#pause au

“I'm sorry Lo!” Patton laments, he takes Logan's hands pouting. The taller man's face remains unchanged. “I've been really busy lately” He rushes, Logan groans “It's true”

“We are both busy, but love you have to pay the bills!” Logan goes to the couch burying his head in his arms. Patton fidgets as he takes a side next to Logan. “Pause?” He wonders, Logan relieves looking up.

“Pause” He agrees, Logan takes is and backs, smiling up at him. “What's up, love?” He asks, Patton bites his lower lip bouncing. “Pat?”

“I love you!” He squeals, Logan shakes his head kissing Patton on the cheek.

~~~

Patton fidgets loosely with the ends of coats, pacing through the apartment. He finds himself in a routine, two steps around, before a revolving door once more. He takes deep breaths, he hates fighting, he hates yelling. The door creaks open a moment later, a cautious Logan steps into the apartment.

“Pat-”

“Why?” Patton asks, Logan closes his eyes sighing. “I'm just wondering why?” He begs, Logan goes to him.

“It was a huge opportunity for me!” Logan argues

“But why didn't you tell me! Dearest, we tell each other everything!” Patton cries “This is going to uproot our entire life, the job is across the country!” Patton goes to the papers on the table, twiddling with them facing away from Logan. “I haven't seen you in weeks and- pause” He breathes, Logan nods rushing up to him.

“Oh thank god” Logan wraps him up, embracing Patton as they melt into one another. “I missed you so much” He admits

“I missed you” Patton pulls away, kissing Logan quickly. “How was your flight?”

~~~

“You bought a dog?!” Logan exclaims as a smiley-faced Patton waltzes in. “Honeybee you cant just buy...pets!” He exclaims, eyes wide as the puppy races around. Patton bobs his head smiling. “Pat!” Logan watches it cautious as it runs through

“Pause! Please!” He begs, picking up the small puppy. Logan bites his lower lip but sets his book down, his arms open for receiving it.

“Yes of course” he resigns taking the small dog, he pets it carefully small giggles as it adjusts to his hold. “Aw...puppy” He marvels, Patton takes his seat next to Logan kissing his forehead softly.

“Puppy” He confirms, leaning his head on the man's shoulder petting the dog.

~~~

“I hate them ok?!” As soon as the words left Logan's mouth, his eyes shot open. “Pat-”

“My parents?” Patton breathes “You...hate them?” He takes a moment shutting his eyes. “H-how? What have they done to you?” He asks through a laugh

“They're just always...here” He shakes his head, hoping his voice stops soon. The words just keep going. “Patton, you know I love you it's just they are…”

“Caring! They care ok?” Patton shouts, he pinches himself hating how he raises his voice. “God I cant believe- look I get that they can be overbearing, but Lo...to hate them?” He scoffs, his eyes pouting sadly. Patton eyes the establishment around him, apologetic looks to the patrons. Logan reaches over interlacing their hands into one.

“Pause?” He hopes “It is our anniversary, after all, I shouldn't have brought it up” he laments, Patton plays lightly with his partner's fingers in his own, lifting it up with a soft kiss.

“Pause” He smiles

~~~

They weren't always bad fights, and some were never rehashed again. Some were just silly, or small reminders. The pause just gave them a moment, should it be an event or a prolonged time or simply the fact that they missed each other, they paused. But sometimes…

“Then maybe we shouldn't get married!” Logan screamed, his throat hoarse as he threw down his jacket, his eyes wide as soon as the claim fell. Patton winced his own blue eyes twinkling with the reflection of watery tears. “Pause” Instantly

“No, not this time” Logan tries to take a moment forward “Don't” he barely whispers, he rubs under the glasses taking his coat. Gently he makes his way out of the apartment. Logan wants to reach out but it seems his body can only do one thing, shatter. He collapses into the couch, grasping the cushions under him.

