#pleasegrow

In the beginning losing you felt like losing everything. The pain, it was over quickly. More quick than it should have been. That’s when I realized I grieved you before you were even gone. 

It was months of fighting and heartache, although I don’t regret it, I just wish I realized sooner that I was no longer in love. I was fighting for something I knew was never going to work out. I knew I was no longer “IN” love with you, but I knew I still loved you, so I fought, and I thought I could make myself fall for you again.. but the more I tried, the more I lost it for you. I know that sounds harsh and I don’t mean it to be, it’s just what happened. I wanted it to work not because I wanted “US” but because I wanted you. 

You are by far one of the coolest and chillest people I have ever met; that is what I will miss.. I just want to see you happy. 

I have realized a lot within myself in the past 4 months; It is okay to not be perfect. Sometimes we say rude things; but if part of us didn’t mean it, we wouldn’t have said it. 

I hate the person I became in those moments, that was a side of me I never wanted to see. Even then, I was no longer “IN” love. I don’t know when I lost it; but it feels like it was long ago. I grew hateful towards you, and instead of leaving I began being rude and lashing out. It sucks to say, but I was done before I moved. But you were still everything to me. I didn’t love you like I used to. I was absolute scum. I am sorry I allowed myself to hurt you instead of just walking away. 

I want you to grow, be wild and free. I hope you can heal, from the the pain, and hurt that I caused. I want you to be able to forgive, not me, but at least my soul so one day she can roam free. I hope you find the woman who will sweep you off your feet; and that she will treat you like I should have. I want you to find happiness within you and I hope you grow to climb mountains. I truly wish you the best happiness and health in your many years to come. Never stop being YOU, because YOU is wonderful. 

It’s time to work on the person I need to become, it’s time to make new memories. 

I will forever be thankful to you for letting me go. I knew I couldn’t walk away, but I also knew I was done. I just wasn’t sure what would hurt less. 

Thank you for letting me be apart of your life, I will cherish our memories forever. But thats all they will ever be, just memories of you and me. 

These words you have just read are somethings I never got the chance to say. 

I am not angry, I am more happy than I have ever been; I have you to thank for that. However I am sad that I have lost you in my life. Maybe one day we can be friends again. But right now you need to mend from the abuse I put your mind through. 

And if we never are, thats okay too. 

I have become a better person thanks to you. I know I never want to hurt another living soul the same way I hurt you. I know that I never want to dim someones light, when they were meant to shine. And I know that you are doing just fine; please know that when I say I am really glad you’re moving on and trying all you can do you be happy. I am being genuine. I am really happy that some girl has made you able to smile and feel happiness again. I really really hope she will also treat you better than I ever did. 

Please. Take care of yourself. You changed a part of me forever. I am so grateful for you. 

Always keep shining. 

And to the girls that will have you now that I’m gone; y’all better treat her well, cause after me, even before me, she deserved it and I never gave it. And if y’all hurt her like me, I myself will come beat ur ass. I broke her enough. 

A letter,

From your, nothing.