#peaky x reader

Sean Wallace

1. Dating him

John Shelby

1. Snowball fight

2. Demons

3. Falling

4. Peace

5. Happy place

6. Saturday night

7. For the rest of this life

8. Not really good at it

9. Your decision

10. Our secret

11. First bullet

12. No place like home

13. Lost without you

14. Christmas with the Shelbys

15. Don't trust anyone

16. Another love

17. Russian Roulette I

Russian Roulette II *smut!!*

Shelby's men:

1. How they say I love you for the first time

2. Their reaction to you getting hurt

Others:

1. The princess of the family - Shelby sis

2. Daddy's little girl - Thomas x Grace daughter

Request: @mrswinchester29

Words: 1640

hello loviees

this is my first Shelby Sister fic and i’m sorry if is anything wrong with it, but i will improve!! and the one who requested it, i hope it is what you wanted and i’m sorry for changing it a little bit, i hope that’s fine. also thank you sm for your request

love you all xx

It's not that late, but as soon as it get dark outside, the streets are empty and at this hour you don't really see women outside on their own. The exception is [Y/N] Shelby; the stubborn little sister of the Peaky Blinders. Of course you know about your family business and that they have a lot of enemies, but you just don't care.  You don't want to be hold back by this; like a beautiful bird in a cage. You want to live.

And despite Tommy's orders, you were alone at shopping all day without anyone knowing about it. You knew that your family, mostly your brothers, will be very mad once you get home and that's why you took your time.

You have bags in both of your hands and you walk down the street, thinking about the dresses you bought and the pairs of earrings you bought for Ada and Polly and for your sisters-in-law. But your happy thoughts are interrupted by some loud noises right behind your back. Turning your head over your shoulders, you can see two massive figure walking in your directions just as fast as you and this make you skeptical, but you keep on walking, trying to ignore them as much as you can. Polly's house is right after the corner. Maybe they are not following you. Maybe it is just in your head, you thought.

But when your turn to the left, a hand grab you by the back of your coat and push you roughly into the wall. You let out a whimper because of the pain you feel in your head and you look right into a man's full of rage eyes. They look older, but you can't really see their faces because of the low lights.

"I hoped to find one of their whores called wives, but find the princess by her own? That's so much more than I hoped."

They both laugh and you try to break free by hitting them, but you have no chance alone. Not when two stronger men are holding you still, your bags at the ground in the mud.

"What the fuck do you want?" You growl at them, getting angry by the way they are just smirking at you.

"Oh, I heard about your big mouth..."

He grabs you with his thumb and pointing finger, holding you tight by your chin and making you shut your eyes for a moment, but you don't wanna show any fear. So you look right into their eyes with a dead expression.

"About the shit you always talk and you never got troubles for it because of your brothers."

"Until now." The other one speaks and your whole body start shaking when a hand touch your leg underneath your dress.

"Let me fuckin go now. My brothers will kill you!" You hate to use their names, but you start to get scared; the look on their faces makes them look insane and you can feel how much they want to hurt you, to destroy you. He grab your ankle so tight that you almost scream, your leg around his waist now and you try to hit him again as they touch your thighs with their dirty hands.

The other one grabs your chin, turning your face to him to kiss your lips. You yell in pure terror and you do the first thing that come into your mind: you spit him right into the face. The next thing you know is a slap you receive on your cheek and then another one and another until you can't feel your face anymore. You don't even realize that you are crying and screaming for help, forgetting about the issues you have with your overprotective family and begging to God that someone will help you now.

They rip your dress over your chest, placing disgusting kisses all over your bare skin and you scream again, but your voice it's covered now by gunshots.

"Let my sister down before I bloody shoot you right between your eyes." Ada says sternly and you cry at the sight of her. You love your sister so much, but you never were so happy to see her like you are in this moment.

She shoot again and they drop you at the ground; bullets in their legs as they quickly run away from you. You remain there with your hands at your mouth, crying and not really believing that this really happened. Ada was over to you in a second, letting you cry at her warm chest while she caresses your hair.

"It's fine, love. I'm here now. We're here with you. Can you walk?"

You didn't understand why she said "we", but then you see Finn running to you with terror all over his face.

"[Y/N] they...?"

"No." Ada answer it for you and you just start crying harder as Finn breathe out in relief. That thought was killing him.

He took you into his arms, you wishing you could just hide yourself completely at his chest. But you can't. You feel his every breathe and heart beat as he walks, almost run in fact, over to Polly's house while Ada tell someone to informs your brothers that you are here now, that they found you at the right time. Everyone was looking for you and now you are glad they did.

"Oh God." You hear Polly's voice as Finn enter the house and he and Michael gentle lay you onto the sofa. "My baby girl." She have tears in her eyes as she wraps her arms around you and you are finally home.

"Who did this to her?" Grace whisper, talking to them while she places some blankets on your shoulders. You were shaking.

"I don't know, but they will be fucking dead by-..."

"Finn, shut your mouth! She don't need this right now." Esme lowered in front you and after giving Finn a glare, she softly speaks to you. "[Y/N], can I look at your wounds? We have to clean them..."

Polly caresses your hair and back all this time, whispering softly words into your ears just like a mother she is for all of you. You nod your head and you take a deep breath; you were suffocating at her chest because of all the tears and you didn't even realized it. But you wanted to stop with all the crying now.

Finn walk out of the room, waiting outside for his brothers, not wanting to look anymore at your sore and bruised face. You wrap up the blanket around you as you stand up a little and you let Esme to clean your face, as Grace and Ada were doing the same with your hands, while talking with you. Polly holds you tight in her arms and Linda run into the kitchen to prepare a tea for you.

