So there is this workshop that I had to go to for our organization, and we were asked to write a list of thirty entries that is all about memories, and it should start with the words "I remember". I didn't really feel like sharing a piece of me, since all my experiences are either too personal, or too shallow for me to share. However, I felt like somehow, this activity was a good way to reminisce and remember things in my past, so here you go: my thirty memories from childhood, to school, to love, to my passions...
1.Ā Ā Ā Ā I remember the feelings that I had had the first time I stepped into my kindergarten classroom. Despite how young I was back then, I was shy, and I looked at the ground or sat quietly on the little red chair most of the time. Although the atmosphere was new, and everyone was a stranger to me, I wasnāt that afraid. I wanted to prove my parents that though I was only five, I could go to school. I did.
2.Ā Ā Ā Ā I remember finding out that my grandpa passed away a night before I turned eight. It was a few hours after dinner, and I was watching television, waiting for my bedtime, when my uncle went to our room, announcing that our grandfather ā his dad ā had passed. I refused to believe it, refused to believe that my favourite grandpa was gone. I remember being sleepless, my temples throbbing from the crying I had done, as I recalled all the times he remembered my name despite him forgetting the names of everyone else in the family: my parentsā, his childrenās, his other grandchildrenās.
3.Ā Ā Ā Ā I remember the day I met my best friend. She was really cool, pigtails and all. She used to be my seatmate for a class, and usually I wouldnāt talk to the people around me, given that I was such an introvert. One time, she saw the doodles at the back of my notebook, found my desperate attempts to draw Hogwarts. She told me she loved them, still do, and that was it. We just clicked. I guess thatās just what happens when you meet somebody that you know youāll keep forever. You just click.
4.Ā Ā Ā Ā I remember waking up one day in third grade, with a huge smile on my face, after having a vivid dream. Thinking of it now, I found that dream, and the joy that had followed it, pretty stupid. I dreamt about having spelt the word āWednesdayā correctly.
5.Ā Ā Ā Ā I remember the spark I felt the first time I held a boyās hand as we walked along the streets, our mothers trailing closely behind us, so that we wouldnāt get lost around the place. His hand was wet and sticky, because of the ice cream drippings that had landed on his hand being the careless kids we were. Our parents kept on teasing me about liking him, and I donāt recall whether or not I admitted it right then and there. But one thingās for sure: I didnāt mind the sticky, nasty feeling of ice cream drippings on my hand.
6.Ā Ā Ā Ā I remember the look of proudness on my parentsā face as they took my hand and ushered me towards the stage on my graduation day. It was as if they were boasting my achievements to the whole world, as if I was the best daughter. The joyfulness in their features, the way they squeezed my hand to say that I did greatā¦those were the motivations I had to make sure that it happens every year. I made it my goal to always make them proud, maybe not in the way that my sister did, but in a way that will make them say, āShe did it!ā
7.Ā Ā Ā Ā I remember the first time I ever saw my sister really fall in love. Her smile was so wide, her voice so high-pitched out of excitement that you would be able to feel her energy from a hundred metres away. No words could ever describe her as she tells me her story, of how she met a boy, how they talked about comics and superheroes, and how they instantly clicked.
8.Ā Ā Ā Ā I remember realising somewhere along the way that I wanted to experience something like the feeling that my sister had had when she fell into the traps of love. I was sixteen: dumb, foolish, innocent. All I wanted to have was the happiness that could be traced from the twinkle in my eyes, the smile on my faceā¦as I reiterated the budding of a wonderful love story.
9.Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā I remember my first day in high school, the anxiety I felt about having to be a transfer in the school, the irritating feeling I got for having to wear my long-sleeved uniform the whole day. Thankfully, the rooms were air-conditioned, or else I would have collapsed before the classes even began.
10.I remember being very, very emotional singing the graduation song. I didnāt know whether it was because of the meanings behind the song, or because of the fact that it was very difficult to sing it. Though my voice was hoarse, my feet in pain because of the pair of heels I was wearing, I sang with everything I had, knowing that it was going to be the last time for me to be doing it in school. I was leaving high school. I was entering another chapter that was far from what I was used to. Harder, but definitely better.
11. I remember the first time that I saw ā and instantly felt bad for myself ā him. He was everything that I wasnāt. He was attractive, smart, the kind of guy every girl wanted to date. While there I was, unattractive, typical, plain, boring. We were polar opposites (or so we thought we were), and never in our wildest dreams did we ever think that we were ever going to match. Ā
12. I remember our puns, our jokes, our late-night chats and endless conversations. How one just suddenly does not reply because he falls asleep in the middle of the night, the phone on his face, how we never really noticed the time because of how long our conversation has been going on. We never ran out of topics to talk about: from school, to family, to dogs, to pizza, to even the weirdest and grossest topics we could ever think about. It was nice how comfortable we were with each other. So comfortable that I could tell him about last nightās dreams, and heād tell me all about his comic-book frustrations.