“Ok, so li- Logan?” Roman walks in, his goofy smile quickly changing as his eyes land on a disheveled friend. Virgil cocks his head but closes the door behind them, they sit on either side. “Dude, you ok?”

“Hey, lightbulb, you have to talk to us” Virgil pokes, Logan sighs lifting his solemn head. The energy to do so gone as he continues. “Whats up L?”

“I said something….awful” He admits “And I didn't mean it, what a stupid thing to say, I'm just...frustrated” He groans, wanting to pull his hairs apart. He needs help, he needs to talk to someone, he needs...he needs “Patton” he whispers through a shaky breath

“Patton?” Roman checks, rubbing Logans back in comfort. “Where is sunshine anyway?” he looks around, Virgil gives him a quick glance.

“I have to go find him” Logan decides, he grabs his own coat placing a scarf around him

“No, no pausing” Patton denies as soon as Logan walks into the cafe. He sits in the corner watching the world go on without him, clearly a sweet drink in front of him. Logan takes the adjacent seat, trying to meet a stubborn pair of eyes.

“Patton, will you please look at me” He pleads, placing his hand over Patton's soft fingers. He uncurls the nails that dig deep into Patton's skin, as he has always done. It was an awful habit. Patton wipes once more under his eyes, the ends of his sweater in play.

“Hmm?” He hums turning, their eyes connection across the bustling place. Logan feels the ring around their fingers click, a sweet spark between them.

“I do...I do want to marry you” Logan assures, his hands holding tight “I actually have no excuse or explanation for my words I was… frustrated, over something silly that had nothing-“ he taps gently “nothing to do with you. Patton, light of my life, there is nothing more in this world that I want than to be married to you.” Logan smiles, Patton nods softly “I shouldn't have taken out my own anger on you. But I want to marry you Patton, and everything that comes with you...your parents” Patton lets out a tearful laugh “Your need to buy more pets than we can handle…” He jokes “Just...I want to marry you, Patton, because...I love you. Mor-” A kiss interrupts Logan's words, not that he minded, gentle and delicate they part.

“I love you so much” Patton cups the man's cheek, softly caressing every freckle upon Logans face.

the first time taekwoon dies is at his parent’s anniversary party. 

they’re hosting a large gala in the comfort of their quaint home, aka the largest mansion built in the neighborhood, and hired the trendy new caterer that had become the housewives latest gossip topic. they’re seated in the main dining hall at the largest table in the manor. taekwoon sits quietly as the servers bring out the dishes for the first course. its some sort of bisque, something foreign and hard for him to pronounce, but he takes the spoon in his hand and begins to eat.

he’s too young to fully register what’s happening other than the fact that his food tastes wrong and he really wants to spit it out, but his parents raised him better than that so he swallows it slowly and takes another spoonful. he waits until his parents are completely absorbed with their conversations before excusing himself to the restroom. his vision is starting to go hazy, but he ignores it and makes his way into the side hall, sliding his hand along the wall as he walks down the corridor.

(he doesn’t notice one of the servers slip away from the staff, nor the soft footsteps that trail after him as he heads toward the toilet.)

taekwoon feels his steps getting heavier and heavier, his own breathing too loud for his own ears and he drops to his knees, hands scrambling for purchase on the wall before falling face first onto the ground. he coughs, blood splattering onto the carpet, and he struggles to breathe through the foam starting to fill his mouth. he’s shaking hard, body uncooperative, muscles twitching without prompting. hot tears stream out from the corners of his eyes, and he tries to blink them away, but he can’t move, he can’t feel, he can’t breathe. he just wants it to stop, he just wants it to end, he doesn’t want to feel this anymore.

his body seizes up one last time before he lays still on the plush carpeting of the jung manor.

by the time anyone has realized taekwoon’s absence, it is too late.

