#pinksparkl

"Are you sure about this, Lovely?" Vincent asked, trying not to show the obvious worry radiating off him. He was never very good at hiding his emotions, and now that he was your Maker, it's almost impossible. You can feel his concern next to your determination, a spiky, jittering feeling threatening to rattle your hard-earned internal calm. But you take a deep breath and squeeze his hip, grounding him and yourself.

"Yeah. I want to."

"It's going to feel different," he warned. "I mean... I don't know personally. I didn't have powers before I was turned. But you... based on what Sam's told me, it's gonna be different."

You knew that. You expected that. You even asked Sam about it a little, out of Vincent's keen earshot, just to prepare mentally and physically for this moment. You've done as much as you could. You're ready. You had to be ready.

You won these powers through pain and torture, and you lost them through a near-death experience. You needed to understand this side of yourself again, come to grips with it. Control it, or be controlled by others who will seize upon your weakness. Need to show Vincent you are finally able to stand on your own again.

"Lovely?" Vincent asked again, no longer masking, his face crinkling with worry. He could feel the shift inside you just as you could feel him, the way your knees grew just a little weaker, your heart sped up. You forced a smile at him, but you couldn't say what you want to say, because it would be a lie.

"I got this, Vincent. I... I need this."

He nodded, knowing you too well by now to stand in your way. But he knew never to completely leave your side, either, hovering just behind your shoulder while you closed your eyes in concentration.

You remembered what your teachers told you, just a few years ago, on your first day at the Academy. Sensing your core, feeling the warm molten light inside your chest, glowing in your ribs. Ever since your Turning, though, you had barely felt it, just the occasional flicker of heat, a spark of brightness, and even then you had to cultivate it, hold it carefully, before to went out. Pressing your hand against your breastbone as though you could tunnel inside yourself and grab it, you focused, trying to coax that spark back to storm.

You remembered the storm, too. The way you'd get a whiff of ozone while you called your powers, the crackling potential in your fingertips, the way your skin would tingle, the sound raising goosebumps. The joy when you could cradle a ball of lightning in your palm, how Vincent's eyes lit up with pride at your progress. You didn't want to let him down. You didn't want him to feel guilty for saving your life anymore. And the way you'll do that was getting a handle on your power again.

But it ached, like overextending an atrophied muscle, straining and tight. The exertion showed in your face despite yourself, and Vincent pressed a worried hand to the small of your back. He was just trying to help, but it made it even harder to focus, to pull that magic from your thin, dim core, while you thought about how you were worrying him, disappointing him even now.

When you finally got a whiff of the O3, felt the static building in your hair, strained your fingers to catch the arcs sparking between them, you opened your eyes to see- nothing. You couldn't even muster the energy to manifest a visible charge, only load the air with potential.

Vincent must have either seen or sensed the crushing disappointment, because he cupped your cheeks, ignoring the electric snap that earned him. Was that really the best you could do? A little static shock? No more powerful than a pair of socks against carpet.

"Oh, Lovely, I'm so sorry."

Hot, angry tears burned down your throat. "Please," you choke out in a hoarse whisper, "don't be sorry. This isn't... I'll do better. I have to do better."

But Vincent was already shaking his head. "You've already done so much, Lovely. Being able to charge the air like this, it's already more than you could do when you first started to learn your powers."

"Vincent, before, I was..." You didn't want to talk about before, you didn't want to remind him and feel guilty, but you couldn't hold it back now, tears in your eyes, and it all spilled out, "I scored second place in the Max Amperage category in the E&E games, Vincent. I had... there was so much power inside me before, and now I... I can barely feel anything. And I know it hurts you to see me struggle, which is why I've been trying to practice in secret. I was hoping I could do one, just one impressive thing and put your mind at ease, but it's... it's still so hard, but it's not your fault, I don't want you to feel guilty anymore, and I just... I wanted to show you that."

It was more than you wanted to share, and more honest than you would have liked, but you still found comfort in the way Vincent wrapped you up in your arms, pulling you in so tight that if you'd still been human your ribs would be bruised. "Lovely... it's going to take time to relearn your powers. And it won't ever be... like before. And for that I'm sorry. But I'm even more sorry that you've been working yourself so hard for my sake. I can't say I don't feel a little responsible for what happened, because I do. I made you like this. But I'll never feel bad for saving you, because having you in my life like this, knowing I can keep you by my side, that means the world to me. I'll do whatever I can to support you, Lovely. As long as it takes."

Because when you look at the BAs versus how tenderly he treats them in the Imperium, you see at some point how it goes from basically an accidentally meeting to true genuine affection, and what that means for someone like Vega. Exploring how Pet keeps returning for a feeding session, despite the fact Vega can't feed on them, and Vega accepting, even, depriving himself of food and power on an already-thin diet for lack of volunteers. I feel like he doesn't really understand love, as it's not an emotion that sustains him and in fact is sort of antithetical to his experience on Elegy, but it grows in him anyway, because Pet keeps returning despite his cruelty, or even because of his cruelty, and that stirs the burgeoning of affection. Pet is described by him as soft, and weak, with no appetite for violence or malice, and yet we know they can withstand... quite a lot from him.

And how would Pet react, once Vega stays with them longer, embraces them after their sessions, starts cuddling? Did they ever want something more, does the softness scare them? How do they feel about Vega coddling them, calling them weak but with such affection? I imagine them as a Healer, with a bit of a martyr complex as well, but the Imperium values power and healing is objectively a magic that helps others, and you can't really wield it as a show of strength. They're magic, but they're one step above useless because of their specialty. Vega satisfies their masochistic desires, but also in a way, makes them feel wanted. Seen. Even while being degraded, they have all Vega's attention on them, and his praise can send them to subspace so fast it's dizzying.

For Vega to have something, someone, to finally take care of, who comes back to him again and again for him, and for Vega to see and understand them in a way no one else has -