"Where's is she?"

"How's she?"

"I'm gonna fuckin hang the ones who did this."

After a few more minutes, your crying stopped and you slowly calmed yourself down, but then your brothers came and you all heard their voices from outside the house. You were almost sleeping in Polly's arms with the girls next to you; no one was talking, but it helped you to know that they are here.

Ada remain with you as everyone walk out; Polly's quickly shushed her nephews who are beyond angry, furious and wanting to kill every person that did this to their little princess.

"You can be Peaky Blinders later when she's not crying her eyes out. She needs you now." Polly  says while looking at them.

"She needs all of us." Linda says and everyone agrees with her as they slowly walk back into the living room.

John close his eyes and sigh at the sight of his little sister, bruised and with bloodshot eyes; the same eyes all of you have and the eyes he hates to see in this way. Tommy feel like his stone heart is melting when he take a sit next to you, Arthur raising you into his lap while John is in your left with Finn. Everyone else is also there on the chairs, letting you all having a moment. Surrounded by the ones you love and love you, you smile a little, trying to forget that hell you've been through.

"You understand now why we are so protective with you." Tommy softly says and grabs your hand in his, kissing it after. Grace shouts him a glare, not wanting this to become a fight and make you feel worse, but you nod and whisper, talking for the first time since Ada and Finn found you with a raspy voice you don't usually have.

"I'm sorry...I'm so sorry I was such a pain in your asses."

"And ya still are." John is smirking at you and you let your head on his shoulder.

"But we don't mind." Arthur softly kiss your cheek and you close your eyes, feeling how thankful you really are for having them in your life.

"And I hope you know we gonna cut to death the bastards that did that to our princess." Tommy says and you smile again, but he was serious, no joking in his voice nor his face. John, Arthur and Finn nod immediately.

"That did what to me?"

You're raise your eyebrows, trying to joke and everyone let out a chuckle. Your body is in pain, but you can't say anything or even think about that when your whole family is here with you now.

"I love you so much. All of you."

Request: Hey could I possibly get a number 45 (I had a nightmare about you and I just wanted to make sure you’re okay) imagine please for john shelby and female reader 🙏🏻

hope you like it and sorry if it’s too short, love youu xx

John walk into his house, trying to be as quiet as possible as is past midnight so his wife and the kids are sleeping for sure. Esme is gonna be mad at him for coming home that late again and that thought makes John sigh while slowly enter in their shared bedroom. Just as he thought, she is peacefully sleeping on her side of bed with the blanket up to her neck.

John take off every piece of clothing until he only wear trousers and when Esme whimpered a little, he looked better at his wife and his eyes grew wide at the sight of [Y/N]. She is the one sleeping on his bed, not Esme. He wanted so bad to see [Y/N] in the place of his wife, but now that this is finally happening, he's feeling like something is really wrong with it.

"[Y/N]?" He speaks with his dry throat, but no answer from her so he tries again and again. No answer. Is gut is telling him that something bad happened.

"[Y/N] do you hear me?"

He pull the blanket away, hoping that she would wake up this way, but the words remain blocked in his throat and he forget everything he wanted to say to her. He couldn't find his voice anymore. [Y/N]'s white nightgown is covered in blood from the bullet that still is in her chest. This imagine frightened John to death as he shacked her thin body, not believing his eyes. But it's true. [Y/N] is dead.

"No...It's not true. It can't be..." He keep on talking to himself while caressing [Y/N] soft hair, but no reaction from her. Tears formed in his eyes and he felt the urge to scream. He somehow managed to hold it back until he saw it. The black hand placed on his pillow.

They did it. They killed her.

That was the moment when he couldn't keep it inside anymore and screamed.

"No!" John is quickly up with his hand at his back where he knows he's always keeping his gun, but it wasn't there this time cause he was sleeping.

His hands are shaking, his heart is beating so fast and he is gasping for air like he just been running, but he wasn't. He was having a nightmare. A horrible nightmare that got him sweating and feeling like he's out of air in his own house.

"What's wrong?" Esme is immediately up herself, concern all over her face as she glared at her husband. Pure terror is all over his face and that's something new for John. He sometimes had nightmares from the war, but not even then he reacted this way and he never got up screaming.

"Nothing...Go back to sleep." He managed to answer it after a few moments and he started to get dress, Esme still watching him having no clue about what's really happening in John's mind.

"John, where are you going?"

But he was already out the door.

The cold air was exactly what he needed to calm himself down a little bit and before he even realized, he was at [Y/N]'s door. It was just a nightmare, but he couldn't forget it. Every fucking time he close his eyes, he see her covered in blood and with the black hand next to her. If something ever happen' to her, John knows is gonna be on him and he would never forget himself for that.

She is not answering the door. What if they really got her? What if she's hurt and it's already too late?

"John? What are you doin' here?"

He sighed relieved when in front of his eyes is standing [Y/N] with a asleep concerned face and wearing the same white nightgown from his nightmare. He couldn't help himself when he pulled you into his arms, holding you tight at his chest and almost thanking to God that you are safe.

"Hey, look at me! What happened?" You can feel John's heart beating fast inside his chest and that and his pale face are the signs that something's off with him. You fought so bad the last time you saw each other; he wouldn't come here at this hour and in this state if it wasn't really important to him.

He don't answer to your questions, he just pull away from the hug and run a hand over his face before talking with the same raspy voice he always have in the morning.

"It's nothing. I will go now."

You can't let him go. And not because you want so bad to know what made him to come here, but because you missed him like hell.

