#personal blurb

Jax abstracted, and the show frames it like suicide. It's tragic whenever anyone is pushed that far. It's easy to want bullies to suffer and even to die, but that's not a solution. If it was bullying would be a crime punishable by death, and we'd be lining up even children to an electric chair. That's not a fair solution for anyone.

It's not as I don't know what I'm talking about, I was bullied intensely growing up by everyone around me. It was easy to hate everyone, to want them all dead, but it makes me out to be a serial killer with that mindset, even if I wanted them all dead in an accident. Instead I tried to understand where they were coming from, even if I couldn't forgive how they treated me. I figured they didn't like dealing with someone who seemed like a child, and instead of treating me with understanding they treated me with aggression and a lack of sympathy because it made them uncomfortable to accommodate or be near me. They didn't like or want me, so they made it clear I was inferior to them.

Enough about my sob story, back to the character analysis.

Jax is not like those bullies, but there are bullies who pick on you because you're easy. Some people around me were like that, thinking it was easy to set me off, and pushing all my buttons for amusement. These types of people called me "crybaby," and "b**ch," obviously not appreciating my attitude towards most things, I would think they just didn't like me if they didn't laugh when I got upset.

So yeah...I know what I'm talking about when it comes to bullies. Do I want them dead, no. I'd probably punch my frequent tormentors at least once, but never dead. Of course, they aren't frequently apart of my lives so I wouldn't think much if they died. If they committed suicide I might feel a little sad depending on the person. I'd probably feel sorry for them, as I didn't know everything.

People are saying Gangle shouldn't cry for Jax considering the hell he put her through. Still, she never wanted him dead, as a mindless monster to boot, because who wants that. They were all in that mess together, even if they didn't like each other, it's sad to see someone go.

Death in itself is something people shouldn't wish or celebrate of others.

the second part of this tragedy is when they don't get the chance to be better.

Some argue he was never going to be better, but some people surprise you. Some of my bullies, the ones I don't want to punch, actually made an effort to be better to me high school.

Nothing can ever erase what they did to me and how it scarred and traumatized me, but I am pleased to know they are not as horrible as they were before and will not keep treating me as such. Also, they apologized, when back in the day while they were told it was wrong, they never acted to show they knew that. Knowing their wrongdoing and acknowledging it is a sign towards becoming a better person.

Jax in his final moments, is pouring out how he's aware of how awful he is and how he deserves to disappear. Of course this is complicated by everything leading up to this moment.

The third reason behind the tragedy, when the villain turns out to not be a villain but just a broken jerk.

Leeroy was pretty normal, maybe sardonic, but normal growing up. He came from a broken home, but wasn't acting like a bully on entry to the circus, so maybe wasn't a bully before. He could never make his dad proud, and his mom could never seem to like him after his dad left, never 'man' enough, or just as bad a man as his father. Eventually, Leeroy went and told her he didn't feel like a man at all (probably that he wasn't a man)[I'm using he/him pronouns because he is heavily closeting at the time of Jax]. She insulted and laughed at him for the confession, but then hugged him. He didn't know what to think, panicked and maybe killed her in shoving her off. He then just ran, afraid of what would happen next, whether she was okay or not.

Living as a squatter, he stumbled on the C&A building, and tried on the headset.

Jax immediately befriended Kaufmo and Ribbit, getting to the point where Ribbit wanted to share regrets. She talked about cutting ties with her parents and he hold her his backstory. She promised not to share, and just when he felt he could fully be himself (even female), he panicked and regretted sharing anything with her, even their friendship.

So, this is when he decides to be mean, to be a bully. He gaslights her into thinking he was lying and that she is trying to hard, prying and manipulating him even though he freely shared his backstory with her. This is because he was scared of her manipulating him, turning his vulnerabilities against him, like his mother did to him. He then makes everyone think she will lie about him and tries to exclude her from everyone else. This made her isolated and feel like she lost everything, causing her to abstract. That...that was horrible. Of course, he never saw an abstraction before, probably not knowing it would happen, and wanted to apologize to her before that. He was just so scared and in so deep that he couldn't.

