#pipsqueak chapter 4

Moments with Spencer, especially this time of year, are always fleeting. A few minutes between shoots, him walking you to your car, sitting together at lunch...every one of them makes your heart pound and your ears warm. He isn’t a HR-frowned-upon, coworker-fling. He is constantly more than that. He shows up when you need him and you do in return. He’s your best friend first.

Well, maybe he’s Penelope's best friend first.

The little girl had turned three in the fall and couldn't get enough of "Spenner." She clings to his leg whenever he is around, seeks his approval in every crayon drawing, and falls asleep so easily in his arms. When registering her for preschool, you, nervously, put Spencer down as an emergency contact after a heart to heart with your boyfriend.

Boyfriend. The word never seemed to encompass the person.

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"Hey... can we talk?" you softly ask one of the nights he stays over. It didn't happen often, but he could always tell when you really needed a helping hand.

"Sup?" he says in reply. Cute, you thought as you once again notice how the frequency of his abbreviations always increases as he gets sleepier.

"I... I don't think we should do gifts this year...for each other. I know it's our first Christmas as...whatever this is but..." You steel yourself for what comes next. "But, Penelope comes first." As you whispered the last part, you cast your gaze away. Everyone wanted to come date and save the single mom until they really saw the mom side of her.

He draws you in, lays your head on his chest. "Of course," he whispers. The rumble in his ribcage flutters against your ear and sends warmth throughout you. "Of course Penelope comes first." It isn’t hesitant or said to appease you, it’s his opinion too.

You sigh in a way that triggers him to pull you closer.

"Do...you need some Santa-help?" he quietly asks. Money, as it often is, has always been a topic of discourse between the two of you. You're of the I've been doing this on my own, why not keep chugging that direction mindset while he’s more anything for my girls.

"I don't need help," you softly insist as he takes your hand.

"Just because you both eat three good meals a day doesn't mean you don't need help."

You sigh, again, because you know he’s right.

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After the weeks of December that seemed to drone on and on and on before break, the Smosh Office Party finally arrived. You'd heard it was a hoot and a holler and a half every year, so it's suffice to say you were excited. You're Secret Santa was Angela who recently got herself a Switch. You'd brought her a copy of Animal Crossing: New Horizons that some guy before Spencer had gifted you in hopes of winning you over (spoiler alert: it didn't work). You headed over to place it under the tree with the rest of the gifts. It seemed...surprisingly full.

"Hey, pretty," someone calls from behind you; it can only be one person.

"That doesn't seem like very coworkerly conduct."

"Good thing it's after hours," Spencer says as you finally turn to face him. He has a headband on, which looks illegally hot with his curls, you think, that has a little plant dangling from a curved piece of wire attached to it. You reach up and flick it.

"What's this?"

"Mistletoe, silly."

"Oh, um..." you whisper as you glance around. Everyone's in the kitchen, appetizers just came out, but still, no one knows about the two of you. "Spencer, I..."

"Hey, hey, it's fine." He takes off the headband. "Better?"

"Yes, sorry..."

"No apologies, just partying. Now, what do you want to drink?"

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Gifts had been handed out and everyone was beginning to get tipsy to the point where laughter never ceased. The tree still looks surprisingly full. You were just buzzed enough to sit close to Spencer.

"What are all those for?" you ask bluntly, too tired to be bothered by semantics.

"Wanna go check the name tags?"

You give him a look, but humor him and walk over. You crouch down to read the various tags

To: Penelope

From: Chanse

To: Penelope

From: Court

To: Penelope

From: Angela

To: Penelope

From: Amanda

To: Penelope

From: Ian

To: Penelope

From: Damien

To: Penelope

From: Spencer

There are more gifts and more nametags, but your eyes begin to blur.

"What? I don't..." you mumble as the tears start to come. Amanda kneels beside you.

"We wanted to do something a little special for Penny," she says softly. "Call it a Smoshmas."

"I didn't get anything for your little guy- I-if I had known-"

"Y/N, he's a few months old. He's not gonna remember anyway."

"But Penny," Court starts. "Penny can know and remember how much everyone here at SMOSH loves her."

You stand and turn to face the room. Everyone offers you a warm smile. Chanse and Angela, clinging to each other, seem to be tearing up as well. Spencer gives Amanda a wink; a silent "Mission Success." You're barely able to squeak out a thank you before you're tackled by a group hug.

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Late that night, after the sitter confirmed your daughter was sound asleep, you and Spencer sneak the gifts into your bedroom closet, the pantry, and numerous shelves and cabinets out of Penelope's sight and reach.

"That's all of ‘em?" he asks.

"Yep that's it."

You glance at the clock. It now reads December 23, 12:34.

"You should get home and sleep. You've got that flight home tomorrow," you say softly as he walks you over to the couch where you both plop down.

"I can sleep on the plane."

