#pavlovianpanic

Does anyone else hear a song from a fanvid you love, or a song from the show, and immediately have compulsion to tell everyone around you to watch it? 🤔

The very first note of “Chasing Cars” while at my work desk instantly made me want to finish my email to a SUPPLIER with:

“Oh by the way, have you watched Good Omens? If you haven’t, then PLEASE watch it and tell me what you think! They’ve just started production… ramble, ramble, more rambling…”

@/bluelotused, @/prescottprivilege, @/prescotted, @/goodmeeting

his old urls are :

@/gevanni, @/crywhale, @/hehosts.

there are also many old blogs such as :

@/pavlovianpanic, @/grievedifferent, @/hehosts-moved, and plenty more i’m too tired to name.

his wife’s blogs, that i know of, are as follows :

@/hollowswann ( no longer active? ), @/ottermelonart, and @/nogoodsiide

now, here’s some of my ( @/caulfect ) evidence about what really happened with hal, me, and the lis rpc, as well as a rebuttal to what apparently happened to pan and their ex five years ago. i originally posted this, though have reworded and edited it since, on my old max blog, although felt it fitting to move onto another blog since hal and otter have now done the same. to clarify, i have not seen their callout seeing as i do not care to and haven’t bothered checking their blogs since my post on the matter. however, pan has read it after being inadvertently informed about it, and has gathered the appropriate evidence to defend themself. here we go.

so, for clarification ( as i’m sure crywhale will bring this up : my fiance @/vinhlang and hal knew each other five years or so before all this happened. i don’t think any of it is relevant because it was lowstakes drama that happened five years ago, where hal blocked pan out of the blue on everything. ) when i followed hal in the lis rpc, pan knew who he was and told me as such. i asked if pan wanted me to unfollow and pan said no. i engaged with hal frequently on the dash afterwards and pan ignored it mostly, due to not having any desire to follow him or reach out themselves.

hal at the time followed and engaged with a nathan rper ( who has since rb’d my original post and willingly made their identity as @/nprescott known ) and a rachel rper as well — the only lis blogs i know of that he was actively talking to or writing with. he frequently commented on my posts due to us having a similar style in analyzing media, something he admitted to in a post i no longer have access to. it was actually the first thing i ever sent him, as we had just followed each other, and it was a ‘how is my portrayal?’ meme — he said in the tags that me, otter, and him should definitely interact and we did. i commented on every meta of his he posted ( so long as i had seen them ) and he did the same with me : to the point he sent in personalized asks about the metas of his i had commented on, which can be seen here :

as far as i knew, everything was fine. i talked to hal often through the dash and we engaged with each other ; they seemed to value my thoughts and seemed to like my writing ( they saved a josh/max thing i wrote which is now deleted, and saved the post i linked above as well ) … when hal began liveblogging their double exposure replay, i was excited! i did what i normally did : i commented on their posts and made my own ( unrelated to his, though on occasion they’d be similar : he did this with me here and there as well ) and everything was fine. now, for clarification, i have intense bpd : i do not hide this fact and i plaster it everywhere on my blogs, seeing as i’m personally fascinated by psychology and a lot of my mutuals also have bpd! so after a couple hours of hal nonstop posting, i noticed a change in behavior because i’m immensely sensitive to it. he had quit liking my posts cold turkey and ignored my comments … i thought he was busy and shrugged it off, except he was willingly engaging with other people on the dash. i talked to my partner about it on a discord call, nervous that i had done something wrong. pan thought it was because of them, which confused me because i had never tried to hide pan from hal — their url was proudly displayed on my max blog and i talked about pan often and in depth. both the rachel rper and topaz wrote with pan as well, so i was confused. pan offered to follow hal to see if he would still block them, and when pan went to do that, pan realized they had been blocked — when they hadn’t been a few days ago. we discussed the idea that hal was, essentially, ‘icing me out’ due to my affiliation with pan, which baffled me again because he could’ve easily softblocked me and moved on. i kept posting on my blog, wondering if i had been perhaps shadowbanned, and pan liked one of my posts from their private rp blog on accident. in not even an hour, hal had blocked that blog too, proving that he could see my posts and was reading them or at least looking through my likes.

