#performative reading

Part one here: clicky

Still, that was fine.

Because, to be fair, the book was not there to be read.

No. 

The book was there to be witnessed. Kinda like when Zach slowly teases Alex’s cock with his tongue as the older man reads from ancient Greek - or Roman, Zach doesn’t really care, both empires had hot, shirtless guys and lots of sex and drinking and that's as much as attention he pays as he slowly deep throats Alex.

What can Zach say, art is subjective  - or at least, he thinks he’s heard someone say that before. Frowning, he gave in and quickly grabbed his phone, typing in ‘is art subjective?’ The first thing he saw was an article - Can art be objective, or is it always subjective and gave up. Why can’t things just be simple - yes bro, nah bro, three bags full bro. 

Staines, unfortunately, was no help either, to be honest with ya.

The little Jack Russell terrier sat under the café table with his lead resting on top of Zach’s ankle, watching him with the judgmental expression of a dog who had seen his owner make many choices and approved of maybe two of them, one of which was feeding him. He had already sniffed the chair leg, barked once at a pigeon, tried to eat a napkin, and then settled beside Zach’s foot like a tiny security guard with anger issues.

But at least he was cute. 

In five minutes or so, Alex would finish his subway crash readiness course and walk out of the office block across the street. With any luck, the first thing he would see would be Zach sitting outside the café, shirtless in the sun, legs spread in a way that looked casual but had actually required planning, wearing his white-and-blue striped shorts and pretending to be absorbed in literature like some kind of deeply intellectual beach bro.

Staines yawned and drooled a little on what used to be very expensive sneakers. Used to being the key word, because Staines did not respect the $400 price tag that came with Zach’s sneaker range and proceeded to chew all seven pairs. 

It was fine, when you looked this good topless, no one was checking out your shoes. 

A barista appeared, carrying a black coffee in a ridiculously small cup, apparently called a demitasse. Now, this isn’t what Zach would normally drink for so many valid reasons - first being, pure coffee tastes like ass - no,actually, Zach thought to himself, that wasn't’ fair giving he enjoyed rimming - pure coffee tasted like, well, shit. 

Second, if you are going to pay $7 for something, then it should be big, bold and exciting - an ice coffee with extra caramel and whip. 

But like the book, the coffee was nothing more than a prop. See, Zach’s look was now complete, book in one hand, pecs glistening in the sun and small, pretentious coffee in the other hand. Alex was going to melt so hard, like putty in his hands.

As he wait Zach turned a page for realism when he heard a cough, one of those fake coughs people used when they wanted his attention. Which did not surprise him. After all, look at him. He was a goddamn snack.

“Do you really think some poor chick is going to fall for your dumb routine?” asked a frankly very attractive lady with long brunette hair and massive tits. Honestly, if it wasn’t for Alex, he could have been tempted to try to charm her.

But as fuckable as she was, she couldn’t compete with Alex.

Alex was the whole package wrapped up in very serious, very boring Swedish wrapping. Being ‘downbad’ in L.A., in summer, in 2026 was kinda cringe, for real, but Zach was alright with taking that ‘L’ since it came with, ya know, that ‘D’.

“Baby, baby, calm ya farm. This isn’t a dumb routine. Like, I’m wounded.” Zach pressed a hand to his bare chest, deeply committed to the bit. “I’m just here, chillin’ like a villain, waiting for my man.”

Staines gave a sharp little bark from under the table.

Good timing lil buddy, Zach thought as as he pointed downward at his cute wee demon. “Even my dog supports me.”

The brunette looked under the table, and her eyes lit up as she cooed. “Oh my god, is that a Jack Russell? He’s so cute”

Yes, yes he was. That is why he got away with destroying everything with his surprisingly sharp teeth. 

“Yeah, Queen. His name’s Staines, and he’s amazing. Me and him are tight as.”

