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Requested by anon: Could you do a part 2 to coffee shop? I really loved it!!!
After that fateful day you start spending a lot of time at Peter’s apartment. The compound doesn’t allow very much privacy. You have your own room, of course, but you’d have to be crazy to think anyone in that building would allow Peter in your room. Even when they weren’t sure of your relationship status. Half of the agents stationed there remember when you were barely big enough to chase your uncles around, and they still think of you as that little girl.
So now you're here, escaping to Peter’s as often as possible. You know your family knows your exact location, Uncle Tony put a GPS tracker on your phone before it was even given to you, but they respect private property, can’t really have the Avengers being arrested for trespassing.
“Hey, y/n can you pass me my history book?” Peter asks, pulling your attention from the geometry homework you’ve been working on.
“Can we take a break? I have to leave soon and all we’ve done is study,” you beg Peter and he smiles, casting his homework aside to scoot closer to you slightly.
“Of course we can,” a faint blush paints his cheeks as you take his hand, “we can watch a movie or something?”
“Sounds good,” you subtly scoot closer to Peter as he turns on the TV. By now you're practically sitting on his lap, but neither of you mind. Some action movie begins playing on the screen but you’re not paying. All you can focus on is how warm Peter’s hand feels in yours. After a few minutes he gently lets go and you let yourself be upset for a moment until he wraps his arm around your shoulder. You're about to rest your head on his shoulder when your phone goes off, causing you both to jump. You mumble a quick apology before reaching forward to check the messages.
“You don’t have to be sorry. Is everything alright?” Peter asks and you roll your eyes, not at him but at the message.
“Yeah. My moms asking when I’m gonna be home. It’s family dinner and I’m not allowed to miss for any reason,” you say with a sigh.
“That’s sweet. I always wanted a big family to have stuff like that with,” he says with a sad smile and you gently take his hand.
“I got really lucky, but believe me it has its downsides. If I had a small family maybe we’d actually be able to go to my house every now and then,” your laugh draws one out of him as well and you smile.
“The grass is always greener I guess. I’ll walk you out,” he pulls you up and pauses at his front door.
“I’ll see you tomorrow,” you say smiling down at your joined hands.
“Yeah, text me when you get home safe,” Peter says and you nod. Before you can step away he leans in, placing a quick kiss to your cheek. You both blush but smile nonetheless.
“Bye Pete.”
“Bye y/n.” After his words you step away, walking towards the stairs. You don’t bother texting anyone, you know your mom is definitely waiting in a car downstairs.
xxxxx
“They keep asking questions,” you say quietly to Peter. The two of you are sitting on the bleachers after school.
“About us?” He asks and you nod. “We can tell them you know? Whenever you’re ready.”
“I’m just scared. You know how crazy they can get. And I’ve never had a boyfriend before. What if they’re mean to you? What if it gets so bad that you don’t wanna be with me anymore,” your eyes are glued to your own hands and Peter gently turns your face towards his.
“Y/n, I promise no matter how they react I’ll be right here. I know you’re scared and I know they’ll probably threaten to put me in some blacksite I’ll never return from, but that doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter because I care about you and I want you to be happy. I know this is tearing you up, and I want you to feel better. If that means telling them, then we tell them.”
“And you’ll do it with me?” You ask and he nods, “okay. I think I’m ready.”
xxxxx
“Hey guys,” you say to your family as you walk into the kitchen after school. They’re all gathered around the table going over plans for their upcoming mission, but all sound stops when they see the boy next to you.
“Hey kid, who’s your friend here?” Tony asks and Peter squeezes your hand gently, giving you the courage you need.
“This is Peter. He’s my...boyfriend,” you say softly, waiting for someone to say something. The silence draws out for what feels like hours but is probably little more than half a minute.
“It’s uh...it’s nice to meet you guys. I’m a big fan of your work…” Peter trails off awkwardly as your mom rises from her chair. Even surrounded by men twice her size she’s easily the most intimidating as she steps towards him.
“You better treat her right,” is all she says and Peter frantically nods.
“Yes ma’am. All I want is for her to be happy,” Peter says quickly and you see Steve crack a smile and Clint try to hide a laugh.
“Make sure she stays that way, and we won’t have any issues,” Tony says and you grin.
“Can Pete stay for dinner?” You ask and your mom nods. You turn to Peter and smile, “you said you wanted a big family dinner, get ready.”
xxxxx
“Peter watch out!” You call as you see a spoon flying towards the back of his head. His hand shoots up to catch it before he turns his head and your jaw drops.
“Uh...did somebody drop this?” He asks awkwardly and Clint gives the two of you a sheepish grin.
“Sorry Peter. I was aiming for Tony,” he says taking the spoon back.
“I guess these dinners are wild,” Peter says to you and all you can do is nod. You’re looking at him skeptically, that was a really lucky catch.
xxxxx
“Wanna go hang out on the field? It’s a really nice day,” you ask Peter and he smiles.
“Yeah, lead the way,” you take his hand and start dragging him through the winding halls of the compound. You step out the door smiling at the warmth of the sun. Before you can take another step Peter’s hand is around your waist, pulling you backwards against his chest.
“What the-“ you’re cut off by a drone flying in front of you where you had just stood.
“Sorry,” Peter lets go of you and you turn to look at him.
“How did you see that?” You ask and he shrugs. You notice the way he’s avoiding eye contact and the nervous twitch of his jaw, you were raised by spies after all.
“I don’t know. I saw it out of the corner of my eye.” You want to question him more but Tony is running over to apologize so you have to let it go.
xxxxx
Over the next few weeks you notice some things about Peter. Some similarities to the friendly neighborhood hero who operates near his apartment and never seems to be out and about during your dates.
“Pete!” You call, tossing your notebook in his direction and waiting for him to catch him effortlessly, despite the fact that he has his back to you.
“What am I doing with this?” He asks with that adorable smile and you falter for a second, you didn’t think of an excuse .
“Uh...can you check my science homework? You’re so much better at it than me,” you say after a moment and he furrows his brow. You’re both acing the class but he just shrugs and begins looking it over for you.
“It looks good,” he says, handing it back to you and you smile at him.
“So...have you heard of that new hero? spider boy or something?” You ask as casually.
“It’s Spider-Man!” He says quickly and you can and you see him tense up. “He’s kinda cool I guess.”
You try not to laugh at Peters failed attempt to look nonchalant, “whatever you say.”
xxxxx
It’s been two weeks since that whole spider boy incident and things are just getting more ridiculous. So far Peter has caught the notebook, the backpack, and the soccer ball you threw in his direction. He won’t come clean and you’ve decided to take things into your own hands after this one last test. You don’t say anything out loud, but you're silently praying you’re not wrong, as you toss his desk chair towards Peter. It took quite a bit out of you to throw it across the room but he spins around and catches it effortlessly.
“Whoa. That was a lucky catch,” he says and you roll your eyes.
“Seriously Pete? You’re still on that train?” You say exasperation clear in your voice
“What train? I’m not on a train. I don’t have anything to hide. Why’d you throw that at home anyway?” Peter starts rambling as you glance around his room. You pick up the baseball bat sitting by his desk and poke at the attic door, prompting a suit to fall which Peter quickly tries to hide.
“What was that about having nothing to hide?” You ask Peter. You’re a bit annoyed but there’s no real anger in your voice.
“I was gonna tell you,” he mumbles and you sigh.
“When Peter? It’s been months,” you take his hand, pulling him to sit next to you on his bed.