"No. Stay, please." You don't even think about the fight you two had about Esme, about him still choosing to stay married to her despite having feelings for you. It's simply nothing in this moment.

John is looking surprised at you like he wasn't expecting you to do that, but he nod is head and walks into your house.

"You want some tea?" You ask, concerned still present in your voice.

He shake his head and for a few moments you two stay in silence. You don't wanna press on him and asking more questions, especially when he's looking like he's far away from there.

"I had a nightmare about you and I just wanted to make sure you’re okay." His now looking at you and he bite on his lip before talking again with a lower voice. "I know I have no right to come to you...Not after what I did, but I wanted to see you to be sure."

For a while you don't know what to say. You know that John have his demons that are haunting him in his dreams, but he was so scared when you opened the door. Even when he realized that it was just a nightmare, he still wasn't sure that you are alright and the thought of him caring so deeply about you is just melting you inside and you simply couldn't stay mad at him anymore.

"Can you stay here tonight?" You ask as you slowly grab his cold fingers with yours, your eyes locking with his icy ones. You always loved the way his eyes are saying what he can't using words and this time they are saying that he loves you. And you can feel it.

"You really want to?"

"Yes." A little smile is now playing on your lips and you pull his face closer to yours by the back of his neck, your lips almost touching each other. "I want you to stay forever, but..."

"I will."

You rise your eyebrows at him, not wanting to believe him to not get your hopes too high and be disappointed again. But you just pretending cause you are already falling into his arms.

"I promise I will be here with you, [Y/N]. Soon." He speaks while he place his hands on your waist, keeping your body closer to his and not giving you a chance to answer because of his lips pressed on yours with lust and love.

That night you believed him.

Again.

Request: Can I request a John imagine where he falls for a younger reader (18-21) and she is sweet and innocent. She babysits his kids so his kids like her.

Words: 1682 and please sorry for any mistakes!! 

Everyone knows the Peaky Blinders. Everyone knows and respect the Shelby's. But just as they respect them, in the same time they fear them and nobody mess with them. It was an unwritten rule; they are just like the royal family. Or even better in Small Heath.

So, that's why [Y/N] was surprised when Polly Shelby asked for help with her nephew's children. John and Martha Shelby were happily married, but when he came back from the war he was greeted by a dead wife and four kids. They are so full of life, active and strong that Polly can't face them all alone and work at the betting shop too. They deserve someone to be there for them all day, to take care of them just like a mother would. So she asked for help at your mother. They are good friends and that's how you start working in John's house.

At first, you were so scared and emotional. Your hands were shaking when you placed the plates in front of the kids and you didn't know back then, but that was because the thought of him. You are a simple teenage girl and you are in desperate need of money for the school you dream of. You also like children and you are a very calm and peaceful person, so you have enough patience to deal with four children at once. They didn't made you nervous, but the thought of their father coming home did. You never once met him since you work for him. You always keep in touch with his aunt, Polly, but never with him.

The maids told you that he's out until very late with business and that usually he don't even come home. He used to sleep at his aunt's or at his brothers houses and you realized that years later after the death of his wife, he's still heartbroken. You don't even know him, but you do know him. How weird is it?

Tonight it's a regular evening. You and the kids ate the dinner together, like you always do, and you helped them to take a bath. When they are all dressed in their pajamas and covered in warm blankets in their beds, you kiss them good night and walk out their rooms. You know that Katie is gonna wet the bed tonight too, like she always do, but your work program it's done now. When you leave and they need help, the maids are here for them.

But tonight you choose to stay some more for a hot tea. You have a headache and your eyes are wet, so probably you are gonna be sick. You don't wanna give flu to the kids, so you have to be fine for them.

You take your cup with chamomile tea to the living room where John has a wonderful library with books that you always admired, but never had the time to read one. You aleatory choose one and you comfortably sat on the couch, reading and drinking tea until you eventually fell asleep, dreaming of a beautiful love you never had.

John curses as he walk into his dark and empty house. He started to hate this place a long time ago; such a big house just for himself and some maids. Waste of money. The kids are already asleep, just like always when he comes here, but he's happy because he's not able to be a good father for them. They are better with Polly and some random woman taking care of them in his place.

He slowly take off every piece of clothing, until he only wears his under shirt and trousers. He's already dizzy from the Garrison, but his first thought is to drink some more. So he walks into the living room, having a surprise waiting for him on the couch. He stops and stand here, just looking at the petite woman peacefully sleeping with a book on her chest.

So, she's the nanny for his kids. They totally love her and John was happy to hear that, but he was never happy to meet her, to know who she is. But now? Now he can't stop looking at her. Her long dark hair is scattered all over the pillows, her pink full lips are opened and her long eyelashes form shadows on her pink cheeks. She looks so innocent and...Young. She's beautiful and John can't stop imagining himself kissing her soft porcelain skin. He shook his head, stopping himself for thinking at her like that. He's too old and dangerous for her. She's probably a virgin and that thought made him curse under his breath.

He pours a glass of whisky and stand there on the armchair, just looking out on the window and trying to ignore the angel sleeping in the room with him. When he was ready to walk out the room to go to sleep, the girl's eyes quickly opened and she looks scared around her, not recognizing the place.

"Oh my God..." She mutters for herself, quickly standing up and she adjust her long dress, not observing John in the room with her.

"It's all right. Don't worry." She almost let out a scream at the sound of John's raspy voice and her breath it's everywhere as she turns to him.

"I'm sorry, I didn't see you there, Mr. Shelby."

Her cheeks are red now and John couldn't help himself, but smirk a little at her reactions.

"It's fine. You will sleep 'ere tonight. It's too late to go out alone."