13. I remember the moment he told me he loves me. Though it was only through chat, I could say that he could sense how dumbfounded I was to read that. A lot of thoughts went through my mind, along with the three-word clichĆ© that I have been dying to tell him the first moment he draped his arm around my shoulder. Instead, I typed a different sentence, still another clichĆ© statement: I donāt know.
14. I remember the times when Iād have to tug him with me whenever I wanted to watch another sappy romance flick. Heād tell me heād rather watch The Avengers for the Nth time than watch two people meet, make out, break up, then make up with each other in the big screen. When heād finally agree, weād spend most of the running time chatting, and laughing at nothing in particular, and the other portion of the time throwing popcorn kernels at each otherās faces.
15. I remember our fights ā the way I yelled then burst into tears out of frustration, the way he would suddenly walk out of the scene because heād rather be quiet than rage on me. The way weād realise we were just being so stupid so we decided to just end the fight and fix things peacefully.
16. I remember all those instances when heād lend me a side of his earphones so he could share to me the song that he was jamming into, because we were both into the same kind of music.
17. I remember the time when I finally had the courage to say āI love youā. Just as I was about to choke the words in haste, he beat me into it by saying, āThereās this someone.ā
18.I remember what I felt when he told me that things were not doing good between him and his girlfriend. I felt like I was his friend, that he needed me, my opinions, and that I needed to motivate him that things will be okay. He was hurting, and he didnāt deserve the way he was being treated, that he was being cheated on.
19. I remember how I felt when he told me that he was seeing another girl, a few months before he ended things with the past girl. He told me he kissed the girl because of a dare, and I felt like I didnāt know what to do, or say. Confusion got the best of me and I just changed the topic whenever he brought things up. To the surface, I was congratulating him for doing the dare, but deep inside, I knew that I was lying to myself, that Iād rather not talk to him for weeks, than listen to him tell me about the wonders of his ever-existing love life. That mine was still a big, big, annoying zero.
20.I remember the day things started to go back to the way things were before we were even friends. He started to act like I was nothing, like my whole being was invisible and I was suddenly air that he could no longer see.
21.I remember the first time that I ever cried because of a cartoon. It was Toy Story 3, the part when Andy was giving away his toys because he was going to college. It was pretty absurd for me to cry at films like that, but the story struck me the most in a sense that I felt very much attached to everything I have.
22. I remember the first time I ever finished writing a novel when I was in the eighth grade. Back then, I wouldāve thought that I was genius, but reading it now, I realised that it was very clichĆ©, annoying, and unrealistic.
23.I remember the feeling I got when I first rode an airplane. It was overwhelming, feeling the pressure as the plane increases speed, until it finally takes off. I remember loving the feeling of being so high up in the air that everything was just small dots of colours, how it felt like I could see everything from my point of reference.
24. I remember the moment when I finally took hold of a concert ticket after I lined up under the heat of the sun with a sea of fangirls for seven hours. We were exhausted and drained but everything was worth it because we knew that in a matter of months, we will be able to see the boys that saved our lives one way or another.
25. I remember the first time I saw my name in our school paper. It gave me a sense of proudness because finally, I wasnāt only writing in private. Someone was now actually reading my works, and as a writer, it was nothing but happiness that my works were not only stuck in a page of my journal, or a folder in my laptop.
26.Ā I remember the first time I ever went out of town alone. It gave me a sense of independence and confidence that I could do things on my own, without needing too much help and support from my family. It opened my eyes to new things, helping me realise that there is still a lot for me to know.
27. I remember the moment when I first felt like I was literally flying. I stood from a wooden block of wood from an island, and was about to jump into the water. I felt very scared the first time I looked down, fearing that no one would catch me when I fall, and that Iāll end up drowning ā or worse, dying. However, I swallowed up all my thoughts and jumped. It made me feel dauntless, as if I was flying, feeling the wind on my skin as my body crashes onto the water. The feeling was very satisfying, knowing that I had just conquered my fear. Right then and there, I realised that it wasnāt the heights I was scared about. It was the fact that I was falling, with the thought that something would fail. Itās either that no one would catch me, or Iāll die drowning in the sea.
28. I remember seeing my Dad cry for the first time ever. It was because of the fight that had been going on in the household for a couple of months, and it was one of those moments that I thought that nothing could ever fix the problems. It was one of those times that I ever saw my father completely vulnerable, as if the slightest word might hurt and break him into pieces. It was Fatherās Day when it happened; all he wanted was a bit of appreciation from my sister.
29. I remember the smell of books and how they remind me of time, how fast it had passed, how long the book has existed. Smelling the pages was like a drug to me ā addicting ā and there has always been an urge to keep these little things as close to me as possible.
30.Ā I remember the relaxing feeling I get whenever I write. As if I get so lost in my work that I enter a different place, explore the mind of a different character. It gives me a good perspective on things around me, paying more attention to details I normally miss. Words have always been the fuel to my flame ā it is through it that I am able to release the angst that I have been bottling up inside me. Writing was my outlet, my best friend for as long as remember, and I donāt plan on letting it go anytime soon.