“I was! I just had to work all the kinks out. The people you live with? Your family? They’re the big leagues. I didn’t want to say anything to you until I knew I could at least start to measure up to them. I didn’t want you to think it was stupid,” he’s avoiding eye contact at all costs and you gently cup his cheek, bringing his head to face yours.
“Peter I could never think you were stupid. My mom has been training since she was little, and everyone else has ridiculous head starts. You just got into this game, but you’re trying to help people. That’s all that matters. You are using your abilities to change this work for the better, I could never think that was stupid,” you tell him firmly and you can see the tears shining in his eyes.
“You really mean that?” He asks and you nod.
“I do. You’ll get to the big leagues one day. For now just keep on being the friendly neighborhood Spider-Man that I know and love.”
“You love me?” He asks, a wide smile taking over his face. All you can do is nod and try to suppress the blush creeping across your cheeks. “I love you too.”
When you pull away from the kiss you smile, staring into his warm brown eyes. “It is kinda weird.”
“What is?” The nerves are back in his voice but your smile doesn’t falter.
“That the girl raised by superheroes fell in love with one,” you say and he grins.
“I guess it was fate.”
tag list: @rvgrsbrns @rororo06 @freerebel @prizmix-and-friends @m19friend @worlds-in-words @5aftermidnight @riotmaximoff
Eerily familiar handwriting on random envelopes had been haunting you the past few weeks. At first it seemed like harmless fun- like one of your old friends messing with you before you had to move away. Maybe it was their weird way of saying goodbye and wishing you well. You didn’t want to leave, but you had to, your parents had no other choice. The world revolved around money and they had to follow it to live comfortably. You were just glad that you weren’t overly attached to much in this town. Or perhaps a certain falling out with some people made you yearn for escape, who could tell.
The notes were nice at first, despite how you swore the handwriting was familiar. They were sweet, some reminders, some nice thoughts. “Treat yourself to something today.” “It’s going to be sunny and warm!” “A rainy day ahead, remember your umbrella!” “Yellow is your color today.”
You didn’t expect them to follow you to your new home, an apartment in New York. They became aggressive and were scattered in places no one should be able to leave notes. “CAN YOU READ THESE?”, was found in your brand new notebook for your upcoming school year. “ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME?”, in your fresh laundry. “PLEASE. I NEED A RESPONSE.”, in your locker. Today, inside your new box of Pop-Tarts, “PLEASE, YOU HAVE TO SAV_ ___”, the writing was so aggressive, the rest was illegible. It also looked smeared by something, you couldn’t pinpoint what. It was terrifying you, but anytime you tried to show someone, like your parents, it would disappear. You would lose it and even when you tried to explain, they didn’t believe you. How could they? How would someone get a note into an unopened box of Pop-Tarts? In your fresh laundry without getting wet? In a brand new notebook? It made no sense whatsoever. Yet it was chilling you to the bone.
Who was this person? What did they want from you? Was this funny to them? Terrifying some poor girl- making her look over her shoulder at every corner and question everyone she saw? You just wanted a smooth move, a new start at a new school. It was Junior Year, just one more year of hell after that and you were free! You could get started on learning what pertained to your future career and nothing else! That’s all you wanted, but here you were, scared out of your mind on the very first day of school. Lovely.
Your appetite was lost, no pop-tarts this morning- your body didn’t agree with you though. Especially when you decided lunch wasn’t an option either. You were scared to find another note in your mashed potatoes or some other odd place. You couldn’t even tell if the pain in your stomach was nerves, or hunger- or even both. You just let it be, hoping that ignoring it would make your first day smoother.
It didn’t.
You were stuck feeling nervous and just aching to be home. You were relieved once you were on that train- relieved and a little sad. You hoped you’d maybe make some friends or be interested in your new subjects, but you could barely make it through basics. You were too nervous and too tired to care about anything. It sucked- but maybe a good nap would help. A nap and maybe a snack. Your stomach really hurt- had you really gone all day without a bite to eat? Damn- these notes were really taking a toll, so much so you even felt queasy. It was not a good feeling, especially on the moving train. It was packed and you were stuck standing, holding onto one of the poles to stay balanced. Suddenly your bookbag weighed a ton and your legs felt like jelly, before you could register anything else, you were falling, and then you were out.
Someones voice was going in and out of your head, calling out to you and begging you to come to. Your stomach still really hurt (and for some reason your head throbbed too?) and you felt faint. It felt like you were propped up against something- something hard and uncomfortable. Someone was grasping your shoulders and when you opened your eyes, dark brown ones were staring back at you. They belonged to some boy. He had a mess of short curls, they looked like he ran his hands through them like crazy. His face was panicked and a little flushed. You noticed little freckles littered across his nose and cheeks, very faint, but still a little noticeable. He was kinda- wait, why was he so close? What-
“You’re awake! Oh thank god, I thought I’d have to call an ambulance! Are you okay?”, he asked you, words coming out in a jumbled rush.
“What happened? Where am I?”, you asked, seeing that you were no longer in the train, but at a stop.
“You fainted- your head kinda hit mine but that’s not important. I had to take you off the train- this is my stop, but I don’t know if it’s yours, I’ll pay for you to get back on if this isn’t-”
“What? I fainted? Oh god- I hit you? I’m so so so-”
He cut you off with a firm shake of his head, “No, don’t stress it! It’s fine, I’m fine, are you though? You look a little sick.”
“Uh- I think I’m good now. I should be- what stop are we at?”
“We’re on the one at 9th Street. Are you sure? You look flushed- kinda like you haven’t eaten a bite all day?”
That made you raise an eyebrow, “How could you get that just from my face?”
The boy shrugs, “I’ve forgotten to eat once or twice, I know the look. I have half a bag of gummy worms in my bag- unless that sounds super weird since I’m a stranger. I swear I just bought them this morning. I can show you the receipt unless that’s still weird- I just really don’t want you passing out-”
You cut him off with a casual wave of your hand, “Nah, I think I have a granola bar in my bag somewhere, probably crushed but still edible. I’ll take you up on that offer another day. So you said 9th Street right? Lucky me, that’s my stop.”
He looked surprised, “Really? It’s mine too! You sure you don’t want some gummy worms? A granola bar isn’t too filling..”
“Yeah but gummy worms won’t give me energy will they?”
He shrugs, “Maybe, maybe not. Still filling. Uh.. I’m Peter, by the way. Peter Parker.”
You smile a little, “I’m [Y/n]. [Y/n] [L/n].”
So began a nice conversation as he guided you to the nearest café for actual food. The two of you talked over some warm coffee and a doughnut or two. Perfect for the slow-dropping temperature. You got to know he went to Midtown, that one school you heard was for the academically gifted (in science mostly). He lived with his Aunt and seemed to love Star Wars. You told him of how you just moved here and started your first day, how you were getting used to taking the subways and finding your way around.
When today began, you had no idea you’d meet a friend so fast- that you’d click so easy. It was nice and it was comforting to know the entire day wasn’t wasted. Your mind was free from worry, the anxiety over finding another letter was long gone as you walked home-
Only to return once you saw a white envelope lying on your bed. It was blank, no return address like always, but oddly no writing at all. With a hard swallow, you crept towards it and opened it up. The writing was still uncomfortably familiar, but it was neater. Calmer.
“I’m sure by now you’ve met him already. I remember that day like it just happened hours ago. It was wonderful. He’s so nice isn’t he? Easy going too? I miss it.
Listen, you’re not going to believe me at first. I know it, but you need to try.
My name is [Y/n] [L/n]. I’m you at twenty-seven and counting. I know those other letters must have rattled you and I know it seems crazy, but I need you to listen. I need you to save him. I need you to save Peter Parker, or at the least, I need you to be able to let him go without a single regret.