with my partner deeply uncomfortable and me confused as hell ( yes, still confused ), i decided to just reach out in dms and ask if i was shadowbanned or something — hoping that either i truly was shadowbanned somehow, or that hal would just talk to me like an adult. as seen here :

now, i actually have some of this dm exchange in text format due to a habit of mine! when i’m responding to dms, especially from people who i’m not super close to, i have a tendency to copy what they said, paste it to a private discord server just for me, and then reply there -- to which i then copy and paste my reply to wherever it needs to go. i do this due to my intensive anxiety, where i want what i say to be perfect and to not have my typing be seen by the person i’m replying to ; or, in tumblr ims case, i just don’t trust the format and would prefer to type where i’m more comfortable. due to there being no screenshots, however, i can understand if one suspends their disbelief when it comes to the validity of this.

and yes, i understand that hal was being vulnerable with me here. i didn’t look for these dms harder because i, initially, didn’t want to air that baggage. but since hal is fine airing out pan’s issues and villainizing them when they were being vulnerable elsewhere … well, then i now have no problem doing the same. i’ll paste what i have of our dm exchange now, and keep my previous statement below it for transparency. here’s the dms :

caulfect, aka me.

hey! hope it’s okay to slide into dms like this, but during my follower cleanup, i was wondering if my blog was shadowbanned or something? there’s some people i’d been pretty consistently interacting with who suddenly stopped that, and you were one of them, so i just wanted to make sure my blog is functioning decent. posts showing up on dash etc!

pavlovianpanic, aka hal.

Hey, so I just work a lot is a big thing, this time off is unusual so my activity is very unusual for how I generally operate (dead).

I do like you, I think we clicked, but I’ve just gotten a vibe maybe from the fandom as a whole and maybe just from my own perceptions that I might be more a cause for discomfort than someone people enjoy. It’s not a “one person thing”, it’s just a general thing, and so I’m sort of in this position of being unsure of where I stand or how I am received. I post headcanons, the dash will all jump on to contradict me outright (in front of my salad) and then kind of insist I’m just maybe delusional for seeing with my eyes what I have seen for so many years playing this game. Maybe it’s because I am older than Max that there is just a gap of life experience and difference with the general audience, or maybe I’m too harsh, or maybe I’m just wrong, but I feel like especially my headcanons are making people uncomfortable and then based with how I’m being interpreted by both the comm I follow and people who don’t follow me, I’m feeling kind of unsure. Like this could be a “fuck I followed him and now I can’t get out because I hate this content” vibe, make sense? I am delusional. So, I kind of backed off everyone just because I think I’m just pissing people off about these characters rip not Josh tho, he’s always fine, so I see people have interest but just hate my LIS takes, so I don’t wanna force a subscribed narrative to me. It’s honestly something I probably have to reach out about to a few people to clear the air.

caulfect, aka me.

oh, that’s totally fine! i similarly fall in and out of activity, so that’s no big deal. i just have a history with tumblr in terms of being shadowbanned and wanted to make sure, especially since it seemed that other people’s posts and comments were liked and responded to while mine ceased to exist via many other accounts as well. i’ll ask other people too just to be safe! thank you for the input though!!

as for the concerns about your hcs, discomfort, and the likes : i am very sorry to hear that! i can understand why you would think so, since tumblr rpcs have a problem with ‘dark’ content nowadays especially ones that deal with sexual assault and the likes. i had my nathan sideblog in secret with nothing on it for a while due to my takes on him too, and knowing that most people would probably make assumptions about how i viewed the character because of my takes, or just dislike me overall for the darker tones i saw within him. so i understand. i haven’t noticed anything myself ( i’m a little blind to vagueing and posts being posted when, especially since queue exists and i know that, sometimes, people are just inspired ) but sometimes there’s just a vibe or things that are too similar to be coincidences. and it sucks to have a valid reason for upset and for everyone around you to act like you’re too stupid to see what’s clearly happening before you. i don’t know why people would feel trapped with you though! you have it in your rules that your metas don’t have to be liked, so long as you’re not hassled about it. and people could always blacklist the tags if they wish to avoid it. you should clear the air if you wish, but if you also want to just back off a little or be more reserved, that’s completely understandable too of course. i hope this clears up for you :( i like your lis takes! and comment on them whenever i have something to say! sucks you have to deal with this though. i’m so sorry!

pavlovianpanic, aka hal.

