Piticus Leviticus. Levee. The most handsomest boi.
I miss you.
It’s been two weeks and I still call for you, still expect for your cold nose to be pressed to my neck as I sleep. Each night, I still lie awake, missing the reassuring warmth of you against my back, soft breaths flowing reassuringly over my shoulder. I was safe because you were there, and I knew nothing could get me. No imaginary monsters and nightmares could hurt me, not with you there.
It’s been two weeks since I said goodbye, held you in my arms as you took your last breaths, and left. I didn’t want to let you go, but I couldn’t watch you hurt. The pain and exhaustion in your eyes killed me a little more each time as you continued to fight to stay by my side. I never wanted to make the choice, but you were always so stubborn, so smart. I knew you wouldn’t throw in the towel, so I had to do it for you. I hope you weren’t scared, it’s why I didn’t let them take you into the building until you were gone. Instead, I hope you knew you were loved, curled up with me and poppa in the van on your comfy bed.
My heart has a large part ripped from it, torn and raw from the grief of losing you. I thought we had years, Levi, you weren’t even 6, and yet here I am, screaming inside because I was wrong. The world gave me you when I didn’t have the will to live, after you fought so hard to survive, and cruelly ripped you from me.
You’re gone, and there’s a part of me I will never get back.
Piticus Leviticus. My beautiful boy. Levee. You are missed with every beat of my broken heart. Your side of the bed remains empty, not even Kashi will take it.
He’s trying, but he misses you too. When I came home without you, he looked for you. He howls sometimes, like he knows you’re not coming home. My crying confuses him, and concerns him, I think. He won’t let me be alone, not that I want to be alone. You can rest easy knowing that Kashi is always three steps behind me.
I miss you, Levee. I know you’re waiting for me, so until then, know that I love you. I’ll see you again.
