#personal pieces

I'm going to try and stream tonight, but probably closer to 8 or 9 pm EST

I’m not convinced there are enough words in the English language to explain how angry I am. Angry about how the government is handling this outbreak. Angry about US health insurance and care. Angry at middle-aged women who buy out entire grocery stores in their neighborhoods. Angry that NO ONE IS ABLE TO GET TESTED FOR COVID-19. Yep. You heard it here first, folks - no one will test you for corona virus, even if you present with all the symptoms. Isn’t that fun?

I should probably start at the beginning of my story. From February 16-18, I travelled by plane to Missouri (which was awesome, btw). About 2 weeks after I returned home, I started having a scratchy throat and a pretty hefty cough. This was around the time COVID-19 was starting to pick up in the US and I was feeling pretty anxious about my newly found symptoms. Instead of googling and self diagnosing, I called a local urgent care to ask what the odds are that I’d contracted COVID-19 and what I should do to keep my loved ones safe. The Urgent Care said that I had reason to be nervous, and recommended that I call the Ontario County Department of Health right away, as they were not equipped to test for COVID-19. I spoke with the nurse from DOH, who said that because I had not travelled to Italy, China, etc. and because I didn’t have a fever, I would not qualify to be tested and I probably just had the flu. I said okay, and went about my business. 

About 3 days later, my symptoms worsened and I had developed a pretty high fever and a cough that rattled my entire body (and because I’m in a sharing mood, often left me wetting my pants after each cough). I became more concerned and decided to go to urgent care to get everything settled. The provider at urgent care diagnosed me with bronchitis after the flu test and the strep test each came back negative. The provider prescribed some antibiotics and cough medicine, and sent me on my way. My wonderful husband picked them up from Wegman’s and we went home, where I stayed for several days. Symptoms continued to escalate...my fever would not settle, cough was worse and I was very achey. I scheduled a tele-med appointment for a second opinion, and the provider on my phone camera believed I had pneumonia. I should remind you that COVID-19 is often confused for pneumonia. My parents began to worry and made a few calls for me, insisting that it was important I be tested for the corona virus. I mean, I had just attended a conference with people from all over the country and flew on a plane 4 separate times. After speaking with 3 different providers, it was determined that despite my very serious symptoms, I was not able to be tested for COVID-19. Each provider stated that if my symptoms worsened, I should go to the ER. Finally, I spoke with the nurse from DOH again, who suggested I go back to urgent care to determine whether or not I actually had pneumonia. She said that if they believed I didn’t have pneumonia, she would consider testing me for COVID-19. I headed back to urgent care asking for a chest x-ray and another flu test. After the flu test came back negative (again) and after reviewing the X-ray, they determined I did indeed have pneumonia and that I should just continue to take antibiotics and stay home to rest. Fine. I was on the mend and things seemed to be settling. If I did indeed have COVID-19, I knew I had done everything I could to be safe and proactive by staying home and calling ahead of time. This one was not on my shoulders. 

This week, I feel much better, but my sweet husband, Jamil, has begun showing symptoms. His symptoms started with severe body aches and a small cough. I thought it may be best to stay on top of it and suggested he go to urgent care to see if they’d prescribe him antibiotics so he can move through the symptoms quickly. Jamil’s insurance has a $3000 deductible, so when he went to urgent care that day, he paid $120 for a nurse to tell him that his symptoms were not severe enough and they would not prescribe any medication. They told him to come back if his symptoms progressed. After a few days, Jamil’s cough became worse and his aching became almost intolerable and he began having a fever. We decided to make another appointment at our local doctors office to see if they would refer him to be tested for COVID-19. He showed up, was tested for the flu (which came back negative) and was told to go home. The provider mentioned again that if things got worse, he should go to the ER. I called the ER to see if they were providing testing for COVID-19...which, surprise, they were not. They recommended that we call the COVID-19 hotline for more information...super helpful.

Today, after Jamil’s fever spiked to 102.2, I called back the doctors office asking if there was anyway they would prescribe him an antibiotic for pneumonia, as that’s what I had last week and was treated for. The nurse said there was nothing more they could do and that they couldn’t prescribe something without him coming back in. I was not satisfied with this answer and decided to call back urgent care, where we had both previously been treated. The woman there said that Jamil needed to call the COVID-19 hotline before coming in, as it sounded like he had the virus. I explained that NOT ONE SINGLE provider in this area would test Jamil for COVID-19 and that I wanted him to come in, have an X-ray done to see if he had pneumonia and have something (read: anything) prescribed to try to help him manage his symptoms. After some push back, she agreed. We showed up at urgent care, where we were told to call the hotline again. I humored them...maybe something had changed in the last 4 days? 