I might just be blind but all the posts I’m seeing on your blog have notifs from me save for the new ones I just liked, so maybe I am missing things (I’ve been kind of heavy dash posting and then disappearing for work), so maybe I am just missing stuff that gets deleted before I really see it (my habit is to only like or acknowledge things even messages I can read and devote to or I will not remember). So maybe it’s just a time zone thing too, we are always three hours behind east coast so I’m always awake when everyone is working or asleep? That’s always been a huge disconnect for me to connect, even by a few hours it seems to make a huge difference.

I don’t want it to come off like I need affirmation or clout, I just sort of want me and my mutuals even in disagreement to sort of adapt and come together, I know my takes are little hot sometimes, but it just comes from being older than Max. I graduated in 2011, so I get her and am just like a step ahead in growth? So that might be it. ( REDACTED PERSONAL INFO ), I think my experiences and life experiences might be vastly different, so my views are different. I interact with a lot of fandom culture, I’m at a con usually almost every weekend and tumblr is the standout for their views and opinions, so I have to balance like “this is tumblr, they can only handle so much” versus “everyone else is more like me, how I work with being so validated and even asked for more in that way while being hated by my community?” — there’s also just a lot of romanticism happening with things I have dealt with my whole life that make me question what is happening authentically. I want to be included in the narrative if my posts are inspiring, not iced out.

People feel bonded to each other, a follow and a block can (to some) have a fear of “blocking x will make the whole comm hate me” and it’s not an irrational fear. It has merit. Nothing is private on tumblr, so I expect that no matter what, my feelings will be made clear somehow. For now, I’m just trying to not force myself on anyone, it would be in bad taste. But I am also here to write the dynamics I talk about, not just act as a living Pinterest. It’s a hard balance, it’s why I don’t write originals anymore, and I had hoped such a small fandom would be a bit more easy with so much crossover potential so this sort of competitive weird vibe wouldn’t be a thing? Idk, I am just seeing behavior and linking my best logic to it. These are just my feelings, of course, I know there’s an idea of how I should react or respond, but I only respond as I find appropriate. It’s hard being an adult, it’s hard being a kid, you can’t win. And thank you for reaching out to clarify with me, I know I come off really intense.

caulfect, aka me.

ah, the for you page! yes, it’s so annoying how tumblr will shove you into that tab instantly on occasion :/ seeing posts made two days ago, seeing blogs you don’t follow and ones that aren’t even rp blogs … awful! but this all makes sense and you should by no means feel obligated to ‘interact more’ or anything like that. it was mostly just something i noticed over time with a variety of others, and due to tumblr’s awful functions and finicky nature, i just figured it’d be best to check. i miss posts too and i’m sure my own activity will wane, so it’s understandable. just wanted to make sure my blog was all there! i’ve asked other people in the meanwhile and that seems to be the general case, besides some posts being strange. it’s also just good to check in on the off chance there is a personal problem i’m not noticing, since i’d rather just communicate that through then potentially let it fester, etc. but! thank you for the input and the help, of course.

i agree. things will probably settle once we all get more used to each other ( a lot of these muses and blogs are new, so there’s a lot of ‘getting everything out there’ and jitters about it, i think ) and once people interact more, and confidence in people’s own takes grows, i think everything will right itself out. just a matter of time ( ha ha ) and communication, compassion, managing, and all that.

and you’re not that intimidating to talk to, no! from our interactions via inbox and comments and the likes, you’ve never been scary. as my rules say, i’m not exactly great with reaching out and the likes ( i deeply fear being annoying due to the mental illnesses lol ) so you must not be that intimidating!! and if there’s anything i can do to make your experience in the rpc more comfortable, please let me know of course.

