held anti aircraft artillery devices, Frankie?

Frankie nodded, “More than I’d fucking like to.”

Esie pulled up a photo on the screen of her camera and zoomed in. “Any idea what this one was?”

It was a surprisingly good shot considering how quickly and faraway she’d taken it.

“Looks like FIM-92, E model at least judging by how fucking close they got. “

“Who makes it?”

“We do.”

“Who’s we?”

“US military, well contracts, but we’re the only ones buying ‘em. Not allowed to sell to anyone else.”

“Interesting… Uh one more thing, how long have they been around?”

“FIM’s? For fucking ever… like the 60’s. But the Stingers, those came in like the 80’s but there’s been a bunch of models.”

“And the E’s?”

“Mid 90’s.”

“What are chances they got those from Uncle Sam?” Now Frankie understood. He debated keeping his mouth shut. But he figured that wouldn’t stop this woman anyway. And also, fuck them if they were giving drug dealers MANPADS.

“Pretty good, they replaced them all with E’s in ’95, we’ve been running them ever since. I think maybe they have other sub varieties since then I’ve been out for a year so, I’m not too sure.”

“So, if that’s an E model?”

“Then it at least passed through the hands of the US government.”

She stuck out her hand to shake Frankie’s. “Pleasure doing business with you Frankie. Fly safe.”

And the strange woman was gone from Frankie’s life as suddenly as she had appeared.

“I can only do weekdays, because of the restaurant.” He'd said that morning.

“I figured as much.” she said as she looked down at him from the boat that was now on the trailer.

“So, I asked around, everyone says the diner is my best bet, but that sounds like a shi-terrible date spot.”

“This time of year, everyone is right. The Diner is perfect.”

So that’s where she met him in the little small-town diner.

“Order anything but the fish and chips.” She said.

“I wasn’t planning on it, sorta sick of 'em.” She realize she liked his voice, its both strong and soft at the same time.

“I bet, are you staying till the marina closes, or all winter?”

“All winter, I’m gonna to learn to snowplough with Tin Can Bill”

She smiled and Clint hoped it was because he’ll be there all winter. But he thought that was probably wishful thinking. “You?” Clint asks

“I stay till spring usually then I leave to get back to work.”

“What do you do then?”

“I’m a crab fisherman off the coast of Maine, nothing to write home about though.”

“Bullshit, if you were a fisherman, you could fish here.”

“Not crabs…” Then shed leaned in, her eyes sparking as she continued to pull his leg “…the truth is I’ve burned a lot of bridges on the fish boats here, that’s why I only come in the winter when their fishing season is over. It’s a cutthroat world...fishing.”

“Sounds like. So, you won’t tell me?”

“I did. Now, if you're staying in the cooks cabin all winter, I need to know, how’s you wood situation?”

“What?”

“Do you got a lotta wood?” At his confused expression she said “to heat your cabin. Have you done lot of winter before… Yankee boy?”

“No, it’s our first year here, but we did a winter in Pennsylvania. It snowed a couple of times and it was fu- very cold.”

She scoffed, “Oh Clint, you’re cute, and your in for it. In two months your going to start seeing A LOT of snow and its will get very cold and very long. I take it you grew up somewhere warm?"

“Spent most of my life in Southern California.” He expected her to ask why he’s here now, but she didn't.

“So, you didn’t buy any wood?” She confirmed.

“No.”

She nodded thinking seriously, clearly his lack of wood is very concerning to her. “It’s late in the season, but I can help you sort that out. I have connections…” She smirked as the waitress slid the drink in front of her. “From my days working as a lumberjack...naturally.”

Clint bought in this time, “Oh, how’d you get into that?”

“Tree planting in university, ironically. I set ‘em up then I knock ‘em down.” She made a little batting motion in emphasis.

Clint smiled. “Oh right, but you aren’t a lumberjack anymore, was it the lumber cartels?”

“No, I just really hate mosquitoes. That’s what was appealing about the ocean, you get out far enough…no bugs.”

“Right, sure missy, I see no holes in that story.”

