#pixel piracy

 Well, I guess I've run out of bad things that happened to me in the game. Or, at least, that I'm aware of. And it's safe to say this will be the last post I'm going to talk about Pixel Piracy. Which I guess isn't surprising.

The annoying crew and game bugs are probably the most that stands out for this game. My memories of attacking enemy crews and making island raids all kind of blend into one enormous blob of recollect. I know that I sent out my crew, they fought and killed the enemy, then I'd bring them back on board where they all get drunk... again.

 Having someone poop on the deck was just to be expected, although it always bugged me that they only did that on our ship.

And that's it. You travel from square to square repeating the motions until you eventually bump you head against the edge of the world. And while there is the whole, "Defeat the Legendary" thing, as I said earlier once you beat one you've basically beaten them all. But you still have to go the remaining corners of the map (Y'know, like the four corners of the earth) and while I like the concept it certainly gets tiring.

After boss two I just started making a point to weigh anchor and ignore all possible conflict. I would have to go to towns from time to time to gather food and booze for my crew, but that was the only reason. Gold was no longer an issue since the crews on the edge have very valuable loot, and with my crew, well, getting it wasn't a problem.

By boss three I had learned about the OP Crew game breaker bug, killed most of my crew, and started just hiring crewmates when I was close to a legendary battle. And after the fourth I stopped playing. I'd officially beaten the game.

Of course, I had managed to keep two of my favorites, though. Fishing Stan and Tribal Jones. And if you have no idea who they are that's fine. Jones was a savage I managed to recruit in the middle of an island raid, something I found funny at the time, and Stan was a pirate I equipped with a fishing pole.

The mental image of seeing a lone fishing pole waving into battle amidst an assortment of sharpened cutlery still makes me smile. All while my gunning crew rains down cannonballs as my crew board the enemy ships. Horke the Flatulent (a real character) leads the charge as the first of many legendaries prepares to repel us.

Swords clash as flintlocks thunder on both sides. Because of the lag I can't keep up with the battle and a handful of my crew fall to the blade, including my father, Horke. With the need to retreat, I call the boarders back to recover and send in the gunners to finish off the remaining pirates. Fishing rod in hand, Stan, Jones and I board the vessel with our team and mop up. And when it is finished the ship is sunk, with a new heading set.

...

I think I might have started straying there. It's true though, if a little dramatic, but I didn't mean to wander. It's just a shame that the other legendaries lacked anything to make them unique.

...

Y'know, if the game had more to it like the Kraken and other things it could've been awesome to talk about. A little fanfiction-ey maybe, but interesting. However, I guess it will have to remain a fantasy.

Poop.

 There's just no other way of saying it.

 It's the Poop.

 Specifically the fact that your crew poops all the time. I get the ha-ha about having a poopy deck, but after a while the sheer fecal presence started to get to me. It made me wonder about the state of this world when apparently no one has been potty trained into early adulthood. Or that no one would clean it up unless they had special training, which in it of itself can be hard to get.

This is mainly the reason I ever changed ships early on in the game. By the time I'd come across an enemy vessel there'd be at least one chocolate swirl somewhere on deck, and the larger the crew the more loaf pinching there is to be found. The mental image alone can be bad enough. But could you imagine the smell, as the hot sun beats down on the baking brownies. Including the ones next to the food. Ugh!

Honestly, the crew is probably the biggest thorn you have to deal with. They're fun to have around for fighting, but, that's also the catch too. If you want to beat the game you need them and everything wrong about them.

  Like the inability to swim. That still ticks me off.

Historically I know that not every pirate knew how to swim, but considering I can't send in a swimmer to bail them out before they meet davy jones makes it more frustrating. Essentially I've paid for the pirate's last meal with all I've got to show for it is a black truffle. And pirates eat a lot, which ties nicely with another nuisance. Scurvy.

Again, historically accurate (which I love) but god damn, I can not begin to get into how fast these guys tear through fruit! Sure I get everything needed for a balanced breakfast, but the fruit is the first to go. And once the scurvy is high enough then people start dying!

 ...

 Yep, the crew is certainly a handful when you get right down to it. They're like pets really. They

require a lot of attention, they're expensive, and they basically just eat, poo, and get drunk (if you're dumb enough to leave rum on the ship). And while they are a nuisance to have around the ship, you can't help enjoying watching them charge into battle, fire cannons, and generally lay waste to things that don't belong to you.

If it wasn't for the bug that makes having an OP crew impossible without crashing the game, training an elite pirate crew who can use the toilet wouldn't be too bad.

 While for the most part we tend to live in a world with bug-free games, there are always those select few that manage to slip through the cracks and "brighten" our day with their presence. In some cases they are only an odd nuisance, and other times they are a major threat to our blood pressure. Probably the quickest example for the latter, in my case, would have to be Dead Island. On no less than two occasions I lost my entire f@3%king inventory after dying, leaving me stranded in zombie infested streets weaponless.

The point I'm trying to make is that, provided that they are few and far between, we can accept these games for their faults....

And then we have games like Pixel Piracy. Where the bugs are plenty (apparently) and in need of exterminating. Problem is, is as often the case, the developers have moved to slightly greener pastures.

 In many ways you could picture Pixel Piracy as "a hot mess." The analogy certainly seems to fit. The game has certain... appealing qualities that no one can deny. It also has a ton of baggage that comes with the... appealing aspects of itself, which for obvious reasons you are willing to overlook. However, over time you inevitably get used to the "hot" part of the game, leaving you stuck with the "mess."

 After a brief tour through the games recent reviews (relatively speaking) one of the customers noted a little over thirty bugs still crawling around in the game's code. I also know that they went into great detail about it, but I stopped reading by the second bug. Also, I don't need to know too much about it since I only stopped two of them myself. But in fairness they were also the ones that made the biggest impact.

The minor of the two is the first you'd run into. Given that you have to hire, pay, feed and equip your crew, the idea of watching them die is not something you want. And crew mortality rates are high when you start out. Any crew you have can easily get cut down by being a level two noob, or just gets knocked into the drink... I'll bitch about that later.

 Anyway, since money isn't something that's lying around the best option you have is loading the game up again, complete with not dead crew.

 Or at least it would if it apparently didn't run the risk of blotting out the sun.

Yeah, whenever you reload the game there's the chance the game's graphics may not. Seeing that I've been stuck with the black screen many times was never fun. I'd have to reboot the game to get it to work right. But I could put up with that.

 At least it wasn't the reason the game kept alternating between severe lagging and crashing later in the game. That was the other one's fault, not to mention destroying some of the game's main aspects. And worst still it takes a while to figure this one out. I literally had to drown the majority of my crew halfway to discover this. And it was intentional too.

And it worked! The lag vanished leaving me with no problem to go after the last two legendaries. But for a game that's about building a large and powerful pirate crew, the fact that the game can't easily handle your full compliment is a little insulting. It also begs the question why did they even let us have that many!?

 But bugs are the least of my worries in the game. And I'll be talking about that next time.