Green Juice, the blonde sitting across from her with tiny sunglasses and a green drink, stared at him. “Your dog is called Staines?”

Somehow Zach felt they wouldn’t appreciate the deep thinking behind the cum stain joke, so he opted for the safer explanation. 

“After his patterns on his fur,” Zach said. “Totz not a cum reference.”

Nailed it. 

Or not, apparently. 

“That clarification made it worse.” Green Juice replied, which was wild, if you ask him. There were no pleasing some people. 

“He’s gay,” the brunette said to Green Juice. “Of course. This is West L.A. All the hot guys are gay.”

“Bi, actually,” Zach corrected. “Menace to both sexes.”

“Great,” Green Juice said, laughing into her straw. “We love an indecisive king.”

Oh, wow.

Okay.

Well, Zach wasn’t going to stand for that kind of bigotry in front of his book, his dog, or his carefully curated intellectual aura.

“That is bi erasure, and also, like, totz rude,” he said, pointing at her.

The ladies had a quick regroup, which mostly involved looking at each other in a way Zach found unnecessarily coordinated, before turning back to him with a pointed look.

“It’s not erasure if we can’t get rid of you,” Green Juice said simply.

Fact check time, thank you very much.

“Ah, well, you were the ones who got all up in my grill like some wannabe detectives, thank you very much.”

He was just here waiting for his man, and still people had the audacity to attack him just for reading. The struggles of being this damn attractive, he grumbled to himself. No one understood how hard it was being this good-looking.

Luckily, as a firefighter, he was strong enough, both mentally and physically, to carry the burden.

His quiet little struggle.

Unnoticed by the world.

Staines sneezed.

He was cute even when he sneezed, bless his tiny soul. 

The brunette leaned forward and glanced curiously at the book in his lap, then back at him. “Are you actually reading that?”

Well, no, but still rude, Zach thought as he looked down at the book. Yes, it was just a prop, but there was nothing that said it was a prop. There was nothing that would give away he wasn’t actually reading it. So, clearly, they were just being snobby again.

Just because he was a shirtless bro, hanging out a small cafe with a tiny coffee, a stupid book and his canine best friend did not mean he couldn’t actually read. 

“Ah yeah, Queen,” he said. “It’s, like, one of my favourites, actually.”

That showed her, or so he thought. 

Green Juice leaned sideways to read the cover. “What’s it about?”

“Society.”

The trick to sounding deep was give a vague, all encompassing answer, like somehow all the worlds problems could be solved by this one book - that there was no real answer, just a whole lot of boring ass worlds. It was one of the reasons he dozed off listening to politicians speak at the LAFD fundraiser back in March. 

The brunette smiled. “That broad?”

“It’s a broad book.”

“It’s upside down.”

Zach froze.

For one very long second, the entire city seemed to stop around him. The traffic, the chatter, the hiss of the café machine behind him, even Staines nosing suspiciously at a dropped crumb under the table, all of it faded into a heavy, humiliating silence.

He looked down.

The book was, unfortunately, upside down.

Whatever.

He flipped it without a word and flicked another page as if that had been his intention the whole time.

The brunette laughed and gathered her bag, nudging her chair back. “Well, good luck with your man.”

“Cheers babe, but for realz I don’t need luck. Not when I have, like, amazing pecs and thick thighs.”

“So so humble, babe.”

Green Juice stood too, slipping her phone into her tiny handbag before giving him one last once-over. “You look like a stripper who got lost on the way to jury duty.”

Weird compliment, but okay, some people weren’t great at dishing them out, Zach could understand that. Plus, he was honestly hot enough to be a stripper, or have an Onlyfans if he wasn’t a firefighter and Tommy told him he couldn’t - and he also would love to serve on jury duty.

Standing up in court and being like, “Yo, king, we find that dawg in the docks guilty as fuck, straight to jail.” 

Wait.

Imagine a stripper court - naturally you could only have hot criminals and judges, but still… 

He should totz pitch that to MTV or someone. 

