#phive

you know what day it is. it’s goooood pho -r i i i day! party of phive…

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you know what day it is.

it’s goooood pho -r i i i day! party of phive

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 A friend of mine (Derrick for this) said that long-term relationships don’t exist anymore and that they never existed for us. The “us” he was referring to are gay black men (GBM). Ten years earlier I remember him telling me his coming out story. At the end of all the drama, his dad said something that will always stick with me. He said, “I just want you to be happy and I’ve never seen an old gay couple. So, I’m scared”. What he meant was that he’d never seen a long-term gay relationship. 

Over those ten years, Derrick had been in three relationships; a one year one, a two year one and a three year one. There were smatterings of other dates that lead to short-term “talking periods” but nothing worth putting a title on. Through all of that, he transitioned from a scared, excited, hopeful gay to a confident, frustrated, defeated one. His life played into what his dad was worried about. 

We talked more, agreeing that long-term gay relationship as a thing is in its infantile stages. Furthermore, it had all of the same developmental problems that growing up in a social media, 140 character, snapshot picture life world brings. For gay relationships, there is no precursor to build around. The bible doesn’t talk about it, our TV shows poke fun at it, our movies don’t reference it and unless you’re reading homoerotica there aren’t many New York Times Best Sellers that have anything but a wayward gay character. 

GBMs are forced to create a narrative of their own. The heteronormative relationship roles, titles and behaviors don’t fit but they are used as the mold more often than not. Imagine trying to create something singular and lasting in the world we live in. Everything comes with multiple options that can be changed out, reversed and always substituted quickly. We post only the best parts of our life and have access to a world of people...how distracting. We live our lives with a smokescreen of half-truths in the form of 30-second videos and quick posts. Even heterosexual constructs like marriage are disintegrating in this atmosphere. Yet, we still try to build with no apparent look in the mirror to say this may not be working. Maybe its the human disposition to hope or we just know nothing else. 

Derrick made a point that maybe its the idea of monogamy that ruins everything. The few gay relationships that he knew of that lasted greater than 5 years all had, at some point or on a regular, an aspect of non-monogamy. That idea birthed a question that developed a louder voice as I got older, hetero or homo. Is monogamy right? Is it for us? Worldwide we look at the Bible or Quran to establish the basis of morality and in neither is monogamy mandated. In fact, the Bible as a history book and moral compass doesn’t shake a finger at taking multiple wives. The Quran pretty much says marry as many as you can take care of. With these two being the basis, I’m not sure when monogamy or singular marriage became the standard. Even in nature, the concept of monogamy or lifelong pairing is seen in only about 4% of the many species. 

So where does that leave Derrick? He may not agree but I still believe in the ability to have a monogamous, long-term gay relationship. His hurt aside, it can work if he doesn’t close himself off to the future. However, both partners have to understand that they are going into barely chartered waters. Any ship captain will tell you the only way to survive the unknown is to trust the crew and vice versa. If you have ever been sailing you know the importance of communication. Those are the things that have to be understood. 

One, we, the individuals in the relationship create the rules. We can take aspects from the heterosexual relationship dynamics but don’t fall short by just fitting yourselves into what we knew. You are the PH.D. student writing a dissertation. This must be new, original and beneficial to the field. Two, there has to be a serious level of trust. We get through life telling white lies and showing a part here or there of ourselves. Most of us have gotten good at showing just enough of ourselves to make people feel like they really know and connect with us but we hide way more. The iceberg theory...only showing a tip and leaving our depths unexplored. That can not happen in the relationship. Remember, your goal is to find someone that you will spend forever with. As you get older you will care less about the pretenses. The right person will know who you are behind all that and love it. Three, we need to communicate with each other. Talk about how you feel, what you think, what you want, what you don’t want. Don't expect someone to know your mind without you speaking and respect the one you are speaking to. It’s not easy or even comfortable all the time but without those things, we will all still end at the same point that Derrick’s dad was scared of…alone. 

~P.Selah

Phive – Errlando | @PhiveOfGodBody

Phive is back with a new record called “Errlando” and he feels this one is it. His repping his city Orlando to the fullest. They really should be proud of him. The record breaks down a dabbers lifestyle bar for bar. Peep the record below and show Phive some love. Phive isn’t holding back on this one.

[soundcloud url="https://api.soundcloud.com/tracks/304710634" params="visual=true&color=ff5500"…

Artist Phive Drops Banger “The Warm Up” (Prod. Phive) | @PhiveOfGodBody

Phive has been on the internet making a crazy presence. He’s from Orlando, FL and his music is getting attention. He’s actually a producer and glass artist at heart. But now he’s working on his own music. His new record “The Warm Up” really gives you a in look at his life. Great record to introduce his brand. You don’t hear about many artist from you Orlando. Give Phive a shot by taking a listen…