as mentioned above, here’s what i previously said about the dm exchange :

sadly i don’t think i have access to the rest of the conversation anymore due to a mutual blocking on our ends, but hal told me that i wasn’t shadowbanned and that he was just busy. he talked about how he felt hated in the lis rpc and how he felt more mature than everyone else in the scene due to his age and his personal experiences : he claimed that people were vaguing him, so he had taken a step back, and said that he ‘wasn’t stupid’ and could tell when people were being fake, if i remember correctly. i expressed my sympathy because if this was happening, that sucks, but i didn’t really understand what he meant, because the only two lis blogs he followed were two of my own mutuals too, and they had never posted anything indicating a vague post. i said that sometimes different opinions inspire people to post their own, and he concurred to that. he also said he would eventually reach out to these rpers privately to discuss things ( which, as far as i’m aware, never happened ). we stopped dming outside of me doing his interest tracker, to which we talked about until dawn for a quick message. not once did he bring up pan.

but back to the story now.

eventually, i found out that one of our shared mutuals, the nathan rper, topaz, has been having some not so great interactions with hal. the rper told us that he originally followed hal first, back before he had any lis muses, and that he tried plotting their nathan with their until dawn characters — to which hal started telling the rper how nathan would feel, how he’d think, etc, which made topaz mildly uncomfortable. they stopped plotting and then hal added nathan the very next day. then there was another instance where topaz posted a quick thing about nathan : essentially talking about how they related to his mental health struggles, and while they’ll never agree with what he did, they appreciated the representation of the uglier sides of mental issues. after that post, both hal and his wife released posts condemning anyone who sympathized with nathan and his mental health, claiming that they would invalidate kate’s victimhood by doing so. topaz reached out to hal in dms and asked if the post was about them, to which hal said ‘i can see why you would think that, but i’m still fine with interacting.’ while i was never given concrete evidence of this, i do vividly remember hal being very aggressive about his nathan takes. if you didn’t think nathan raped kate, you apparently didn’t care for sexual assault victims. if you thought that nathan was assaulted by jefferson, apparently you were just being extra and were fetishizing jefferson’s and nathan’s relationship. neither me nor topaz ship jefferscott. we find it gross, even if we think it’s canon for our blogs. i stated on my nathan blog multiple times that i do not think jefferson and nathan were ever romantic nor were attracted to each other. hal didn’t care about this. he also, again, never reached out to either of us about these concerns.

while hal accused everyone else of vague posting about his takes, hal called his posts reactions. claimed that he was human and merely reacting to what he saw on the dash, which was somehow better and very different compared to vaguing :

at some point hal started getting anon hate that very specifically targeted him for not ‘shipping nathan with jefferson’ and he publicly posted it. as seen here :

topaz was personally done with all the drama and blocked him after this. to which hal’s wife then posted :

i was absolutely confused, and became even more so when hal and otter talked about this in the comments of this post :

i had no idea what they were talking about. it seemed like they were saying that me, topaz, pan, and maybe another lis rper was sending hal the anon hate as a group effort. this is absolutely false. i was also particularly surprised by hal seemingly holding his impeccable memory over topaz's head, and acting like he was so generous for being nice enough to start over. it’s worth noting that these posts were quickly deleted and that one of topaz's friends, who had no idea about all this drama, was subsequently blocked by both hal and otter afterwards.

anyway, after this, i was at odds. hal had started talking to me again but now i knew two of my mutuals ( one being my partner and the other a close friend ) were deeply uncomfortable by hal’s actions. i had no idea why hal still followed me and i just decided to wait to see what he personally wanted to do — i thought that maybe he’d come around, or maybe he’d mellow out now that all the ‘threats’ was gone, or something. i wish i had just blocked him first because not doing anything was rather cowardly of me, i think, but i had genuinely enjoyed hal’s mind outside of all the drama and knew i’d be sad to see him go. topaz and pan had no problem with me still following, so i didn’t do anything.

literally a day or two before his sudden softblocking spree, i made a mains call on caulfect and hal liked and commented on it, offering to be mains :

i have since deleted it, but there’s seven notes on the post. most of my active followers were already mains and affiliates, so they had no reason to like or comment on this post. at least three of those notes are of hal and me talking.