"No, don't worry about that, Mr. Shelby. It's not a pro-"

"Choose any room you want. You will sleep 'ere tonight."

He turns his back to her, wanting to leave the room, but when he remember something, he stops.

"What's your name, love?" He just can't help himself.

"[Y/N] [Y/M/N]" She answers his question with a bashful smile, John smirking still there on his lips.

"Good night. And [Y/N]?" She is so pure and shy, John is starting to love to tease her and that is no good for her. Or him either.

"Yes, Mr. Shelby?"

"Call me John."

The next days were crazy as John was home a little more than before. Around him, [Y/N] was always shy and agitated and she always forget to not stare at him. But she found herself doing that. She found herself glaring at him, wishing that she would be the one undressing him when he comes home from work, that she would be massaging his shoulders and preparing him a hot bath. She found herself wanting to do things for him, erotic thoughts invaded her mind and even if she tried to stop them, she realized that she can't. Her parents will kill here if they would know, but she quickly fell in love with a gangster.

What she didn't know, was that John fell for her too. He love it to come home and watch you kiss and play with his kids, you make them happy and you slowly started to make John happy too. He also tries to come home for dinner and he enjoyed your small talks while you eat; it almost felt like you are his wife and he started to like it a little too much. He was usually fucking another women when he was alone and still heartbroken after Martha, but now he can only think of you so he stopped doing that and start wishing to be you in his bed at night. You didn't know it, but it was you who healed his broken heart.

You hear when he open the door to enter in the house and you stand up from the couch, hurried up to greet him.

"Hello, John" You smile to him and you help him with his suit jacket and Peaky Blinder cap. You also place his gun in a safe high place, so the kids won't accidentally get to it.

"How are the kids?" He asks as he let his suspenders down and comfortably stand on the couch, waiting for his dinner at almost middle of the night. Since you started to have these feelings for John, you also started to spend more and more time here, spending the nights too. Everyone form his family saw that, but no one asked you about it.

You sat next to him, waiting for the maids to get his food ready.

"They are already sleeping. Katie didn't wet the bed this week. She's a grown up lady now." You says with a proud smile on your lips and you watch John; he heard what you just said, but he's just glaring at your lips now.

"That's ma' girl."

You both chuckle a little, but you can't stop looking at each other lips. You want so bad to kiss you, to touch you, to make you feel what no one did. John wants it too so bad, that its hurting him to not being with you anymore, but he knows that his world is dangerous and he don't wanna ruin your life when you are so young and pure.

"Kiss me." You whisper, forgetting about everything else around you and the words left your mouth right before he pull you into his lap and his lips pressed onto yours with force and passion that lights up a fire inside your body. A fire that is burning until you two finally get what you want. Each other.

"I want you. I want you so bad." He whispers in your mouth, his hands all over your body, trying to pull your dress up to touch your soft skin he's been dreaming about since the night he met you.

"I want-I want you too, John. But-" You stop, now not founding any courage to tell him that you are a virgin and that you never did anything like this before.

He slowly kiss your lips one more time before pulling away and softly caresses your hair, looking into your eyes with a smile.

"I know. I wasn't talking about that."

"But?" You ask with confusion all over your face and his smile is now amused as he softly kiss your ring finger.

Words: 2311

hello loviees. 

i was in the mood for some sad imagine, so i really hope you like it. maybe it’s too much, but i quite enjoy it writing it even if i cried most of the time. sorry for any mistake and i really want your opinions on it, it means so much to me!! love you all xx

You and John met in a rainy autumn night a long time ago. You were at the Garrison with his sister Ada and it was the first time ever they saw their sister with another female, laughing and actually enjoying the time spend together. It didn't took too much until John approached you and you talked all night, about everything. You didn't know back then, but you were falling for him even since that night.

You shut your eyes, seeing his cocky smile again as he asked you. "And why were ya alone here?" He was so curious about you, he couldn't help but laugh when thinking at all the men faces when they saw a woman like you alone at a bar. You can hear his voice and his laugh, like he is actually here.

"It may be because I'm better on my own." You smile back, making him chuckle a little.

These words haunt you now and you are not smiling anymore.

Beside others, you hear them every day and night since that day. Your nightmares mostly end with you saying this and you take all the fault on you. You said that to John on the first night you met and now you are alone for good.

It's been a month since John died. You lost the track of time, you don't even know what day of the week it is today, but you can clearly remember that today it's a month since that horrible day. And a month since you haven't left the house, sleep or eat properly.

You can't leave the house. What if John come back and there is no one waiting for him?

You hear noises downstairs and your full of hope eyes meet Polly's concerned ones as she enter the bedroom you once shared with John, his clothes still untouched on the floor.

"Hello love." She softly speaks and you don't see it, but she acts strange around you. "How are you?"

You're face falls when you realize that it's not John and Polly saw that, but kept her mouth shut about that, not wanting to upset you even more than you already are.

"I'm fine. You?"

But you don't look fine at all and you don't realize that either.

"I'm fine. But we're missing you, love. The kids are missing you..."

You shake your head when Polly grabs your cold hands in hers.

"Come on. Let's eat something, take a bath and come with me to see them. What do you say about that? They'll be so-..."

"I can't."

"Why?" Polly's eyes are soft, just like her voice is, but she start to get really concerned for your health. You wear a dirty black dress, you're hair is tangled and your old makeup is smudged all over you're pale face. You look a lot skinnier behind you're clothes and your cheekbones are clearly standing out, your face sharper than before. She can only sigh and remember the beautiful happy girl you once were. The one everyone loves.