The brunette laughed as they started walked away, at last, if you ask Zach before she stopped. With a small chuckle, she came over, kneeling to pat Staines who fell in love with her straight away (traitor).

The brunette stopped petting Staines long enough to give Zach a look of genuine pity, which was uncalled for, before she took the book from his hands and smiled. “Well, good choice for looking smart, but do you actually know anything at all about One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest?” 

Yes, he knew it was a classic. 

And it was probably about birds. 

His somewhat blank expression must have been the answer she was expecting, because she took the moment to womenspain (which was totz a thing, btw) 

“It’s basically about this loud, chaotic dude who gets sent to a psych ward and starts beefing with the scary control-freak nurse who runs the place like a tiny dictatorship.” Brunette explained, which was nice, if she was telling the truth. 

His plan had been to google any questions Alex had asked him about the book. To be fair, his plan had been not to talk about the book because they would be busy sucking each other off on the floor of Alex’s apartment. 

Still, it was probably helpful, right? 

Like, to know a brief summary. 

So, Zach nodded along slowly, making a mental note so he could look intellectual for once. “Okay, gotcha Queen. So, like prison vibes, but with worse lighting, that's rough.”

Green juice sighed way too loudly, and way to judgy for someone who gave off pretends to be spiritual while actually a bitch vibes for real. “Stacey, why are you helping this himbo loser?”

Um, he was not a loser thank you very much. He had asked Tommy, actually, in a moment of rare self doubt and Tommy had confirmed, in a roundabout way that he was amazing. Okay, so Tommy hadn't quite said amazing, but Zach understood the message.

Around him, Stacey playfully waved her arm at Green juice bitch with a stupidly sexy smile, “Cynthia, relax, I think I’m making progress.”

Okay, still rude.

Stacey continued to explain the book, “Kind of. He thinks he can charm and bullshit his way through everything, because he’s funny and reckless and thinks rules are for boring people.”

Green Juice looked pointedly at Zach.

The brunette looked pointedly at Zach.

Even Staines looked up, which felt targeted.

Deeply troubled by the looks, Zach frowned. “Yo, hold up, why is literally everyone looking at me?”

“No reason,” Green Juice said.

It felt like there was a reason. 

"Just maybe there's a reason the universe led you to this book." Stacey said innocently.

He was totally going to ask Grok later if he had been insulted, but he was going to ask now. No, he had pride.

She carried on, “But the thing is, the system is bigger and uglier than he understands. It’s about freedom, control, power, masculinity, rebellion, and what happens when someone refuses to shut up in a place designed to break people.”

Okay, that sounds pretentious for snobby people to read. In a world so dark and depressing, why would you read about it when you could read smut or superhero stories?

Or smutty superhero stories?

“I think I’ll stick to the Batman and Superman.” Zach replied, before flexing slightly, “But, uh, cheers - that was, like, legit right?”

My fucking problem it's with people who don't read.

People

Who

Don't

Read.

If you read it and what to post your book with a good looking drink, in that very Dark Academia style, it's okay!!

My name is Giulia and I am a postgraduate student researching reading trends at University College London. The following survey is a key portion of my Masters of Publishing dissertation investigating performative behaviors and attitudes in readers. The survey will take approximately 10 minutes to complete and is best viewed on a laptop, desktop, or tablet rather than a smartphone. Any and all responses are extremely valuable. Please complete the survey to the best of your abilities! Thank you for participating! This is an anonymized survey strictly for participants 18+. It is part of research conducted for the Masters dissertation of Giulia E. Vidoni at University College London. All data collected is for dissertation research purposes only. All information given is protected by University College London’s ethical code of conduct regarding research and data collection. Information will be password protected and permanently deleted after a designated length of time. There are no personal identifiers in this survey and all data in the final dissertation will be used anonymously. You can withdraw from this survey until the point of submission.