#plangst

Prologue:

Life is messy and at times, unbearable. 

Seasons change, years go by and moments pass before you even realize they will be memories from a time long-

“Hey stranger.” 

Katie glanced up from her book, brown eyes meeting blue as Lance took the seat across from her. 

He held out a coffee cup to her, which she gladly accepted while shutting her book. 

“I’m surprised to see you out this early.” She said “Usually you don’t leave home until noon.” 

Lance shrugged, “We were out of coffee.” 

Oh shit. 

“I’m sorry I completely forgot to grab some yesterday.” she groaned. 

Lance smiled “It gave me an excuse to go to the store.” 

She nodded. “How was it?” 

“Quiet.” 

She gave a small hum of approval. “I’m glad.” 

Lance opened up to say something but hesitated when the old speakers of the coffee shop left some background static as an employee was changing out the record. 

He froze, panic starting to become visible in his expression and Katie knew she had to act fast. 

“Lance.” 

Nothing. 

Shit.

She stood up, and moved closer to him, placing her own hands over his ears as she tried to talk to him, to drown out the static. 

“You’re here. I’m here. We’re okay." She pressed harder against him, trying to apply some form of pressure to ground him. "You aren't there anymore." 

It was like a silent prayer she was repeating over and over, somewhat hoping it would work. 

Eventually the static stopped once the record had been changed and after a few minutes, Lance let out a shaky breath as he took hold of her hands from behind him. 

“I need to go.” 

She nodded. “I’ll come with you.” 

He didn’t protest that. 

- 

Nobody talked about the accident. It was like an unspoken rule had been established the moment the news came out. 

Lance could only remember snippets from the aftermath of it all. 

The various sounds of the hospital as he briefly regained some form of consciousness before fading back to darkness. 

Moments of Katie coming in and talking to him, some things he remembered, other times it sounded like gibberish. 

He remembered the feeling of nothingness as clear as day however. To exist, but not exist. To feel like you are walking on an invisible tightrope between life and death and the moment you lose balance, the choice has been made. 

It’d be over. Lights out. 

That’s it, the end of you. 

He wasn’t sure how he got out of that limbo, one minute he was there and then the next thing he knew he was blinded by foggy hospital lights. 

Pain had hit his body all over again, it was like jumping in a frozen pond during winter, cold as ice and excruciatingly electrifying. 

His face twisted, ruefully. “Based on what you’ve said, it looks like I’ve got some work to do with your dad. He thinks I’m an idiot.”

“I love my dad, but I’m adult, free to date whoever I want. If Mom were here, she’d straighten him out. She liked you.” And just like that, a dam inside her broke. A dam she’d constructed on a June day when her broken soul lay amongst the shattered remains of a greenhouse at a Martian research facility. A necessary structure to hold back emotions while she did what needed to be done in the wake of her mother’s death. Because she had to be the strong one for her father and brother.

“I want my mom,” she gulped out.

“I know.” He pulled her into his arms.

“I want my mom.”

“She’s with you, Pidge. Always will be.” His fingers massaged the back of her neck.

step six: how to die in a depressingly boring way

“I have an idea to run by you.”

“Famous Lance plans,” Pidge said, rolling over onto her back, staring up at the ceiling. “But this is annoying. You’re being annoying. Why won’t you just let me go?”

“Because you--” he stopped himself. She imagined what he was going to say, each word in her head poisoning itself in sarcasm and anger.

Because you’re a part of this team. Because you’re a Paladin of Voltron. Because you’re my friend.

“Because you don’t have to go through everything by yourself, for fuck’s sake.”

Her heart shuddered.

“I’m not--”

“No, shut up. I’m trying to get my thoughts out. I was talking to Keith. About you, obviously, cause you’re occupying too much brain space. And you made him cry. Or I did. I don’t know. But it was like, wow, the fuck are we doing? I--I want to be mad at you, forever. For the rest of my life. I fucking despise you. You used to be so smart, but now you’re dumb, because you’re what? Self destructing because it hurts? Letting the people who love you get struck by the shrapnel because it’s easier to be alone? Is that what you want to do the rest of your fucking life?”

She opened her mouth to speak, but Lance kept going.

“I’m not going to force you to come back. I know I’m the last person who can make you do that. You’re the cool independent force of nature and I’m--fucking--I’m me. I’m the guy who’s still pretending.”

“Everything’s going to be fine, Pidge,” he whispers.

It really isn’t though, he thinks somberly. The acute emptiness of his own words stabs at his heart.

The Red Lion is gone. So is Green. And Yellow and Black and Blue.

And Earth.

It’s easier to comfort Pidge to the best of his ability rather than consider they’re two of only a handful of humans left in the universe, maybe the only two, and consider the fact that they’ve failed spectacularly to save the universe from the Galra Empire. Holding Pidge is the only thing he has right now and even that he doesn’t know for how long. For two Paladins - former Paladins - his mind dares to tremble at what kind of public spectacle they’ll be made into, if not killed right away to the satisfaction of their captor.  

Heavy footsteps approach and stop inches from them. There’s a looming sense of dread and a heavy air that demands respect, but Lance refuses to give it.

Lance knows who it is without needing to open his eyes. Rage resurges in his chest.

“The mighty Paladins of Voltron,” Sendak says, enunciating each syllable slowly and deliberately while towering over them in stark contrast to their own hunched figures. “At their very lowest point.”

“What do you want?” Lance finds his voice steadier than he feels. “You’ve already taken everything.”

The way Sendak smiles - like a predator cornering his prey - sends shivers through his body.

“Not everything,” he corrects.

Wahhh This took so long to make and finish cuz Im such a mess rn huhu

Plagg who never shows affection to anyone but Tikki because he knows one day they won't be around for him anymore. Plagg who is demanding and rude and sometimes even unkind because he doesn't want them to miss him, either. Plagg who has formed habits over the years that are self destructive and even malicious, but who doesn't know anything else, because this is what he's always done. Plagg who is the kwami of destruction, and that means self destruction. Plagg who knows that the opposite of Tikki's healing isn't hurt, it's grief.