You’re going to love him. You’re going to be scared of it, nervous to ruin what’s been established. You shouldn’t be. I regret never telling him. I regret losing him how I did. I never stopped loving him, I want him back. I want to change this future of mine please.
You have until the summer before Freshman year of college starts. Please, tell him. Don’t let him go.
He dies before you get the words out.
You’ll regret it. Every waking moment of your life, you will regret it.
I’m begging you.”
Strikethrough means I couldn’t tag you, if I still can’t next time, I’ll have to remove it :c
Lost Love Letters Taglist [Fill out google form] :
Includes: Peter x reader, Homecoming spoilers, angst, and fluff.
Requested by Anonymous: “Could you do a Peter x Reader where the reader is worried about Peter because he keeps getting beat up and he starts shutting her out and she gets saved by Spider-Man and she tells him about her problems and Peter feels guilty so comes to her house with flowers and apologizes. I love your writing!”
Written for @sanjariti‘s Writing Challenge:
Quote #3 (included in part 4): “I love you, you asshole.”
Word Count: 845
A/N: This request has been in my inbox forever, and the person who sent this in may not even follow me anymore, but I hope you all enjoy it! The series will be four parts long and one part will be posted every other day.
You tapped the eraser of your pencil against your notebook, creating a thumping rhythm that followed the ticking of the clock against the wall. You were anxious to be released from class, and you knew time would only pass slower if you kept watching the second hand, but you did anyway.
Finally, the bell rang, signaling the end of your chemistry class for the school day. As quickly as you could, you packed your things and headed out the door, wanting to get to your locker to spend the passing period with your boyfriend, Peter.
As expected, Peter was already waiting for you, leaning against the other metal lockers next to your own. You smiled at him when his eyes met yours from across the hall, and he mirrored your expression, though he appeared abnormally stiff and uncomfortable.
Once you reached him and started spinning the combination on the lock, Peter gave your cheek a small peck, though you paused to tug at the back of his neck, bringing his face down to yours. To your surprise, he pulled away only a moment after your lips brushed his, gripping your wrist to remove your hand. He then rubbed the place where you touched him, his reaction to your affection causing the heat of embarrassment to warm your cheeks.
While you had previously been excited to see Peter, you now wanted to get to your next class so you didn’t have to deal with the awkward tension that had settled between the two of you. Opening your locker, you hurriedly swapped your chemistry textbook for a few binders, but one slipped from your grasp. Peter caught it before it could hit the ground, holding it out for you to take.
“Thanks,” you mumbled distractedly, your attention drifting to the cuts and bruises coating the skin along his knuckles. “What happened?”
Once he realized what you were referring to, he hastily stuffed his hands inside his pockets, his eyes no longer willing to meet yours. “It’s nothing, Y/N. I-I gotta go,” he stammered, the uncertainty in his voice betraying his words.
As he turned away, you noticed the edges of another bruise along the collar of his shirt, confirming that he was keeping something from you.
“Peter, wait!” you called down the hallway, but he didn’t listen, disappearing into the crowd of students.
A few hours later, you joined Ned and Peter at the usual lunch table, though Peter barely said anything to you. The only subject that he seemed willing to talk about was Ned’s new lego set, and he ignored all of your concerned glances at his hands as he ate. Frustrated, you decided to move down the table to sit by Michelle. You recommended a few books to her and asked about the one she was currently reading, but Peter’s mysterious wounds still remained in the back of your mind.
Although you were in two other classes with Peter after lunch, he avoided you for the rest of the school day until you forced a conversation on him when you sat beside him on the subway.
“Do you want to come over later so we can work on the math homework together?” you asked, pretending to have forgotten about his injuries to get him talking. You intended to use the time with him to find out what kind of trouble he got himself into in order to obtain such abrasions.
“I uh… I can’t tonight. I have the Stark internship,” he mumbled, his answer deflating your hope of finding out what happened.
Screw it, you thought, deciding to get to the point. “Does your internship have anything to do with these?” you questioned, gently taking his hand in your own.
Peter’s eyes grew wide as he finally met your gaze, and you could feel his pulse quicken against your fingers where they touched his inner wrist. Evidently, you struck a nerve.
“No, no, no. Of-of course not. Some guy jumped me on my way home from, ya know, the internship, and… I had to fend him off,” he stuttered, fumbling with his words far more than usual. Again, he refused to tell you the truth even though he was a dreadful liar.
“But-”
Peter cut you off by pressing his lips to yours, no doubt using the kiss as a way to convince you to stop prying. You couldn’t believe he thought a small show of affection would subdue your worry, for it did nothing besides irritate you further. You should have pulled back just to spite him for rejecting you earlier, but you were too stunned to think about it at the time.
When he disconnected his lips, you leaned your forehead against his, taking a moment to catch your breath before whispering, “Why do you keep lying to me, Peter?”
A soft ding sounded, indicating the next stop. “I’ll see you tomorrow,” Peter said, effectively dodging your question as he rose from his seat and exited the car.
“This isn’t our stop!” you called after him, but he just kept walking.
Part 2
Thank you for reading! Feedback is much appreciated. Also, if you would like to be added or removed from the tag list, please let me know.
Warnings: My angst has bust in full force thanks- flashbacks in italics in case thats confusing
A/N: I’m alive??? Works killer n i miss this crai- also, doing page breaks a diff way bc tumblr mobile refuses to show page breaks smh. No, I have not seen Endgame or any leaked footage so this contains no spoilers, (I did see it, since this was edited and made before and after Endgame, however, this will atill contain no spoilers and will continue in how I thought it would end <3) just vague mentions of IW and what an aftermath might be like idek
You assumed you shouldn’t be doing this, what with your state of emotions but.. if you didn’t, you weren’t sure if these emotions would ever settle. You had to have closure, even if the outcome wasn’t what you expected or wanted. Hell, you were barely sure what you even wanted out of this. What was the point? What was there to even gain anymore? Why were you lying to yourself when you knew you still wanted this?
There was so much you’d put up with on your end- and sure, maybe you had no right to complain. You knew what you were getting into those few years ago. You knew who he was and how he was, but still. You hoped you’d get him to see reason. You knew you would-
A teenager shouldn’t have to go through all that. Not even an adult should, but of course, perhaps an adult could better process it. An adult wouldn’t struggle so hard, and that’s only because their brains aren’t still working to fully develop themselves and the body they inhabit. Struggling with something so hard so young.. it does things to you and those around you. It does things to your relationships.
Funnily enough, the same could be said of a teen simply having a romantic relationship at all. Yet, the latter doesn’t have you bearing the weight of the world upon your still growing shoulders.
You struggled to hold that weight with him. Nights filled with the metallic scent and taste of blood were the norm. Those nights always felt panicky or hurt- those nights always caused arguments and overpowering feelings of helplessness. You weren’t built to be a damsel in distress, but you knew your limits. He surpassed them, but even he had his own, and as much as you wished they were endless, they weren’t. That night when he didn’t come home- that day when all the world saw was ash.. that was almost the final straw. How crazy is it that it wasn’t?
That months of mourning and horrific questions and theories, wasn’t entirely the cause of this? Months of staring out your window and just hoping he was lost and not.. gone. So much time spent feeling like you could have prevented it somehow- and feeling like you didn’t savor enough of the good moments. The hand holding, the sweet kisses and sweet murmurs of affection under stars- none of it felt like enough. Not enough to sate you or make you feel like yourself..