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Christmas Eve, for all parents, is a mad rush to finish wrapping and placing and decorating, let alone getting tiny kids with the holiday spirits nestled deep in their hearts to bed. Penelope's little twirls of hair, identical to yours, rest in the crook of your elbow.

"But I heard him exclaim as he drove out of sight, 'Merry Christmas to all, and to all a Good Night.'"

You carefully close the book and peek to make sure her eyes are closed and her breath is steady. When you're sure she's asleep, you place the book on top of the other six that it took to get her to sleep and kiss her on the forehead.

Christmas duties begin.

You arrange all the gifts under the tree. You step back and find them ugly. You rearrange. You find them ugly. This process repeats until your phone buzzes in your pajama pocket

Spencer <3

can i come in?

Me

yeah sure

Just a few moments later, the door to your apartment ever so slowly opens to a slightly disheveled Spencer and his luggage.

"What happened to your flight? Are you alright?" you ask as you busy yourself about taking his scarf from him.

"There's extreme weather where the layover is, we wouldn't have been able to land."

"Oh...I'm so sorry, sweetie."

"S'alright. Mind if I do Christmas here?" he asks with a funny tone. It's nearly joking, nearly sarcastic, and gives you the utmost opportunity to turn him away. At the same time, it's soft; he glances at the lit tree.

"Yeah," you whisper. "Yeah, stay."

He smiles and gives you a peck, but his gaze returns to the tree.

"This looks fantastic."

"You think? I've redone it like six times."

"Six or seven times?"

"You are literally twelve years old."

He chuckles and walks over to the fir.

"Well, what's wrong with it?"

"I don't know it's just...what if she hates it?"

"Babe, Penny's gonna be over the moon no matter what. It's Christmas."

"It's stupid, I know," you sigh.

"Well, it's not stupid either. You want it to be perfect for her. Trust me, I do too."

His words make your heart pound. Whenever he talks about Penelope, it seems that he just wants to give her the world. He doesn't want to make her happy to make you happy; he just wants to make her happy.

"It reminds me of when I was nesting," you say as you walk over to the couch and sit down. "I was like, a million months pregnant and running around rearranging the whole house because I thought my newborn was going to hate it and me. How stupid was that?"

"Not stupid at all," he firmly states as he follows you and sits. "Who told you it was stupid?"

You sigh and it's all he needs to hear to know exactly who.

"Y'know, it's normal to nest when you're pregnant and to want Christmas to be the best it can be for your daughter. It's so normal!" he whispers with conviction. It makes you chuckle a bit; his bluntness puts it all in perspective. "I don't know what or who made you think that it's too extra or too much, even though I could guess, but it's perfect. You are perfect."

"Nobody is perfect, Spence."

"I think someone snoozing a few rooms over would beg to differ."

Oh, god, here come the tears again.

"I just..." you sniff. "I don't want her to feel like she's missing out...or feel smothered...or feel bored, or like she's doing too much..."

He holds you and eases your white knuckles away from where they'd been gripping a pillow.

"But I wanna be me, too."

There it is. The struggle, the balancing act of being a mom and being you. Of always needing people to accept the fact that you two were a package deal. Not Y/N and the part that was a bit annoying, that kept her away from nights out and made her feel too moral for everyone else at the table, but Y/N and Penelope.

"Can I be honest?" Spencer whispers in your hair. You give him a small nod. "After your interview, Bailey turned to me and said I couldn't be ogling new recruits like that."

"Haha, very funny."

"No, I'm serious. Y/N, I've loved you since the day I met you."

You both stare into the other's eyes as the weight of the word sinks in. Love.

"You are...you to me. You're Y/N. You are beautiful and smart and so funny. You have a daughter who is the exact same and I love both of you individually."

It does you in. You curl up in his chest and just quietly cry. He holds you tight.

"You are not someone who needs saving," he whispers. "You are strong and perfect just the way you are. I'm honored that you let me make your life just a little better."

"A lot better," you correct.

"Okay, a lot better," he chuckles. You lean up and kiss him, softly, slowly, taking your time. You sit in the lap of the man who helps you and loves you and cares for you, all of you.

"I love you," you whisper when you pull apart, finally returning the words.

He peppers your face with kisses until you laugh.

"Hmm...seems like Santa hasn't taken a bit of his cookies and milk yet," he says with an eyebrow raised and his gaze aimed at the coffee table.

"Would you do the honors?"

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The sun was now high in the sky and Penelope was very focused on her new picture book. She had declared she wanted to read without help. You know there'll be more imagination than reading, but that's not a bad thing.

Spencer comes around the corner from the kitchen with your second cup of coffee this morning, just how you like it. You curl into him and sip from the steaming mug as you watch the light of your life play with the interactive book.

"I'm sorry you didn't get to spend Christmas with your family," you whisper, eyes still on Penelope. "I know it means a lot to you."

You turn to him and he is still smiling fondly at your little girl exploring under the tree.

"I got exactly what I wanted."

thank you all so much for reading! i hope you stay tuned for future chapters. merry christmas, happy holidays, and happy new year!

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