#phoenixrisingoverthemoon

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So Santana’s relationship with Kurt is complicated. 

On the one hand, she spent much of high school wishing she could be him: i.e., the out gay kid who persisted in being himself no matter what opposition he faced. 

On the other hand, she spent much of high school terrified to be him: i.e., the out gay kid who got thrown into lockers and roughed up and tossed into dumpsters and hated on and threatened because he was gay (“I mean, you know what happened to Kurt at this school”). 

Kurt was simultaneously an object of both devotion and fear for Santana. In spite of herself, she identified with him very strongly. She saw his successes as successes she could possibly have and his failures as failures she could potentially experience (see Santana intervening to save Klaine from Karofsky’s wrath in 2x18 and Santana’s panic after Kurt becomes prom queen in 2x20).

That’s part of why she worked so hard to make WMHS safe for Kurt in Season Two, long before she herself came out (see here).

During Season Two, Kurt was more of a symbol to Santana than someone with whom she had an actual relationship, but during Season Three, she made her first overtures of real friendship to him, reaching out to him when Sebastian and the Warblers tried to hurt him and Blaine (“Today is your lucky day, because Auntie Snixx just arrived on the Bitch Town Express”).

In her mind, Santana had done Kurt several solids by this point—i.e., forming the Bully Whips on his behalf, bringing him back to WMHS from Dalton, singing to him at prom despite her own fears, taking down Sebastian after Sebastian hurt Blaine, etc.—and the fact that she had done so plus her and Kurt’s shared experience of being out gay kids at WMHS should have been enough to make them friends.

We see Santana operate under the assumption that she and Kurt are friends throughout Season Four, answering his summons to stage an intervention for Rachel in 4x12 and bringing him Christmas presents in 5x08 (the events of which take place during Season Four chronologically). Though Santana still calls Kurt names, she assumes he knows that she only does so because she likes him.

She fully expects him and Rachel to welcome her into the Loft with open arms (and, particularly, as Rachel actually invited Santana to live in the Loft during the events of 5x08).

Unfortunately, that’s not what happens.

From the very first time Santana does something nice for Kurt—i.e., forming the Bully Whips in 2x18—Kurt questions her motivations in so doing. Why is the girl who openly mocked him and attempted to sabotage the glee club during their sophomore year suddenly buddying up to him in their junior year? Surely someone as selfish as Santana can’t have altruistic motives. She must have either lost her mind or stand to profit from helping Kurt somehow.

Even when he learns that Santana is gay come Season Three, Kurt still views her largely as an outsider, and his distrust (and misunderstanding) of her continues well into Season Four, when she moves into the Loft.

To be fair, navigating the Hummelpezberry dynamic is tricky business, and particularly for Kurt, who often finds himself in the uncomfortable position of mediating between Rachel and Santana, both of whom get up to some pretty wild hi-jinks and who often butt heads with each other.

Kurt is a natural peacemaker, and he dislikes having contention in his home, so he will try to counsel Rachel and Santana through their disputes as much as he is able.

That said, at the end of the day, Kurt is Rachel’s best friend, not Santana’s, so while he may try to maintain his neutrality concerning their disputes, when push comes to shove, he almost always sides with Rachel in the end, as per what we see during the Pezberry Funny Girl dispute of early Season Five.

As I say elsewhere (see here):

While there is certainly no shortage of witty banter and fun musical numbers between roomies Kurt, Santana, and Rachel, there is a shortage of “relationship-building” scenes—or at least a shortage of lasting “relationship-building” scenes that the Glee writers don’t subsequently rescind, ignore, or negate.

For every one friendly gesture Hummelberry and Santana make towards one another—such as, for instance, when Santana helps Rachel through her pregnancy scare in episode 4x15 or when Rachel encourages Santana not to give up on her dreams in the first scene of episode 5x09—there are at least two or three scenes that then show how very unstable their dynamic actually is—such as when Hummelberry kick Santana out of the Loft in 4x16 and Santana and Rachel are at each other’s throats throughout most of 5x09 and 5x10.

Just as it was always the case that the Unholy Trinity broke down into units of Brittana + Quinn, it is also the case that Hummelpezberry breaks down into units of Hummelberry + Santana, with Santana as the odd one out.

Not only do Kurt and Rachel frequently form ranks to outvote Santana, but their bond as Hummelberry can exist independent of her, whereas her bonds as part of Pezberry and Kurtana are largely dependent on Hummelberry’s bond with each other—i.e., Kurt serves as a necessary peacemaker between Pezberry, allowing their friendship to exist, while a common interest in and exasperation with Rachel and her antics is what keeps Kurtana united.

Santana’s bond with Kurt is more stable than Santana’s bond with Rachel, which is to say that Santana and Kurt are less likely to fight than Santana and Rachel are. However, Santana’s bond with Kurt is also weaker than her bond with Rachel is, which is to say that Santana has less in common with Kurt than she does with Rachel and also that Santana feels that Kurt needs her less than Rachel does.