❝I’ᴍ sᴏ ғᴜᴄᴋɪɴ sᴏʀʀʏ, I’ᴍ sᴏ ғᴜᴄᴋɪɴ sᴏʀʀʏ..❞
Seeing his face again was almost like having whiplash- only ten times worse.
You’d only dreamt of seeing him again, of getting to touch him and feel his hands holding you close. Only in your dreams did you get to feel like.. he had never left. You wanted to punch him, but you also wanted to hug him. All you could settle for was breaking down. Your knees gave out from under you, and he caught your crumpling form, allowing you to thrash at him because he was sure he deserved it. You both knew he didn’t, but feelings never really align with logic. Feelings do as they pleased, especially when they decided to consume you.
You cried until you couldn’t- until your throat was scratchy and your body felt weak.
“I’m sorry..”, he tells you, and you just shake your head.
“I am too.”
He doesn’t know, and maybe he never will, but the sorry wasn’t for hitting him. It wasn’t for him having to see you like this. It was because he was one of many, that had to watch themselves go- only his was worse. You were sure his senses screamed at him, that his powers tried to alert him and or stop it all, but they failed. He had to feel himself wither away, and you could only imagine what that might feel like for a Junior in High School. For a growing young man.
“I broke my promise though. I want you to know I never meant to and you were all I could-”
“Please.”, you cut him off as quick as you could, “Please, I just.. you’re here now and I.. I don’t want to think of any of that..”
“Okay. I understand.”, he says, and he does. No one wants to be told they were the last thing to be thought of. True, it means well but.. no one wants to lose someone. They don’t want to think of their lats thoughts or last words. They just want them with them, alive and well. He did his best to give you that.
Days were hard and nights were long. He wasn’t sure what he was thinking that night. He just knew he had to fix this, his gut was telling him he needed to fix this. You walked through hell with him, held his hand while the whole world was engulfed in flames and he had the utter audacity to let you go? To let you slip through his fingers when you were doing your best to stay? To help?
He was in the wrong and he was sure of it. He was wrong for expecting none of his life to affect you. For allowing himself to think that because you’re not experiencing anything he has firsthand, that you had no room to say anything. You’d watched him get beat down- get damn near killed on a few occasions. Fuck- you even lost him once. You went entire hours and days and weeks and months just.. without him. Not from a break up or vacation or something normal. For you, he was dead, and something like that is horrifically traumatic at best, even if he was here now. No amount of promises can fix that. There will always be that bit of fear stuck in you, and you had every right to keep it there.
You have every right to tell him what you told him- to ask what you’ve asked.
He had no right to say what he said, and he’ll regret it his whole life long.
How could he say he didn’t need you? Lie right to your heartbroken face and get mad that you asked him to just once stop? To live for himself- to come home unscathed?
The broken look in your eyes absolutely broke him.. the sad soft tone to your voice- and then the anger. The bottled up rage and hurt, the venom in your words had absolutely paralyzed him, and then, in the silence, in the aftermath, he saw what he had done. He felt it when he woke up alone, warm sun on his back, but no warm body next to him. Soon the very scent of you was gone, your perfume no longer lingered, your clothes weren’t mixed in with his laundry basket- nothing. There was no trace of you.
It was a type of lonely he’d hoped to never experience. May stopped asking for you and only looked at him with sadness when you were mentioned. He never told her a thing- he assumed she figured it out, or maybe you told her.. he wasn’t sure.
“Oh, so you don’t need me, huh?”, you say, your voice is soft but tight, and he knows what’s going to happen next. He knows you well enough- he’s only taken in every last bit of you he could since he was sixteen. Only ever loved you since he learned what that was- what it really was. He liked to think you and him were the anomaly- a tiny percentage of teens that did know what love was..
“No. I-”
“You don’t? So you didn’t need me patching you up all those times so May wouldn’t lose her shit? So she wouldn’t flip the fuck out at her only nephew- at her only boy, risking his life constantly? Didn’t need me when you were as good as dead to the fucking world and May was so lost? Not last night when you were screaming in pain and couldn’t go to Tony because even he would tell you to cut the shit and let someone else handle it?!”
“He wouldn’t-”
“He would! You’re not doing this for the same reasons anymore! It’s not for your Uncle or May or even me! It’s only for you! Just for you because you’re still scarred from what happened and refuse to be beaten by anyone! You don’t want to feel helpless but fuck- think about how everyone else feels! We-”
“You’re all alive aren’t you?! Well and okay and safe, aren’t you?! I am doing it-”
“NO!”, you scream, and he goes quiet. The anger in him seems to just fizzle out. You’ve never screamed at him that way- the fire in your voice- the look in your eyes. It was torture.
“No.”, you hiss, “No we’re not okay. May is far from okay and I’m right with her. You’re throwing yourself at danger- you’re getting careless. The biggest threat to us all is gone Peter. He’s not coming back. He’s not in any of the villains you’ve fought. He won’t be in any future ones. You can relax- but you won’t. This fear is eating at you. You’re scared and you won’t even admit it anymore.”
“I’m not scared. I’m fine and I really don’t need you on my case about this. You’re better off leaving if you think I’m gonna stop. Go move on like you did when you thought I was gone.” The last part was a low blow and he knew it. You couldn’t know when he was coming back or if he was. It wasn’t even moving on. It was just doing what you could to not be drowned every waking moment of every day. Even if it meant laughing like nothing went wrong- like there was no gaping hole in your chest.
Even if it was with what friends you had left, even if, in the moment, it looked like you’d never missed him. Yes, he realized he was wrong when you gasped how you did. When you cried instantly and threw yourself into him- but some evil and minuscule voice in his head said it was lie. Though, that itself, was a huge lie.
“I can’t believe you’d-”
“Believe it.”, he had said, and by God he wishes he hadn’t.
You never answer to unknown numbers. If they weren’t in your contacts and no one was set to call, they weren’t worth answering. Something in you had told you to answer the phone and for once- just once, you did. You almost hung up when your first few ‘Hello’s gained you no response. You didn’t know that sound of your voice sent him into shock for a moment or so. It had been so long since he heard it. He spoke so fast too, a nervous tick of his. Speedy and stuttery. It’s how he always had been, and you half-hated half-enjoyed the way it made your heart do flips in your chest. Butterflies rose up in you and you felt like a teen again.
It was insane how after all this time he still had you like that. How you knew his apologies were sincere and how you had missed him so so very much. he had missed you too- he was practically dying without.
“I’m like.. eleven minutes away from you by my webs I just- please. I want to see you- I want to talk this out. That was a low blow and I.. I was so wrong, about it all. I could use a break- I should have taken one- should have thought more of you and May when I was out doing what I was doing. I.. I don’t know about putting up the mask forever but.. I don’t need to fight everything. I sure as hell don’t need to fight you.. please.”, he had said.
“Okay but.. you’re only eleven minutes away from me if I keep driving like this for.. ha, eleven minutes. You’ll be farther if I just stop.”, you tease, just cause you could. You’d earned that much.
“... I’ll swing for a half hour- even longer just.. I miss you. I-.. god, please. I mean I understand but.. please..”
You sigh softly, unable to deny that you wanted this too, “I didn’t stay I’d stop driving. I’ll see you there.”
He lets out a breathy laugh of relief, “Great. I.. I’ll be there. Promise.”
“Maybe I deserve this..”, Peter sighed into his mask, overlooking the city from where he was perched. He had Karen keeping an eye out for you or your car. You had said eleven minutes. Karen detected one traffic incident but it was a route you never took. It was shorter, but accidents were frequent there. He didn’t dare look into what might be involved in that traffic incident. Not just because he didn’t want to be tempted to go check it out- but also because he knew his luck. He knew yours. He didn’t want to panic, but with every passing second, he was losing it.
