#pensive thoughts

Living to Prosper Connection Over Independence

‧˚₊꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶꒦꒷‧₊˚⊹

In a time of hyper individualism more focused on ego than others I prefer the opposite. I was raised in a house hold that stripped me of all my independance forcing me to submit to anyone around me. This then grew into a disorder of chronic people pleasing as a means to gain approval from anyone and everyone. Not only was this behavior a detriment to my mental well being but when I later learned to assert boundaries in the form of speaking up I ran into problems with there. Bridges were burn to the point of enveloping mutiple connections into flames which soon left me in a state of loneliness because nobody wanted to get close to me or come near. This felt equally as isolating, if not, worse than when I would suck up to folks for validation. 🧸

Over the course of some time I learned how to hone a balance of sacrifices to selfishness. People are often taught the ladder and stay there. That no one around if owed anything and you are allowed to cut off anyone whenever you see fit. This aggressive approach to connections has done more harm than good. Creating an epidemic of loneliness in many as well as intense fear to pursue a new connection. 🐻

Psychology and spirituality has taught me alot. It's brought me to where I am today and I am beyond grateful for all those that helped me along the way. It tears my heart apart to see something that saved me on darkest days used to cause more harm than good. The whole idea of tossing away friendships over differences or just not speaking to someone cause you believe don't owe them a reply is beyond self righteous for all the wrong reasons. The truth is if you care about the connection and value it it takes sacrifices on both ends. Ghosting someone cause you don't want to have hard conversation isn't protecting your peace you're protecting you're fragile ego and using psyche speak to get out of facing challanges. Bulldozing others and their boundaries to have the final say and things your way and only your way isn't speaking up for yourself it's being forcefull and boundaries do not look like force and standing up isn't always shaped as aggression. 🧸

‧˚₊꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶꒦꒷‧₊˚⊹

The queue to the counter was extensive and the journey through it was strenuous. My hand resting on the cart handle, which had nothing but a milk bottle to fill it, made me look ridiculous. My heart lipped hearing a distant cloud growl. Was it about to rain? The last thing I wanted was to get entirely drenched on the way home. Slowly progressing forward, my grip tightened around the cart as the thunder roared from outside, infiltrating the room with white light.

Stepping out into what felt like the wilderness, my perception made me believe everything was hazardous. The trees whispering and screeching sounds from far added up to the tumultuous clamour. The ferocious winds, with its supreme power trying its very best to wipe out the city. I was strolling along the side of the road when the feeling of being watched crept in. With a quick glance behind, I realized I was in danger. A gruesome silhouette of a guy with a black overcoat seemed to be following my trail.

My hands stopped dangling, as I was freezing from inside but my legs impulsively quickened my pace. The eerie aura took control as it started to drizzle. As far as my eyes could make out the road was completely barren, with a couple of lamp lights flickering. The overcast raging with the hostile winds howling across the aisle accompanied by the earthy aroma. I clenched my bag close to my chest and before I could comprehend I was running at full speed. The vigorous winds forced me back as I struggled to keep up my pace. The magnitude of the raindrops increasing each time, my head automatically turned back to see the man sprinting behind me. For a split second I felt paralyzed when spotting a brick-like object clinched to his hand. 

Did this physical Earth exist before eye precieved it? Hm..eye think so. Time was needed in order for hydrogen to gravitate together..producing enough vibration to create new elements like carbon...which eventually built the extremely complex vessels that we call our Bodies. If that's true, then what perceived evolution would take place as a physical development? Would this be evidence that a 'higher mind' is also conscious?

Are your needs being met?

If you find yourself..

..picking at your partner

..arguing over 3d objects

..being swept by waves of anger

..doubting your value

..listening to the negative loops that cause feelings of guilt or shame

If you find yourself not being able to ground, and center yourself into a higher vibration away from these low frequency places (whether through meditation or movement or art) then it's highly likely there's a personal Need not being met.

Denying this will almost always lead you and your partner into an argument. The more defensive you are, the less you want to look at it..let alone change it.

Do you really want to bully those you love?

Do you really want to blame 3d objects?

Do you really want to be moved by anger?

Do you really want to doubt your contributions?

Do you really want to live in guilt and shame?

Effective communication starts with a deeper awareness of where You are. What are your emotional patterns saying? How is your behavior expressing your character?

Your loved ones see you..from the outside in..by what you emit..from the inside out.

Its your partner that's in a particular position to see You on a very personal level. From the outside in of the deepest You. One day we'll be comfortable enough with our Brothers and Sisters to show our deepest Selves.

And It's going to take effective communication.

Communication is effective through Listening.

It would be who of you to listen when your partner shares insight of behavior you may not be aware of. One of the hardest reactions to catch within myself is turning my defenses off when listening to critique. The times that eye openly listen..regardless of my own opinion..it is a chance to explore an Unknown. A perspective of myself that was unknown to me? Hidden from me? A me that works to be aware of my own honesty!

So perhaps you are mad! Speak it. Create a verbal vibration to start healing it. Whisper it if you must. But let it ring and Feel it..whats passing between you two? What's created because of the expression of it? What comes back onto you?

Words. Eye contact exchange. Face muscle tensions. Temperature changes. Body positions. Sounds. Outbursts. Tears. Twitches. Fidgets. Involuntary blinks. Blank stares.

What other forms of communication have I missed?

The thing about expression is that you get immediate feedback. Not necessarily in words.

Communication is mature when we (say) translate tears, or sounds, or emotional spirals into a discussion that promotes emotional stability..so that the heart of communication may be pure from tainted emotions (that may not even be ours)

In essence..

Effective communication:

■Before speaking..

▪Is it truly necessary?

▪Is it a true statement?

■ Follow through. Speak it!

▪Is there a way to say it kindly..softly..gently?

■AFTER SPEAKING. Get feedback.

▪stop and Listen

▪be able to listen to feedback you may not agree with.

■Repeat.

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Thank you for taking the time to walk with me by reading.