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This is not for you.
the concept of johnny truant never self-actualizing because every time she thinks about that uncomfortable desire to be a woman, she sees it as her taking one step closer to becoming her mother
Every time I see some reddit post or recommended google search along the lines of βJohnnyβs parts in HoL are so boring can I just skip themβ I recall the absolute gut-wrenching, heart-shattering, blood-curdling, world-altering experience of reading through Appendix II-E for the first time and wonder if Iβm insane or if everyone else is
got too sad about pelafina house of leaves again

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I've been rereading The Whalestoe Letters, and Pelafina breaks my heart every time.
I know the letters can be decoded, their words analyzed and meanings brought forth. But I prefer the surface. Of a woman who was broken, and a son who too was broken, and lost himself in a house of leaves.
What can I say, I am a sucker for abandoned stuff.
Old House of Leaves animatic from a while back.
"For I shall be just the same, standing by, like some old still-growing tree, her rustle lost in fall but found again come spring. And of course you can lean on me. You can hide in me too. High above. And when you are tired and wish to close your eyes you can rest in me. I will not go." β P, The Whalestoe Letters, p.72