#pe;

I’m not gonna forgive myself for not being there, for Perrie having to find you like that...I know I’ll forgive Bert eventually just like I always do but right now...I just don’t get what was so important that he had to be out of town or why he lied too.

I can’t be angry at him forever not when I’m just angry at myself.

The one person I know that’s never kept anything from me is Perrie and that’s because we’ve only been close for a few months. 

I loved her but it wasn’t the same but she gave me Bandit and I wouldn’t change that for the world. 

You were there from the beginning of the band, but you always seemed so unattainable like I could touch you sometimes but regardless of how I felt I was never meant to have you. I was just destined to want you in a way that I couldn’t have you and I hated it.

Then everything happened and somehow like it all happened in a dream I ended up with both of you with that same love that i’d had years ago and this big home like feeling that i’m always gonna feel lucky to have. Sometimes I don’t think the two of you ever realize how you swooped in and saved me..I mean i’m always gonna be a mess but I don’t feel as messy when I’m with you. 

If you’d asked me a few months back if anyone else would come in and make me smitten, I would’ve laughed and told you I was happy with what I had and I was but I don’t know how to explain it. It was like in the moments that he had fucked you over, and how the three of us just became so defensive over you that before we even realized it we were all becoming smitten and I wouldn’t wish anyone to have gone through the stuff you’ve been through recently god i’d take it all away if I could but from the moment you first kissed me on that cruise to know where I know you’re making Frankie feel better despite the stuff he’s going through you made it obvious how much you fit and we’ve all fallen for you like the sweet person you are.