“Of course not, it’s entirely true.” She smiled in a way he thought might be genuine flirtation. And he can't help but send a shy little smile back. It makes her think he's not so practiced at the expression.

“So, a burger here, is that acceptable?” He asked.

“It’s recommended actually.”

The rest of the date at the diner went well enough that she invited him to watch the sunset with her on her beach.

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“I’m a spy,” She said, continuing her bit about different jobs as she grabbed them both a drink and let her little black spaniel out to join them on their journey down to the water. “This is my safe house. Got burned last month, don’t tell anyone. I have Corona or Bud...”

Clint nodded then smiled, his intimidating mug shattering in crinkling eyes to a warm sight, “Right, those famous Canadian spies. Bud please.”

“That’s the trouble with you Americans, you’re so loud, no discretion, you even want your spies to be famous. You don’t ever hear about Canadian spies, because spies are supposed to be secret.”

“That’s a good point.”

“I know my work”

“Sure.” She walked slowly down the beach, with her hand around his leather jacket clad arm. “You’re always out here, I see you staring at the sunset...when I close the restaurant.” He added the last part in the hope she didn’t find him creepy.

It didn't seem to phase her, almost as if she already knew he did. “Not just the sunset, the lighthouses, there the one right here, but wayyy out there. You see that little shadow against the pink on the horizon. That’s another one way out there, the lighthouse is basically this giant concrete tube with a light and a round red roof. Its built to withstand the waves crashing around it since there isn't much but a couple meters of rock on each side. It looks nothing like this house one here, other than its also white with a red roof. Anyway, the water never truly freezes out there. The water Is too deep, too far from shore and too wavy. So, the lighthouse keeper used to go out there all alone, get dropped off before the shore froze, from fall till spring, all alone. I used to wonder why anyone would do that as a kid, now I don’t think it sounds so bad. No one bothers you for the entire winter. Not until it gets bright and sunny again. It’s kind of like that here too, you’ll see. Once the snow comes it’ll just be us, Tin Can Bill and Ethel in that little house over there.”

“So, they don’t do that anymore?” If it weren’t for his daughter, Clint would agree, it sounded like a job he might like.

“No, now the lights go on automatically, and the coastguard checks the places every couple of months, no one lives in either of those places. This one now has a greenlight to guide the boats between the two islands there. Away from those shoals.” The sun made its final disappearance for the day, and the rocks across from the front the light house just at the edge of their harbour flicked its big green light on. Casting a green glow on the little island rock across from it. But the light shone out and across, south and west, so it didn’t cause light pollution in the harbour. Well no more than the light green glow along the distant island rocks. “See?”

“That’s what that is, I’ve been wondering, I can see it from the living room window there, but I can’t see the lighthouse, so I didn’t put it together.”

“There’s also the northern lights, you can see them sometimes, they come in all sorts of colours, but most of the times I’ve seen them they are this very specific green and they flash along the sky. But once I saw the whole sky glow purple a few years ago.” She gave it one last look, giving the crescent moon a little nod before turning to walk back up the beach.

“But you’ve never been a lighthouse keeper?” Clint asked, he’s grabbed her hand this time to walk her back up the beach as the wind grew cold.

“I’m not a time traveller Clint!” she said as if he's been the outlandish one.

When she landed at her cottage door, she thinks he’s going in for a proper kiss, but his lips found her cheek instead. She's a little disappointed. But when he pulled away, he looks a little sheepish. He so tough and big, that she can't help but find the expression adorable on him. He seemed like he might be a little rusty at dating, so she said encouragingly. “I had a really great time, Clint.”

He nodded, “So did I, can I call you?”

“On the phone or across the harbour?”

He smiles a little, “Both?”

“I look forward to hearing form you. And I will be sorting out your wood situation, don’t worry.” The look on her face as she disappeared behind the door told him she's are please with her little double entendre.

“We’ve identified three potential warehouses here, here and here.” Feistl pointed to the map.

“The Mexican government was kind enough to supply these images.” Agent Hughes the youngest on their team, but more competent with the newer technology than Javier or even Feistl stood looking at the aerial images of the three warehouses in question in Javier’s office.

