#phantom ego

Fic Request: Phantom x gn!reader cuddles him after bad day

Phantom was a hard worker. You knew as soon as you started to get to know him. He was almost never not working. Whether it was phone calls, contract editing, Collected Caring or just establishment planning. Phantom constantly had a full schedule.  So it wasn’t uncommon for Phantom to come home to you in some fit of negative emotion. He never came home angry. He didn’t like you being around him when he was like that since he could get snappy and all-round irritating to be with. But when he was annoyed or overwhelmed; you were his go-to comfort. 

It was 11:30am, meaning Phantom was meant to be at one of his newer clubs to speak with a designer for the decor. So when you heard your front door being opened and closed, and a heavy sigh giving away Phantom’s arrival; you knew today was probably not good. 

You waited for him on the couch. Pausing whatever you were doing to look up at Phantom as he wandered into the room. He looked exhausted. His dark eyes were droopy and rimmed with shadows. His smile was somewhat tight. Like he didn’t have the strength to give you a warmer greeting. 

“Hey love. What’s wrong?” You asked. Opening your arms to the man as he collapsed into the cushions next to you. He immediately took up the opportunity to lean against your chest. His head laying against your shoulder as you wrapped your arms around him. 

“This morning was.... disappointing.” Phantom sighed the last word. His eyes closing as your fingers combed through his hair. He rested his hands on your thighs. Completely covering your lower half with his body as he lounged on you. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” You offered. Talking softly above his ear as you leaned your temple against his head. You could feel the tension in his body. The poor man felt like a wooden board of stress. “You stormed out of the house this morning. I’m guessing that phone call after breakfast wasn’t a good one.” 

“The manager of my down-town club called and said the supply trucks didn’t show up. Apparently the order for this months drinks didn’t get accepted but no one thought to try and fix it.” Phantom mumbled. His jaw clenching tight as he explained. You squeezed him in a one armed hug, continuing to stroke his hair as he spoke. “Then the construction site across from my newest cafe managed to let a machine roll into the side of my building. Somehow some idiot didn’t think to put the breaks on. And no I have to go through court files to not get sued for one of my customers being hit in the head by a painting. Because they refuse to believe that the construction people are to blame. For some reason. And...” Phantom released a heavy sigh once again. You waited for him to continue, but he didn’t. He only trailed his fingers along your legs. Letting your soothing touch ease the stress from his mind. 

“Take the rest of the day off. You’ve been having a rough week.” You said. “You said that you wanted to listen to Micheal's new song he wrote for you. Maybe spend some time with your Collected.” 

Phantom opened his eyes and looked over at the cane, which was left leaning by the front door. He was exhausted. And all he wanted to do was stay here. He was comfortable.  “In a little bit. I just need to lay down for a minute.” He replied. 

You smiled and started to massage his shoulders, as best you could given the position you were sitting in. But after some time, you started to feel Phantom relax some. His muscles released the tension they held and you felt him take a softer breath. 

“Feeling better?” You asked and Phantom asked. A yawn interrupting the beginning of his sentence.  He chuckled when he finished. Stretching a little as he rolled against you so he was chest to chest with you. He snuggled into your body. His arms wrapping around your torso as he closed his eyes. 

“Much better. But I think I need a nap.” 

“And I’m the mattress?” You asked, chuckling. Phantom nodded and squeezed your waist. 

🕉️ Om Namo Bhagavate Sri Arunachalaramanaya 🕉️

WHY DO Viṣaya-vāsanās (propensities, inclinations or desires to experience phenomena)  SPROUT AS THOUGHTS, AND HOW TO ERADICATE THEM?

 Vāsanās (propensities, inclinations or urges) have no will of their own, so they do not want anything. They are our desires, so the question is: what do we want? As this ego we are not yet willing to die, so we project phenomena (which are all thoughts), because it is only by grasping phenomena that the ego seems to exist, as Bhagavan says in verse 25 of Uḷḷadu Nāṟpadu - Reality In Forty Verses:

Grasping form the formless phantom-ego comes into existence; grasping form it stands; grasping and feeding on form it grows abundantly; leaving form, it grasps form. If it seeks, it will take flight. Investigate.

Explanatory paraphrase:

[By] grasping form [that is, by projecting and perceiving the form of a body (composed of five sheaths) as itself] the formless phantom-ego comes into existence [rises into being or is formed];

[by] grasping form [that is, by holding on to that body as itself] it stands [endures, continues or persists];

[by] grasping and feeding on form [that is, by projecting and perceiving other forms or phenomena] it grows [spreads, expands, increases, ascends, rises high or flourishes] abundantly;

leaving [one] form [a body that it had projected and perceived as itself in one state], it grasps [another] form [another body that it projects and perceives as itself in its next state].

