#pingwritessometimes

“Woah there, Sunshine! You alright..?” 

Sun hovered above you as his golden rays spun.

A mumble escapes you in response, but it's incoherent. Your troubles finally weighed down on you, causing you to zone out and trip over some toys strewn about by the last group of kids. He urged again, now kneeling beside you. 

“I couldn't catch that, sorry- What's wrong?”

You saw past him and stared blankly at the net ceiling above.

Memories of the previous day flickered through. You had finished the paperwork for the night after signing out the last child and sifted through emails. While Sun had finished cleaning earlier than usual. The daycare filled with your stifled giggles and his hushed whispers. He blabbed about the crafts, kids' antics, and new ideas for activities he wanted to try. You smiled, listening and cherishing the way Sun got lost in his own excitement. The both of you leaned on the office desk into one another. There was space enough just for you to breathe.

He looked over and asked the same old “check-up” questions — hoping your day went well too. You began to fidget with your fingers, any answers that came out seemed almost restrained. Sun doesn’t let this go ignored.

“Is something wrong, friend?" There was a pause.

"You don’t have to talk about it if you aren’t comfortable.”

You rehearsed this exact scenario a hundred times over. Even mulled over the smaller details in case of every impossible outcome you could muster in your head. And yet, the words failed. You couldn’t help but look down at your feet instead, focusing intensely on the frayed edges of well-loved sneakers. All methodical scripts you carefully strewn together now blurred and became illegible in your memory.

“I… I think I love you.”

You tensed and held your breath. Just out of your view, his rays spun rapidly, with the sounds of fans whirring a bit louder than usual. Sun was struggling to calm down as evidenced by the distinct metal scraping on metal sound. His optics narrowed as he suppressed the nameless feeling. For you, there was only the drumming of your fingers tapping without cadence against the desk. The unpredictable rhythm consumed your thoughts.

“Ah.” 

You inwardly swore when the pang of hurt threatened. Had you been mistaken about this all along?

“… That’s what's wrong,” you finished with a faint tone of defeat.

He reached out to comfort you but dropped his hand with a soft jingle of bells before there was any contact. His rays recoiled inward as if he had been burned. Instead, something else croaked out from his voice box.

“It'll pass.” 

Sun winced at the words that slipped out. Your breath hitched as your eyes shut in regret. An imaginary guillotine rang out as any lingering hope vanished. Fuck.

“I’msosorry-”

You adjusted yourself, gathered your belongings, and rushed to the time clock. Anything to get away. He said nothing in your scramble, only weakly waving as your form slipped behind tall mahogany doors. 

You snapped out of your daze with familiar bells chiming in and rustling next to you. You were still pitifully laid out on the floor. Only now, Sun was looming overhead and staring directly down at you. You broke eye contact immediately, jerking your head to the side where a first aid kit came into view.

“I can tell you're distressed, but I detect nothing wrong with you.” 

“You scanned me?” Your eyebrows pinched together in annoyance.

“It's protocol‐” 

“You won't find anything.” Nothing obvious, at least. 

“Could you just tell me where it hurts?” Sun huffed. He held out a starry-themed band-aid and waved it in the air.

Fine. Reluctantly, you raised a hand and pointed. 

“Here. It hurts here.” 

His eyes widened before looking away guiltily. That was your heart. Now both of you couldn’t bare to look at each other.

“I… I can't fix that.” No one could, and you both knew this. 

There was pressure on your other hand, then a quick release. In your other palm, sat the band-aid he was holding. Sun had slunk off somewhere, leaving you alone. With him gone, the stinging pain returned and seared the corners of your eyes. The tears slipped past and pooled just behind your ears.