Nov 9, 2014
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im trying to cut down on smoking because its having detrimental effects on my life and also my wallet
but being alone with my sober thoughts is difficult and also im bad at sleeping so basically this sucks
Semi personal thing I posted on facebook.
I don't have a lot to say about Robin Williams specifically, but I have become annoyed at some person(s) on my facebook feed who specifically where not there for me when I was harming myself. It's not really meant to be snarky or anything, Im sorry if it comes off this way.
"Don't just care about suicide now. What happened to Robin Williams is a tragedy that happens EVERY DAY. Someone close to you, someone in your life is likely suffering through the same pain he suffered.
There is such a stigma surrounding mental illness like bi polar and depression, people act like you're just acting, that you're not REALLY sick, or that it's something you can just go to the gym and exercise off like the urge to hurt yourself is calories or something. People act like you can just will away mental illness when that's just like saying you can wish away a broken bone or defeat cancer with happy thoughts and a positive attitude. People treat you like a burden.
When my depression began to manifest itself in high school, my best friend at the time chose to stop interacting with me entirely. He literally told me that because I was acting sad, he didn't want to be around me. To him it was my fault I was sick, my mental illness made me unfun and I spent roughly half of my senior year being avoided by the people I wanted to be with the most.
Fast forward two years and my problems have gotten worse. I'm not ashamed to say that I've struggled with self abuse. How might things have been different for me had my best friend shown compassion? How much worse off would I be if it weren't for the love and support of the few friends I still have?
Remember to love the people in your life who need it most. Care about them now, tomorrow, next month, as long as you can while they're here for you to care about. Don't only think about us when its too late."
I could be all sad and vaguebloggy and say i wish you were my friend but this could apply to so many people right now it wouldnt even count as a vagueblog
I've had so many people over the last like 8 or so months who are like super excited to start being my friend!! Like wow I met you! You're cool!! Let's talk a bunch!!! Awesome we have a lot in common! I'm glad we're going to be friends now!! And then they just stop! Talking to me!!!! And its like
If you didn't want to be my friend why did you act like you did, why did you ever even waste my time like that.
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I keep telling people I'm sensitive but they still do things like call me/things I do fake or boring or make fun of how I talk or make fun of my laugh or say the things I like are stupid And it might be nothing to you but it's everything to me, especially when I try so hard to make people like me. I remember every single joke at my expense. I carry each one with me, and when I'm no longer strong enough to bear the weight of everything else alone it'll be those insignificant words you didn't mean to say that I'll be crushed under.