NOPE

After waiting on the line for 20 minutes, the provider from the hotline said it sounded like Jamil had a “mild case” of COVID-19, but he did not qualify to be tested, as he was not immunocompromised and did not travel outside the country in the past month. The hotline said we should go home and if things got worse, call the ER. I relayed this information to the woman at urgent care and demanded he be seen. Jamil was given an X-ray and it was determined that he has pneumonia,  but the provider was very concerned and wrote a referral for Jam to be tested for COVID-19 at a local testing area. The nearest testing center is in Rochester (about an hour away). They said we should leave immediately. I asked if the referral meant he would be guaranteed a test, and they said it should, so we drove. 

Upon arrival, we drove up to a white tent and spoke with a doctor. He gave us the green light to head to the second tent where they’d determine whether or not Jamil would be tested. Upon driving up to the second tent, we were quickly met by a woman who said that Jam’s symptoms were not extreme enough, so she would not test him, and that we should self quarantine for 14 days. Without a test taken, we drove away. I sobbed. I called my parents who were in disbelief. 

THIS is what is happening in NYS right now. I know that there is a shortage of tests in the Rochester area, but they are literally turning people away who are showing symptoms without a second thought. Before Jamil and I showed symptoms, we were out and about and working. I understand that Joe Shmoe who recently had a lung transplant has priority to testing, as he is immunocompromised, but Jesus Christ, how many people in my life are immunocompromised who now don’t get to know whether or not they’ve definitely been exposed to someone with COVID-19?? How many people have Jamil and I been in contact with over the last 3 weeks that will surely be impacted - and how sad that we can’t confirm we’ve actually had the virus and that they need to be quarantined?! This is why I am ANGRY.

I am overwhelmed with anger that I can’t tell my dad, who has Multiple Sclerosis, whether or not he has been exposed to COVID-19. I am irate that Jamil had to tell his work that he probably has a mild case (whatever the fuck that means) of COVID-19, and that he’ll need to take 14 days off from work/will need to work from home without any paperwork or documentation. I am ENRAGED that a bill was passed to ensure that all workers affected by COVID-19 are provided 2 weeks paid sick leave, but I am 98% sure that if they haven’t been tested, they likely won’t be entitled to that paid time off. I am FURIOUS that Trump has told all of America that if they feel sick, they can get tested anytime/anywhere, when that is CLEARLY NOT THE CASE. I am FUMING that the US is short on tests because the government wants to make it look like our confirmed cases number is low, while people are struggling and sick and feeling foolish for thinking they may have COVID-19, but can’t get a solid answer. I am heartbroken that low income families/people from impoverished areas will not be taken seriously when they go to their doctor with illness and symptoms and will not be given an answer that’s helpful or affirming. I am SEETHING that healthcare providers/workers are being put in a situation where they have to choose who is more important for testing, when there are countries administering hundreds of tests daily to keep citizens safe. I am PISSED OFF that there are still people going out and about when there is a LITERAL PANDEMIC happening. 

pozri sa človeku do očí čo zlomila si ho

a zhodnoť maličkosti dokonalosti

nech pochopíš tú stratu

nech tam nestojíš bez znalosti

plačem

a bolí to

plačem

a horí to

plačem

a slzami otváram rany

plačem

a to nahrádzam spaním

plačem

lebo nechala si jazvu

plačem

lebo nepochopíš pravdu

plačem

lebo srdce zlomil som

kvôli tebe, človeku čo nezaslúžil si,

plačem lebo nás zdobil som,

človeku čo ako ja, sám blúdil si

láskou k tebe stratil som

seba

láskou k tebe zranil som

teba a potom moje všetko

o čo sa kvôli tebe nedokážem snažiť

bolesť ďakuje ti

Hey y'all! I just wanted to chime in today and share a little peek of what I've been working on over on P.atreon.

if you're curious about what I'm doing over there, and wanted to have a say in the projects I work on, you can join for a $1

I have dreams of blood & teeth

I know it sounds terrifying,

A true and certified nightmare.

But the blood is not mine,

And the teeth are.

My teeth are used against enemies

Both big & small, close & far.

The blood seeps from my mouth,

A byproduct of their demise.

They try to thrash and fight in my jaws

But I do not let go.

I clamp down, lock in, and roll.

Death is the only destination

For my enemies of all shapes

All sizes, all types, all kinds.

This dream of blood & teeth

Is not a nightmare, not for me.

It means victory in death

And when I have rolled and rolled,

And they are good and gone,

I let their corpses fall

At my feet.

MerCalamity is one [still gotta work on her flat colors before i can get to shading]

Paint’s side bar image is the other [working on his shading and then i will need to fix the background]

Edit: under readmore because mildly nsfw calamity, whoops.