All the worst case scenarios were running through his head. Every bad possible thing- because of course it’d happen. Of course the day he finally decides to call you- to get some courage and-
“She’s here.”, Karen says, and relief courses over him. You’re here and once he lays eyes on you he feels as weak as always. You’re still as he remembers and he swears it’s like you haven’t changed. He can feel you so near and you’d only just gotten there. Memories flooded through him and his longing grew. He missed you- oh fuck, he missed you so much. It took everything in him to not web you to him- but he couldn’t risk that, not now and not here. He had to make it seem like he didn’t notice you. You knew the drill. Years of being with him, you knew the risks and when it was alright to take them, now wasn’t the time. You had to play it safe. Anyone could be watching.
You stood by the building and waited like you were waiting on someone to come out. He kept his head forward but his eyes stayed on you. He was damn glad no one could see his eyes with the mask on. Karen kept a look out, being sure nothing was nearby. He had to wait on her all-clear, simply because his own emotions and wants fogged his rationality and focus, especially when it came to you. You’d always clouded his thoughts, even when he was out as Spider-Man. How could you not? You were and still are his everything. He’d always love you, even if this meeting didn’t go as he hoped. There was no one out there like you, there never would be.
“God- I want to jump down to her- she’s even looking at me with that little grin-”
“No, Peter. I have not given the all-clear. I am still searching and you have poor judgement with her.”
“Ouch, Karen- even you’re mad at me? Still?”
“I-”
Gunshots went off suddenly, someone was screaming about a drive-by but it wasn’t warning enough. He was up high and you were down there. He jumped but he wasn’t fast enough. Super-speed wasn’t in his arsenal of powers. Nothing helpful in the moment was, but he still tried. The very second he saw the gunfire nearing you, he jumped. He leaped for his very life, reached with all his might but you slipped away, stray bullets shocking you into falling. You fell right onto the concrete. People in passing were screaming- some started crying out of fear, dropping to the ground like flies. For every shot, three people went down. It was chaos and as selfish as it was, he only cared about you in the moment. Spider-Man wasn’t there, Peter was. Peter only needed to see you- he had to hope you were fine-
He hoped you were only grazed- begged for you to be fine.
“Please..”
He didn’t look, he didn’t pause, he went straight for the nearest hospital once he reached your limp body. Swinging high and fast- in a way he knew you’d hate if you were conscious- or just awake enough to know. You had to just be out from shock- nothing else- His adrenaline was pumping through him like mad- like never before. Harder than when he felt himself dying- quicker than anything ever. His breaths were ragged and raspy- raw and painful. His chest was tight and he had to fight to see through his tearing eyes. His fear was eating him alive, shaking his core and straining his muscles.
The nearest hospital seemed so far away. It seemed like thousands of miles- like his webs weren’t fast enough- and the warmth seeping into his suit wasn’t helping a damn thing. It was like it was weighing him down with every passing moment. Every second you weren’t yet at that hospital, he was losing his mind. Panic was absolutely consuming him and yet he continued.
“Please- oh my go- please- for fucks sake- not her!”
He screamed for a doctor once he landed- lost his mind as he ran in. He can’t remember what he yelled or who he scared. he didn’t care if this could get you labeled as someone Spider-Man knew. He could fight that battle later. He had to survive this one first.He had to let them get you on a gurney- had to ignore the splotches of dark red on you- had to forget how limp you felt. he only focused on your breaths, shallow as they were, they were something.
He hated that he had to change out of his suit- it meant he had to leave- and being alone was no help. He had to peel his suit off and ignore the feeling in the pit of his stomach. Had to ignore the sickening warmth that stuck to him- sticky and noisy but he had to ignore it. Hopefully it was his blood and he couldn’t feel it. Maybe he had been grazed. The blood on his palms couldn’t be yours. He’d never be so unlucky- not like this not now or ever. It couldn’t be this way. He had to remember that as he ran back in- as he put on the facade that he’d heard from some friends or something and had to know your condition.
He had to play positive thoughts in his head like a mantra in his head as he waited on news. You couldn’t go- you promised. Years ago, you promised you’d be his girl forever. Even when you two fought- even when he was being a damned idiot. You’re his everything- you wouldn’t leave him. You swore- you even agreed to see him after the stupid shit he said.This couldn’t happen. He loved you, you loved him- how rare was that? A love worth fighting for, a love that went through hell and back? A love people wrote books and novels about- full on series that ended tragic for shock value. That couldn’t happen to him- he couldn’t be some cliche. You would be damned if you ever became some-
“Mr.Parker..”
His head shot up, “Yeah?”
The silence the followed was deafening. His heart thrummed in his ears as the nurse who called him beckoned him to follow. The very halls made his senses go off- there were people just hanging on the brink- there were people morning- people talking to someone hooked up to machines with no promise of waking. People saying goodbye- he wasn’t going to say goodbye- you never said goodbye. Once you learned his secret, it was never goodbye, only ever see you soon. It was because you knew. Goodbyes weren’t something he ever wanted to hear with a life like his. With losses like his. Peter grew to hate goodbyes as dumb and cliche as that sounded. You didn’t care though, you let him hate them and made sure not to say it. You had the chance to when you left him, but you didn’t. You didn’t stoop to his level and.. well, you didn’t want it to be goodbye. He had forced your hand-
The nurse led him to the Doctor in charge of your care. His face made Peter’s heart drop.
“Is sh-”
“I’m sorry..”
❝I ᴡᴏᴜʟᴅ sᴇʟʟ ᴍʏ sᴏᴜʟ ғᴏʀ ᴀ ʙɪᴛ ᴍᴏʀᴇ ᴛɪᴍᴇ..❞
“You promise you’ll be careful?”
“Only if you promise you’re my girl forever.”
You laugh softly and his chest feels like it might burst.”You’re silly, you know the answer to that.”
“Mhmm.. but I don’t? I’m oblivious, you know this considering you had to make the first move for us to even be like this.”
You roll your eyes playfully, “Well, you are right about that.. hmm..let’s see.”
He pouts, “Aw, c’mon, don’t be like that. You’re already my girl now, what’s so wrong with forever?”
You pretend to think, and it’s convincing enough to make him scared until you grin bigger than he’s ever seen. It was a smile he grew to adore, “Absolutely nothing Peter. I’ll always be here, even when you’re oblivious.. or dumb.. or-”
“No no, I get it. You don’t have to get specific.”
“You have to promise me too.”, you say.
“What?”
“Promise me you’re my dumb nerd forever?”
He makes a face, “Dumb nerd- I-”
“Promise.”, you insist, and he goes quiet, because now you’re serious. He gets why. He understands what you’re insinuating.His face softens and he accepts the rude description of him, only because you had called him yours.
He steals the softest kiss from your lips, grinning like a moron after, “You know better than I do that I’m only yours. Always. I was yours before you even knew it.”
“... You must think you’re so cool for kissing me first for once-”
“God- shut up! Let me live- just because you said those three words first doesn’t- hey! Don’t laugh! We were having a moment- I can’t-” and the rest dissolves into laughter.
In that moment he loved you so much, and he grew to love you even more. He wouldn’t trade you for the world. Not with you laughing like that- not with your smile like that. You were so beautiful then..
You were beautiful even now, as he laid you to rest with family, tears streaming down his face..
“You promised..”, he whispered, but no one could hear him. “You fucking promised and- god you were right there. I had you- I saved you- I’ve done it a thousand times why-”, he chokes on a sob, curling over to try and support himself but it’s not working. He’s crying out your name but you’re not responding.
