The list goes on and on and on...
Ummm, I had a revelation today that there is another thing (maybe a pet peeve that I have) that annoys the fuck out of me. It's get togethers with some certain family members I think, or some get togethers in general. It might be family gatherings all together and when everyone is in their own world, I don't know. Let's try to figure this shit out cause it's stressing me the fuck out! Ok, so today I was at work and was getting near to closing time and my family as well as 3 cousins and uncle were outside stuffing themselves. They told me to join them (even though I was working and I had a few shine calls and customers) and I said no I'm busy blah blah blah. I could go out and eat but the atmosphere was to giggly and jolly and I'm in my own world cause all I wanna do is just sit down and eat my guts out. Something bothered me so hard that I refused to do so. I think it was two of my kitchens and I can't put a finger on it as to why I felt that way. This has happened in the past many times, when it comes to get togethers and stuff I have thus bratty, pissed of attitude and the last place I wanna be is there. Maybe it's jealousy from my end how everyone is "fake happy" with their so and so's and I'm just there. It's cause everyone is in their own oh look at me and I'm the pick me person. It just irks me and I just cope with it. I either don't talk or come up looking pissed af and have this fake ass forced smile on my face and all this while being self conscious. It's odd that this happens. Today it was my brothers name day and I could be in a more inclusive feeling but I chose not to. I was going to write maybe I want to be the attention of the night but no thanks, I hate the unwanted and unnecessary attention. oh well screw it, I'm not gonna change the way I feel and act. I ate food that wasn't eaten right away and I was alright with that. But still I have this anger in me and its fucking loud and I wanna go out and scream and throw a rock at window or something. WTF is this life, like wtf is this fucking life. I hate fucking celebrations I think. I hate namedays maybe, I'm not fond of them and find them pretty useless. So yeah fuck namedays and everyones name day including mine.