"I don't think they believe me when I tell them that their father will be back..." Your voice it's like a whisper because for some reason you don't think that Polly will believe you. Or anyone else. The Shelby's look like they forgot about John. It feels like Arthur it's the only one still grieving; he used to come here once in a few days, just to talk to you and cry together. But you realize just now that he stopped his visits.

"Darling, he's not..."

"You think I'm crazy? You all think that?"

You take a step back from her and you glare at Polly with hurt all over your face.

"You played me the whole fucking time! All of you! How can I know that this...His death is for real? What if...What if it's just another Tommy's plan?"

You can't control yourself when you start crying and screaming, Polly just watching you falling apart right in front of her. She always knows what to say, but not right now. Not when she can see how broken you are after her nephew's cruel death.

"It's not..." Tears are now in her eyes too as she tries to grab you into her arms again, but you take another step back.

"I wanna be alone..."

"No, [Y/N]. Come to my place. I won't let you alone here. We won't."

"Please." You say and you close your eyes, crying and feeling physical pain in your heart. You never felt that before, not until you saw John at the ground, his body shattering from the bullets. You didn't even get the chance to tell him you love him for the last time.

"Please."

Polly won't accept "no" as an answer, so you just nod but you feel numb. You can't feel anything else beside pain. Not even hate for the ones that did this, just pure pain.

After an hour, you walk into Polly's and you are relieved to see that the rest of the family it's not here yet. Just your kids that greeted you with hugs, kisses and screams and you cried while holding every one of them. They all look so much like John that broke your heart even more. After that, Polly helped you to take a bath, more exactly you sat in the bathtub crying again and she washed your hair and body just like a mother would. Like your real mother never did before.

And now she is preparing something for dinner; it's smells good, but you are not in the mood for it. You can only think about the pills that you took from your bathroom.

"Just us?" You ask slowly as you placed the plates on the table. The kids are on their chairs, noisy as always.

"Yes. The rest of the family will be there in a few hours. They will be so happy to see you." She speaks with a little smile on her lips and you quietly nod. "Tea?"

The dinner with Polly and the kids was nice. Probably the closest moment to happiness you ever felt in the past days. You washed them and spend some moments with them, just talking and answering to their question about their dad with tears in your eyes and a thin voice.

When every one of them are on their beds and ready to sleep, you kiss them on their foreheads and cheeks, trying to hold onto your tears.

"We love you mommy" they all says with angelic smiles on their faces.

"I love you too, babies. I love you the most. I will always be here with you, okay? We, me and our dad...We will protect you from everything."

You know this is sick. You saying that to your own children before wanting to take your own life. You know they are gonna be hurt and you hate yourself for this, but in the stage you are now, you are not able to help them. You're not able to help yourself. You can't accept that John, your husband and the love of your life, died. You can't get over it.

You want to end it quick. So you just enter the bathroom, lock the door and pull the pills out form your pocket. You swallow with weight thinking at your family, the Shelby's; they helped you so much and they mean a lot to you, but you don't have the strength to talk with them. You just wanna end all the pain.

You took the pills, you don't even know how much of them; you just sat on the floor with your back pressed on the door and you peacefully close your eyes, waiting. You don't feel any pain, so this is the end. This is how it is.

"I'm sorry..." You whisper; your throat and lips are dry.

"You're sorry? That's all you can say, love?"

You open your eyes in shock and you know that you would recognize that raspy voice and that British accent from anywhere. Your husband is right in front of you, dressed in one of his best expensive black suite and with his Peaky Blinder cap on. He looks very good and handsome as always; he's not pale and bloody like in that damn awful day. He looks fine...But unhappy.

"What did you do, [Y/N]?" He helps you get up from the bathroom floor and you don't understand a fucking thing that's happening, but you are shocked to see him. You want to touch him, but his frown stop you.

"I am dead?" You whisper and you look around, but it's just Polly's bathroom.

"Not yet." John take the toothpick out from between his teeth and look at you as he pulls you into a big warm hug, melting your heart when you finally touch him and smell his familiar perfume after so many nights on only dreaming about this.

"Why? Why did you this, [Y/N]?" He asks when he pulls away from the hug and slowly touch your wet cheeks with his thumb. You don't realize you are crying; his icy blue eyes are wet too and his face is tormented by pain and sadness.

"I wanted-...I wanted to be with you, John. I can't live without you. I don't want to." You have confidence in your voice, but you keep on crying because you didn't expected this. You thought that he will be happy to see you again.

"What about our kids?" His voice is breaking at the mention of his kids, hurting him the thought of them losing a mother again.

"Polly..."

"Polly it's not their mother."

You wanted so bad to say that you are not their mother either, but you are. You love every one of them just like you love Eric, your biological child with John. You are their mother and they are your children.

"I thought...I thought that you will be happy to see me." You are crying even harder right now. You don't feel any kind of pain, but this is breaking you. You thought that he will be happy and that you will be finally together. "John, please...I'm going crazy without you."

He slowly nods and glare at your with concerned all over his face while he keep wiping your tears away, holding you again into his arms.

"I know, but I'm always there with you."

"You're not...I'm feeling you, but that's all..."

"It's enough for now. You have to go back, love. It's not your time yet."

You frown and your fingers grabbed his shirt, holding him closer to you. He leans his head closer to your lips, kissing you and you quickly respond with the intensity that you missed so much. You feel butterflies in your stomach and your heart it's beating so fast, but as he pulls away from your lips, you know that it was a goodbye kiss.

"No...Don't...Please, don't."

Pain it's all over his face, but he manage to smile with tears wetting his cheeks as well. He keep your face in his big palms, looking right into your eyes.

