Apr 21, 2018
Poetry. 🖤 #kindof #magneticpoetry #poetry #pessimisticoptimist #artjournal
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Poetry. 🖤 #kindof #magneticpoetry #poetry #pessimisticoptimist #artjournal
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Pedro believes taking the train is important to setting a good example and leaving a smaller footprint on the planet. “I’m sort of a pessimistic optimist. Things are going to get bad in the next 20 or 30 years. But at some point, we’re going to be able to turn it around — once we have more solar panels, we change our lifestyles and we use less resources. I think we can do it.”
Unthinkable Future
I’m in the midst of choosing my classes for next semester and I’m just a bit worried. Maybe I’m making a mountain out of a small mound, but this matter genuinely concerns me. The issue concerning our future have come up in several of my recent conversations with people, particularly William, Beeken, and Anna. As a result, I’ve been looking around at my surroundings and what I’ve been doing for the past semester and I can say, with confidence, that I haven’t done much. I mean, sure there’s OutREACH and Klesis and classes, but I don’t feel as proactive as I should be. Plus, now that I know for sure that I’m not passionate about these things, I don’t want to carry on my work - because that seems meaningless.
I’ve seen this cycle of apathy play itself in high school too - and I still went through it. I continued to go through the cycles and joined all these clubs and went to most of the meetings because I had hopes that it would lead me somewhere eventually. I figured that what I put into it is what I receive back in return - which was not always the case. I placed hope in people whom I knew were flakey because I thought there would be a chance that they would be able to turn around. Of course, even though I followed through with what I had to do, it never seemed like it was enough. And I placed a lot of energy in whatever I did too. I lived rather intensely. But as I’ve seen in GEO, I wasn’t exactly passionate about that either. I liked the space, but I don’t have any sediments towards it.
I was a rather pessimistic optimist and still am. I see the good and bad traits in everything. Despite all the awful turns and results, I still believe that there is something to gain from all experiences, even the ones that are a bit tough to digest. But yeah, now that I see the same pattern reoccurring in my life, I should take a chance to reconsider what I’m doing with my life instead of letting it play itself out in auto-pilot mode. Let’s just wish for the best.
Thinking.
They say that when you're up at night thinking of someones it's because that person is up thinking of you too. Godamn, I would really appreciate it if you would stop thinking of me. It's too much, and it makes me feel like I'm going insane. I know it's just me. I know its one sided.... but that little 2% of hope is ringing me along telling me it's you. That this is all because you're in bed wondering what I'm doing or where I'm at, or pondering over the thought that I'm thinking of you too. It's one big mind fuck, because I want to believe it's true... But I know it's not.. But I want it to be. I hope it is. And maybe it's not you... maybe it's just my loneliness craving and finding a face to put upon the feeling of want. What the fuck is all this nonsense.. I don't know where I'm going with this. I just know that I hate this feeling. I hate the feeling of feeling in general so fucking bad. The pit of my chest and stomach can't take it. It's a terrible thing to feel. So fucking dramatic and over what? I just want to fast forward to the part where I've become completely numb to all of this bullshit.