Maybe it’s not exactly a lack of control but moreso that I’m not enough.
And that’s the worst: knowing what you want but it’s always just out of reach. You can see it, so there is definitely some way to get there. Problem is, whatever I come up with just falls short of being enough. I have no clue what I am doing in the first place so it’s not like I have anything to latch onto for stability. Such is the price of wandering into new domains, I suppose.
It’s just so tiring to never quite get there, but whose fault is that but mine? I try my best to only walk into situations when I’ve considered and accepted all possible consequences, but sometimes I like to take risks lmao. It’s just that most of the time they don’t go so well for me, because I don’t think I know how to handle risky situations in such a way that makes it all worth the shot.
And that’s why I’ll never be enough: I’m always in pursuit of some self-validating element that I can’t obtain, because I have no idea what I am doing. I just have wants. At what point do I stop this lol