After Ribbit is gone, he gaslights Kaufmo into thinking he's crazy and that Ribbit didn't matter to him. He tries to erase Ribbit from his mind so he doesn't have to feel guilty, making Ragatha promise not to mention her.

When Gangle shows up, he starts by making her a target. Potentially so he doesn't get attached, but also to make himself feel strong, especially when he's feeling so weak. He then starts becoming a bully to most girls he interacts with, maybe for the same reasons. He even does this with Pomni in episode 2 and 3, but for some reason he can't help but get close to her.

Mostly with Pomni he teases her by treating her like a child due to her shortness, or liking her panicking when in power. Of course over varied adventures of getting to know everyone, and perhaps Pomni being the blank slate newbie, or maybe because he secretly misses having someone to talk to, he opens up to her.

Of course, this falls apart in episode 6 when he realizes he's getting too close and tries to gaslight her into thinking they never had a bond. When she refuses to give up he angrily tells her he is the bad guy and that's it, almost crazy, almost defeated.

He cares about Pomni, but is scared of connection, opening up and what that might mean. He performs a mask of blatant disregard for others so that no one would want to get close to him, no one will know him. Of course, this isn't good, him isolating himself like this. He gets trapped with his own thoughts.

Another reason Jax pushes everyone away is due to his thoughts regarding himself. Jax thinks no one would truly care for him, partially because of his parents, and partially due to his actions of hurting the people he cares about. It's a vicious cycle of pushing people away due to his past of hurting someone, which causes him to hurt the other people in his life. Each time he "kills" a loved one, it kills him a little each time, becoming less and less genuine, and desiring death more and more. His mask is to hide his self hatred and misery, and with no one to confide in he believes these thoughts more and more. Pushing Pomni away was one of the final nails in the coffin.

Another nail was finding out his torment of others wasn't working anymore, his power was being taken away and he was going back to feeling weak. The only thing keeping him from going was Caine's adventures he was forced to go on keeping him distracted. Once Caine is deleted, he has no distractions from his misery.

The final nail, was Kinger revealing they were all just brain scans of real people. Jax, who initially thought he was in a fantasy world where anything can happen, was okay with that thought because at least he escaped that miserable life out in the real world; then he learns his real self didn't even escape that life. For all he knew his real self was either dead in a ditch or in prison. Also all that horrible stuff in his memories, he didn't technically do, as he's not even real.

This information, along with everything else, breaks him to the point he abstracts. He was suffering, to the point he made others suffer too.

He hurt so many with his suffering, and his only redemption is acknowledging the fact, seems like it's not enough.

Of course, there's the fourth and final bit to the tragedy here, it's in his fear. His fear of going, he only thought it was a good idea to go because he believes he's not worth people caring about him, so they wouldn't blink at his abstraction. When pomni tries her darnedest to reach out to him despite everything, he starts thinking..."am I...worthy of being cared about? Does she...actually care about me?"

Pomni complicated his plan to end everything, making him regret everything he chose in the end, making him wish he had more time. He then finally accepts her affection, her offer of friendship. Realizing what he could have had, a genuine friend who accepts him warts and all, he regrets choosing to disappear. He's scared of losing what he could've had. "I don't wanna go."

Hearing those lines, seeing his tears from his fear and regret, he doesn't seem like a remorseless bully, but someone willing to change. Unfortunately, the tragedy is, he may never get the chance.

Pomni comforted him as he lost sight of himself again, and now at the moment he is a mindless blob of eyes. Of course, the fact Pomni could reach him at all was a good sign, and Caine's VA said abstraction wasn't the exact same as suicide. There's hope...of course it's slight. Jax is in a similar situation to someone in a coma, he may wake up one day, but it's very unlikely.