You’re right fucking there, but you’re not moving and it’s absolutely killing him. You fought through everything with him- The Snap- villains that snapped his bones like twigs- beat him to a pulp. You were used as bait by a villain that knew too much- he saved you from them. From a falling building- from death- so what the fuck?
How is there no one for him to blame? No one he knew personally- no one but himself- but time and fate?
“It was only eleven minutes- god- I was ready to be done I swear- please- come back, I- Fuck.. god- I’m..”, he started to sob, “Come.. come home to me.. come... home with me..”
Everything was lost to sobs.. and not a damn soul could pry him from where you lay.
❝sᴏ ᴡʜʏ ᴀʀᴇɴ’ᴛ ʏᴏᴜ ʜᴇʀᴇ..❞
Making a new taglist soon but taggin @starksparker to be an ass. Also @grandmascottlang and @spiderboytotherescue
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Warnings: More angst from a mood drop im sorry, based off this fic. A little graphic, so that might be triggering.
A/N: my series are coming along i promise, i just don’t want to hate what i write so i write what comes to me. another long fic yikes.
Dark brown hair, dark brown eyes. Both matching- yet you swore you saw more colors in his eyes- kind of. The colors you saw were very dull, but they were there. Something stripped him of all his colors, and you hoped to be able to put them back for him. Even if it meant dulling some of your own.
You kind of wished you hadn’t been so hopeful or so wanting. You gave him some of your colors without him knowing. He ate them up, yes, but they didn’t change him. He just wanted your flowers and something to numb everything inside of him.
You only gave him flowers.
You were his flower girl. You provided him with some very special flowers. A favorite to someone he knew- someone he mourned. Sometimes he remembered you, and sometimes he didn’t. It was the times that he remembered you that you lived for. It was like some twisted high for you. You hated it, but you loved it as well. You got a look at who he was before. What kind of man he was before the world destroyed him from the inside out.
One day, he remembered you. He carried out a conversation with you, somewhat.
“I just really love these flowers.”, he says, giving you a half warm smile.
“They’re really pretty, so I can see why.”
A different smile takes over his face, it’s big and genuine and your heart jumps upon seeing it, “Heh, you’re really pretty too-”, he cuts himself off, looking visibly shaken.
You’re flattered and for a moment, unaware of why he looks that way. You think it’s embarrassment, innocent embarrassment, so you say, “Hey, it’s okay-”
He shakes his head, “No. N-No it’s not I- you look like her and- and these are hers- hers. I can’t. I’m so sorry- I have to go.”
Then he’s off, leaving you confused and flustered. What do you make of that? Who is she and what had she done to him?
That should’ve been your first sign. The first big red flag. He loved another girl- his heart belonged to someone else, so therefore it’d be wrong and useless to give him yours. Giving him yours might fill the gaping hole in his chest, but it wouldn’t stop the bleeding. It would only leave you empty and cold, and it would make him feel more guilty.
Your flower boy knew he couldn’t love you, not the way you wanted and deserved. You deserved someone fresh- a clean slate. Someone who could move forward from their past, and not cling to it like he did. He clung until his hands bled, and even then he refused to let go. His past was his lifeline, it was all he knew. She was all he knew. He couldn’t remember who he was before her, and he didn’t know who he could be without her. When he had thought of the future, he had thought of her- but she’s gone now, so what was his future?
You didn’t deserve the baggage he had- the scars he hid. He didn’t want you to pour yourself into his empty shell and lose all of what you were. You looked too much like her and he had to constantly remember that you weren’t her. It wasn’t healthy, but god- you looked at him in such a way..
He had to try, just for your sake. Maybe you’d see just how messed up he’d become and you’d leave. Maybe-
He let himself talk to you and befriend you. You grew to know him, taking it all slow. You learned of his bad habit of mixing his meds with alcohol and how he tended to forget for awhile. You did your best to help him out of it- did all you could to learn him and try to ground him, but he was like sand. You could grab fistfuls and hold onto them, but at some point, only mere tiny grains would stay stuck to your palms. Useless and uncomfortable.
Still, you were hopeful, and so you held onto those tiny grains. You clutched them tight and one day, you swore it paid off.
He kissed you.
His lips had been warm and inviting, despite being chapped. It was a feeling you thought you could get used to. It was addicting- but that was the problem. Addictions were hardly ever a good thing, and though the highs could be amazing, the lows were damn near torture. As soon as the kiss had happened, it stopped when his salty tears touched your lips. He pulled away abruptly, horribly shaken and with such a pitiful look on his face.
“I can’t.”, he told you, “I fucking can’t..”
You’d realized that shaken look was not from embarrassment, but some form of regret. Like he’d been caught doing something he shouldn’t have and that should have told you just how attached he still was, even after such time. You didn’t know an entire life had been taken from him, not just one, but two. An entire happy future was ripped from him and he couldn’t cope.
His grains of sand were turning into air but you still hung on- you were so sure he would change, so positive this twisted cycle of highs and lows would balance out. You let yourself fall into it- because you loved him. You loved when he touched you and when he held you. You loved when you got to hold him and when you could kiss his tears away. You loved Peter Benjamin Parker and dammit, he tried.
He tried so hard to love you, but it just wasn’t enough. He couldn’t do it.
He’d never been more sorry. His soul was infected with sorrow and emptiness- and he let it eat away at you. He did- and so once he was gone, so was that part of you he took..
You remembered losing it all as if it’d happened hours ago.
“Things are getting crazy out there..”, he tells you, leaning against the wall near your window. He peers out of it, awaiting the signal for him to go.
“You don’t have to leave.”, you say, coming up behind him and wrapping your arms around him. You hug him tightly, but he remains stiff as he always does on low nights.
“I do. It’s my job, you know that.”
“Your job is what hurt you. You’re miserable, and other heroes exist for a reason.”
He sighs and lets his head drop. It’s the same conversation you’ve had since he let you in a little. You tell him he doesn’t have to, he insists he does. It always ends in scratchy throats and tears and he’s so so tired. He knows you are too.
“I know.. so.. after this, after tonight, I’ll stop. I know I’ve been unfair to you. I know... I know it hurts when you hear me talk about her or forget everything so.. I promise. After tonight.. I’ll try.”
Your heart soared- you’d been waiting for this cycle to end. For the coaster of hurt to finally come to an end, “Really?”
“Yes.”, he said, and he’d been sincere. He hopes you know.
He never intended for it to come to what it had. He’d kissed you and held you and you felt so much relief. Maybe it was selfish of you, to press and press and press. You wanted him, but at the end of it all, he was never yours. He belonged to another girl, to another life. Maybe if things were different- maybe if you’d met him first or he left her on mutual terms.. maybe, none of this would have happened.
“Spider-Man down! Everyone is in shock, Queens own hero was last seen falling from a skyscraper..”
People were screaming, some were crying. The sound of reporters buzzing surrounded you as you ran to find him. You remember how your lungs burned and how your legs felt like they might fall off. You could feel your heart thudding in your chest, but at the same time it had felt like it had simply vanished. You shoved past crowds, gaining strength you didn’t know you had. You tore through that yellow tape, dashing into the debris despite the screaming officers behind you. Iron-Man and some others were still around, shouting to you to go, but you couldn’t. You saw how he fell.. where he fell..
You found him on the ground, a disgusting dark puddle surrounding his head and shoulders. There were tiny bits and pieces of something mushy surrounding him, but you refused to let yourself identify them. His limbs were twisted in unnatural ways and he was gurgling slightly. His suit was torn, showing off more, less fatal, injuries. His accelerated healing kept him alive- anyone else would’ve been long gone. However, Spider-Man couldn’t escape this, the healing wasn’t fast enough.