If it seeks [examines or investigates] [itself], it will take flight [because it has no form of its own, and hence it cannot seem to exist without grasping the forms of other things as itself and as its food or sustenance]. Investigate [this ego] [or know thus].

☆

What Bhagavan refers to here as ‘form’ is phenomena of any kind whatsoever (that is, anything that appears and disappears), and according to him all forms or phenomena are just thoughts or mental phenomena, as he implies when he says in the fourth and fourteenth paragraphs of Nāṉ Yār? - Who Am I?:

"Excluding thoughts [or ideas], there is not separately any such thing as world. In sleep there are no thoughts, and [consequently] there is also no world; in waking and dream there are thoughts, and [consequently] there is also a world."

"What is called the world is only thought."

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Though he says that the ego comes into existence, stands, feeds itself and grows by grasping ‘form’ or phenomena, he does not mean that forms exist independent of it or when it does not exist, because as he says in verse 26 of Uḷḷadu Nāṟpadu:

‘If the ego comes into existence, everything comes into existence. If the ego does not exist, everything does not exist’.

Therefore the ego grasps forms (thoughts or phenomena) by projecting them or making them appear in its awareness, as he says in fourth paragraph of Nāṉ Yār?:,

‘It [the mind or ego] makes all thoughts appear [or projects all thoughts]’.

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Viṣaya-vāsanās (propensities, inclinations or desires to experience phenomena) are like seeds, and the phenomena (viṣayas) that we project are the plants that sprout from these seeds. That is, as this ego we project phenomena because we desire to experience them. Since we desire to experience them in order to survive, we are willing to experience even unpleasant or painful phenomena rather than to die.

When Bhagavan says that whatever thought may arise we should investigate to whom it has arisen, we should remember that according to him all phenomena (everything that appears or disappears), including any world that we may perceive, are just thoughts, so he means that whatever may appear in our awareness we should investigate to whom it has appeared.

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- Michael James blog 24.1.2018

https://happinessofbeing.blogspot.com/2018/01/why-do-visaya-vasanas-sprout-as.html

Source: https://www.facebook.com/RamanaMaharshiFoundationUK/photos/a.910847292336596/3680341232053841/

🕉️

Sri Ramanarpanamastu

Sri Ramana Maharshi - Ulladu Narpadu - Reality In Forty Verses, V.25

Explanatory paraphrase: 

By grasping form [that is, by projecting and perceiving the form of a body (composed of five sheaths) as itself] the formless phantom-ego comes into existence [rises into being or is formed]; 

By grasping form [that is, by holding on to that body as itself] it stands [endures, continues or persists]; 

By grasping and feeding on form [that is, by projecting and perceiving other forms or phenomena] it grows [spreads, expands, increases, ascends, rises high or flourishes] abundantly; 

Leaving one form [a body that it had projected and perceived as itself in one state], it grasps another form [another body that it projects and perceives as itself in its next state]. 

If it seeks [examines or investigates] [itself], it will take flight [because it has no form of its own, and hence it cannot seem to exist without grasping the forms of other things as itself and as its food or sustenance]. Investigate [this ego] [or know thus].

☆ 

 What Bhagavan refers to here as ‘form’ is phenomena of any kind whatsoever (that is, anything that appears and disappears), and according to him all forms or phenomena are just thoughts or mental phenomena, as he implies when he says in the fourth and fourteenth paragraphs of Nāṉ Yār? Who Am I?: 

- Excluding thoughts [or ideas], there is not separately any such thing as world. In sleep there are no thoughts, and [consequently] there is also no world; in waking and dream there are thoughts, and [consequently] there is also a world.

- What is called the world is only thought.

☆ 

http://happinessofbeing.blogspot.com/2017/10/ulladu-narpadu-tamil-text.html - Uḷḷadu Nāṟpadu: Tamil text, transliteration and translation

Arunachala Hill - photo gallery - sriramanamaharshi.org 

ॐ

      Thou art Thyself the One Being, ever aware as the selfluminous Heart! In Thee there is a mysterious power (shakti). From it proceeds the phantom of the mind emitting its latent subtle dark mists, which illumined by Thy light reflected on them, appear within as though whirling in the vortices of prarabdha(*). Later developing into the psychic worlds, they are projected without as the material world and transformed into concrete objects which are magnified by the outgoing senses and move about like pictures in a cinema show. Visible or invisible, O Hill of Grace, without Thee they are nothing!

~ Bhagavan Sri Ramana Maharshi  Eight Stanzas To Sri Arunachala (Sri Arunachala Ashtakam), V. 6

(*) Prarabdha: That portion of the sanchita karma, a collection of past karmas, which influences human life in the present incarnation

Horror!Phantom would be terrified of scaring you away from him. But he would be so protective of you after that day.