“If they’re cooperating with the ops why don’t we just go in there and get them?” For Javier, this looked like child’s play. By now it should have been for Feistl too.

“It’s not that simple” Feistl said hands on hips.

“So, what’s the problem?” Javier asked.

“Every time we go in, they’re emptied out, squeaky clean." Hughes offered.

“Mexican cops got a leak somewhere, high up too, we’ve worked with a couple different units, same shit every time.” Feistl said.

“Or we got a leak.” Javier said

“No, our guys are solid.” Feistl shook his head, he’d picked his team carefully, lessons from Columbia hadn’t gone unlearned.

Javier shook his head “We’re working cross boarder by the time anything happens over there, it’s gone through so much red tape. We need to lock our side down. Each operation becomes absolute need to know, right down to the fucking paper pusher. We use only agents directly on this. Until we move, it’s us three only who know about it. Find someone you trust to handle the paperwork on our end, then everything goes through them.”

“I got someone in admin we can use,” said Hughes.

“Alright, go set that up.” Feistl said, and Hughes left.

“You trust the kid?” Javier said once he’d shut his office door.

Feistl nodded “Yeah, he’s a little green but solid. Even know how to hack shit, comes in handy. We’ll move on these next week, no one will be moving this weekend anyway with their holiday.” It was Dia de los Muertos that weekend.

“Let’s use three different teams on the Mexican side. They’re far enough apart we can make it look like its just a logistics call.”

“Sounds good, look I got to head out soon you got any big plans tonight?” Feistl asked.

“No, tomorrow though.” When Feistl stared waiting for more information Javier added “I’m Mexican too and this is the first time I’ve been home for Dia de los Muertos in a long time. My dad’s got a whole thing planned.” And because he knew Feistl was attempting to bond, and how lonely it could be as the boss, Javier begrudgingly asked, “How about you?”

Feistl perked up at Javier olive branch “Yeah! Trick or treating, my son’s going as Batman, wife said it was my turn to take him, we were in Columbia last year so I don’t know how exactly it’s ‘my turn’ but I’m guessing it will be next year too.” Feistl smiled

“He the artist? …Batman?”

Feistl looked confused “What?”

“Said you carry the drawing from your kid as good luck one time on a raid.”

“Oh …yeah, didn’t think that you’d remember that. Yeah, Peter, he’s 6.” Feistl was about to ask Javier if he had any kids but caught himself. Remembered a rumour he’d once heard. Thought better of it.

“Well have fun… Robin.” Javier said as he walked him out of his office.

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Javier had lied; he did have plans that night. It was just that those plans took place in a community hall about 30 minutes away from the office.

He’d sat there, not for the first time, to watch people tell their stories. Still unsure how hearing about other people’s trauma was supposed to fix him. He guessed eventually the idea was that he’d talk about his. He didn’t know where to start though. Didn’t really want to if he did.

The support group leader caught up with Javier before he left that night, he was headed to Ana’s after.

“Hey, seen you around. Thought I’d introduce myself. You from the base or?” Of course he assumed Javier was military. A reasonable assumption considering where they were.

“No, I was DEA.” He could see the question on the man’s face. Why was some glorified boarder agent here. They were near a massive base, most of the men there were army vets in some form or another.

“Was in Columbia for 18 years.” Javier supplied, the man could take from that what he wanted, Javier didn’t give a shit.

The man’s eye flashed with sudden understanding “Gotcha, knew a guy in special ops, said it was a mess down there. Ever find yourself in the jungle?”

“More times than I wanted to.”

“Shit well, seen you here a couple of times, lots of people don’t talk for a while, but I figured I’d introduce myself. See how you’re finding it.”

“To be honest, not sure it’s going to be for me, not really a crowd kind of guy, but my girl is worried about me, so I figured I needed to try something, so she’d stop worrying a little”

“A blessing but also a curse to have someone worry about you like that. I know the feeling, probably would be dead in a ditch without my wife. Was a real mess after Storm."

“Desert Storm?”