You shakily reached for his mask, but he stopped you with what strength he could muster.
“Don’t.. it’s...no..”
“You promised..”, you say, feeling a lump rise in your throat, “You promised, Peter..”
He coughs, “M’...s-sorry..but I... I see her..”, he starts to choke again, his mask trapping the blood dribbling out of his nose and mouth, “I see them..”
“Peter! You promised! Peter- don’t leave me! Please! I’m sorry I pushed so much, I’m sorry! I only wanted.. I just..please..”
What did you want? What was it? You knew him- but did you really? Did you when you ignored the way he sobbed quietly next to you every night he slept with you? When you turned away and tuned him out every time he tried to set you free? When you clung to a tired and broken man for all this time? Did you really know him? Did you really love him?
Or did you assume he’d bounce back to who you thought he was- to the bright happy man you saw in that diner that one night? To the man his Aunt described him as- the one she hoped you’d find and bring out of him.
“Sorry..”, he gurgles one last time, leaving you there alone in the mess you let fester.
Dark hair, dark brown eyes. Both matching- yet no man ever met the criteria you were looking for. You tried and tried- but you never got what you wanted- what you craved. You just left more empty souls in your wake. You blame yourself-
Pairing: College!Peter Parker x College!Female!Reader [In their 20′s], Peter Parker x Past!Female!Reader [3rd Person]
A/N: This is so incredibly late, and definitely not long enough to make up for it. I’m sorry. Stress has been eating me alive, but I’m slowly coming back, I promise.
Warnings: Angst, cursing, heartache and mentions of pain, slight hangovers (I don’t drink, so I’m sorry for any inaccuracies).
Part 4, Masterlist, Part 6
Morning came quietly and gently, not as abruptly as it could have. Light woke him up, soft and warm on the cheeks of his face. It came in little strips, his blinds blocked most of the light, but not all of it. For a moment or two, Peter was peaceful. The world was quiet, he was calm and oddly well rested. He even felt warm and comfortable. His eyes scanned his ceiling for a moment, slowly realizing he was in his small living room and not his bedroom. Wait- when did he even go to sleep? How did he fall asleep on the floor- god- his head hurt. Grunting softly, he turned his head.
There you lay, curled up next to him, your arms gently wrapped around his torso- now he knew where the warmth was coming from. You- and by god you looked so-
No.
No he could not do this. Not to you and not to himself. You could destroy him if he let you, and he’d be damned if he ever did. So despite the pounding in his head and the ache in his bones, he tried his best to peel away from you without waking you up. He knew he could use his strength to force you off, but he might hurt you in the process, as well as wake you up. He didn’t want to do either, so he kept up his slow approach- but you shifted and gripped him tighter, mumbling in your sleep. His heart clenched painfully and he hissed under his breath. This wasn’t fucking fair. He promised himself he wouldn’t do this, but now here he was, stuck like-
“Peter?”
Well shit, now he was stuck staring down at you. Stuck between two big choices, and he knew it. Depending on what he chose, he’d either end up bringing you closer, or destroying what could be. He decided on neither, and chose a third option, one that could lead to anything. Anything he wanted or anything he didn’t.
“Sorry.”, he says, voice unusually calm, “Guess we fell asleep. That shouldn’t have happened, heh. Uh, anyway, I’m kinda busy today. I hate to shove you out but..?”
Peter stared at you, hoping you’d get the hint. He couldn’t be forceful to save his life, but he could to save another. No lives were in danger here, though, so he couldn’t.
“O-Okay? Uh.. I’ll uhm.. grab my things.”, you said, and he almost stopped you as you gently peeled away from him. Almost. You looked upset and a little shocked- he also felt cold. He could tell you expected something of him, but he refused to acknowledge what. If he did, there would be no going back. Letting you come over was such a bad idea. He’d never forget the sight of your face first thing in the morning or the way your arms felt around him. It was new and so different- but he couldn’t let himself have it. It wouldn’t be fair to you. So he just watched you gather your things and throw a coat on. As you pull your shoes on he rushes to grab the scarf and beanie you’d lent him.
“Here, don’t want you forgetting these.” I don’t need anymore traces of you.
You look surprised, “Oh- I said you could-”
He presses them into your hands, “You need them.” I can’t keep them- I can’t need you.
“Oh. Okay.”, you say, and you look dejected as you do. It hurts him in some weird way he can’t describe. He wants to yell at you to leave because how is this fair? How can he only know you barely a month and already feel some butterflies? The butterflies seem to bite- his senses just scream and he hates it. He’s hurt enough- lost enough, when can he be at peace in his everyday life?
“I’ll see you in class.”, he says, letting you out the door. Once it closes, he presses his forehead against the cold of it. His hands ball into fists and he fights the urge to look out the window and watch you go. Would you look back? Would you look back at him- see the screaming in his eyes and come back in? You’re not her, you never were and you never will be, but you almost feel like her. You feel like her but better by miles. It’s as if you’re softer- warmer. It’s as if you’re pure and true, like he’s finally seeing that she never was, but no. That can’t be true. It won’t be true. She loved him and broke him and dammit he’s sure you’ll do the same. If you don’t, he knows he will. It’s a lose lose situation.
He doesn’t know if you look back, or where you go. He won over the urge, and you text him when you’re safely back home. He’s relieved, but he doesn’t reply.
It’s time to pull back. He has to pull away- he just has to survive a few more weeks and then he’s free. He won’t see you for over a month, maybe longer. You don’t have the same major, and you might not have the same classes as him.
He just has to go a few more weeks unscathed.
Why does it seem so impossible?
Trust Issues Tags [ask to be added]: @owlsparks, @jellzu, @infamous-webhead, @marchlings, @justarandomfangril, @fairydustparker, @decaffeinated-orange, @fandomsfavorite, @musicgirl234, @elentiya02
A/N: I’m not fucking sorry cause Marvel isn’t fucking sorry. Might do a second part who knows. MAJOR SPOILERS BENEATH CUT. YOU WERE WARNED. Also you can thank @starksparker and @peters-vlogs for this ((: No taglist bc spoilers.
His body knew from the moment he jumped out that bus. His body knew once his eyes landed on that giant wormhole-type ship. Peter himself, though, had yet to have a clue. He assumed it was his Spider-Sense just acting out more than normal because he was also panicked. He was scared for his city at the time, and once he was on the ship itself, he was scared for the world. Scared for you, because he knew someway, somehow, you’d follow. You’d learn where he went.
You would absolutely travel worlds to find him, and he knew he’d do the same. It was half of why he was on the ship- half of why he was in space, on another planet. He refused to let his entire Universe just slip by.
He refused to let a world, full of thousands of countless memories and future possibilities of certain milestones and moments just fly by him. He was going to fight for his neighborhood- his city, his world. He was going to fight for May and for you. For happy holidays with May and sweet tender memories with you. He had to be sure you made it out with him. The world wasn’t worth being in without you. It wasn’t. He never imagined a world without him though, not quite yet.
Apparently you felt the same. You weren’t going down without a fight, and god did you ever put up one. How you managed to follow was way beyond him, but he wasn’t surprised that you did. You found him, and you fought with everything in you. However, it all seemed to be in vain. Everyone fought till they bled- until the bitter end, and yet the stone was still acquired by that purple bastard.
