#pattoncake

PATTON!!! :D!!

Og gud ja, den stakkels originale sender. Gad nok vide hvad de tænkte da vi begyndte at snakke hollandsk og dansk ksjhgkjf

Og vores stakkels følgere, der nok er meget forvirret over hvad det er vi skriver fdsgkjhf

Woo! You are speaking my language! Hope you don’t mind I went AU on this

Had A Bad Day - Moxiety

AO3

Virgil liked to think that in close to 10 years of friendship and 5 years of dating, he’d learned most of Patton’s tells pretty well. He was observant, he knew that when Patton cleaned his glasses on his sweater he was deep in a daydream, he knew what kind of tea corresponded with what mood he was in(Chamomile for stressed, Green for frustrated, Fruit for restless, Black for content), he knew that Patton wore his Pokemon socks when he was fed up with being an adult, and he knew that replying exclusively gifs to text messages meant he was so insecure he didn’t trust his own words. But he didn’t think anyone needed to know all of that just to tell that Patton was upset as he slammed their front door closed two hours before he was supposed to be home from work, then collapsed against it and shoved his head between his knees, sobs wracking through his body.

“Patton!” Virgil cried out, vaulting over the couch and kneeling in front of him, hands flailing a little as he was unsure whether his boyfriend wanted to be touched or not, “Patton, what’s wrong? How can I help?”

Patton lunged forward, almost knocking Virgil over, and burrowed his face into Virgil’s sweatshirt as he gripped the front tightly. Virgil clung to him, leaning against the back of the couch and rubbing his back soothingly as he waited, hoping his boyfriend would calm down enough to speak. He timed his breaths carefully, just like Patton always did for him when he was overwhelmed or panicking, and ran his fingers through his curls. Finally, Patton hiccuped a bit and started speaking, “It’s so stupid.”

“Honey, no, you’re upset, you’re allowed to be upset. Can you please tell me what’s going on?” Virgil tried to console, still feeling a bit blindsided.

Patton sniffled and curled up impossibly further, “It was just the worst day ever, Virge. I got to work and saw a sign that the shelter next door is closing, and I got so worried about the animals that it threw me off the whole day, and I burnt like three batches of brownies, and then I messed up three customers’ orders and Remy had to come back from break early to help fix them, and then I couldn’t remember my mama’s snickerdoodle recipe even though I’ve never forgotten her recipes, and then I yelled at Logan when he was just trying to help me remember, and then the stupid cappuccino machine milk line broke and ruined my favorite sweater, and I got so mad that I just closed early and I’m sure everyone hates me now but I just couldn’t take it anymore.” He was crying so hard by the end that Virgil could barely understand him. 

He continued to rub his back and pull his fingers through his hair as he tried to process everything, “That sounds really, really shitty.” Patton startled and giggled a bit at the curse, swatting at Virgil’s shoulder weakly. Virgil smiled and pulled Patton even closer, “Well it’s true, Pat. That all sounds like it really sucked. But I’m absolutely positive that no one hates you. You’re allowed to have a really terrible day. You’re allowed to get mad sometimes. And honestly, the fact that this all started because you just care so damn much is so you it’s not even funny. Let’s order food, whatever you want, crack a bottle of wine, and I’ll put every blanket we own on the bed. We’ll set up my laptop and watch stupid mindless stuff on Youtube. It’ll be just like post-finals-week in college. Ok?” Patton was quiet for long enough that Virgil was about to speak up again and apologize for being so pushy, but then he picked his head up with a tentative smile that didn’t quite meet his eyes and nodded, “That sounds like the best idea ever. You’re the best.” He pressed an earnest kiss to Virgil’s cheek, which set his face aflame just like it always did. “Can we watch John Mulaney? So it’s just like college?”

But to say that I’m a rainbow

To tell me that I’m bright

When I’m so used to feeling wrong

Well, it makes me feel alright

Patton: hey kiddos, happy pride month! Thought I’d sing you a little cover to celebrate! Just remember, this month and always, you are valid. No matter what others might say, you are valid, you are beautiful, you are you. Don’t let anybody tell you different. Just be your self! I’m always here for you! Ok? Well see ya later kiddos!

Happy pride month from Patton in the YouTuber au! Patton’s design being consistent? Me? Laughable. But yeah I think this the final design. Love you all no matter what, happy pride!

Info we have to go off of: Patton brought cans of tuna fish, Logan has two tennis racquets, Roman’s fingers are dipped in candlewax, Virgil is sulking in a corner, and participants will get wet. 

I just HAD to connect the pieces to satiate my own curiosity, so here’s what I’ve concluded:

Roman and Virgil are on one team; Patton and Logan are on the other.

Roman’s fingers have been dipped in candlewax to serve as flimsy catching mitts.

Water balloons will be tossed with the tennis racquets by Logan across the room towards Roman, who will attempt to catch and toss them back. Logan can’t use his hands — only the racquets.

Virgil and Patton sit in the corner, playing regular patty-cake. The open cans of tuna fish are in the opposite corner. Once the water balloon bursts, the two of them have to run to the cans and race to see who can eat all their tuna fish the fastest. 

Whoever caused the balloon to burst (Roman or Logan) loses a point for their team, and whoever finishes the tuna fish first (Patton or Virgil) gains a point. So in any given round, a team could gain two points, lose two points, or the points would cancel out in a tie. 

The round ends and everyone rotates (though the teams stay the same, so there’s always one player on tuna duty and one on balloon duty). 

Patton: Virgil, I really think you shouldn't drink anymore coffee.

Virgil: Coffee cures depression.

Patton: It really doesn't.