“Yeah, hot and sandy, and I fucking hate camels now.” He grinned “But Now I’ve drank this group therapy cool aide so deep I’m running the thing 6 years later. Didn’t think it would be for me either. But now I’m not scaring the wife, sleepwalking anymore. Sometimes it’s easier to start if you’re trying for someone else.”

He stood at ’Someone else’s’ door by 8:30 that night. Halloween, he was reminded, as a Devil and a bumble bee passed him in the hallway.

“Did it go ok?” Ana asked when she opened the door for him. Esie had left for a party that night. And Ana wanted to go to the Roadhouse bar for their costume party. But assured Javier that they wouldn’t go for long.

“Yeah,” He looked at Ana, he looked at her hair, feathered like the 70’s. Short short denim shorts, and a denim top. “Daisy Duke?” She told him he could get away with wearing just his normal jeans and that red button up she’d told him a couple weeks ago was sexy on him and his cowboy hat hardly a costume at all in Texas. The image of her wearing it while riding him made it harder for him to say no. Which was Javier’s concession since he had refused to wear any real costume. Digging in his heels even more when Esie had taunted him with the terms “adorable” and “couples costumes”.

“Kind of...” she said as she walked out the door, he followed behind, a couple steps, not hiding that he was enjoying her butt in those tiny denim shorts.

It wasn’t until they reached the bar, and Bert had said “guess I’m not the only Bert in town tonight” when he saw them and the bartender said as he placed two beers in front of Javier “I thought you were more of a 'Smokey' than a 'Bandit' buddy, but I guess it’s Halloween right?”, that he realized her little game. Not only was he in a costume, but he was in a couple’s costume. It was not the first time he’d heard the Burt Reynolds thing, but the first time he’d been tricked into being him. She was wise to sex up her ‘Sally Field’, so he wasn’t too upset.

When he found Ana talking to her friend, one of the waitresses there, he gave her butt a sly pinch, she jumped a little, “Hey Frog.” he said trying to look stern as he handed her the beer. But she looked so damn pleased with herself, he couldn’t pretend to be that mad. “Very funny.”

“What!? Its not my fault you still dress like it’s the 70’s!”

“I’m shaving my moustache off tomorrow.” An empty threat.

“Don’t you dare!” She kissed him quickly “I love that moustache! Plus, you said once you had a thing for Sally Field, this was the only way I could figure out how to do a costume of her, it doesn’t work without a Bandit!”

Once they’d got back to her place it didn’t take long for Javier to have her in bed. He’d been thinking how he wanted her all damn night. On her hands and knees, he was behind her, happily admiring her ass as he lined himself up. He pushed in slowly at first. Enjoying the feel of her tight cunt surrounding him. It had been a long day and he soon lost himself in a steady powerful rhythm.

But Javier, who loved to murmur fifthly things to her, to coax her to orgasm. Tell her she was beautiful when they made love. And, when they fucked would call her a good girl, demanding her pleasure, usually before his own, was un-characteristically silent as he thrust behind her tonight. And in her position, she couldn’t see his face, search his eyes, or find safety in his kiss. And for the first time in a very very long time she began to feel the prickly tendrils of panic creep in from her subconscious.

Javier, none the wiser was happily mid thrust, near the edge of his own pleasure hands grasping her hips. “Stop please!” she said so quiet he almost missed it. Her shaky plea, the moment it registered. he back off her as if he’d been burned.

“Ana?” he said turning on a lamp when she did move. His pleasure now gone, drowned in a flood of concern. “Are you ok, did I hurt you? He hovered near her, sitting by her now at the edge of the bed. She took a shaky breath and shook her head. Hearing it was him, see his big brown worried eyes. She pulled him closer laid on his chest once he was on the bed. A silent communication, that she wanted him near, he’d done nothing wrong. His heart pounded al little fast below her ear. Once it slowed down, he combed his hand through her thick hair. “Can you tell me what happened? What I did?”

Her heart broke a little again. She hated that she’d made him feel that way, for doing nothing wrong. Having perfectly normal and honestly by both their standards, pretty tame sex. “I couldn’t see you.”

