#petethoughts

“Thank you for seeing me, human.”

“Dude, you live in my house. You eat stuff I drop on the floor. I’ve seen almost every poop you’ve taken since I got you. I’m in this with you.”

“I’m getting a weird smell from you human. What is it?”

“I have changed shampoos, is that what your’e asking.”

“What’s shampoo?”

“What I rub in your hair when I give you a bath.”

“Ugh! Why would you use that stuff?”

“Unlike you, I like to stay clean.”

“Whatever. We need to talk.”

“Speak!”

“Bark!”

“That gets you every time.”

“Can I speak?”

“You just did.”

“I’m gonna ignore that and ask you my question. Are we ever going to move to this New York place?”

“Yes. Very soon! I promise.”

“Promise!”

“Yes, I promise.”

“Because Clara and Bessie told me that you don’t’ have the…what’s the human word for it…eggs to move.”

“Eggs? Did she mean balls?”

“Ball?! WHERE?!”

“Different kind of balls, buddy. You don’t have ‘em either.”

“I beg to differ.”

“Beg all the way, but you have no balls. I had nothing to do with that by the way.”

“Wait…what were we talking about?”

“Petey, we were talking about how those arrogant cows don’t think we’re ever going to move.”

“Yes. Thank you. My memory isn’t what it used to be now that I’m approaching 3.”

“We’re moving. I’m going to find the money to move. I’m going to get my business started first. And we’re going to kill it.”

“Sure?”

“Yes. I’m positive.”

“Okay human, I believe you. I trust you. Actually, I’ve evolved to trust you. We got this, human.”