"We will see each other again when your time will come. But now...You have to go back, my love. I want you here...I swear there's nothing I want more, but I have to let you go."

He close his eyes, kissing the top of your head and inhaling on your perfume, knowing how much he missed that. How much he missed you and how much he hated to watch you destroying yourself for him. He couldn't do anything until now.

"Be there for our children. Make sure they are healthy, happy...Make sure they go to school so they will have a good future...Not like me, like Thomas, like Arthur...Make sure they will be good people."

You close your eyes, holding him still and tight in your arms.

"Take care of you, love. I won't ask you to meet someone else, I know you can't. But, please, take care of you."

This is as hard as the day they took him away from you.

"I love you, [Y/N] Shelby. I love you for eternity."

At some point you stopped crying, but that didn't make things easier. You took your time to watch, touch, hold and kiss each other for the last time. You both know now that you have to go back. You can't stay and you realize it just now. The kids needs you.

"I love you and I will always love you, John."

"Take care, please. I don't wanna see any of you again. Not here."

You don't have the time to answer it because his soft lips are on yours and you close your eyes, leaning into him and into the kiss.

"Until we will see each other again, love."

You open your eyes in a hospital bed.

You can't hear what the nurse is saying, but you are left alone for only one second before your family all burst into your room. You look at them with tears in your eyes, but they look happy to see you back.

"Oh my God, [Y/N]!" Polly and Ada's eyes are swollen and they are the first to hug you, you three all crying in the arms of each other. The men give you some space for a few moments, but they hug you too.

"You met our Johnny boy up 'ere?" Arthur asks, trying to joke but everyone looks at you, wondering.

A little smile start to grow on your lips and you look at all of them: Thomas, Arthur, Finn, Michael, Polly and Ada. They all are here for you. Your family.

"Actually I did." You answer with tears in your eyes. "He said that he don't wanna see any of us there."

Words: 1981

i written this a few weeks ago, but i didn’t wanted to post it cause i hate to think about John being dead...in the same time, i thought that maybe you would like it so...here we go.

Everything started a long time ago.

Your mother was a teacher in Small Heath and you and John met each other back then. You couldn't stand him, he was full of himself even as a kid and you hated him, so you always fought each other. You always ended up crying and with him apologizing to you.

When you grew up you went to school in Italy, but somehow you and John managed to wrote each other letters every now and then. He told you about the war, about his wife Martha and their children that he left back home, about Polly and his brothers, Ada and the little Finn. You told him about Italy, about new things you learnt at school everyday and how happy you are that you can do more than most of the girls do: get married and have kids. You knew you can do more than that. You were so scared when weeks used to pass by and his letter didn't came; you were scared for his life.

All this time John told you everything, but his business. Your family told you nothing at all and back then you were so blind.

In 1920 when you came back in Birmingham, you and John met each other and that was the night when you gave him your virginity. You didn't stop meting each other, but you were hiding from your families even if John told you about their alliance and how things are on the line between them. You weren't that sure, knowing how your brothers are, but you trusted John and you started to fall hard for him, even if you didn't wanted to; you couldn't help it. He was everything you wished for and you quickly realized that.

You remember the night he asked you to marry him.

"John?"

You received a letter from him that told you to be at the Garrison at 8 pm and there you are alone. You start to get scared, thinking that it's a trap from who knows what enemies, but when you enter the back room he was there. He is wearing a nice suite, his hair is perfect styled and his grin is on his lips as always. There are candles and flowers all over the room and you are confused, but you can feel happy tears in your eyes.

"What-What's this?"

"Me showin you how much I love and care bout you."

"John..." You start talking but you stop shocked when he is on one knee in front of you, pulling out from his pocket a velvet red beautiful box.

"Maybe our relationship it's not perfect and for others we will never be perfect for each other, but who the fuck cares? Not me. Cause I love you and I want you be my side forever. I swear I will protect you with my life...You helped me through my worst times and it's all on you cause I'm still 'ere today."

Tears are falling on your pink cheeks and you don't even try to stop 'em.

"I love you and no one...No one knows how much. [Y/N] Changretta...You wanna be my wife for the rest of this life?"

You smile through tears and you help John stand up to wrap your arms around his neck, looking right into his eyes as you answered.

"Yes, for the rest of this life...I wanna be your wife! Yes!"

You kiss each other, both of you a mess of smiles and tears and you hear loudly applause from the door. You turn around to see all his family, watching you smiling.

"[Y/N] Changretta it's dead. You are a fuckin Shelby now" Arthur speaks as he hug you and John and you all laugh with him.

"Welcome to the family. Don't fuck up our trust." Tommy is next and you can feel a threat in his voice, but you didn't mind. You will show them who you truly are and that blood don't really matter sometimes.

....and you became a Shelby when your family didn't even know about your relationship. They were too busy, but you knew that this happiness won't last. You felt the knife at the back of your head, but you kept going.

You had a wonderful little wedding in the gipsy style and you danced all night barefoot around the fire. You danced with Tommy, Arthur and Polly as well and everything was perfect, even without your family being there. The morning caught you and John between sweaty sheets, covering your naked bodies...

"You know I love you, right?" You whisper as you play with your fingertips on John's toned chest.

"Well, you married me. That should mean somethin' right?" He answers with a cocky tone and you laugh. When he laughs too, you can feel it in your entire body.

"Just answer it."

You carry on with it, wanting to hear it.

"I know you love me, [Y/N]. And you know that I love you."

But the secret that you became a Shelby didn't lasted too long after the wedding and you expected that.

You walk into your bedroom, still with a little smile on your face after the dinner you had with John. But something caught up your eyes.

