“Alright, you little ugly bitch. Come on! “

🎥 Scary Movie 3

🗓️ 2003

🖊️ Craig Mazin & Pat Proft

Bachelor Party was released on 29 June 1984.

Coming off the success of Splash (released in March), Tom Hanks follow up was a bawdy comedy of questionable taste (especially in retrospect), that also became a big box office success.

Directed by Neal Israel (and co-written with Pat Proft), Bachelor Party contains many of the excesses of 80s comedies, including drug abuse, suicide attempts, prostitution, homophobia, bestiality, and attempted murder (by crossbow) all meant to be played for laughs. And Adrian Zmed.

Van Dyke and Company, an American program from 1976, had six Canadian comedy writers on its staff: Paul Wayne, Aubrey Tadman, Garry Ferrier, Ken Finkleman, Mitch Markowitz and Allan Blye.

**Shots of the Movie**

Hot Shots! (1991)

Those who have never heard of the Star Wars Holiday Special, are lucky. They will never be tempted to seek it out. They say it’s so bad that the entire cast and George Lucas himself disowned it, called it the kind of thing you use to clear out guests at a party. This must mean it’d be fun in a "so bad it's good" way… right?

Originally aired on CBS on November 17, 1978, Chewbacca (Peter Mayhew) wants to return home to celebrate Life Day with his wife Malla (Mickey Morton), father Itchy (Paul Gale) and son Lumpy (Patty Maloney). When Chewie and Han Solo (Harrison Ford) are spotted by the Empire, they're unable to let the Wookies know why they're being delayed. Searching for answers, the family contacts Luke (Mark Hamill in way too much makeup), Leia (Carrie Fisher, who looks as though she’s on drugs), C-3P0 (Anthony Daniels, who spares himself some embarrassment by wearing a mask), and R2-D2. And don't worry kids, Darth Vader (voiced by James Earl Jones) will appear as well!

If I tell you this is one of the worst films I’ve ever seen, will you be persuaded to avoid it? Every second screams CHEAP. Although “screams” isn’t right. Screaming is loud and exciting and above all else, this movie is boring. You need the patience of a saint to make it all the way through. Not just any Saint, one that knows they’ll live to see their 1,000th birthday and still has at least 900 years to go.

Between the few, brief moments where Carrie Fisher, Mark Hamill, and Harrison Ford embarrass themselves by pretending they care about the hellish dialogue and "shoot me now" plot, we are treated to several short variety-show type segments, each of which makes you wonder if anyone involved ever saw, or even heard of Star Wars before. Ear-splitting songs, romantic subplots between creepy aliens you won’t care about, unconvincing sets, costumes and creatures, agonizingly long choreographed dance segments by acrobats that probably pictured this as their big break but became hated by their children instead; that’s what you get.

Some may claim that a short animated portion, the first appearance of fan-favourite Bobba Fett makes it all worth it. They’re either lying, disillusioned or have gone mad from the fumes emanating from this rotting waste. That “cult classic” bit? It’s nothing special. The animation is ok, the story is ok, the character designs are ok... but it doesn’t add anything to the characters or to the universe. It’s a penny at the bottom of a bucket of piss. Hardly worth the effort.

Words fail to express the despair that grows within you while watching. George Lucas, who wasn't involved in the creation of this special in any way, wishes he could smash every copy of it into bits. Unfortunately, the Internet means the Star Wars Holiday Special is never going away. There’s always going to be some fool who somehow becomes convinced this is “so bad it’s good”. No. It’s so bad it makes you wish you were dead. It makes you pray that George Lucas will invent a time machine, travel back to the past and kill you before you hit “Play”. (December 22, 2017)