#platypuss

so, it’s been a while.

i know i owe you guys a lot.  i’m not in a place to provide jokes and regular updates but i’d like to fill you in when i can.

cricket is a very active and independent two-year-old.  she is ridiculously smart and much more well-mannered than the terrible twos had me believe.  we talk about her mama and sink drain all the time and she visits cornelius frequently at her grandparents’ house.  our beautiful family has been fractured in ways i wouldn’t wish on anyone but she remains well-adjusted and happy.  that’s all i can ask, really.

i began working with children on the autism spectrum last autumn and despite being another underpaid gig, it has at least something to do with my education and can afford me a stable schedule that works perfectly with cricket’s daycare.  it also comes with great health benefits and a feeling of purpose from helping a group of amazing students.  

i’m actually a little at a loss for what else to update you on.  i’m not sure who still follows this comic or if there is any interest in further updates.  so, this next week i have a little free time and access to a scanner.  if you’d like to know something about me or cricket or the time we have been absent from the internet, send me an ask and i will draw the response!  sound good?

cricket is helping me upload this; she would like you to know that she looks funny in the comic and is very happy that i drew her wearing her sandals.

i wish i could say my life was some sort of huge, terrible parody, but it is not.

sweet p and i had been working on our relationship.  i was trying to get a job back by our house so cricket and i could move in again.  we called each other partners.  the last thing she said to me was that she loved me.

sweet p… passed away on tuesday.  it was a sudden and unexpected illness, we know nothing, so please do not ask.  just please send love.  love, strength, courage… whatever you can.  i am just at an utter loss at the unfairness of everything.  she did not deserve this.  cricket does not deserve this.

her mama is magic now, and she is everywhere with us, but god… it hurts so, so much.

069 - The End

i struggled for months on how to portray everything that has happened since cricket was born, how i never could have foreseen the loss of everything that i loved about my life.

cricket and i live over an hour away from the house i helped purchase and lived in for less than six months.  i have no car or a reliable place to sleep.  daycare costs as much as rent, and working full-time retail leaves us with little money.  sweet p decided on another family that gives her more instant gratification and as of now, has little to do with raising her child.

i am utterly crippled with depression, hopelessness, and a pervading. constant sense that the only way to stop this struggle is to kill myself.  i can't, though, and i won't.  not just because cricket needs me, and i need her, but because i refuse to leave her alone like so many people have done to me without a second glance.

this is the end of platypuss for now.  maybe one day i will return with cricket's adventures from a happier place.  i hope i can.

it's thanksgiving, and i want you all to find something to be thankful for.  something that makes your daily struggle worth it.  my daughter is beautiful and smart.  even if i only have her in my life, that's all i need.

be good to yourselves and your loved ones.  do not take them for granted.  i love you all.

-jaybird and cricket