His senses were going even crazier than before. It made the silence surrounding him and everyone else that much more scary. One stone was left, and who the hell knew how long it would be before he got it. There were no if’s anymore, just one single when. He would get that last Infinity Stone- and then what? What would become of humanity? Would he be forced to watch you die? Or Tony? That’s what he had wondered at first. It’s what crossed his mind in the terrifying quiet. It was all he could think, aside from you. You swarmed his thoughts instantly. Thousands of possibilities and futures- now blurry and uncertain because that monster got what he so desired. This wasn’t fair. This wasn’t how this was supposed to go.
Then it happened.
First it was the dark gray skinned man, calling out for his friend before just disappearing into nothing. Then came the woman with antennae. Fearful and confused. Soon, it was the other man, the one who’d been with them.
He let out a soft “Oh man..”
Lastly, it was the wizard, the one who had said he wouldn’t give up the stone for anyone or anything- and yet he did for Tony. Peter was grateful, but still so very confused. Why did he change so suddenly? Why would he give in to that purple monstrosity? Why?
“This was the only way..”
Peter then looked to you, heart crying out at the mere thought of watching you slip away. This couldn’t be happening, not now, not to them. He fought with all he had- he fought so damn hard. Why was it never enough? Why couldn’t he ever-
“I don’t feel so good..”, he said suddenly, senses running rampant, screaming in warning. His body was desperately trying to keep him going- but for a brief moment, he couldn’t grasp why.
Your wandering eyes instantly shot in his direction. You’d been lost in your own world for a moment or two, trying to piece together what was happening and why. Trying to convince yourself that Peter and you would make it through this. You had to. It was him and you against the world, and you’d be damned if you lost.. but god.. had you done so already?
“You’re alright. You’re alright.”, Tony said, trying to convince himself despite the sight before him.
“Peter?”, you gasped, catching him as he fell into you. “Peter. Hey.”
“[Y/n]- I can’t- I don’t wanna go.. I don’t..”, he clutched you with all his might, gripping you like you were his only lifeline, and you were. You always had been. “Please. I don’t wanna go.” You could feel him shaking in your arms, could feel his tears. It was the most painful thing you’d ever felt. You’d give anything to have Thanos come back her and break all your bones. To rupture your organs- anything, anything else but this.
You were shaking with him, breaths coming out choppy and panicked. This was so wrong- this was so fucking wrong. You were both only seventeen. You had so much ahead of you. Finishing High School together. Discussing college. Thinking of jobs and careers and what the future held for you both. There were dreams of moving in together, of decorating an empty small apartment together. His and Hers sheets and pillowcases. Matching keys and keychains. Stealing each other’s socks, scarves and beanies. Borrowing his shirts for pj’s. Nights off spent binge watching TV and starting childish pillow fights. Pizza and video games. Talks beneath the moon atop the rooftop of your new shared apartment building.
There was a huge difference in coming close to death, and actually feeling yourself dying. Peter never expected to ever know both. He’d felt panic when he was trapped beneath that building. Panicked and helpless and on the brink of being crushed to death. However, he managed to lift that building enough to free himself. He escaped death and made it to where he was supposed to be. He saved what he set out to save, and though he got beat up, he lived. He couldn’t do this here, could he? His senses were going insane, throwing every warning sign they could at him, and his body was only delaying the inevitable. There was no lifting this from himself- no freedom. He could only cling to you and beg for a life he, at first, hadn’t thought he’d lose. He grew weary as he fought it.
Life truly was unfair. So young, so much ahead of him- and he was begging. He was pleading and crying and wanting so desperately to scream. He didn’t want to leave you. He didn’t want to go and god you didn’t want him to either.
He wasn’t even in much physical pain. He didn’t feel much, just his senses and how they soon began to waver. What was killing him was you, your face. It was blurry through his own tears, but he could see well enough. He could see the look in your eyes and the way you tried to hold your sobs in. He knew what this would do to you, because he knew what it’d do to him. He fucking knew, and it was killing him. Everyone else left so fast. Swift and with the wind- so why was his leave so slow? Why was the world torturing you both like this? In this moment, he hated his accelerated healing. He hated it because it was drawing this out. It was making the pain worse- it was taking it’s time in tearing your heart from your chest.
His vision blurred over completely for a moment, and when it cleared, he saw you above him. His head was in your lap, and you were smiling. It was such a joyous smile, it made his heart swell happily and become full of warmth. The dreadful cold feeling of death crept away from him. Your fingers ran through his curls, humming softly to him.
“We made it.”, you say softly, “We did it, Peter.”
He smiles at that. You sound so happy and so proud, and he loves it. You two made it. You outlasted a war- and he could just feel that you were in a shared home. Home. He could feel and sense that he was home. He didn’t have to see bright decorated walls or a feel a fluffy and inviting bed. He didn’t need a welcome mat or a key. He just needed you. You were home, and so as long as he had you by his side, he was always right where he wanted and needed to be.
He shifted, moving so he could rest his head against your chest and hear your soothing heartbeat. It was calm and quiet. “I know.”, he said, “I know.”
“I love you.” You words come out in a sweet hum and he feels small goosebumps rise upon his skin in response. He could never get over hearing you say that. It was so sweet and often unbelievable. A girl like you? So perfect in every way, loving him? It was incredible. You took his breath away just by looking at him how you did. Your love for him was never-ending. It surrounded him and made him feel at ease in his chaotic life.
“I love you too.”
Then why won’t you stay?
“Cʟᴏꜱᴇ ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴇʏᴇꜱ ᴀɴᴅ, ʀᴇꜱᴛ.”
Suddenly, your heart rate picked up. It was pounding inside your ribcage and it almost felt like it might burst against his ear. He looked back up at you and your smile was long gone. Tears were streaming down your face and your lips wobbled as you spoke. You were rocking your bodies back and forth, cradling his head in your hands. Your sobs chopped up your words and he was breaking all over again. The cold clammy hands of death were gripping at him even tighter now. He was going and he felt it. He felt his body disappearing- his organs turning into nothing. He felt you shaking and on the brink of screaming and losing it.
“You’re okay. You’re alright, Peter. We’re okay.”, you were trying to comfort him- and you were trying to deceive yourself. This wasn’t happening. He wasn’t going anywhere. No.
“I’m sorry..”, he tells you, “I’m so sorry..”
“Peter please-”
“I love you.”, his voice was soft and low. He was right on the brink, and he needed you to know. He needed you to feel it, one last time.
“Peter I- Peter! PETER!”
You didn’t get to say it back. You didn’t get to see his eyes light up one last time- like they always did when you expressed your love for him. He faded into ash- turned to nothing but dried blackness on your shaky palms. Though- not before his bright eyes went dull and looked away from you. He looked away- because he didn’t want you to see his light die out. He didn’t want you to know just how terrified and hurt he truly felt. He didn’t want you to have that last memory of him. He wanted you to have a soft and true ‘I love you’. Peter wanted you to feel the weight of his love one last time- one last sweet sentence. Something to hold you over for a little bit.
He blew away with one small gust of wind, and then you lost all sense.
Your blackened palms dug into your eyes, screams erupting from your throat and spewing out your quivering lips. You were on your knees, surrounded by ash in a vacant and practically dead planet- and yet somehow, you were sure it could feel your loss. Or perhaps it was just the other two survivors. Two souls that lost as much as you, but had been spared a lengthy and torturous good-bye. One of those souls didn’t even get to say good-bye to her loved one.
They ached with you, but differently.
Your screams would forever haunt their dreams and waking thoughts.
His face would be burned into the backs of your eyelids- and so you never stopped your screams. You never stopped, and your future- those His and Hers and sweet late nights filled with loving touches. They never got the chance to become the present..