(no one notices a man slip away with a child’s body in his arms, too lax to be sleeping. no one remembers the extra staff member, too busy to pay attention. no one sees taekwoon, tucked into the backseat of the man’s car, eyes blank and wide as they stare up at the sky, unfocused and unseeing.)

he doesn’t stay dead.

he wakes up on a table with his arm hooked into an IV in a room with nothing in it except for a pile of folded clothes on a chair near the only door in the room. he gets up slowly, movements jerky and stiff from lack of use before scooting toward the edge of the table, toes touching the ground. he flinches at the coldness of the floor before carefully pushing himself up into a standing position. he uses the IV stand for leverage as he makes his way toward the clothes.

it’s slow going at first. his body feels wrong, legs and arms too long, but he drags himself across the room anyway. he slides the needle out of his arm before he pulls the dressing gown over his head. he tugs a dark hoodie over his head and slips on a pair of pants. they’re a little tight around his thighs and end above his ankles, but he figures its better than running around without anything to cover his ass. 

he removes the needle from the IV and slips it into the seam of his hoodie pocket. he glances around the room once more before dismantling part of the IV stand and slipping it up his sleeve. taekwoon has no idea where he is or how he got here, but he’s not about to take any chances.

the door opens without any problems, and he slips through the opening quietly, bare feet making almost no sound as he enters the hallway. the walls are made of what seems to be cement, cold and grey with a few cracks running across them. theres a thumping sound, almost too quiet, and he places his palm on the wall, flinching when he feels the wall move underneath it. the thumping is steady and even. heartbeat, he thinks. taekwoon looks at his hand suspiciously, before touching the wall again. the beating is faint but there, and it becomes stronger when he moves further down the hall. he drags his hand along the side of the wall, getting closer and closer to the source of the thumping, before it stops completely at the edge of the doorframe. taekwoon carefully puts his hand around the handle and turns it when he meets no resistance. there’s a slight creaking sound as he pushes the door open and peers inside. it’s dark except for the skylight placed directly in the center of the ceiling and he squints trying to see the room more clearly. there’s a chair placed directly underneath the skylight with chains piled in the middle. taekwoon steps inside the room, eyes wildly flickering back and forth before stopping on something in the corner.

“hello?” he calls out. there’s a slight movement before the thing unfolds itself from its position in the corner. taekwoon hesitantly steps forward as he sees a pair of legs extricate themselves from what now seems to be a pile of blankets. there’s an annoyed groan as the person twists in the mass in an attempt to free their arms. “um,” taekwoon starts. “do you need help?” the person stops wiggling around and sits up abruptly. 

“who are you?” they ask.

taekwoon narrows his eyes. “i could ask you the same.”

the person pauses for a second before slipping into a crouch and standing. the blankets hang around their shoulders, eventually slipping down and freeing the persons arms. they’re shorter than taekwoon, not by much though, and the shape of their silhouette appears to be masculine. they tilt their head before coming closer to him, stopping a few feet from him and looking between him and the chair. “well,” they sigh. “as long as you’re not here to wrap me back up in those and stick me in that chair, i’ll tell you whatever you want.” taekwoon furrows his eyebrows and frowns. “they kept you in that?” the guy nods as he runs his fingers through his hair, trying to fix it. “yeah. apparently i talked too much so they chose to make me scream instead. and not in a good way,” he grins. taekwoon’s eyes widen in horror but the other waves a hand in dismissal. “don’t worry about it. they haven’t been back for a few days since the start of winter. i’m assuming they’ve got someone new.” taekwoon looks at him inquiringly. the guy scoffs. “well, it can’t just be me and you in here right?” taekwoon presses his lips together. “i wouldn’t know. i just woke up.” the guy whips his head to look at him. “you woke up? just now?” taekwoon nods. “i was hooked into an IV. then i put on the clothes that were sitting near the door. and now i’m here.” the guy stares at him for a few seconds before whistling. “you got lucky, huh?” taekwoon shrugs. the guy sticks out his hand suddenly. “by the way, i’m jaehwan,” he says. taekwoon shakes it.