so, eventually hal makes his softblock warning and i’m softblocked. a mutual sends me a thing where he details why he softblocked people, and he essentially accused all of the lis rpc of being inappropriate and who knows what else. i was mad, and i made a rather petty post on caulfect in response. i’ve since deleted it out of shame for how poorly i handled it. i don’t care about getting softblocked, i don’t know why hal didn’t do it earlier, but to be called names and to have assumptions made about me or my friends with no regard to hal’s own behavior hit a sore spot within me. this all could’ve been solved with an adult conversation which i tried desperately to have with hal in dms about the shadowbanned thing, but he didn’t bother. we all shrugged off his choice soon after and have done nothing since. we have not interacted with him nor have we ‘stalked’ him. the lis rpc has a discord now and we all talk there, and we’re all busy with irl stuff atm so we’re not super active on the dash right now either. pan made a dni because pan felt bad for how hal treated me due to our affiliation and that was it.

to add upon these previous points, i do think that hal and his wife are under the impression that pan picked up maya okada after otter did, and was ‘weird about it’ due to that. this is factually untrue! one of pan’s first posts on @/vinhlang featured maya, and in our discord server, pan was taking extensive notes on her and decided to muse her back in november :

you can see a further investigation of the ‘maya’ claims here.

hal has since made thirty thousand updates to his pinned post, and remains wishy washy at best about everything given his sporadic dni updating. one second we’re stalkers for finding his new blog ( which was in the double exposure tag, something i check regularly ) and rightfully adding it to our dnis, and then the next he’s finding my new blog ( something he actively searched for, since i’ve blocked him, otter, and all his known mutuals on it the second i made it ) and is refusing to acknowledge the hypocrisy. there are many examples of this in how hal handles things or describes what happened! for example, he says he won’t respond to anon hate, but then did so twice on his old blog, only to delete it quickly after for some reason? anon hate that, by the way, nobody else in the rpc got! despite there being multiple nathans in the rpc at the time, all of whom had different takes on him and his relationship with jefferson.

i’ll admit, there are some things i took too hard, or handled immaturely, but at least i can admit that openly unlike hal can : who apparently is the true victim in all this because he has ‘morals’ unlike the rest of us dirty, lowly roleplayers who have different takes on nathan prescott than he does. just on the record? i’m a victim of sexual assault. as are many people in my family. if we’re going to swing that around as a ‘gotcha!’ for being able to have opinions on nathan and kate and jefferson, then there’s mine. if this 32 year old man implies that i’m a rape apologist again without knowing my background or who i actually am, i’m going to do nothing at all because after this post i truly am done forever. but just know i’ll blow him up with my mind and go straight to bed happily.

oh, and another thing about this apologist stuff? if we’re going to try our hardest to do right by the supposedly real life case kate is based off of, maybe don’t ship her with ( in your eyes ) her rapist. does that not spit on that real life victim’s face? and what of the other shady shit dontnod did in their game? like when they literally stole a murder victim’s missing persons poster to use for rachel’s? as well as using said victim as inspiration for rachel, like you claim they also did for kate? if you’re going to play angel, maybe discuss that at some point. i’ll leave the information about that very real event here, so that you may educate yourself on the matter.

in light of some things i’ve heard in the grapevine, i’ve decided this post could use a final edit now that ‘all the evidence’ is out there. if you’ve seen this post before, please read the contents below, as they’re all new screenshots and testimony by me.

note : it's worth stating pan is not as open about their bpd as i am, and usually keeps that stuff private. so to blast their disorder without consent or caring about how unsafe it could be ... well. it sure paints a further picture. interestingly enough, hal and otter never bring up pan's autism diagnosis? even though pan is more open about that than the bpd thing. but i guess mentioning that would make all their comments about pan having certain tones / wording things strangely by their standards seem ableist -- or worse, render those already useless points utterly invalid.

for starters, i want to make it abundantly clear that villainizing pan at all in this situation is disgusting. to truly side with someone who is airing their ex partner’s bpd thoughts is absolutely laughable where it concerns moral purity … bpd is not evil. it is not damning evidence of anything because it is a mental illness. everyone with bpd struggles with feelings of jealousy, insecurity, and intense emotions that can flip on a dime -- that’s what the disorder is all about, by the way. a bpder confiding these feelings that they know are wrong to someone they trust isn’t a fucking crime, but pan's ex immediately turning around and sharing all that personal information is more than revolting. i genuinely cannot believe the contents of this supposed callout because what is this doing exactly? warning people of an evil bpder who experienced evil bpd emotions? oh no! sound the alarm! like, grow up.

secondly, siding with someone like pan's ex isn’t exactly the move it’s being portrayed to be. here is what pan’s and pan's former partner's break up actually looked like, for people who are curious about what actually was said :

so, here we have pan's ex admitting to :

- cheating on pan, who ( by the ex's own words ) considered it a relapse and kept forgiving ( redacted ) due to having faith in her. pan's ex admits to cheating three times and admits to doing it as a means of punishing pan.

