#play4

*draws the beach and the ocean from his perspective as well as some shells and stones which lie directly in front of him, smiles briefly as he gets another idea* *draws in the foreground his beanie filled with a bit of Easter grass inside, a table tennis racket which peeps out of the hat and two Easter eggs, of which one is a bit chipped* *writes in the sand next to the beanie the words “Happy Easter”* *looks at the drawing and finds something is missing – that the drawing doesn’t show how much he misses Matteo – and draws a crumpled note which is showing a little bit from under the beanie* *writes on it very pale, small and barely readable: “you’re missing” and sighs softly* *lays his sketchbook in the sand and takes a picture of it – a bit of sand is still visible in the background* *briefly thinks about posting the picture on Instagram, but lets it be and leaves the beach because it’s getting pretty cold* *after two rounds of Uno with Laura and their cousin he withdraws to the guest room which he shares with Laura and pulls out his phone again* *checks Instagram and opens his Whatsapp chat with Matteo* *doesn’t know what to write him and closes the chat again* *scrolls through his gallery and all the pictures he has taken today* *gets stuck at the picture of the drawing and looks at it for a while* *then he stops thinking for much longer and just sends it Matteo* *after sending the picture his heart is suddenly beating very fast as he stares at Matteo’s chat* *sees how the two check marks appear next to the picture which turn blue after just a few seconds* *sees Matteo in his mind how he is laying on his bed and looking at the drawing* *feels like he should have written some explanation to it but he is missing the words to explain everything without outing himself and therefore ruining everything that had been* *is longing for Matteo a lot in this moment and especially to have him close, that he would like to get up and drive to him immediately* *remembers then why that isn’t so easy and puts the cell phone aside in frustration* *hopes that Matteo is doing fine, that he will understands someday that it isn’t his fault and that the drawing won’t confuse or pull him down any more*