Of course, both Santana’s bond with Kurt AND Santana’s bond with Rachel are relatively weak compared with Kurt and Rachel’s bond to each other.

If it comes down to it, Hummelberry’s tendency is to have each other’s backs. Though they like Santana to a degree, she is extraneous to them.

And the thing is? Santana knows it. 

Santana knows the difference between a secure attachment and an insecure one, and she knows that while Hummelberry are securely attached to each other, they are, for the most part, insecurely attached to her. Santana knows that Hummelberry will tolerate her as long as she is on her best behavior, and she fears the implications of their toleration.

Frankly, Santana is terrified of stepping one toe out of line, lest Hummelberry kick her out of the Loft again—because for as much as Santana says that she needs her job at the diner, she needs her place at the Loft equally as much.

So while Santana ultimately fights less with Kurt than she does with Rachel? Her relationship with him is just as tenuous and one-sided as is her relationship with Rachel.

She ultimately never achieves the kind of intimacy and secure attachment to Kurt that she craves.

So cut to Season Six, when Kurt objects to Santana’s proposal to Brittany (see here):

Santana is angry that she tried for years to prove to Kurt that she was his friend, and he responded by evicting her from the Loft, questioning her intentions in auditioning to play Rachel’s understudy, kicking her out of his band, making her feel like a strangerin her own home, being ungrateful when she saved him from his high schoolbully and defended Blaine against Sebastian Warbler on his behalf and scoredhim a job at the diner and brought her girlfriend into his band andparticipated (graciously and quietly) in his proposal to Blaine and spent timesocializing with and getting to know him, being kind to him in his downmoments, giving him sound advice in a way that no one else was honest enoughto do, etc.

Santana is angry that despite her trying herdamnedest to show Kurt that she was not the same girl he knew in highschool—that she wasn’t wrathful anymore, that she was generous, that she waswilling to share her heart in friendship with anyone who would treat it withcare—he never believed her. He always thought the worst of her. He kept her onthe outside, when she so desperately craved (and worked hard to earn) his trust.

Santana is angry but mostly she is hurt.

Santana is hurtbecause she genuinely cares about what happens to Kurt, but he has just shownher that he doesn’t give a damn about what’s most important to her in return.

She showed him herprecious things, and he treated them like they were garbage.

Kurt was supposed tobe Santana’s friend, and it breaks her heart that he isn’t.

So while Santana’scapacity to forgive is much greater than most people generally give her creditfor—and often even greater than those who wrong her might deserve—she doesinevitably reach a point where she just can’t take it anymore.

And so when Kurtfucks up something that is important to Santana, that is sacred to her, that’ssupposed to be beautiful and happy and pure, by lecturing her about learningfrom his mistakes? She loses it.

ToSantana, it’s just another example of how everything about the Kurtanarelationship has always been about Kurt.

As for how Santana gets along with Blaine as a person and Klaine as a couple, I think those two things are one and the same:

Santana doesn’t really have a relationship with Blaine outside of Blaine’s relationship with Kurt. When Santana goes to bat for Blaine with Sebastian, she does so on Kurt’s behalf. When she goes off about the Klaine breakup in 6x03, she does so to get at Kurt.

Her one-on-one interactions with Blaine are almost nonexistent.

She is courteous to him because he is a part of Kurt’s life. Santana seems to have a personal rule: She respects her friends’ romantic partners and looks out for them in the same way she would her friends themselves. In return, she expects that her friends will do the same for her regarding Brittany.

Unfortunately, they seldom do.

Without them having had any significant one-on-one interactions, it’s difficult to say how Santana feels about Blaine. We have some indication (from 3x04) that Blaine’s grandstanding annoys her and some indication (from 6x03) that she thinks Blaine thinks he is god’s gift to the gay rights movement, but she certainly has never gone after Blaine in the same way that she has gone after, say, Rachel Berry.

So long story long?

At the end of the day, I think Santana would love to count Kurt Hummel as a true friend, if only he would let her do so. For as many times as he has rejected and hurt her, she still admires him and his tenacity and looks up to him (though she would never admit it aloud). Santana seemingly forgave Kurt for disparaging her engagement before 6x03 had even ended. Now she’s poised to share her wedding day with him and Kurt, depending on how the spoilers pan out. 

As for Blaine? If he’s Kurt’s person, and Kurt is one of Santana’s people, then he’s one of Santana’s people, too, because that’s just how her concept of friends and family works. She may not care for Blaine much individually (or even support Klaine as a relationship), but if Kurt chooses to be with Blaine, then that’s his choice to make, and Santana will defend to the death his right to make it.

Anyway, I’ve jabbered enough.