- claims she used pan, mutliple times, and took advantage of them.

- had stopped feeling attracted to pan and lied about it via acting and just straight up lying.

- clings onto every flaw about pan ( which is ‘unfair’ by redacted's own words ).

- admits to viewing the relationship as kind of abusive and then claims to be a very abusive person.

- straight up ADMITS to gaslighting by saying ‘and tomorrow morning i’ll deny the truth of all of this’

- says that pan guilt trips her and in the same breath says she doesn’t even know if pan’s doing it on purpose.

- any grievance actually aired about pan is then followed up with pan's ex admitting to not telling pan how it makes her feel, ever. which redacted admits is her own fault.

- pan's ex inherently using npd as a reason for these behaviors, vilifying it but excusing herself in the process.

and more! honestly, these screenshots are so absolutely insane to read when you think about the narrative hal is twisting. here he is, defending someone who openly admits ( in private! ) to treating her partner like shit via abusive behaviors such as cheating, gaslighting, and lying … but pan’s the evil one, right? how stupid can one be when comparing the evidence?

especially when you consider pan's response :

now, finally, here’s some evidence of a very important event hal is trying to hide and obscure. but since he’s talking about the past and releasing things so boldly, lets do the same, huh?

once upon a time, pan and hal were on call together playing animal crossing. on pan’s plot of land, there was what was essentially a trans flag made up of flowers. hal became obsessed with this and went on an entire rant about how nonbinary people can’t also be trans! you know, to pan, who is obviously nonbinary. on top of this, hal also admitted to using ‘they/them’ pronouns on his old blogs ( former alias lucky, btw, which i’ll show proof of that in a second ) because … well, he thought it would do something i guess, masquerading as a nonbinary person despite not being one and despite his rather harsh views on them. here’s pan talking to their ex of all people about it, which at least backs up this call existing even if slightly so :

here is hal, on his new personal @/gevanni, admitting to going by lucky btw :

anyway! so that’s that, i guess! i genuinely encourage people that have seen hal’s callout to compare this post and whatever the hell he posted, because i think what i showed speaks volumes. normal bpd behaviors from five years ago that were handled in private as they should be is nothing compared to actively defending a literal abuser and a terf, but i suppose that’s all hal has left to cling to, which isn’t shocking whatsoever. of course there’s no comment on his behaviors in the lis rpc or even with his old until dawn mutuals, because he has no excuse for that or a proper scapegoat. all he has is pan and evidence from five years ago that he apparently didn’t care about and definitely wasn’t holding onto.

pan didn’t release this shit because they were genuinely showing this man grace and did, wholeheartedly, assume he had changed. but i don’t care for that anymore, so this is me laying it out. i highly suggest hal keep my partner’s name out of his mouth moving onward, because having your wife accuse pan of having a crush on you is some real ego shit. bpders experiencing jealousy is never explicitly romantic and if you have a basic understanding of the personality disorder, you should know that. honestly, the ableism and immaturity is so revolting and obvious, to the point it truly leaves me so confused as to why these two thought this was a smart idea at all.

also here is hal being cruel to an old user five years ago in the death note rpc, where he is shown convincing pan that this random user was ‘manipulating’ them. he speaks about this person in a cruel manner 'i was annoyed with them from the start' despite said person saying nothing but kind things about hal to pan privately.

here is that private discussion :

and here is the exchange between pan and hal about it, where pan told hal what was privately said, linked in a seperate post due to tumblr’s image limit ( and because i do not care to make a doc ) :

here.