“You don’t like that position. We’ve done it before… we don’t have to do it again but if you don’t like…”

“No, I mean, I don’t mind it, but you were quiet too, normally you talk, but I couldn’t see you and I couldn’t hear you and then I… its safe for me now because you are safe for me.”

‘And it didn’t feel like I was there?” Javier guessed.

She nodded, “I know that sounds crazy, of course it was you, but it didn’t feel like it.”

“I’m sorry it was just a long day and I…” He smiled a little sheepishly, well for Javier. “I was kind of just looking at how fucking sexy you were, your ass… not the point, I know, mi bonita... So next time, you can’t see me, you want me to keep talking to you?”

“I think that helps.”

“Okay, do you want to watch a movie?”

“We can finish…” she said out of determination more than anything.

Javier shook his head. “No let’s reset, alright?”

“Can we not watch a scary movie then? Even though its Halloween?” A heartbreakingly simple request. He’d be watching a romcom, he knew it already.

“We can watch whatever you want…”

And later that night. They left the lamp light low, he was deep inside her again. But kissing her, big eyes searching hers. Murmuring “You’re so beautiful. You feel so good. You’re so perfect”. In her ear. When his thumb circled her clit, and she clenched around his cock “Your almost there just relax, cariño, I’ve got you Ana.” And then she gripped his arm in her hand and his cock inside her and when she moaned “Javi” she felt him tense and harden. Then come inside her. A warm rush. A slight beautiful melancholy when he pulled from her.

She was drifting asleep as Javier heard the sound of the front door open. Javier, holding her in his arms, not telling her he was exhausted, had promised to stay up until he was sure their girl was home. He’d said ‘our girl’. So casually she’d missed it, fell so easily from him that he hadn’t caught it himself. At the sound of the lock click he shut his eyes too, finally.

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They were all at the Ranch for dinner the next day. Ana was admiring the pictures amongst the lit candles. The Peña’s who had passed already. In a little shrine in the living room. Surrounded by colourful decorations “Is this your mother?” she pointed to a picture of a woman about 30 standing beside a little Javier on a paint coloured horse, but she was undoubtedly the focus. Ana guessed Chucho would have taken it. A man she assumed doted on his wife, with similar care to how Javier now treated her.

“Yes”

“She was beautiful, you have her eyes” She said as she studied the picture.

“Yes, Chucho tells me that all the time. Says my dimples are hers too.”

“I have a lot to thank her for then, and the dancing too.” Javier wrapped his arms around her swaying them both a little. As they heard Chucho and Esie laughing about something Honcho was up to in the other room. “I always liked the Mexican way of celebrating Dia de los Muertos. Its more fun, Columbia was never as big, a much more of a sullen occasion. “

“We invented it, at least that’s what my tia always says. You guys get your salsa dancing, we get painted skeletons and flowers.”

“I wish I had a picture of my parents to put up.” She said as she admired the little alter of ancestors.

Javier felt his heart tug, silently scanning his brain if there was a way to get one now. He doubted it. “I’m sorry,” what he meant was; 'I’m sorry I can’t give that to you, I’m sorry you had to leave it all behind because of me'.

“Want to tell me a story about them? My mother told me once when I asked how they did it before they had pictures, that that’s what some people did. Maybe she lied, but I think it makes sense.”

“They were killed when I was 15.” She wasn’t sure she’d ever told him that. “But I think they loved each other. They loved me and my sister too. My dad...every Friday he would go to the flower market and bring her flowers … and I mean every Friday. When money was tight or maybe just to get us out of the house when we were little, sometimes he would have us help him pick wildflowers instead. But no matter what every Friday there would be flowers on the table. And mama would always make a fuss putting them in a vase arranging them before we had dinner. Even if they where mostly weeds that my sister and I picked on the hill.”

Javier silently kicked himself. He’d only brought flowers that once. He’d have to do it more. Thought about how she’d made a fuss too that first time he’d brought her the white and purple flowers. “That definitely sounds like they loved each other, cariño. And you.”