You come closer to the bed and all the air stuck into your throat.

You can't breath as you see the black hand on your white sheets.

No words or explications.

Just a black hand and it was enough to know.

You don't even pack your things, you just run away far from that house, your family's house.

As you enter Polly's house, everyone is there cause they are having a family meeting and all their eyes are now on you. You are out of air and John quickly stand up to come to you; he was beyond concerned.

"They know."

And that's how the war started.

When John cut your brother, Angel, for Lizzie you were angry and jealous but you weren't hurt because of what he did. You knew your father won't let this go and that this was the end of the peace between the families. And the end of the peace between you and John.

Just a few days later, Grace died and she was killed for Angel and for the pubs Peaky Blinders took from them. Tommy was grieving and he didn't trusted you or anyone at all, beside Charlie. So John kept you away from it as much as he could, but it wasn't enough; he couldn't keep you locked until the danger it's gone. He was so protective and possessive that it drove you insane and you fought every night when he came home until the morning when he left again.

And days later, you found out that they killed your father. Tommy wanted to cut him, to kill him with tiny steps, but Arthur couldn't stand it and shot him in the head to end his pain. You hated your brothers, but you loved your parents in your kind of way. And you didn't wanted to, but you cried for a whole night and you were grieving. At this point you were literally down, knowing this wasn't the end. How much blood will be spilled?

You were at home with the kids most of the time and even if you loved them and they made you smile despite everything, John's absence was hurting you.

The Shelby family was falling part; everyone was on their way, but no one was safe and you all realized that weeks later when you received black hands on Christmas Eve. John hoped that the hand wasn't for you as well, that you are safe, but both of you knew better than this. You were a Changretta, you became a Shelby and it was a Vendetta going on. You all had a red target on your back, including you.

"Where do you think you're going?"

John is right at the door leaning on it as you grab your coat, but you stop at the middle of the action, slowly turning your head to him just like a robber would.

"I need some air."

"No, it's late. Go to sleep."

"Only if you come too" you whisper knowing too well that he try his best to stay awake and watch over the house and usually he just fall asleep on a chair.

He was unsure, but you pull him closer to you and you grab his face as you talk with a lower voice, looking right into his eyes.

"It's like a nightmare...Being without you. Come in our bedroom, please John."

You keep repeat it until he finally nod and you deep kiss each other, feeling like it was the first time in weeks.

And that was your mistake.

The next morning you woke up dizzy because of all the noises and Michael was there. You and John were confused and he tried to cover you up with the sheets.

"What's happenin?" You ask and you are already scared.

"Nothing, love. Dress up and wait here, okay? You heard me?"

You slowly nod while catching his fingers with yours; John quickly kiss your forehead and hand before reaching to the door with Michael. You watch him with teary eyes and you don't want to let go of his hand, but he's smiling at you.

"I love you, [Y/N]."

"I love you, John, but stay here, please. Don't leave me alone."

You want to get up, but you can't because Michael is here and you're not wearing anything else beside the sheets. So you just watch him walk out the door with Michael, feeling like he left for good. And you know for sure that he feel it too.

That's why you dress up in hurry and follow them outside. Michael looks panicked and is trying to convince John to leave, to gather the family together at Polly's.

"I agree with him." You talk and they both turn with their faces to you. John eyes grew wider and he runs a hand over his head, not knowing what to do.

"[Y/N], I told you to-..."

"Shut up and listen to me for once, John!" You scream in his face as you walk outside and you take a gasp of air, keeping your calm. "Please, baby...I beg you. Let's go to Polly's. I have a bad-..."

"John!" Michael screaming John's name it's the only thing you hear when you look over your shoulder and see a trailer filled with hay that pulled up outside your house. You frown when the hay suddenly disappeared and several men with guns appeared in it's place.

"[Y/N] come on!" You don't even hear Michael screaming at you and trying to move you, to get you back inside, but you don't wanna take any steps.

"Get her inside now!"

John pull his gun up, ready to fire back at them and all the noises are far away in your head as you only see John, as you only think about him. You grab his under shirt, trying to pull him inside with you and Michael, but you weren't fast enough. You don't even have the time to scream when pain spread across your stomach and chest from the bullets that are shattering you.

And John.

You take just one look at him and a tear drop on your cheek when you see his white under shirt being red now.

Michael can only watch in pure terror as you both fell at the ground next to each other, your bodies quickly covering in blood. You don't even feel all the pain anymore; probably it's too much that you are numb now. You look over at John, tears falling from your eyes because his are already closed.

John

Your head is on his bare warm chest as you are both laughing at a stupid joke you made just to make him laugh after a long day. And you did make him laugh with tears, but not because of the joke, but because of you and how much he enjoy your moments together and the things you do for him, to help him. "I really love you, [Y/N]. You know that?" He says with a little chuckle watching your smile grow bigger and wilder as you quickly nod your head.

Thomas

Your husband, Thomas slowly walk into the bedroom you share together just to see you asleep on the big bed. He smiles a little and carefully touch your plump lips with his thumb, every part of your face looking like perfection to him. You look like an angel and he can't believe that you are his. His pure angel. "You have no idea how much I love you." And even if you were asleep you heard his sweet confession and in the morning you still remember it.

Arthur

After a fight with Arthur, you are alone and sad in the bedroom you share together with no intention of going down stairs when you know he is now. But before you fall asleep, he slowly walk into the room and even if you can smell the alcohol, you just ignore it so you can listen to what he wants to say. "I'm-...I d-...I'm sorry, [Y/N]. I'm sorry I'm a crazy, but when it comes to you...I fucking lose my mind. Because I love you woman. That's why." And when he apologize like this, you just can't be mad at him anymore.

