#pbdbchristmasfuture

VICTORIA: Tis the season to be Jolly… even in Christmas still to come...

I want to tell you a secret, and you have to listen carefully, because it's incredibly important, perhaps the most important secret I will ever tell you. Here it is; Christmas is the most wonderful time of the year, my boys. -I smiled down at the milk drunk babies, both of them in their matching white and blue onesies with snowflakes dotted across the chest and underneath was written; Santa's little helper. Both were snoozing after their feed, so I wasn't sure they were taking in this secret, but I didn't mind repeating it, because as I'd told my twin sons, Christmas was the absolute best and this was their very first, making it that much more special.

That person who goes crazy for Christmas in July. I am her. That person who plays Christmas music in August in hopes of chasing away the blistering sun. I am her. That crazy person who wrung every last bit of tinsel-festiveness out of the month of December until exhaustion hit January first. Yep, all me. And I loved it. There's no greater moment of the year that you can tap into your inner fairy godmother and decorate everything in garlands and lights. I mean, if I had a fairy godmother, she was bound to be called Betty, who had a penchant for all things glitter, who else would be pushing me to decorate! decorate! decorate! All Betty's fault, that wisened slightly perverted old lady who loved slurping salted caramel Bailey’s a little TOO much.  And now I think about it while I sit under our 7 foot Norwegian spruce Christmas tree in our living room suite, it was probably Betty the fairy godmother who gently steered me into the direction of all the parties I hosted a year within the brotherhood mansion.  She was such a party animal. Dear sweet alcoholic David Gandy obsessed Betty.

At last count, I had six annual parties in a rotation now. If asked, I was sure one or more of the vampires would insist it was overkill, but men who had never celebrated a thing until I came along into their lives didn't have an opinion, they were just fortunate to benefit from my organisation holiday skills. I never saw them complain when it was time to feast. Hungry vampires never complained when it came to falling on food like starving dogs. And truth be told it was the food that I used to persuade them into all my family gatherings. I swayed them with candies and platters of meats (aided by the great and efficient Fritz and his team of doggen ) And there wasn't a bottle of alcohol those vampires didn't love, so I don't mind admitting I threw that into the persuasive mix, as well.

I smiled at Fhrenzy, his little nose scrunched both fists up to his face as if already in little warrior mode- Whatever works, boys. Your mama is adept at making those vampires think my whimsical ideas are fantastic. And this is why I am telling you this now, getting you in on Christmas from the ground up, so you won't ever growl that it's too much. How can twenty-three Christmas trees be too much? they can't, is the answer, my babies, if anything we could do with one more, but even Wrath refuses to have one in his study. Maybe next year. More is better, remember that. -In front of me the colorful lights twinkled, reflecting the red and gold baubles hanging from each branch. Up towards the middle was one very special bauble, and each year I took it out of its box my heart constricted thinking of our very special boy who was not with us physically, but very much part of our growing family.

It had been many years now since we'd lost Zsadist Jr, but he was never far from my thoughts, especially around Christmas. The heart was so much more open around the holidays, I found, it let in the love, but also the memories of losses. And I missed my first boy. We'd always had his name chosen, from that first pee-stick, it was going to be Zsadist Jr. Of course my man had questioned did we really want to pass on his name. Of course! That had been Z's old habits coming through thinking badness of himself, but there was no hesitation if we were having a boy he was going to be called after the greatest love of my life. Up on the tree, on the best branch I always hung his bauble. 'Our Son' and his name and date. He couldn't open gifts with his brothers or run and play with his uncles and cousins, but Zsadist Jr was still very much a part of my heart. That's just how love worked.

It was difficult to maneuver two boys at once, but we all managed to get to my feet together, both secured in the crook of my arms. I'd heard rumors ( from Lassiter. All rumors and gossip started and ended with Lassiter ) that it would snow tonight. It paid to know an angel who knew people.. but my friend was not just an angel now. He never let us forget his new job title even years later, I think he did it to wind Vishous up the most, those two.. such a weird special relationship.  I chuckled to myself thinking of their last go-around,  stepping over to the window Lassiter was such a pill, but we loved him and he adored my boys naming himself their guardian.

The first fat flakes as if on cue began to drift down from the sky and I felt my smile growing, feeling that cosy emotion you got around the holidays. God.  Christmas and snow, could this get any better?- Get used to this sight, my babies, Caldwell gets a lot of snow, thank goodness we live here, right? you're going to have such fun when you can walk, your daddy will build snow forts with you, and Uncle Phury is excellent with snowballs and sledding. And I hate to brag, but your mama is the snowman making champion since 2010. One day I'll tell you of that first Christmas your daddy chased me through the snow -maybe leaving out the details of what happened next- my little baby vampires are going to be just like him. -If I had any part of the grinch in me, it was the way my heart grew and grew thinking of how my sons would emulate their dad when they got older. I couldn't wait to see these two boys chasing after Zsadist, shadowing his every move. Zhero fussed a little, I leaned down touching my lips to his forehead, shhhh'ed him a little.

The snow was coming down quickly now, soon it would cover the entire brotherhood compound in a dusting of glorious white. Christmas Eve, how perfect. How absolutely perfect. I hoped Betty was drinking a glass of Bailey's and flicking through her brand new David Gandy calendar. Even slightly inebriated fairy godmother's needed festive cheer and a gorgeous face to lust over, too.

Behind me I heard the door open, the way the door whooshed against the thick piled carpet, I turned slightly and smiled at Zsadist dressed in Adidas. I saw his yellow eyes flick between the boys and then me before his mouth curved slightly. I love how he let his eyes always travel down my body in that lust way even after being together nine million years. My own heart still raced for him and I sent him a grin- Daddy is home -I told the boys. I didn't see Zsadist's smile fall, or how his spine went stiff as he yanked his black shirt over his head. Or how he walked quickly into the bathroom, closing the door to shower.

I didn't see any of it, because I was still in the first throes of motherhood, and added in was Christmas. It wouldn't be quite yet that I realized my Z, the man of my heart and soul, the man I'd fought with, fought for, and owned completely as he owned me, had closed off from everything ever since our sons came into the world. I'd had a difficult pregnancy, carrying two vampire babies would wear on a human body, I felt like Bella Swan most days as I drank little and often of Zsadist's blood just to keep my energy levels up, but labour had gone just as expected, and here were our boys fine and healthy.

So it had gone unnoticed by me the way Zsadist was behaving. It would be a few more weeks until I realized he barely acknowledged the boys, as for holding them, that didn't exist. January 7th to be exact.