he has not changed in five years and this is indeed a pattern of behavior : from making fun of people making callouts, insulting fellow adults by demeaning their maturity and calling them children, ‘the whole posse of three people’ ( is that not what me, topaz, and pan are now? ), and using buzzwords to convince pan that this person was some manipulative mastermind rather than a regular human who just fucked up. so, none of us are the first. who knows how many times he’s done this? i highly recommend blocking him and moving on at this point, seeing as he’ll behave this way no matter what befalls him.

i know it seems hypocritical for me to keep posting about this, and i do agree that it goes against my word to shut up about this forever … but the claims hal and his wife are making about pan being an abuser go beyond the regular petty drama i was talking about before. their claims have risen in intensity, as have their actions, and i had every right to respond to genuinely serious allegations that are as sensitive and as awful as these ones. i said before that i didn’t think hal was dangerous, but at this point that seems to no longer be true : he has harmed multiple people both in the present and five years ago, he has repeatedly behaved in a disgusting manner towards people with mental illness, sexual assault victims, etc, and will not leave pan alone in particular — despite me, grimm, writing a majority of the posts that actually condemn him. if they think what pan has done makes them abusive, then hal is right on up there with them in that regard. he is mean, a liar, and an egotist who treats people bad the second they don’t behave how he wants. he is a hypocrite in his supposed values and that’s more than evident if you so much as observe his blogs for more than a second, or god forbid, share his fandoms while having your own thoughts. he ignores evidence and dismisses it with no real rebuttal and is just, overall, shitty to most of his previous mutuals.

and if you want any of pan’s or topaz’s testimonies on the matter, you can check out these posts, which include : pan’s final and only statement on the subject, which was posted before the spreadsheet by the way, as well as topaz’s final post as well. pan’s ex being a terf can be found here too.

﹙ SMS. ﹚ thanks, you're the best friend i've ever had, i'll pay you back

when posting such things as evidence, it is crucial to be utterly transparent and as objective as possible, something hal and otter are not.

pictured below is evidence that hal is changing the wording on his dni without changing the date that it has been updated. i have also included screenshots and a video to prove that the dates and times shown here are indeed valid. the reason why the milliseconds are off on one of them is because pan had tested to see if changing the date and time would change the original time listed. it does not, but you are not able to adjust milliseconds, so the image appears to be tampered with when it isn't. i have included the screenshot taken of the date and time before they meddled with it.

as of now, otter's callout document is the same as it was when first published, as evidenced here:

for posterity, here is the link to a copy of the document made on march 20, 2025, which is reflective of the original document made five days ago. while there are no screenshots of the original callout post on the blog mhmmmmmmokay, as we all believed in the integrity of making it known when you are adding to a callout document and including edits and dates, there have been edits to the original text without proper indication. here are some examples of this edited text, made in clear retaliation to the claims on this blog of hal's instances of transmedicalism:

this is also evidence that the other party is aware of this blog and the contents within, making hal's claims in his dni that we have no proof, that we're just stating opinions, and that we don't believe he is a dangerous person nothing short of baffling. i'm sure this doesn't need to be said, but it is stated directly on this blog that hal continuously harms people and that he is a dangerous person.

with this in mind, moving forward, no one involved in this side of the drama will be monitoring further comments from hal's and otter's side of things unless directly alerted by a mutual. it is frankly impossible to keep tabs on the constant barrage of updates and edits that hal and otter are making, which they are making without transparency or accountability.

as for the frankly childish and cruel statements about the character of those involved, i bring these statements forward:

( second image taken from a post made on march 4, 2025 )

quite frankly, this is absolutely abhorrent behavior. to openly mock me for my housing situation and to speculate that pan could be helping me financially is vile considering that hal's background is that he came from lots of money. there is no way on this earth that hal could possibly relate to the situation that i am in. let me make it crystal clear: poor people are allowed to take time for themselves. poor people are not obligated to be focusing on their poverty 100% of the time. poor people are allowed to dedicate their free time to whatever the fuck they want. not to mention how foul it is to speculate on pan being "a trust fund kid" and using that money to help me out of poverty -- as if that would be some sort of character flaw if true.

﹙ SMS. ﹚ Won't be able to call 'til later.

﹙ SMS. ﹚ Is everything okay?