Finn

Request: Can I get a request with John, where the reader is pregnant with his child and she gets a miscarriage. You can choose if she is with someone. /:( I really like your one shots❣️

Words: 1233

hello lovies!! i’m back with my first imagine on this new year. i hope you all like it and for the one that requested this, i hope that this is what you wanted. thank you for your request and for everythingg. love you all! xx

Your hands are shaking in fear and you keep biting on your lip, scared and worried about what's coming. Your mind is full of dark thoughts because you already know how this is gonna end and it's your fault. You're at the docks, waiting for John Shelby in the same place you always used to met, but now you're not waiting for him with a smile on your face and joy in your heart. You are terrified.

Everyone knows about the Shelby family and that they always get what they want and John wanted you. And he got you, even if you were and still are married. You couldn't say no to him, you didn't wanted to and every damn time he kissed you, you kissed him back and welcomed him in your sweetest place like you never did with your husband. And that is a sin. It's a sin because you cheated on him when you swore trust and submission to your husband only.

But you're affair with John it's not even your biggest regret. Something else was. And you clearly know in your heart that you would still be waiting for him with open arms and legs if things didn't happened this way.

One thing everyone knows about John is that he loves children; he has four with his first wife. And that's what is breaking your heart now. You were pregnant and you get rid of it without even telling him before because you couldn't stand it. You were afraid. You couldn't bring this child into this world when everyone would see him as a bastard because your husband it's not his father. People talk in this town and you couldn't watch your child, your own blood, suffer for your mistake.

A tear falls down on your cheek and you quickly wiped it away when you hear steps and noises. John's handsome face it's immediately in your view and his grin melts your heart, just like always.

"Hello beautiful" He happily greet you and rise your chin up for a kiss, but your pale face and sad eyes makes him stop with a worried look. You fall for John and sometimes you really believe that he feels the same way about you, but even if he does, he is going to hate you soon.

"What happen'?"

You hesitate. You had all the time in the world to think about your words, about how you are going to tell him this, but now you are speechless. Mute.

"Hey, [Y/N]? Look at me, what's wrong?" He cup your cheeks into his hands and gently made you look into his beautiful blue eyes. Yours are quickly filled with tears and you shut them for a moment, trying to keep your calm but you simply can't. Of course he has to be caring with you, just to make you feel worse about what you did with his child. With your child.

"He did something to you?"

You hide your face into his chest, hugging him tight knowing that this is for sure your last hug. He speaks to you with a soft voice while kissing the top of your head.

"No..." You mutter and he hug you even tighter, holding you into his arms.

"Then what happened? Why don't you talk to me?"

He sounds upset about it, about the fact that you don't talk with him about your problems.

You take a step back from him, knowing that this is the end and you simply can't force it anymore. You look at him with teary eyes and you let out a whimper as you touch your flat stomach, but now is nothing there.

"I was pregnant with your baby, John."

He remain silent a few moments, not sure about what to say as watching you crying while hugging your stomach.

"Was? You-..."

"Yes." You interrupt him before he had the chance to say it; you don't wanna hear that awful word even if you deserve to hear it over and over again.

John frowns and you can see how he lose all his calm because he realize what you just told him, what you did. He run a hand over his red face and turn with his back at you, whispering curses until he finally lose it and kick a bucket with his foot, throwing it in the water with a noisy sound. You wince in your place, but what's coming next is even worse.

"What did you just-...Why did you fuckin did that? How could you?!"

"I'm married John..." It's all that you can say while crying even harder that before. He looks crazy furious and you don't want to push him even more, but that's exactly what you just did with your words.

"You were married when you slept with me too! And that baby was also mine, my blood! My fuckin blood [Y/N]! And you didn't even fuckin tell me, you decided it on your own!"

His voice is louder and louder and he's not thinking about other people that could hear you, he's too mad to care.

"Since when?" He asks while pinching his nose. "Since when did you know, [Y/N]?"

You try to stop your tears and you wipe them away from your cheeks with your palms. Your voice is low and shaking when you talk.

"Last week."

He angrily puffed and start to walk away, looking at the water and trying to calm himself down, but when he turns around at you, he screams again.

"I can't believe you didn't fuckin tell me! I have four kids, [Y/N], four! I could take care of another one, we would have figured it out. But what you did instead? You killed it. You killed our baby."

"John, stop I didn't-..."

He raise his palm at you, ordering you to shut up but you can't stop your crying.

"Yes, you did, you fucking did and I hope that this thought it's killing you now!"

His words are killing you now.

You expected the worst since you came here, but this is way too much for you to handle it. You just can't.

"I'm sorry..." You look at him with your teary and bloodshot eyes.

"Doesn't matter. It's too late now."

You were terrified of these words coming out of his mouth, but you expected them. You did an awful thing, something he will never forget and you deserve every pain you feel now in your stomach and heart. You deserve even more and even worse than this.

"Go back to your husband, [Y/N]. Make a child with him. Maybe he will be better for you since I'm not."

"No, John...I want you." You quickly grab his hand, stopping him from leaving you, but he pull his hand away from your touch and look at you with despite all over his face, but you keep talking. "I don't love him. I love...I love you."

"Deal with it. Just like you did with my child."

You can't move. You just stand there watching his back as he walks away from you, leaving you crying and hating yourself. You take a few little steps and you fall with your back pressed against the cold wall as you let out a scream. What are you gonna do now without him? You have to pretend you never meet him, kiss him, touch him. You have to forget the nights you spend together and all your sweet moments. You have to forget everything about him because you know that he's gonna do it as well.

He hates you.