sitting in my bedroom reading
posts on bright screens with bleary eyes
blinking away spots and
wishing i could blink away the words replaying
in my head i need
a break really i need to
be allowed a moment and
i need to be allowed to breathe
if only the world worked better in those ways
i just didn't do my homework today i
didn't feel like it
instead i went through and fixed up old pictures
on my computer that i'm proud of taking and
watched a movie on the tiny screen of my tablet and
sat in my room at my desk and tried to take a moment
at least i got something done even if it wasn't
something that productive i just
need a break need acceptance need a world that
isn't so rude with absolutely no reason can't
people just live and i
can't do anything about it except write
poems lacking punctuation
to represent the neverending feeling of never getting a break
never that's the thing they always tell us we'll
never be i guess i wonder
if they say it enough will it cancel itself out will it
start being always as in
we always deserve to be ourselves we always
deserve to exist and feel and breathe and live and can't we
just be free for once for once all these
teenagers are burnt out and want to escape i
wonder why is it so hard for them to see this why
can't anyone just see us we
make sense if you're actually looking at facts and not
fallacies spewed across and out by people who know nothing but
how to hate senselessly and unendingly we just have to
create our own futures and our own worlds i guess after
all what else is there to do when we don't have much power to
change things otherwise
i just allowed myself a breath but
even though for a second I had peace it's
started up again neverending
no i don't care that that word isn't
one word it's two what
makes you think i care about something like that at a time like this although
isn't it better sometimes to think on things you can control like grammar and spelling and
the speed you walk at in the hallways at school
instead of fretting about how
the existence of so many people has
somehow turned into an issue you can only talk about when
it's being debated in court or
by the people with all the controlling and hateful power
i took another breath i took several and
it felt good but i still can't stop how
do we deal with this by
writing poems for one i guess this
is turning into lots of i guesses it's time for something i know
this poem will never be finished it's
the marching movement of everrebellious life moving on and
no i don't care that that's also not a word i have
other things to think about at a time like this
like how nice it is to write poems on rough notebook paper and
flip through the pages and feel fulfilled and
how nice it is to step on snow outside and
how calm that one class period is and
how nice these blankets feel and
how amazing the feeling of making art is and
how beautiful it is that we're still living and
how incredible it is that we're still existing and thriving in the face of hate i
won't let that be the last word of this poem I'll
end it with create
